Sunday, December 31, 2006

Sure Beats Soap On A Rope

Now why can't my family give me this for Christmas...this so would have made US Airways losing my luggage a lot easier to deal with if I had a porn loaded Zune...

Here's what cracks me up...Mom watched it long enough to know that it was an hour and forty four minutes of porn (one big gay orgy)...I think after watching it for that long you should be able to say, "Okay honey, now that's a rim job...he has excellent technique...better than this other guy...see how he just seems to suck on the hole...oh he's felching...that's why...that explains so much..."

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

They'll Make You Happy

I saw this on the subway platform. Had to take a picture. Had to post.

We're your Pea Girls....we'll make you happy....

Monday, December 25, 2006

Home Again, Home Again....

I'm home.

Wish my luggage was.

Will tell more about Operation Mother Surprise later......

Thou Shalt Not

Thou shalt not cruise the cute men at your sister's church located in the backwoods of Florida.

Thou shalt not wonder if they male choir member who is trying to look a little too angelic while singing is secretly a bottom who loves taking it up the ass from the choir director.

Thou shalt not want to lick the nipples of the father of your nephew's "girlfriend."

Sunday, December 24, 2006

My Xmas Gift To You

I've seen some amazing Rube Goldberg machines in the past but when you find out what the payoff is at the end, well it makes you realize you could get the same result in your own home in about half the time.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

I am sore.

I am incredibly sore.

I want someone to put me out of my misery.

The workout I had last night was so insane and intense that I think my arms are just being held on by the thinnest of strings. Intense bicep work right into an even more intense shoulder workout. We closed out with calves and abs and I really didn't think that I had done THAT intense of an ab session until I got onto the elliptical for a low-resistance/high intensity 20-minute run and they started to BURN....

The funniest part of the workout came when my trainer jokingly said he would sit on the pole on the calves machine that holds the plates,

"Ouch, that's gonna hurt no matter which way you sit on it."

Without missing a beat he said, "My butt is an exit hole only." We both cracked up and lost it even more when he said, "That's some funny shit..."

I was supposed to get up this mornign and go to yoga or even just simple cardio. Last night I knew that wasn't going to work and sent my bud a text message that said, pretty much, "No way in hell."

That extra hour of sleep helped but I think 2 Tylenol is going to be more effective.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

A Gift That Keeps on Giving....

Ah what to say about this. If someone actually gave this to me I wouldn't know whether to thank them or be scared of them. I'm kinda voting scared. I mean where would I put this in my apartment??? To get an idea of what I am talking about, just click on the picture as it's supposed to be an animated GIF file. It's moderately disturbing.

The Christmas Gift Worth Giving

Now, if it was Vin Diesel's then we may have the BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER!!!!

Monday, December 18, 2006


This weekend I worked at the Gay Erotic Expo at the Puck Building. During the second day of the show, the stage was rushed by people who, for some insane reason, just HAD to have the free porn being distributed. It was more than a little scary the first time and even scarier the second time.

For the final show of the day, I stood as the "bouncer" at the front of the stage. This was the notorious "no holds barred" show that had more than enough cock being exposed as well as a few "action sequences." Well, while the guys were going at it on stage (with one of them getting his rather sizable penis serviced) I was more focused on making sure that the crowd wasn't getting to unruly (which was kinda hard to do) and that no one surged onto the stage.

Mind you, I'm less than a foot away from someone doing a pretty damn good blow job and I'm not even paying attention to it.

This earned me the title of "Uber-Straight Security Guy" -- the guy who's giving you the menacing look, arms folded over their chest, and not really caring about the people having sex on stage. Even better was the photographer we hired for the show who told me last night that he got the exact same impression that everyone else did.

So if this gig doesn't work out, I can always go into security.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Kissing Bandit

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Totally Fucked!

Because we all feel this way once in a while.....

Yog-ugh! (Part Two)

So I did another yoga class this morning. Definitely a little more intense than the Tuesday class and I was definitely sore in more than a few places.

But I'm gonna stick with it because the flexibility and stretching aspect of it will carry over into my other workouts and will help shed some more poundage. Actually the most hysterical part for me came when we had to lie on our stomachs, reach back and grab both ankles, and then lift our chest. I remember muttering, "You've gotta be kidding me," at that point. I was able to get my ankles but lifting the way in hell.

Oh well. I rewarded my hard, sweaty effort with a muscle building protein smoothie and a protein bar for breakfast.


Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Goodbye 16th Street/8th Avenue NYSC

Dear 16th Street/8th Avenue NYSC,

It's been nice. No really it has. You're a pretty cool gym and definitely not as cruisy as the wretched David Barton Gym I tried for a week before I decided that pretension and attitude didn't make for a good workout environment.

Not to say that you didn't have your drawbacks as well. Like all of the guys lined up against the wall waiting to go into the steamroom. That was a bit creepy even for me. They clearly weren't waiting for a shower since there were always two or three open and it just made me wonder what (or who) was going on in there.

Oh and what about the guys with jumbo sized cocks that would towel off their backs in a manner that they would...oh how do I put this...sway in the breeze. At first it was a little hypnotizing...then it just got gross.

Oh and what about the little twink guy with the funky sideburns that would wear those cute matching outfits. Yeah, I kinda miss seeing him in the white tanktops with red piping and the red shorts with the white piping. The next day it could be a yellow tanktop with black piping and alternating shorts. Yeah. I kinda miss him and his fashion sense.

Oh and what about the supremely bitchy women who like to take up two elliptical machines -- one for themselves and one for their friend who was downstairs changing clothes. Yeah, I loved having terse conversations with them about how if their friend wasn't there they couldn't save the machine for them and then proceed to do an hour of cardio on there just to piss them off.

Oh and what about the guy in the step aerobics class who just couldn't go over the step like everyone else but had to throw in a high kick as well? Yeah he was fun to watch. He just couldn't do the same routine as everyone else. Just had to be a little different.

Oh and what about the...hey, we could do this forever 16th Street/8th Avenue NYSC. Yeah, those were the good old days. They were good. They were old. They were days.

But, for now at least, I'm moving on to another locale. Not even NYSC. These memories, though, I'll cherish for a lifetime.

Or at least until the shock therapy erases them for me.


Brian, the 646guy

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


So, today I did my first ever yoga class with a fellow blogger who happens to go to the same gym as I do.

As he said, and I echo, I feel very stretched out right now.

Actually, he got the class a lot better than I did. He has more upper body strength than I do so for him getting into the downward facing dog position was much easier than for me who ultimately had to do that position on my knees because it was difficult for me. I also started sweating profusely throughout the class which made some of the positions a little more difficult to hold.

However, I will say that I have never put my body into some of the positions that I did this morning and the soreness that I felt was definitely some unused muscles getting pulled and stretched and wondering why they were being used in the first place. However, now that I'm about an hour or so removed from the class, I do feel a little better and I think my circulation is a bit improved. I just need to keep at it I guess.

The rugby team's medic told me a long time ago that I should probably take up yoga in order to improve my flexibility and lessen my lower back pain that I was feelign at the time. My hamstrings were (and still are) horribly tight which only puts more strain on my glutes and lower back. So if this helps then bravo.

If not, then I'm going to at least be able to breathe through my nose properly.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Being Trained

I had my first formal training session at the gym last night. And no, he is not my trainer. We did some chest and bicep work last night topped off with a bit of calves at the end and while I'm sore as hell (with some lingering after effects of the kickboxing class on Monday), I know I made the right decision to hire the trainer.

First and foremost, my trainer rocks. He's a competitive body builder but not one of those freakishly large guys that my gym is pretty much known for world wide. I guess he would be a middleweight or even a welterweight but definitely not one of those freaks who can flex the muscles in their elbows and earlobes at will. He doesn't wear the tight t-shirts or shorts but opts for a loose fitting shirt that shows that he's never cheated on the bench press in his life and the long workout pants. There's no intimidation when you meet him. You know he's in great shape but he doesn't flaunt it. Even better he's just very down to earth with no pretense. He'll tell you what he's done (which is pretty freakin' impressive) but also how what you're doing relates to his workouts and how the training is different since his goals aren't the same as mine.

But best of all...he pushes me. HARD. He refuses to let me give up and when I say I want more weight or he comes in to assist when I'm at the end of a set and struggling a bit and I tell him I've got it and can make it to the end of the set, he'll throw on some more weight or some more reps so I have to prove myself. Case in point, I was doing some calf work on the angled squat press and up to 180 pounds when he pushed me to go to 40 reps on the last set because I had a look of "this is too easy" on my face or bumping me up from a set of 10 to a set of 15 because I thought I could bust out the last set of bicep curls.

I have 19 more sessions with this guy going through February. Couple that with the cardio that I'm doing as well and my goal to start morning yoga routines in January, I should meet my target goal. After that it becomes maintaining the weight, gaining more strength, and from there.

Who knows? Maybe I'll pick up some more training sessions in the middle of next year and go for more.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Mayonnaise looks like cum to me.

Monday, December 04, 2006

What Was I Thinking?


Incredibly intense pain.

I did my first cardio class tonight -- Kickboxing.

What was I thinking?

Why? Why did I think that this was the perfect class to start off my first real workout week in just under two months?

I blame the Stacker 2s I was taking at the office.

Sure you can do this.

You can do anything! You're Superman!

You're Super Dumb Man.

I have no idea how I made it through the hour outside of sheer determination, knowing when to back off and go at my own pace, and just remembering that all costs to just keep moving.

Punch, kick, step. There was one part of the routine that required me to step back with one foot then step forward again with the same foot. I know that doesn't make sense but that's the best way to describe it. It's sort of like, step back with the right, step forward with teh right, high left knees. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

About 20 minutes in I knew that this was a mistake. How did I know? I wanted to puke.

But I finished. I went through an hour of this because I know I need to mix up my workout routines so that my body doesn't lapse into a regular routine and knows what to expect. Sort of like "Shock and Awe" on the body. The instructor gave me props for sticking with it and not giving up but I was drained. Maybe if they had regular step aerobic or something a little less intense at that time of the evening without requiring me to stay there until 9 to get a class it would be better but it is what it is.

I'm also coughing like a maniac because I think some cobwebs were swept away in my lungs.

Ugh. What was I thinking?

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Workout Regime

Okay...I hate setting goals like this but I am going this time especially after seeing how much weight I gained in the 2 months prior to the working the show and Thanksgiving. Knowing where I want to be and where I should be, I want to drop 35 pounds.

To get there it will take a careful watch on my diet and a hard commitment to working out at least four days a week (a fifth if you throw in a day of just cardio). I hired the trainer and have 20 sessions with him lined up which will give me a great groundwork and I know that he will be pushing me good, long, and hard and won't let me slack off.

Throw in some aerobics classes a few times a week as well as some morning cardio and I should be on track. There's a Cardio Boxing class twice a week that they have at the gym so I may look into that.

As for the diet, I know what I have to do...I just have to do it. The hardest thing will be giving up Diet Coke but since I like seltzer water as well, I can drink that instead (not to mention regular water).

Overall, not looking tobe a ripped gym bunny. Just want to get back into better shape. Three years ago I was at that weight and wasn't able to maintain. If I'm planning on Wyoming or Switzerland (or maybe Costa Rica) next year then I want to make sure that I can do everything asked of me.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Flames...On the Side of My Face

Let's face it...I love this movie. I love this scene. It's hard to believe that this movie was made about 20 years ago and it wasn't a huge hit. It's practically a cult classic now. Watched it last night with a friend and we replayed this scene over and over and over laughing harder and harder each time.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Having the Hots For Tom Brady

How can you not love a song that's supposedly written by a straight guy about a hot quarterback that includes the line:

"I'm a tight end but I hope one day to be your wide receiver. How I long for you to hit me in the slot."

However, I agree with most who said the picture of him at 1:30 into the clip is very drool worthy.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

My New Workout Partner

Okay, so my client is this gym that doesn't have many locations but has one in midtown. They gave me a free year membership (which means I don't have to pay $78 a month for NYSC for a year but just a $15 monthly freeze fee). I already did one work out with a trainer which left my legs shaking and nothing but jelly and went back last night for one on my own.

And that's when I found my new workout partner.

Yep. Stabler works out at my gym. I've already seen him in person before when I worked a Comedy Central event he was a presenter at and he definitly knows how to pick out jeans that accent his great ass pefectly.

Anyhoo, I was on the elliptical machine when I saw him come in and ultimately I had to move to another machine because 1) I realized I was staring more than I should and 2) I really couldn't focus on my workout with this super hot man about 7 feet away from me doing bicep curls.

Oh well. The perils of life.

For those of you visiting from NY Mag's Intelligencer, the answer for me was SVU for the sole reason that I didn't watch very many episodes of Oz and therefore could not remember his character's name. And, Mr. Meloni, should you be reading this, I know I've already hired the trainer there, know....

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I'm back...kinda...sorta...

Okay, it's been way too long since I've really said anythign or blogged and it's really been because I've been so fucking busy with work that it's not even funny.

We're talking those good old days of working 12-14 hours non-stop and not even leaving the office while Frick and Frack in your department roll in about an hour or two after when they are suppoed to be there and don't seem to be doing their work and no one seemingly reprimands them for coming in late on a consistent basis. You know it's bad when you make the comment, "Oh wow, Frick got in before 10 today!" and everyone knows excatly what you are saying.

Not really much to report here. I did some training at Gold's Gym last night. My legs are so sore it's not even funny. Painfully sore. But I know I had a good workout so I'm not even going to complain.

And then there's the whole Britney/K-Fed thing. I'm sad. For K-Fed. What a loser.

That's all. I hope to be posting again with some regularity. But we shall see.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Gay Spanked Out

My thanks to him who saw this video on her website. Yeah. Please spank the gay out of him because he's sadly the kinda guy that hits on me all the time...and does absolutely nothing for me.....

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Mama (Dearest) Mia!

Just sit back and enjoy...I know I did....

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Busy, busy, busy

Okay I haven't blogged in a while. I'm horrible. I'm terrible. I should be shot and all of that good stuff.

The job has gotten insanely busy as of late. I'm working super long hours this week and haven't really had time to get to the gym to do anything. I think it's been three weeks of no gym which is not good and I can feel the difference. If anything, I'm still eating right and watching portions and stuff so my lack of activity in working out isn't offset by me being a total pig.

On the good side of it all, the money that I will be making in commission will pay for next year's vacation. Toss in a hopefully healthy tax return and I'll have a nice trip to Wyoming to do some horseback riding, hiking, and more next year. And trust me...I'll be needing a vacation. to take an advil and back to the grind...I'll be better at posting...

Thursday, October 12, 2006

To make you melt....

iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay iay

Sunday, October 01, 2006


I'm sure we've all seen the stories about Mark Foley, the Congressional rep from Florida who resigned amidst an email/instant message scandal. Here's my message to you:

Just come out already.

There's no way you can get away with admitting to having a sexual fetish for steam rooms, talk about a 16 year old's butt, and of course how hard your cock is and then still try to claim to be straight.

Oh, and to Republican leadership who knew about this for over a's my message to you:

If you're such a defender of family values and are a defender of the "family" then I think you need to explain why you chose to cover up for one of your own when they were propositioning Congressional pages online. It's not okay for two men to get married, but it's okay for your cronies to talk about teenage boys and their masturbation techniques. I want you to explain this to me.

Friday, September 29, 2006

End of the Week Round-Up

Sigh...where to begin...

1) NO, I do not want to talk about that Village Voice cover story. Blech. You know it's bad when the editor of one of the publications helmed by the parent company comes up to you asks what was the point or purpose of the entire article. Okay. So I talked about it. A little. Sue me.

2) For some reason, I agreed to take on a massive project and a lofty goal of selling $20,000 of ad space by October 30. After one day -- $395. Grrrrr. Wanna buy some ad space?

3) Crash is right...he is VERY cute...and he shares my love of Project Runway and Top Chef. Care to cuddle up for the season finale??? God, I'm such a flirt.

4) It's worth repeating...I'm such a flirt....

5) Workouts are going well. I know an hour of cardio four to five times a week seems excessive to some but it really gets me going.

6) Currently reading really bad gay fiction. And not, Mr. Byrnes, it's nothing of yours.

7) The situation with FwB isn't going well. He's been sick as of late and now out of town on business so we haven't really spent any time together in a long while. Maybe we should just go back to being friends with benefits rather than making a go of it.

8) Kumquats....just because......

9) I'm going to take a Tylenol PM and sleep like a baby....


Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Got a Minute to Spare?

A friend asked me what I've been doing with all of my free time since the rugby tournament is over and I am no longer burning the proverbial midnight oil doing budgets, spreadsheets, reviewing contracts, trying to find new sponsors, etc.

Well...there's the new job. Rather than working until 5pm with the bank, I'm now out the door at 6, if not a little later some nights. Usually I would head home and pick up where I left off either at the office or the night before for the tournament. Budgeting, revising the budget, and re-revising the budget was an all-consuming process and I was consumed with making sure that we were never even close to going into the red (and I definitely succeeded there).

Then there's the workouts. I'm back at the gym and going strong. An hour of cardio five days a week, weights for four days. It's a hard commitment but it's refocusing my attention back on myself which was sorely lacking for quite some time. It's not even just the focus on the physical conditioning but the emotional side of things as well.

Part of it is the job which is a much better place mentally and emotionally. Part of is just being able to turn off my life at around 630 each night and spend an hour doing hard cardio and then push it into weights until I head out around 815-830. Part of it is because I definitely feel like I have more confidence than before. My favorite cashier at the D'Agostino's near the office told me last week that I had a "Don't sing it, just bring it" attitude.

Maybe 2007 will end on a high note after all.

Monday, September 25, 2006

30 Questions You’d Probably Never Think to Ask

Taken from another website and I decided to take the 10 minutes to answer them while the cucumber-ginseng face mask hardens and I get to wash it off....

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Nope...not yet at least....

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
Hell no....

3. When is the last time you went sledding?
Wow.....maybe back in North Carolina which is...egads...20 years ago!!!

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Considering I'm a self confessed cuddle whore what do you think?

5. Do you believe in ghosts?

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
I think I'm pretty creative. When I did fundraising for the rugby team, I was always working on new ideas to bring in money.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
[sarcasm]Of course not. He's still looking for the "real killer" all of these years right???[/sarcasm]

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Jennifer Aniston if only because I could see us being good friends or something like that....

9. Can you honestly say you really know anything about politics?
I follow politics pretty well. I'm projecting a 51-49 split in the Senate for the Republicans and a Democratic takeover in the House.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes, but I am BAD at it.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Only once at New Year's and that is a night that me and my friend Lisa still talk about.

12. What’s your favorite commercial?
The Citibank identity theft commercials where it's somoene else's voice coming out of their body. Especially the "valley girl" voice coming out of the black guy working out.

13. Who was your first love?
Maybe not a true love but maybe an unrequitted love....and that would be this guy named Michael. When I got rejected by him it was pretty devastating.

14. If you’re driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around, do you go through a red light?
HELL NO. Besides I'm a REALLY bad driver.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Yes. And no I am not telling.

16. Boston Red Sox or That Evil Team That Shall Remain Nameless on this Blog?
Anyone but the Red Sox.

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
Yep...Wollman Rink is my playground....

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
More often than I realize...

19. What’s the one thing on your mind right now?
How much longer until I can wash this face mask off and feel some super smooth skin....

20. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes except in cabs. I know it's weird and I should but I never really have thought about it.

21. What talent do you wish you had?
Have always wanted to learn the piano.

22. Do you like sushi?
Depends on the sushi or more accurately the type of roll. BUt I have eaten it.

23. What do you wear to bed?
Sometimes my boxers or whatever I was wearing when I fell asleep on the couch....on occasion totally nothing at all.....

24. Do you truly hate anyone?
Hate is a useless emotion because the only person it hurts is you as the person you hate either doesn't know or doesn't care.

25. If you could meet one famous person, who would it be?
Vin Diesel....for a workout.....

26. Do you know anyone in jail?

27. What food do you find disgusting?
SOmething my mother makes call oyster stew. It's nasty and my sister would delight in torturing me with eating it. My mother always had to make something else for me because I woudl refuse to eat it.

28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Behind them, in front of them, to the side of them, on top of them, on bottom of them....

29. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Been slapped a few times but never punched.

30. Do you believe in angels and demons?

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


After reading his recent post, all I gotta say is that he definitely intrigues me. He probably had more sex last week than I did all last month....and the month before that.....and the month before that.....and the month before that......COMBINED. Then again he does have that bi thing going...

Something tells me though that he goes for men that are ever so slightly more slender than I am. Not that I'm a nasty fat fuck, but as one former flame said, "You're just a solid, barrel chested kinda guy that you think twice about pissing off...but you just want to snuggle up with them anyway because they give the best hugs...."

Either way....doesn't matter....I'll live vicariously through him....

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

And It's Official....

This morning, I got the final results from an MRI I had on my knees.

My rugby career is officially over. The constant playing, practice, training, etc., has to come to an end if I want to be able to walk under my own power by the time I am 40. The occasional match here and there a couple of times a year is okay but being tackled week after week coupled with lineouts and scrums is not.

Bad knees run in my family to begin with as my father has had orthoscopic surgery on both knees twice and my sister had it when she ran cross country in high school and then reinjured it sliding into second in softball. My doctor has said that I am likely to need my own round of orthoscopic surgery at some point in my life as my cartilege in my knee ain't the best either.

Sports are not totally out of the question though which is a good thing. Lower impact sports like swimming, volleyball (no diving for the ball!), or ping pong (my friend Shelly's recommendation). One friend recommended crew for me as it will help with my upper body work with not as much impact on my knees. Another friend said I should try out for the flag football league next year.

For now while I consider my options, I'm just going to continue my workout routine (which is already showing results), build up some more strength, and re-examine my options for 2007.

Monday, September 18, 2006

The Popsicle Twins

A few of notes:

1) I find it hard to believe that Phyllis Diller didn't "get it."

2) I picked up a few new techniques from watching this clip.

3) You just gotta love The Gong Show sometimes....

Wondrous, Magical Powers

I had my first mani-pedi today.

I have male friends that get these done on a regular basis but I have never taken the plunge to let someone go at my hands and feet. I really don't like people touching my feet that much since I am incredibly ticklish but I do like a good foot massage so I just kinda have to grin and bear it.

My salon of choice is right around the corner from my office and I decided to give them a try rather than to head up a few more blocks to the place that was recommended by one of my friends. Time was of the essence as this was going to be done on my lunch hour and if it ran long I didn't want to have far to walk. The spa pedicure was the option of choice (and recommended by my friends) as sure enough it was heaven.

As I'm diabetic, taking care of my feet to make sure that they have proper circulation and are well maintained is a pretty big deal. My doctor has recommended them before but since insurance won't cover them I figured what's the point? Well, after soaking my feet in the milk bath and then having Lily go to town on my toe nails to get them properly shaped and trimmed, I was already in heaven. I wasn't prepared for the scrubbing or the exfoliation or the little razor that shaves off all of the dead skin from your heels and so forth. The massage I was totally prepared for though and when Lily saw how I responded to having my Achilles tendon massaged on the second foot, she went back to the first and repeated it over there even though the timer had already expired.

The manicure wasn't as overwhelming as the pedicure and I recommend every man go get one. I feel like a god right now it was that amazing of an experience and I feel re-energized in a very weird way. I can't wait to see how this impacts my workout too.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

And Back Home.....

So I am back...

I left Friday morning to fly down to Charlotte and be picked up my parents so I could attend the viewing and funeral. I kinda realized the night before that my real motivation for going wasn't for my grandmother's funeral but really to support my father as it was his mother.

I've already admitted that I didn't have the best of relationships with my grandmother so I had a much different reaction to seeing her at the funeral home versus my maternal grandmother to whom I was very close. My father broke down which was to be expected but considering that I had never really seen my father cry before it was a little emotional for me. On the really good side about it, I got to see a LOT of family members that I hadn't seen in years and reconnect with them.

THere was a bit of a humorous moment when I was asked to be a pallbearer which I had no problem with however, I read the obituary online and it said it was a graveside service so packed for a humid South Carolina funeral. No jacket, no tie. Voila! We're now holding a service in the chapel of the funeral home and then moving to the cemetary. Oh well. We pulled through and all was well. On the nice surprise of it all, my aunt (my mother's sister) showed up right before the service which was very nice to see.

It was a short trip down for me -- arriving on Friday and leaving on Saturday afternoon about four hours after the service. It wasn't my plan as my parents bought the ticket for me but I got asked by a lot of family members as to why I was leaving the same day. I was truthful with why I was heading out (I had no say since I didn't buy the tix) and everyone seemed to buy it. My parents left this morning and I'm sure there were a few raised eyebrows about that.

Really there was no need for us to stay very long. Her house had already been sold the prior year and, from what I already know, my father had power of attorney on her finances so all that will have to be paid are the funeral costs and perhaps a few lingering medical bills that Medicare doesn't fully cover. There is a bit of that "proper Southern etiquette" in a our blood but I think everyone kinda understood the situation.

I'm sure we'll get some more feedback in the coming days but for now, I'm just going to focus on my father and making sure that he's okay.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


This morning I got a phone call from my sister letting me know that my paternal grandmother had passed away in her sleep this morning.

My reaction to the news has left me very conflicted. I wasn't as close to this grandmother as I was to my maternal grandmother. I found my paternal grandmother to be emotionally manipulative of the family. She always had something to complain about and would pit family members against each other in order to get her way or gain sympathy. Thankfully I was smart enough to wise up to the act rather early and not give in to the emotional blackmail. I was her grandson so I did care about her and love her, but her actions made it very difficult sometimes.

I am going to the funeral this week and plans are being made for that as we speak. We're not sure when it's going to be but Saturday is a good bet. I'm sure this will all hit me later and I'll probably show a bit more emotion or feeling then. Part of me is reflecting over the summers that my sister and I spent with her in South Carolina and trying remember her as I saw her when I was young rather than the way I remember her now as an adult and the way she treated me and, especially, my mother.

I'll figure it all out somehow and will reconcile it all the best I can.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006


Who knew Matt Lauer had such a rockin' bod under that suit??? Can he host the entire show dressed like that???

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Return of Friend W/Benefits


He's back in town.

The Friend with Benefits (aka FwB from henceforth) has returned from vacation.

We've talked a bit. Traded a few emails. All the good stuff.

Not sure where it's going between us but it's going somewhere. The truth is that I did kinda miss him while he was gone. Of course now I'm left to question if it's because of the friendship angle, the sex angle, or the potential relationship angle.


Either way it's going to be a while before we see each other again as he tries to get his body clock to readjust to NYC time and try to get back into the swing of work and meetings. That's probably good since I'm still spending some time at the gym and would like to look a little better before I see him again.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Ouch...That Hurts

Well, I think I am finally seeing some results from working out. I'm also incredibly sore. I've changed up my workout routine some (okay swapped two days around) and think that it's paying off for me now. My cardio is picking up for sure and I made it through a round of cardio interval training on Thursday that left me drained -- but in that good way. Eventually I'll get back to my morning cardio/evening weights routine again but for now I'm setting down the baseline so I can build from here. I can see things are starting to firm up and that my cardio endurance is picking up.

On the downside, I'm REALLY sore which is why I adjusted a few things in the workout schedule. I did squats on Friday and I'm still sore today. Thankfully I vary up my leg stuff on my two leg days so I only have to do squats once a week which is a good thing. I know I'm never going to have the super buff bod of the majority of the guys who go to my gym and I'm really not pushing for that. I'd like to drop some extra weight, tone up a bit more, and gain some extra strength. I get the results my last MRI this week (was supposed to be last week) to check on how my knees are doing. My doc is pushing for me to quit rugby as my family has a history of knee problems and I'm starting to experience some of the same early warning signs of my sister and father both of whom have had knee surgery -- my dad on both knees twice. Basically I was warned that if I want to be walking under my own power by the time I'm 40, I need to find a sport that's not so high impact. And I like walking. It has a lot of useful purposes.

So...MRI results this week. Should be fun. For now, I'm taking a Celebrex and watching the U.S. Open.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Just a Reminder

Just remember this clip on Tuesday morning when you're getting dressed....

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Blogging Meme

Fun Meme from Vivianne. Here are the instructions:

1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

My 23rd Post: Was about attending the Survivor: Marquesas finale.

The 5th sentence: Zoe looked stunning though.

And to think that was in 2002....I've been a-bloggin' a long time.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Trippy Man....

I just read my post from late last night.

That's probably the last time I take a Stacker 2 with a full bottle of Redline.

Oh and the jokes about Redline being the equivalent of liquid cocaine...I totally believe it....

Monday, August 28, 2006

A Late Night Conclusion

I did a lot of soul searching tonight. Not sure what brought it on or why I started thinking about it I did come to a few conclusions tonight which while not earth shattering were basic things that I had to admit to myself.

The primary thing I have settled on is that I don't have as many friends as I thought I did. I'm not talking about sheer quantity or how friends may have fallen by the wayside for whatever reason, but I don't have the kind of friends that I thought I had -- the kind that call you up and want to get together for a drink or see a movie or just hang out. I thought I had more of those types of friends but when I really thought about it I don't.

Overall, I have several friends who I consider myself to be close with. Sadly, some of them very far away so I have to settle for phone calls and emails. In NYC proper, I have a few that would qualify in that category but with our schedules not meshing or living father apart than we would like, it's somewhat of the same situation.

I don't consider myself to be an anti-social person however, I do value the time I get to spend on my own doing my own thing. I get asked about the rugby team a lot and while I did have fun with them (I'm taking a hiatus right now so haven't seen any of them in several months), it's not really fun being the rare sober person at the post-match drink ups when everyone is downing beer after beer because you rarely drink (and beer really isn't my thing). There are great guys on the team, no doubt. But I think when it came to them, I ultimately reverted back to my vicious circle that I had in high school -- the more I do, the more I volunteer and raise my hand to help out, the more friends I will have. Well no. They just wind up wanting you to do more. And you do it because subconsciously or psychologically you think that it will gain you friendships. All it gains you is more work.

Also, to a certain extent, I do consider myself to be a private person. Yes, I do talk about certain aspects of my life on this blog but trust me I don't tell you everything. I generally do not open up myself and certain things in my life to people. It's not that I don't think people will understand but I consider some things to be told on an "as needed" basis. Maybe that's part of it.

Do I feel like I'm missing out on something? Sometimes. Then again I was never the most popular person in any group I've ever been a part of nor have I been with the "cool" crowd.

Is this meant to give my friends who know and read my blog a guilt trip? Absolutely not. Friendship, like all relationships, is a two-way street. I'm sure I bear some responsibility as well.

Do I want things to change? To be honest, I don't know. I like having a small close circle of friends. But I'd also like to spend more one on one time with them rather than through emails or phone calls.

Overall, I feel something has to change and I think it has to start with me. Maybe not me as a person, but with me actively reaching out more or being more accessible.

Then again, this could be a sleep deprived post and it's all in my head.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Trust Factor

I read this quote tonight and considering the events of the last few months on various fronts (work, friends, etc), I find it to be very true. Enjoy.

The toughest thing about the power of trust is that it's very difficult to build and very easy to destroy. ~ Thomas J. Watson

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Maybe This Time

So...remember that post a while ago where I mentioned a "friends with benefits" situation where the friend wanted to try for something more than just that.

Well...we're kinda working on it in our own way. Before our talks pretty much gravitated about sex and when we would be getting together again. The sex was always great. But, as of late, we're talking more about other things in our personal lives than we have before. We're actually emailing each other a bit more and sharing things. He's leaving tonight for a week and a half in Europe. And I'm kinda gonna miss him. I even said that to him in an email and after I sent it, I was like, "Why did I just say that?"

Well, maybe because it's true. I can't say that it's the start of something between us but we'll see. I'm still not sure I can see us together as a couple and I think that's what's keeping me from taking this whole thing seriously. Part of it is because he's INCREDIBLY successful in his field to the point where he was able to leave his high paying position and start his own firm. I don't want to risk losing my identity to that. I mean he could, conceivably, take care of me on his own without me working and that's not going to happen. (Then again he hasn't offered that either.)

I don't know. It's a bit confusing and I'm trying not to get too wrapped up in it -- especially as he's not in town. There's also probably more to it than either I realize or want to admit to myself. I'll figure it out at some point I am sure.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Karmic Backlash in 3....2....1....

Far be it from me to laugh at someone's misfortune....


In one certain case it does kinda crack me up.

Hoo boy...did you guys fuck up...bad market research...bad promotional plan...maybe if you guys didn't try to play both ends against the middle, make a whole bunch of promises, and try to pull the wool over my eyes then maybe I would feel a little sorry for you.

But no. I found out about all of your lies. I asked the right questions to the right people and got the truth about what you tried to do.

To be honest, I'm not sure if my actions that night put a kink in your plans but if they did then I'm kinda glad that what I considered to be a gesture of gratitude and appreciation foiled your plans. Then again, if you had gone through with it you would have missed your target goal by even more because people would have left in droves and you would have been the laughingstock of the city. There would have been NO WAY that you could have placed the blame on me.

Your first mistake -- You didn't hire me when you had the chance. I would have kept you from the other mistakes.

Your second mistake -- You didn't do enough market research? Sunday? Not a holiday weekend? Two other established events that same day? Bad move. I have to work on Monday. I'm not going to be out until all hours Sunday night.

Your third mistake -- You didn't promote it enough...or for lack of a better phrase -- at all. Only one person I talked to knew about your event and even they didn't go. "Fiasco" was the phrase that I heard most associated with it.

Your fourth mistake -- You didn't treat your event manager with respect. You want the work done and done right then don't treat your "employees" like shit. Especially if you want to build some loyalty.

Your fifth mistake -- You didn't listen to those who know better. The game is different here and you can't change them to suit how you do business elsewhere. You should listen to the experts here because they won't steer you wrong.

But hey....what do I know...just that you messed up big time and your chances of success are slowly going down the drain...

Monday, August 21, 2006

Crushed Blackberries

Today, I am officially no longer a Crackberry addict.

The withdrawals are painful.

After having my FOURTH Blackberry this year (and FIFTH overall) stop working, I finally gave up. Well, let's be's how they all went down.

BLACKBERRY #1 -- Keypad stops working.
BLACKBERRY #2 -- Received after THREE attempts to get a replacement Blackberry sent to me. Works fine. Track wheel stops working.
BLACKBERRY #3 -- Arrives and has a Null Javaset Error (or something like that) and basically makes the phone pretty difficult to use if not impossible. T-Mobile sends me another one.
BLACKBERRY #4 -- Works fine. No errors. Trackwheel though goes kaput after about 6 weeks of use. All calls to T-Mobile Blackberry support are futile in fixing this error.
BLACKBERRY #5 -- Arrives and also has Null Javaset Error. This is where Brian loses it.

I decided that in the scant year or so since I got the Blackberry (okay maybe closer to 18 months), that it just wasn't worth the extra fee to have the Blackberry anymore if it was just going to conk out on me every few months. Besides, with the rugby tournament over, there was really no longer a need to have it since I didn't have any emails that were so urgent that I had to get back to them in a super timely manner.

"Send me a regular phone," I told the first customer service rep.

I got the company line about how they couldn't do that because of the service agreement and replacement program parameters. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I did get them to cancel the Blackberry service and credit me for the days that I could not use the service because I sure as hell was not going to pay for a service that I couldn't use.

The customer service rep (aka CSR #1) says that I can get a phone but I would have to pay for it. Hell no. I am not paying for a phone. I already paid about $300+ for the Blackberry I sure as heck am not going to pay another couple hundred bucks for phone. He says there is ONE free option that he can provide me but it will require me to sign up for another 2 year plan. I ask what phone it is and it's a cheap, crappy $79 phone, less than a third of the value of the Blackberry that I *just got* that costs $300+.

"That's unacceptable," I said. "What else do you have?"

"That's your only option."

I paused. I wasn't accepting a crappy phone just so I can make my Blackberry hell go away. "Well," I said, taking a breath, "I'll take that under consideration this weekend when I take a look at my phone service and decide if I want to stick with you or not. I'm not taking a cheap crappy phone when I've paid $300 plus for the Blackberry that really hasn't worked well since I got it."

That got his attention. He tried to sell me on some other models but I wasn't buying. Bottom line, I was not paying for a new cell phone. He noted that I had been a valued customer for over four years and at this point my brain clicked into overdrive. Four years. Valued customer.

Okay, if that's what you want to call me then treat me like one.

Finally, he sent me over to an account representative -- CSR #2. I wish I could remember her name so I could put it here and shame her but she decided that she would offer me another phone. This phone was valued at just over $100. Well we moved up since this phone was just over a third of what I paid for the Blackberry. I still wasn't happy and I made it clear that the phone she was offering me was not acceptable. This is when her tone turned from polite, in my mind at least, to condescending.

And I let her know it and that I didn't appreciate it.

"I'd like to speak to your supervisor so I can file a complaint against you," I said.

She laughed.

"I don't think it's funny. Your supervisor, please."

I was placed on hold for a considerable length of time until I finally got on the line with the supervisor.

"Now, I've been apprised of the situation regarding your phone and I'd like to help you resolve whatever problems you have."

Oh. So the phone is the problem and not your reps? This is when I pretty much blew a gasket.

"No. I'm fine with the phone right now. I'd like to talk to you about CSR #2 (whose name I did remember at that time) and the condescending attitude she just pulled on me."

This shut him up very quickly so I continued on.

"When I re-evaluate my phone service this weekend, I will be using this call and the way that I was just treated as one of the criteria when I pick my provider. Right now, it's not looking like it's going to be you. Now. If you want to talk about my phone, we can talk about my phone. Your customer service though is what really needs some work."

I went through the saga of my Blackberry nightmare and told him that I was pretty sure that he could check the history on my account to see that I had already gone through five such phones as it was. I told him I no longer wanted the Blackberry, I wanted another phone, and the options I was provided were unacceptable to me. He tried weaselling his way around the situation but wasn't very successful.

"So it comes down to the principle of it all?" he asked.

Well fucking, duh, man!!!! I'm hammering down your throat the fact that I don't think I should be offered a cheap replacement phone that you're already giving away for free as it is when I've already shelled out over $300 for a phone that has consistently broken down on me. That's not going to work.

"Well, I don't see any phone outside of the PDA range that fit the price," he lied.

Yes, he lied. How do I know he lied? I had the T-Mobile website up on my laptop and I started rattling off the number of phones that were within $50 of what I had paid for the Blackberry.

"So...," he started off slowly. "If we gave you a Razr V3, would that work for you?"

A Razr? Nice choice. Very trendy. Just one question though.

"Am I paying for it?"

"I'll push it through, so no you won't pay for it. You will have to sign up for another two year agreement though."

Another two years for a free Motorola Razr V3. I didn't want to sign up for another stint if I didn't have to but if this is the trade off to get me a new, supposedly high quality phone, for free, then I'll do it.

"Sure, I said. I think I can live with that."

That was Friday. This morning, the new phone arrived at my office. Brand spanking new out of the box. I'm sorta tempted to start a pool to see how long this phone would last but thankfully, I already have a back-up phone coming to replace my back-up phone.

My back-up phone used me to a Motorol V66 which I think sells on eBay for like $9 now. My friend in Texas is sending me a barely used Green Motorola PEBL phone that she had for about a month before her boyfriend gave her the newest Sidekick.

I think I can live with that.

As for the soon to be discarded Blackberry, as soon as I can erase all of the numbers out of the address book or maybe format the phone if I can, I will be selling it on eBay.

I already got a free phone and I would like to return to Europe next year for some hiking. It would be a nice start.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Bring the Pain

Last night I did what my coworker Jerry refers to as a "gym binge." I did three hours of cardio and weights last night.

I don't know why I just did. Today, I can barely walk. Even with the stretching that I've done to loosen the muscles up have not helped and no one at the office seems to have any Tylenol. I took a Celebrex before I left home and am hoping it kicks in soon.

Squats good.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

What a trip....

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.
One moment you're in your own little happy universe...
And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Reading Comprehension

I got into an tiff with a woman at my subway station today.

When you swipe your MetroCard and it says "Insufficient Fare" it means you don't have enough money on your card to get through the turnstile. Sounds simple enough, right?

Apparently not since she continued to swipe her card over and over and over and didn't understand why it wasn't working. Meanwhile, the line is starting to snake up the stairs because there are only 2 gates at this end of the L train stop - one of which isn't working.

Swipe. Double beep.

Swipe. Double beep.

Swipe. Double beep.

Finally, I spoke up. I'm three people back and I can clearly see that the screen says "Insufficient Fare."

"You know, you can swipe it all you want, but money isn't magically going to appear on the card to let you through."

She whipped around and said, "You don't have to use that tone with me."

"And you don't have to keep trying to swipe your card when it says you don't have enough money on it."

The people behind me started to laugh and that apparently was enough to get her to stop swiping her card like a maniac and finally go put some money on the card. The guy behind me came up to me and said, "I'm glad one of us had the balls to say something."

Sorry I just don't deal well with stupidity first thing in the morning.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

You are...

You are a NEGOTIATOR/explorer

You are a big thinker. You easily take the large, long view of almost any topic. You are comfortable juggling myriad facts. You tend to synthesize material easily and to think in webs of factors, not straight lines. You are imaginative and enjoy theorizing.

You are also socially savvy. You are good at both talking and listening. And you generally read people's faces, body postures and tone of voice accurately, so you tend to intuitively understand what people want and need.

You are also highly compassionate. You care deeply about others. So you sometimes make personal sacrifices to be a supportive friend or colleague. And you like to work to improve the world.

You enjoy new ideas and novel experiences. You are flexible, affable and open to adventure. And you admire impulsive, spontaneous people, despite your tendency to plan ahead.

You dislike conflict. You seek "win-win" solutions. And with your skill as a negotiator, you adeptly bring peace to the chaotic world around you. You are a warm, insightful and often exciting companion.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Going For The Burn

I did an amazing hour of cardio on Friday and today I feel invincible...

Monda we're hitting the weights for the first time in a while I said, I forgot that I could feel this good....

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Full Moon Hotties

As some of you know, I live in a neighborhood that has a large Eastern European population. Apparently yesterday all of the hot Polish guys in my neighborhood decided that yesterday was the day the would walk around with no shirts on.

With one guy I almost walked into a pole...and a Pole....

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

In the Groove....

Yesterday was 5.23 miles during my hour on the elliptical runner.

I never really realized how much I missed my workouts until yesterday. The first day was just draining but yesterday was exhilerating. I know I'm just easing myself back into things until I start going all out again.

Hmmm. As long as the $300 jeans still fit me good and make my ass look hot I'll be fine. That may mean a few more squats but I'll manage.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

It Hurts's not what you think....

I did 2.5 miles on the stair climber.

I did 11.2 miles on the bike.

My legs are so sore.

I feel so good.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Love...Not Actually

I cocooned myself this weekend with comfort foods, a remote control with fresh batteries, the maximum number of Netflix movies I'm allowed, some of my favorite reads, enough Sudoku for the city of Kyoto, and a wish just to make it through the weekend.

Well, I almost made it.

After exhausting all of the Netflix on the first day, I was forced to resort to my small, personal library. The original British Coupling got me going and for some reason, I felt brave enough to watch one of my favorite movies -- Love, Actually.

I always thought of myself as Colin Firth who was ready and willing to do whatever it took and go wherever needed in order to win the woman he loved. I'm the guy that would do that.

In watching, though, I realized I was more Laura Linney who wanted to be Colin Firth. I know what I want. I know who I want. I'm just too scared sometimes to go after it. Hell, we've seen it more than a few times on here where I pine away for someone and never act on my feelings. It's always me hoping that he will take the first step and come after me.

And he never does.

That's going to change. As Karl says in the movie, "Life is full of interruptions and complications." I just have to find my way through them.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

A Needed Laugh

After this entire roller coaster of a week, I needed to end it with a laugh. Thanks to my friend Elizabeth who knows of my love of Grey's Anatomy for pointing me here.

I got my laugh.

Friday, August 04, 2006

TGIF -- And Then Some

I've never had a week like this before.

I'm probably going to take a couple of Tylenol PM and just sink into bed when I get home and see if things are different when I wake up in the morning.

First there was the heat which affected me at work since we're on the top floor of the building and I left work stickier than I would like and couldn't focus. I couldn't make calls or talk to clients because I could barely focus on what was on my computer screen. Somehow I wound up making sales this week. I have no oiea how though.

Today I was told that I'm not going to Los Angeles as I was told earlier in the week to work on our show. I can't really say I'm pissed or upset about it. Disappointed would be the more apt word. I really wanted to go and it gave me something to look forward to. But it's not meant to be and I'm dealing with that setback. It's not because I'm not doing my job right or we'll enough but because I'll be more needed at the office than in L.A.

I'm allowing myself one day to cocoon myself in my apartment and totally veg out. Sunday, a new week begins and I plan to start a lot of things over. You might call it a rebirth but I'd like to think of it as wiping the slate clean and getting a second chance.

One friend assured me that I will get through all of this.

I really have no choice, do I?

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

paranoia my ass

Okay, Mr. Don't Go Postal,

Since you seem to think that you know me and my life better than anyone else having jus t "stumbled" across my blog, let me put things in perspective for you.

It's not paranoia when one of the few people that you can trust in the world forwards you an email string they got included on where your so called friends are openly discussing and questioning your HIV status because one of your so called friends emailed all of them to tell them that I had serocoverted after taking part in a all-night bareback gangbang in my hotel room during the rugby tournament I planned earlier this year. That I left the closing night party not because I was exhausted and drained but because I wanted load after load of anonymous cum up my ass.

I saw the email chain. I read every disgusting detail of it. It went beyond my sex life in to my job and career and beyond as my so called friend pretty much raked me over the coals behind my back and explained a lot of their reactions and how they have acted around me in the past month. I've talked to everyone involved in that thread that discussed it and they all admitted that yes, this was the conversation that took place. When asked why they didn't come to me, they said that they thought it was something that I didn't want to talk about and were more upset that I didn't come to them. A few of them I have made up with and a few of them...well...we're still not on speaking terms.

I talked to the person who instigated the conversation and he couldn't give me a single plausible reason as to why he would send out such an email. To top it all off, he's not really sorry about it and doesn't think he did anything wrong. In fact, he admitted that by starting the conversation with my "friends" that I would be more open in talking about my status. Oh that's right. He still thinks I'm HIV positive (which by the way I am not as my recent tests showed).

So that, Mr. Don't Go Postal, is the story. Not that it was any of your business but since I felt that I had to set the record straight so be it.

This is also my blog. It's my space and I can say whatever the hell I want here. If you don't like or think that I have mental issues then fine. You can't hurt me. You will only make an ass out of yourself. The fact that you choose to hide behind a pseudonym and an anonymous IP address says more about you that it ever will about me.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Lazy weekend....interesting weekend....

This weekend I did some dogsitting, watched tv, a little laundry, and ate some really good gouda.

I also think I got a marriage proposal from a "friend with benefits" who wants...well...a more comprehensive benefit package. Then again we were both a little drunk (okay maybe more than a little) so I've kinda asked him to confirm if he was asking what he was asking.

Even then I don't know what I would say.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Tech support

I just got a frantic call this morning which, while hysterical, was also kinda funny.

My friend...we'll call him Bob for this post...Bob called because apparently he sent an incredibly sexually explicit email to a client that was meant for one of "boys.". Now, Bob won't get fired for this since he owns the company, but he didn't want to have to explain various sizes of dildos, brands of poppers, fuck benches, cock piercings, leather restraints and more to his client.

I walked him through the steps of trying to recall a message through Outlook and I'm kinda hoping it works.

However, in him telling me what the email was about I did get me kinda turned on. Considering the size of one of those dildos, his boy must have a hole the size of the Lincoln Tunnel.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Something for a laugh...

This made me laugh hysterically late last night when I really needed it the most...gotta love the stoners for moments like this....

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


I'm fighting.

The odd part is that I'm fighting myself.

I'm fighting my natural tendencies and course of action because to give in and go after what I want would be disastrous.

I'm fighting my feelings and trying to acknowledge them or, at the least, minimize them.

I'm fighting a battle with myself I don't know if I can win.

I'm fighting the path I've put myself on and trying not to make it to the inevitable conclusiomn before me but the exit ramps I've taken have all lead to dead ends.

I'm fighting the urge to fight for what I want.

I'm tired of fighting.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Monday, July 24, 2006

to my "friends"

Ah, my good, loving, loyal, knife wielding friends. You think I haven't felt the pricks of your blades piercing my back because we haven't seen each other or maybe because you think that I'm a bit thick in the head.

Oh but I have.

I have felt every single one of them and have spent the past weekend disinfecting and bandaging the wounds and wondering to myself why you would do such a thing if you were supposed to be my "friend."

I just didn't realize that I was in a bull fight and one of you had merely sent in your picadors to weaken me before you delivered your mighty blow.

And I felt it.

And it hurt. A lot. did not kill me. If anything it's made me stronger and more willing to fight -- but on my terms.

So, to all of my "friends" out (and yes, I do know who you are), please be afraid. Be very afraid. As some can tell you, my counter attacks can be pretty intense and cut you to the quick much harder than you ever thought you cut me.

And to the one that went for the death kill (and yes, I do know who you are as well), you missed the target entirely. The sad part is that you probably don't watch your back enough when you really should. You waste all of your energy on one strong hit and expect that to do all of your work for you but it expends so much that you're left not really able to defend yourself and you wind up looking more like a moron than anything else.

So bring it.

Whatever you have, just bring it.

No, I didn't say "bring it on." It's always going to be on.

Just bring it. To my face. Don't be a pussy and go behind my back again. Only cowards take that route.

To. My. Face. That is, if you're man enough. Or at least think you are.

You may cut me down for a second but I come back with a vengeance. You'll never know when. You'll never know where. But I always come back.

Bring it.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Interesting reading on the job

As some of you know, part of my job allows me the opportunity to look at...shall we say ADULT websites and products. Well, I went to and this one quote on the front page just stopped me dead.

Then I started calling friends and doing dramatic readings of it. Enjoy.

"Thou shalt love your vagina deeply and with reverence. It is the doorway to heaven. It is the place where souls come from heaven to earth. Whether you choose to give birth to a soul or an idea, rejoice in the sacred essence of being a woman."

I hope you all love your vaginas deeply and with reverence. If I could...I would.....


I feel fat ansd ugly today for some reason.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Gratitude and Appreciation

Gratitude and Appreciation

The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated. -- William James

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. -- John F. Kennedy

Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary. -- Margaret Cousins

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others. -- Cicero

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Make a wish

I was invited out to a bar event called "Big Lug" by a couple of friends but bypassed it for something else -- cuddle time.

I have a good friend who is an excellent cuddler. And it's not even romantic cuddling as much as it's "friend cuddling." Just think of the episode of Friends where Joey and Ross fall asleep together on the couch and it was "the best nap ever" but it was awkward for them because they were friends (and of course male which means they're totally gay *laugh*).'s nothing like that for's whenever things have been really bad or rough for either of us, we'll call on each other and we'll just get together and spend the night, curled up together so neither of us has to go through it alone.

It's something we don't abuse either. I mean there's no cuddling for the sake of cuddling but it's to be used on those times when we're going through a rough patch and don't want to go through a night alone. Sometimes we talk about it what's going on and sometimes we don't. We tend to let the person in need take the lead.

So last night I was the person in need and sure enough Rudy picked up on that and invited me over. We didn't talk about the situation which I think helped the most and we curled up in bed watching DVDs of Strangers with Candy before going to sleep.

Thankfully Rudy lives near my new work so I headed out from his place his morning and felt somewhat better about what was going on but knew that it was just the beginning. I passed by the fountain at the corner of 8th and Horatio and something compelled me to pull out a coin and make a wish. As I'm kilted today, I reached into my sporran and all I had at my disposal were quarters.

I thought better of it until I rememebred a line from a book I read as a child -- "From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil T. Frankweiler." In it, Claudia and her brother Jamie decide to run away and wind up spending night after night in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. When they decide to take a bath, they hop into a fountain where they realize they can augment their meager income by picking up the coins that people have tossed in. Mixed in with all of the pennies and nickles was a single quarter. Claudia says something to the extent of, "This must have come from a poor person because only rich people have penny dreams."

Well...I realized I didn't have a penny dream/wish/whatever. In went the quarter with a wish attached to it. As I watched it hit the water and slowly sink to the bottom, I felt a bit silly for a moment. This was something I hadn't done in YEARS and only a child attaches wishes to throwing coins in a fountain.

But what I did realize after I was a few blocks away from the fountain is that the simple act of tossing a coin into a fountain gave me hope that I could get through this current stage no matter what the outcome.

My wish? That's between me and a 1984 quarter at the bottom of a fountain. I don't know if it will come true, but at least it's given me hope.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Just for the record....

I'm the guy who will put his head on your shoulder, not because I'm sleepy, but because I want to be closer to you...

I'm the guy who likes to be kissed in the rain, more than inside your bedroom or in an expensive resturant...

I'm the guy who loves to romance you and see you simply melt because I've made you feel special and loved...

I'm the guy who can be incredibly picky, but when I find someone I like I want to spend the whole night curled up in their arms...

I'm the guy who never forgets all the sweet little things you do for me...

I'm the guy who once I let you into my heart, there's always a place there with your name on it. & even if we spend time apart, I'm the guy who never forgets you...

I'm the guy who you can talk to about anything...

I'm the guy who laughs at your jokes...

I'm the guy who says, "OK, but you owe me..." jokingly not because I actually want something, but because it means I get to spend more time with you...

I'm the guy who will brag about you to all of my friends...

I'm the guy who will listen to you talk...

I'm the guy who loves it when you hug me for no apparent reason...

I'm the guy who loves it when you hug me from behind or kiss me on the cheek...

I'm the guy who loves to end a hug with a kiss...

I'm the guy you can take absolutely anywhere and I will have fun because it means I am spending time with you...

I'm the guy who loves it when you introduce me to your friends...

I'm the guy who loves the feeling when you take me by the hand without saying a word...

I'm the guy that loves the attention when you chase me around & we fall laughing just because we're silly...

I'm the guy that loves to cook your favorite meal & watch you get excited because I'm doing it just for you...

I'm the guy who doesn't care what other people say about us...

I'm the guy who for some reason is still single....

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Rogan Resolved

I talked to my favorite fashionista today....

Rogan jeans are apparently VERY expensive. Like $285+ expensive.

For $50 I totally got a deal. Couple that with the Diesel Industry jeans I got and I picked up about $450 worth of jeans for around $80.

No complaints. What they do for my butt is nothing beyond a miracle.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Should I be happy?

Okay, I've never heard of Rogan jeans before but I just bought a pair of them (they made my butt look good) for $50 and a pair of Diesel Industry jeans for $38 at this awesome vintage clothing (aka USED) I discovered in my neighborhood.

The woman at the counter actually confirmed the price on the Rogan jeans before ringing them up. She looked at me and said, "You are getting the deal of the day."

I'm assuming that's good because I am so fashion "unconscious" these days.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Cuddling IV (that's "four" in roman numerals -- just so you know)

I saw this picture and it's the exact image of what cuddling should be like. Yeah, I know it's Calvin and Hobbes and all, but it just said volumes to me about what that intimate moment shared between two people who care for each other should be like.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

One of "those" couples

One of my friends is in the process of extricating himself out of a relationship that's, I would guesstimate, three to four years old. It's an emotional break-up and he's actually going to his ex's therapy sessions so he can come to terms with the break up.

However, the most interesting tidbit got passed onto me. The ex actually thought that my friend and I were having an affair because we're rather close. I think of this guy as the big brother I never had and he's just a heck of a guy. Couldn't ask for anyone better than him and so glad that he's on my side.

I've been in a few of those situations where I've been the "friend you just don't see in THAT way" and while I once entertained thoughts of somethign with him years ago, I'm glad that what we've developed is even more special because he and I have been through a lot together as friends and we're always there ot help each other out, lift each other's spirits, and make each other laugh when the moment calls for it. It's like we're in a relationship without the relationship.

Can I see myself with him as a couple. Absolutely not. It woudl be like incest. But it is kinda funny that his ex actually thought of us as a couple. And maybe we are but in our own way.

I mean who else am I going to talk to about Pyrex butt plugs and dildos? Not my mother.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Another Reason Why I Love My Job

Going to porn, lube, and sex toy websites is all a part of my job. 
Today's fun site -- pyrex dildos.  Colored pyrex at that.  It's like art that you can fuck yourself with.
Love it.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Why I Love My Job

Yesterday I spent three hours at the Internation Fancy Food and Confections Expo at the Javits Center sampling fine cheeses, chocolates, meats, designer waters, candies, salsas, compotes, pastas and sauces, olive oils, liquers, nuts, and more.

And I have to go back for three more hours today.

Damn, I lead such a hard life.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Monday, July 10, 2006

A failure already....

Today was supposed to be the morning where I woke up early and go to the gym and get in an pre-work workout. Okay so it was just cardio. I'm easing myself back to the gym after a couple of months away and this was supposed to be the kick off.

Okay, so maybe I should have tried going to bed sooner. Maybe I shouldn't have had so much caffeine during the day. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and put the AC back in the window. Maybe I should have just gone to the gym when my alarm went off.

Let's face it. I fell asleep somewhere between 130 and 200 in the morning. There's no way I was dragging my butt out of bed after so little sleep.

I'm going after work. I promise.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Cuddling -- Part the Third

So...I said I wouldn't talk about my last cuddle experience unless I had permission from the guy. Well he said I could definitely go ahead and talk about it (with a few limitations of course) so I hope you like it.

It started out with sex. Some very incredibly, very intense sex. I was topping (stop snickering people...I do both positions and I like it very much...variety is the spice of life) and he and I were very much in tune with each other. VERY incredible sexual chemistry between us. Something I hadn't experienced in a long time.

Finally at the very end knowing that time was short for both of us, I pulled out and pulled off the condom. I pretty much collapsed on top of him and he just wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close. I returned the embrace and whenever I tried to move my head to kiss him on the check or nuzzle him, he just held me down and in place and kept saying, "Shhhh.....shhhhhh...." while stroking my head. There's no other word for what happened other than we just melded together on the bed. You know that safe, protected feeling that I talked about getting during cuddling? It was there and was a position that we could have held for a lot longer.

We changed position a few times with me laying on my stomach and him laying on top of me. I don't think we said very much except to suggest other positions to lay in for a while before we moved into the shower where we did some "vertical cuddling" with me standing behind him, hugging him from behind. It ultimately led to an awkward moment when we got too comfortable with each other. I say "too comfortable" because it was, in my opinion at least, the feeling that we just "fit" with each other and felt like we had been a couple for years.

It just felt natural between us. We clicked internally and what was supposed to be just sex between two guys became a very intimate moment. It wasn't something that we planned on happening but was just instictive and changed the entire mood of the experience. It's something he and I have been talking about since then as it caught

Friday, July 07, 2006

cuddling...take two

I got an email late tonight about my last cuddle post that asked me about the last time I cuddled. Out of fairness to that person, since he does read this blog, I'm not going to post about it (mainly because I would ask for his permission first).

However, I will talk about another cuddling instance so you can get an idea of why I like it.

It was a long cuddle period. Like five or six hours curled up on his couch (which turns into a futon bed for his occasional roommate -- odd situation worthy of it's own blog entry but we won't go there). We stripped down to t-shirts and boxers and kind climbed into each others arms. He's taller than I am so we don't fit exactly but we fit well enough.

He's also a great kisser. It was one of those situations where we cuddled and had occasional moments of making out and body exploration. I know on him that his nipples are very sensitive so it was like I knew that if I wanted to turn it up a bit, that's all I had to do. It was nice because we would swap positions where i would hold him, he would hold me, we'd hold each other. We'd be curled up together on our sides while spooning, him next to me with my arm around him, and more.

You could call it foreplay if you want. I won't deny that term either. But there was something about holding him close to me that was the best. We didn't have sex (although we did come close) and I'm kinda glad we didn't. It was nice to spend an evening being sweet and tender with someone else that didn't devolve into sex. The time we spent together was soft and tender and respectful of each other. While I'm not saying that sex can't be the same way, there's a delicate transition that has to take place . There's a bit of romance that comes with cuddling because you have to be respectful of that person, their space, their comfort level and more and find out what works best for you.

Maybe it's you laying on the couch with your head up against or on their stomach while they hav their arm draped down your torso and every now and then rubbing your stomach.

Maybe it's early in the morning and their doing their morning ritual and you just slide your arms around their waist and rest your head against the nape of their neck.

Or maybe it's the full contact spooning cuddle where you're right against each other, maybe holding hands and matching your breathing patterns to each other so you're perfectly in synch with each other.

Ah...I could go on for a while about cuddling....but you get the idea.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Cuddling defined

So a couple of posts ago, I talked about cuddling and someone asked me what that entailed for me.

Cuddling is not sex.

There I said.

Cuddling, however, is more than sharing space together. I find it to be, at times, one of the most intimate of acts you can ever do with someone.

I also like that it can take various forms. There's spooning in bed next to each other, your arm draped over them bringing them closer. There's laying on the couch or bed together with them sitting beside you nuzzled into your chest or even with them sitting between your legs leaning up against you. There's even cuddling that can take place standing up with one person behind the other and made even more intimae when you do it in front of a full length mirror and you're watching each other in the reflection.

It is intimate. It's even more so when you're very in tune and connected with each other. There are times I enjoy cuddling more than sex itself.

Some day I'll find the right guy to do that with. Until then...I'm just a cuddle whore.

Well I would be if I actually had someone to cuddle with....

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

A Guy Like You....

There's one question that I've been asked three times in the past week that I'm growing very tired of hearing -- "How can a guy like you still be single?" (or some variation thereof).

I hate this question. I have always hated this question. I hate it as much as I hate it when people say that "the minute you stop looking for someone is the moment when it happens."

I say it's bullshit.

I don't know why I'm single. Maybe I need to go out more. Maybe I need to start looking in different venues. Maybe I'm just really picky. Maybe I know what I want and won't settle until I get it. Maybe I don't want to be in a relationship.

Maybe you just need to mind your own fucking business.

Okay so that was a bit harsh. I know you mean well. Really, you do. I guess when you've heard the question more than a few times in the span of a week, it starts to bother you more than you realize.

Look I don't know. I don't know why I don't have a boyfriend or partner or whatever. But don't you think that it makes me question who I am, my self esteem, and more when you call things like that into question?

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Cuddle time?

A long time ago I wrote this post about wanting to cuddle up with someone. would be so nice to do that today. It's been a while since I've fallen asleep in someone's arms (or vice versa) and it would be nice to do that again soon. There's something intimate there without it being slutty or whorish that I kinda like and I haven't done it in a while.

Happy Fourth of July

I hear America singing, the varied carols I hear;
Those of the mechanics-each one singing his,
as it should be, blithe and strong;
The carpenter singing his, as he measures his plank or beam,
The mason singing his, as he makes ready for work,
or leaves off work;
The boatman singing what belongs to him in his boat-
the deckhand singing on the steamboat deck;
The shoemaker singing as he sits on his bench-
the hatter singing as he stands;
The wood-cutter's song-the ploughboy's, on his way in
the morning, or at the noon intermission, or at sundown;
The delicious singing of the mother-or of the young
wife at work-or of the girl sewing or washing-
Each singing what belongs to her, and to none else;
The day what belongs to the day-At night, the party of
young fellows, robust, friendly,
Singing, with open mouths, their strong melodious songs.

-Walt Whitman

Monday, July 03, 2006

My new favorite underwear

For years I have been a fan of boxers and boxer briefs but thanks to two people, I'm slowly returning to the world of briefs again. This is my favorite pair that I've gotten so far mainly because I think they look kinda hot on me. Yes, I did take a picture of me wearing them but until I drop about 200 pounds (okay I exaggerate) I'm not going to post one of right now I'm somewhat "tri-sexual" when it comes to my underwear...maybe when I get in better shape I'll do a poll of which looks better on me...

Self Analysis

I've been doing a lot of reflection this weekend...and really the past 2 months after I was laid off.

What do I really want out of life?

What do I want in a job so I can feel fulfilled?

What do I want in a boyfriend (or do I even want one)? And, more importantly, what am I going to do in order to put myself into a relationship? Obviously, Pizza Hut doesn't deliver them to your door made to order.

Am I really happy and if not, what will it take for me to be happy? Money? Better job? Better apartment? Love?

It's been an interesting 2 months that's for sure. I think getting laid off was probably the best thing for me. It's really made me take a long hard look at myself and see what I need to do in order to make things right. You can only count on others to help you out for so long and for so far. After that, you're on your own and if you really want it, you'll go out and get it.

And I want it.

Friday, June 30, 2006

So let's catch up...

I've just completed my first week at the new job. It was actually a pretty interesting week and on top of it, I made my first sale (woo hoo) and booked a trade deal that's going to make a lot of people happy. They were kinda shocked that I made my first sale so soon (three days) but I didn't think much of it since the person who I contracted it through was someone that I already knew and already had a working relationship with. Had it been with a total stranger then I think it would have been much more difficult.

On the plus side of the job (besides being able to wear kilts to work which I have done twice already), it's a predominately gay environment and is much more relaxed. We work hard, that's for sure, but it's nice to be able to be yourself and not hold back. I mean, when I was working for the French, I never really cared if someone knew that I was gay. What I did in my off-hours was totally mine and was no one's business. However, I did feel that the office was very clique-ish and I never really was fully accepted into the group. Sure they would make comments about me not wanting to join them for drinks or anything but when you're made to feel unwelcome to begin with you really don't want anything to do with them when they do extend the invitation. Here, they've already welcomed me, accepted me, and made me a part of the group. Before when it was my boss and brown noser of a coworker (at the time) going out to lunch over and ignoring me and making me feel like an outcast, now it's the team inviting me to join them (which I have done). It's a much better environment (even if my pay is lower) but it's still a great experience so far. Well...there is the guy who I think was kinda flirting with me today because he started off by joking about my kilt and did a faux Riverdance/prance action. He got a little concerned that I was insulted by it (which I wasn't) but I did let him know what will insult me (namely people trying to lift up the kilt to see what's underneath). He came by a little bit later and asked to feel the material of the kilt (it was one of my Utilikilts and I actually get that request very often) so I said okay and he felt the material (cotton) and then felt my leg a bit. I smiled and called him a flirt as he walked away. He's pretty cute so I'm not going to complain. I'm not big on dipping my pen in the company ink so we'll see where this goes...if anywhere.