Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Blogging Meme

Fun Meme from Vivianne. Here are the instructions:

1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

My 23rd Post: Was about attending the Survivor: Marquesas finale.

The 5th sentence: Zoe looked stunning though.

And to think that was in 2002....I've been a-bloggin' a long time.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Trippy Man....

I just read my post from late last night.

That's probably the last time I take a Stacker 2 with a full bottle of Redline.

Oh and the jokes about Redline being the equivalent of liquid cocaine...I totally believe it....

Monday, August 28, 2006

A Late Night Conclusion

I did a lot of soul searching tonight. Not sure what brought it on or why I started thinking about it I did come to a few conclusions tonight which while not earth shattering were basic things that I had to admit to myself.

The primary thing I have settled on is that I don't have as many friends as I thought I did. I'm not talking about sheer quantity or how friends may have fallen by the wayside for whatever reason, but I don't have the kind of friends that I thought I had -- the kind that call you up and want to get together for a drink or see a movie or just hang out. I thought I had more of those types of friends but when I really thought about it I don't.

Overall, I have several friends who I consider myself to be close with. Sadly, some of them very far away so I have to settle for phone calls and emails. In NYC proper, I have a few that would qualify in that category but with our schedules not meshing or living father apart than we would like, it's somewhat of the same situation.

I don't consider myself to be an anti-social person however, I do value the time I get to spend on my own doing my own thing. I get asked about the rugby team a lot and while I did have fun with them (I'm taking a hiatus right now so haven't seen any of them in several months), it's not really fun being the rare sober person at the post-match drink ups when everyone is downing beer after beer because you rarely drink (and beer really isn't my thing). There are great guys on the team, no doubt. But I think when it came to them, I ultimately reverted back to my vicious circle that I had in high school -- the more I do, the more I volunteer and raise my hand to help out, the more friends I will have. Well no. They just wind up wanting you to do more. And you do it because subconsciously or psychologically you think that it will gain you friendships. All it gains you is more work.

Also, to a certain extent, I do consider myself to be a private person. Yes, I do talk about certain aspects of my life on this blog but trust me I don't tell you everything. I generally do not open up myself and certain things in my life to people. It's not that I don't think people will understand but I consider some things to be told on an "as needed" basis. Maybe that's part of it.

Do I feel like I'm missing out on something? Sometimes. Then again I was never the most popular person in any group I've ever been a part of nor have I been with the "cool" crowd.

Is this meant to give my friends who know and read my blog a guilt trip? Absolutely not. Friendship, like all relationships, is a two-way street. I'm sure I bear some responsibility as well.

Do I want things to change? To be honest, I don't know. I like having a small close circle of friends. But I'd also like to spend more one on one time with them rather than through emails or phone calls.

Overall, I feel something has to change and I think it has to start with me. Maybe not me as a person, but with me actively reaching out more or being more accessible.

Then again, this could be a sleep deprived post and it's all in my head.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Trust Factor

I read this quote tonight and considering the events of the last few months on various fronts (work, friends, etc), I find it to be very true. Enjoy.

The toughest thing about the power of trust is that it's very difficult to build and very easy to destroy. ~ Thomas J. Watson

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Maybe This Time

So...remember that post a while ago where I mentioned a "friends with benefits" situation where the friend wanted to try for something more than just that.

Well...we're kinda working on it in our own way. Before our talks pretty much gravitated about sex and when we would be getting together again. The sex was always great. But, as of late, we're talking more about other things in our personal lives than we have before. We're actually emailing each other a bit more and sharing things. He's leaving tonight for a week and a half in Europe. And I'm kinda gonna miss him. I even said that to him in an email and after I sent it, I was like, "Why did I just say that?"

Well, maybe because it's true. I can't say that it's the start of something between us but we'll see. I'm still not sure I can see us together as a couple and I think that's what's keeping me from taking this whole thing seriously. Part of it is because he's INCREDIBLY successful in his field to the point where he was able to leave his high paying position and start his own firm. I don't want to risk losing my identity to that. I mean he could, conceivably, take care of me on his own without me working and that's not going to happen. (Then again he hasn't offered that either.)

I don't know. It's a bit confusing and I'm trying not to get too wrapped up in it -- especially as he's not in town. There's also probably more to it than either I realize or want to admit to myself. I'll figure it out at some point I am sure.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Karmic Backlash in 3....2....1....

Far be it from me to laugh at someone's misfortune....


In one certain case it does kinda crack me up.

Hoo boy...did you guys fuck up...bad market research...bad promotional plan...maybe if you guys didn't try to play both ends against the middle, make a whole bunch of promises, and try to pull the wool over my eyes then maybe I would feel a little sorry for you.

But no. I found out about all of your lies. I asked the right questions to the right people and got the truth about what you tried to do.

To be honest, I'm not sure if my actions that night put a kink in your plans but if they did then I'm kinda glad that what I considered to be a gesture of gratitude and appreciation foiled your plans. Then again, if you had gone through with it you would have missed your target goal by even more because people would have left in droves and you would have been the laughingstock of the city. There would have been NO WAY that you could have placed the blame on me.

Your first mistake -- You didn't hire me when you had the chance. I would have kept you from the other mistakes.

Your second mistake -- You didn't do enough market research? Sunday? Not a holiday weekend? Two other established events that same day? Bad move. I have to work on Monday. I'm not going to be out until all hours Sunday night.

Your third mistake -- You didn't promote it enough...or for lack of a better phrase -- at all. Only one person I talked to knew about your event and even they didn't go. "Fiasco" was the phrase that I heard most associated with it.

Your fourth mistake -- You didn't treat your event manager with respect. You want the work done and done right then don't treat your "employees" like shit. Especially if you want to build some loyalty.

Your fifth mistake -- You didn't listen to those who know better. The game is different here and you can't change them to suit how you do business elsewhere. You should listen to the experts here because they won't steer you wrong.

But hey....what do I know...just that you messed up big time and your chances of success are slowly going down the drain...

Monday, August 21, 2006

Crushed Blackberries

Today, I am officially no longer a Crackberry addict.

The withdrawals are painful.

After having my FOURTH Blackberry this year (and FIFTH overall) stop working, I finally gave up. Well, let's be's how they all went down.

BLACKBERRY #1 -- Keypad stops working.
BLACKBERRY #2 -- Received after THREE attempts to get a replacement Blackberry sent to me. Works fine. Track wheel stops working.
BLACKBERRY #3 -- Arrives and has a Null Javaset Error (or something like that) and basically makes the phone pretty difficult to use if not impossible. T-Mobile sends me another one.
BLACKBERRY #4 -- Works fine. No errors. Trackwheel though goes kaput after about 6 weeks of use. All calls to T-Mobile Blackberry support are futile in fixing this error.
BLACKBERRY #5 -- Arrives and also has Null Javaset Error. This is where Brian loses it.

I decided that in the scant year or so since I got the Blackberry (okay maybe closer to 18 months), that it just wasn't worth the extra fee to have the Blackberry anymore if it was just going to conk out on me every few months. Besides, with the rugby tournament over, there was really no longer a need to have it since I didn't have any emails that were so urgent that I had to get back to them in a super timely manner.

"Send me a regular phone," I told the first customer service rep.

I got the company line about how they couldn't do that because of the service agreement and replacement program parameters. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I did get them to cancel the Blackberry service and credit me for the days that I could not use the service because I sure as hell was not going to pay for a service that I couldn't use.

The customer service rep (aka CSR #1) says that I can get a phone but I would have to pay for it. Hell no. I am not paying for a phone. I already paid about $300+ for the Blackberry I sure as heck am not going to pay another couple hundred bucks for phone. He says there is ONE free option that he can provide me but it will require me to sign up for another 2 year plan. I ask what phone it is and it's a cheap, crappy $79 phone, less than a third of the value of the Blackberry that I *just got* that costs $300+.

"That's unacceptable," I said. "What else do you have?"

"That's your only option."

I paused. I wasn't accepting a crappy phone just so I can make my Blackberry hell go away. "Well," I said, taking a breath, "I'll take that under consideration this weekend when I take a look at my phone service and decide if I want to stick with you or not. I'm not taking a cheap crappy phone when I've paid $300 plus for the Blackberry that really hasn't worked well since I got it."

That got his attention. He tried to sell me on some other models but I wasn't buying. Bottom line, I was not paying for a new cell phone. He noted that I had been a valued customer for over four years and at this point my brain clicked into overdrive. Four years. Valued customer.

Okay, if that's what you want to call me then treat me like one.

Finally, he sent me over to an account representative -- CSR #2. I wish I could remember her name so I could put it here and shame her but she decided that she would offer me another phone. This phone was valued at just over $100. Well we moved up since this phone was just over a third of what I paid for the Blackberry. I still wasn't happy and I made it clear that the phone she was offering me was not acceptable. This is when her tone turned from polite, in my mind at least, to condescending.

And I let her know it and that I didn't appreciate it.

"I'd like to speak to your supervisor so I can file a complaint against you," I said.

She laughed.

"I don't think it's funny. Your supervisor, please."

I was placed on hold for a considerable length of time until I finally got on the line with the supervisor.

"Now, I've been apprised of the situation regarding your phone and I'd like to help you resolve whatever problems you have."

Oh. So the phone is the problem and not your reps? This is when I pretty much blew a gasket.

"No. I'm fine with the phone right now. I'd like to talk to you about CSR #2 (whose name I did remember at that time) and the condescending attitude she just pulled on me."

This shut him up very quickly so I continued on.

"When I re-evaluate my phone service this weekend, I will be using this call and the way that I was just treated as one of the criteria when I pick my provider. Right now, it's not looking like it's going to be you. Now. If you want to talk about my phone, we can talk about my phone. Your customer service though is what really needs some work."

I went through the saga of my Blackberry nightmare and told him that I was pretty sure that he could check the history on my account to see that I had already gone through five such phones as it was. I told him I no longer wanted the Blackberry, I wanted another phone, and the options I was provided were unacceptable to me. He tried weaselling his way around the situation but wasn't very successful.

"So it comes down to the principle of it all?" he asked.

Well fucking, duh, man!!!! I'm hammering down your throat the fact that I don't think I should be offered a cheap replacement phone that you're already giving away for free as it is when I've already shelled out over $300 for a phone that has consistently broken down on me. That's not going to work.

"Well, I don't see any phone outside of the PDA range that fit the price," he lied.

Yes, he lied. How do I know he lied? I had the T-Mobile website up on my laptop and I started rattling off the number of phones that were within $50 of what I had paid for the Blackberry.

"So...," he started off slowly. "If we gave you a Razr V3, would that work for you?"

A Razr? Nice choice. Very trendy. Just one question though.

"Am I paying for it?"

"I'll push it through, so no you won't pay for it. You will have to sign up for another two year agreement though."

Another two years for a free Motorola Razr V3. I didn't want to sign up for another stint if I didn't have to but if this is the trade off to get me a new, supposedly high quality phone, for free, then I'll do it.

"Sure, I said. I think I can live with that."

That was Friday. This morning, the new phone arrived at my office. Brand spanking new out of the box. I'm sorta tempted to start a pool to see how long this phone would last but thankfully, I already have a back-up phone coming to replace my back-up phone.

My back-up phone used me to a Motorol V66 which I think sells on eBay for like $9 now. My friend in Texas is sending me a barely used Green Motorola PEBL phone that she had for about a month before her boyfriend gave her the newest Sidekick.

I think I can live with that.

As for the soon to be discarded Blackberry, as soon as I can erase all of the numbers out of the address book or maybe format the phone if I can, I will be selling it on eBay.

I already got a free phone and I would like to return to Europe next year for some hiking. It would be a nice start.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Bring the Pain

Last night I did what my coworker Jerry refers to as a "gym binge." I did three hours of cardio and weights last night.

I don't know why I just did. Today, I can barely walk. Even with the stretching that I've done to loosen the muscles up have not helped and no one at the office seems to have any Tylenol. I took a Celebrex before I left home and am hoping it kicks in soon.

Squats good.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

What a trip....

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.
One moment you're in your own little happy universe...
And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Reading Comprehension

I got into an tiff with a woman at my subway station today.

When you swipe your MetroCard and it says "Insufficient Fare" it means you don't have enough money on your card to get through the turnstile. Sounds simple enough, right?

Apparently not since she continued to swipe her card over and over and over and didn't understand why it wasn't working. Meanwhile, the line is starting to snake up the stairs because there are only 2 gates at this end of the L train stop - one of which isn't working.

Swipe. Double beep.

Swipe. Double beep.

Swipe. Double beep.

Finally, I spoke up. I'm three people back and I can clearly see that the screen says "Insufficient Fare."

"You know, you can swipe it all you want, but money isn't magically going to appear on the card to let you through."

She whipped around and said, "You don't have to use that tone with me."

"And you don't have to keep trying to swipe your card when it says you don't have enough money on it."

The people behind me started to laugh and that apparently was enough to get her to stop swiping her card like a maniac and finally go put some money on the card. The guy behind me came up to me and said, "I'm glad one of us had the balls to say something."

Sorry I just don't deal well with stupidity first thing in the morning.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

You are...

You are a NEGOTIATOR/explorer

You are a big thinker. You easily take the large, long view of almost any topic. You are comfortable juggling myriad facts. You tend to synthesize material easily and to think in webs of factors, not straight lines. You are imaginative and enjoy theorizing.

You are also socially savvy. You are good at both talking and listening. And you generally read people's faces, body postures and tone of voice accurately, so you tend to intuitively understand what people want and need.

You are also highly compassionate. You care deeply about others. So you sometimes make personal sacrifices to be a supportive friend or colleague. And you like to work to improve the world.

You enjoy new ideas and novel experiences. You are flexible, affable and open to adventure. And you admire impulsive, spontaneous people, despite your tendency to plan ahead.

You dislike conflict. You seek "win-win" solutions. And with your skill as a negotiator, you adeptly bring peace to the chaotic world around you. You are a warm, insightful and often exciting companion.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Going For The Burn

I did an amazing hour of cardio on Friday and today I feel invincible...

Monda we're hitting the weights for the first time in a while I said, I forgot that I could feel this good....

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Full Moon Hotties

As some of you know, I live in a neighborhood that has a large Eastern European population. Apparently yesterday all of the hot Polish guys in my neighborhood decided that yesterday was the day the would walk around with no shirts on.

With one guy I almost walked into a pole...and a Pole....

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

In the Groove....

Yesterday was 5.23 miles during my hour on the elliptical runner.

I never really realized how much I missed my workouts until yesterday. The first day was just draining but yesterday was exhilerating. I know I'm just easing myself back into things until I start going all out again.

Hmmm. As long as the $300 jeans still fit me good and make my ass look hot I'll be fine. That may mean a few more squats but I'll manage.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

It Hurts's not what you think....

I did 2.5 miles on the stair climber.

I did 11.2 miles on the bike.

My legs are so sore.

I feel so good.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Love...Not Actually

I cocooned myself this weekend with comfort foods, a remote control with fresh batteries, the maximum number of Netflix movies I'm allowed, some of my favorite reads, enough Sudoku for the city of Kyoto, and a wish just to make it through the weekend.

Well, I almost made it.

After exhausting all of the Netflix on the first day, I was forced to resort to my small, personal library. The original British Coupling got me going and for some reason, I felt brave enough to watch one of my favorite movies -- Love, Actually.

I always thought of myself as Colin Firth who was ready and willing to do whatever it took and go wherever needed in order to win the woman he loved. I'm the guy that would do that.

In watching, though, I realized I was more Laura Linney who wanted to be Colin Firth. I know what I want. I know who I want. I'm just too scared sometimes to go after it. Hell, we've seen it more than a few times on here where I pine away for someone and never act on my feelings. It's always me hoping that he will take the first step and come after me.

And he never does.

That's going to change. As Karl says in the movie, "Life is full of interruptions and complications." I just have to find my way through them.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

A Needed Laugh

After this entire roller coaster of a week, I needed to end it with a laugh. Thanks to my friend Elizabeth who knows of my love of Grey's Anatomy for pointing me here.

I got my laugh.

Friday, August 04, 2006

TGIF -- And Then Some

I've never had a week like this before.

I'm probably going to take a couple of Tylenol PM and just sink into bed when I get home and see if things are different when I wake up in the morning.

First there was the heat which affected me at work since we're on the top floor of the building and I left work stickier than I would like and couldn't focus. I couldn't make calls or talk to clients because I could barely focus on what was on my computer screen. Somehow I wound up making sales this week. I have no oiea how though.

Today I was told that I'm not going to Los Angeles as I was told earlier in the week to work on our show. I can't really say I'm pissed or upset about it. Disappointed would be the more apt word. I really wanted to go and it gave me something to look forward to. But it's not meant to be and I'm dealing with that setback. It's not because I'm not doing my job right or we'll enough but because I'll be more needed at the office than in L.A.

I'm allowing myself one day to cocoon myself in my apartment and totally veg out. Sunday, a new week begins and I plan to start a lot of things over. You might call it a rebirth but I'd like to think of it as wiping the slate clean and getting a second chance.

One friend assured me that I will get through all of this.

I really have no choice, do I?

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

paranoia my ass

Okay, Mr. Don't Go Postal,

Since you seem to think that you know me and my life better than anyone else having jus t "stumbled" across my blog, let me put things in perspective for you.

It's not paranoia when one of the few people that you can trust in the world forwards you an email string they got included on where your so called friends are openly discussing and questioning your HIV status because one of your so called friends emailed all of them to tell them that I had serocoverted after taking part in a all-night bareback gangbang in my hotel room during the rugby tournament I planned earlier this year. That I left the closing night party not because I was exhausted and drained but because I wanted load after load of anonymous cum up my ass.

I saw the email chain. I read every disgusting detail of it. It went beyond my sex life in to my job and career and beyond as my so called friend pretty much raked me over the coals behind my back and explained a lot of their reactions and how they have acted around me in the past month. I've talked to everyone involved in that thread that discussed it and they all admitted that yes, this was the conversation that took place. When asked why they didn't come to me, they said that they thought it was something that I didn't want to talk about and were more upset that I didn't come to them. A few of them I have made up with and a few of them...well...we're still not on speaking terms.

I talked to the person who instigated the conversation and he couldn't give me a single plausible reason as to why he would send out such an email. To top it all off, he's not really sorry about it and doesn't think he did anything wrong. In fact, he admitted that by starting the conversation with my "friends" that I would be more open in talking about my status. Oh that's right. He still thinks I'm HIV positive (which by the way I am not as my recent tests showed).

So that, Mr. Don't Go Postal, is the story. Not that it was any of your business but since I felt that I had to set the record straight so be it.

This is also my blog. It's my space and I can say whatever the hell I want here. If you don't like or think that I have mental issues then fine. You can't hurt me. You will only make an ass out of yourself. The fact that you choose to hide behind a pseudonym and an anonymous IP address says more about you that it ever will about me.