Monday, February 26, 2007

Women's Boobs...Explained

Okay I got an email asking me why I was looking at women's boobs in the office and well, I guess that does need some explanation.

As many of you know, I work as the production director for a series of expos held across the country. Some of our shows are quite industry specific and this was the case with the womens boobs. Yes, me and womens boobs at an expo. Well not really.

Each year the company I work for produces two erotic expos. Now, to keep abreast (for lack of a better word...not to mention keeping this post boob-centric) of the current trends in the world of adult entertainment, we get copies of the Adult Video News (aka the AVN) and the Gay Video News (the GayVN). Well, the copies come to me first and I distribute them out to those that need them so they can contact their clients and we go from there. So I basically get to see what industry news is out there, get ideas for our erotic shows, etc.

The GayVN is very cut and dry but the AVN is just rocking with toys and movies and LOTS of topless women. I mean it's like every woman has two pairs of eyes loooking at you. And the bizarre thing is that while I'm a totally 100% gay man, I think women's breasts are the most intriguing thing in the world. I have no desire to touch them, fondle them, kiss them, suckle them, or anything to them. But I don't mind looking at them and I'm pretty impressed when I see a natural rack walking down the street.

So yes...looking at women's boobs (not to mention gay porn, sex toy websites, and more) is part of my job. Someone has to do it...for some reason it's me.

And to my mother should you ever find this blog and read this post...I'm sorry. This is the one part of the job that I kept away from your Southern Baptist eyes for a reason. However, if you want to know the best toys in town, let me know and I'll pass the info along so you can entertain yourself while Dad is out of town on business.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Why I Love My Job

Actual phone conversation:

David: OMG! Jimmy Carter is on my plane! He shook my hand! He's sitting across the aisle from me!

Brian: Wow. You get Jimmy Carter on your flight and I get to look at women's boobs. Ah, the lives we lead.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Post-Workout Recommendations?

Okay heading to bed here and still in a lot of pain from an extreme leg workout with the trainer yesterday (with Richie's sadistic drop sets on the leg press are the main culprit) and I cramped up bad last night even with drinking a gallon of water after my workout and taking 2 tylenol PM before I went to bed. I also did some stretching with the pilates band as well but maybe I should have done some more. Anyhoo...any recommendations for what to do when you kinda know that you're going to be paying for it for a few days afterwards...and no, not doing drop sets on the leg press isn't an option...okay maybe this week....

Hobbling off to bed...

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Workout of Death (AKA Workout Regimen Part 2)

Here's what went down tonight just so you know what I'm talking about

Pre-training session -- 25 minutes of cardio (approx 2 miles) on elliptical runner

Leg press
2 sets of 20 at 90 pounds (warm up)
2 sets of 10 at 540(!) pounds
1 set of 15 at 360 pounds
Then "Drop Set Mania" sets in
1 set of 10 at 270 pounds followed by 5 seconds rest
1 set of 10 at 225 pounds followed by 5 seconds rest
1 set of 10 at 180 pounds followed by 5 seconds rest
1 set of 10 at 135 pounds followed by 5 seconds rest
1 set of 10 at 90 pounds followed by 5 seconds rest
1 set of 10 at 45 pounds

Free standing squats
3 sets of 15 at 115 pounds

Hamstring curls
1 set of 20 at 50 pounds
1 set of 20 at 70 pounds
1 set of 20 at 90 pounds

1 set of 20 at 50 pounds
2 sets of 20 at 100 pounds
1 set of 20 at 90 pounds

1 set of 20 at 70 pounds
2 sets of 20 at 80 pounds

Calf Raises
3 sets of 20 at 45 pounds

Calf Lifts
3 sets of 20 at 60 pounds

Lower Back Extensions
2 sets of 15

If you think I'm're right.

Sign On The Dotted Line

If I was actually in my whore phase and not trying to date and settle down, etc., then this would come in handy...then again maybe not...

Monday, February 19, 2007

Workout Regime...I Mean Regimen...

I ran into some friends I hadn't seen in a while after the gym today. Last time I saw them was back in October when I was working mammoth hours at the office and not going to the gym at all. My eating habits sucked and I had packed on some weight. They noticed that I had slimmed down a bit and wanted to know what I was doing since their New Year's resolutions to tone up weren't panning out as planned.

So here's what I told them I do (and mind you, it's modified to reflect my new trainer/cardio schedule that kicks in next week but it will, at the very least, give you an idea of what I'm doing...)

Day 1 AM -- One hour of cardio (mix of elliptical and treadmill)
Day 1 PM -- 1/2 hour cardio warm up, One hour of hard weights with the trainer
Day 2 AM -- One hour of cardio (mix of stair climber and treadmill)
Day 2 PM -- One hour Boxing Class, 45 minutes of weights
Day 3 AM -- One hour of cardio (mix of elliptical and bike)
Day 3 PM -- 1/2 cardio warm up, one hour of hard weights with the trainer
Day 4 AM -- One hour of cardio (mix of bike and treadmill)
Day 4 PM -- One hour Boxing Class, 45 minutes of weights
Day 5 AM -- One hour of cardio (mix of elliptical and stair climber)
Day 6 -- NOTHING
DAY 7 -- NOTHING (option for an hour of cardio if I'm in the mood to rollerblade through the neighborhood)

The fun part was telling my friends how much weight I had lost. They were banking on 25 pounds but in reality it's only 10 which is primarily due to muscle gain. I can see a bit more definition in my arms and chest and my stomach, while never perfect, is slowly getting flatter. My legs, I must admit, look pretty awesome (mainly because I never cheat on the calf machines).

On the good side, I've reconciled myself to the fact that I'm never going to have a twink body or the size 30 waist I've coveted since high school. However, I know that my total weight loss goal is definitely within reach. I'm setting small benchmark goals along the way as well -- May 4th for when I go to my cousin's wedding in Florida; August 10th when I head back for my second trip to the West Coast for our erotic show; and December 19th when I head to Florida to spend Christmas with the family. The plan is to drop 10 pounds by each target date so by the time I get to Costa Rica on December 27, I will be at my target weight and then it's just maintenance and development. Sure, I'll always be over 200 pounds and probaly won't make it below 200 in my life, but if I can manage my weight going forward, it's going to make things a lot better.

I need new pics though to show off the changes...


Okay, I know the odds of me meeting him are slim to fucking none, but this guy, Derek, from the latest edition of Trump's The Apprentice is just freakin' cute as hell...he even makes a beekeeper outfit look sexy...who cares what his friends say...although the B.A. Bearakus joke made me laugh...

And for those of you that will remind me that I will be in Los Angeles in March, I will kindly remind you that I will probably be working a bit too hard to do much of anything. Besides, in a city that's well over 3 million in population...the odds aren't in my favor...then again, if we did meet I would probably be a bit tongue tied...come on...look at him....wouldn't you be tongue tied if he smiled at you...

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Happy New Year...

There's a little bit of satisfaction to be had from booking a trip -- especially since I busted my ass off to earn the commission money to pay for it...

I'll be spending New Year's in Costa Rica. Actually it will be a long vacation since I'll be spending Christmas in Florida and then going to Costa Rica. Jungle trekking, volcano visiting, zip lines, horseback riding, and whitewater rafting.

I deserve this trip. I worked my ass off for this trip. I'm going to enjoy every single minute of it.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

What Part Of "The CEO Wants YOU To Do It" Did You Not Understand?

Maybe not cancelling the blog is a good thing given the theraputic value it has provided in venting about my work situation. I'll try to do more non-work posts but for now, please bear with me. To help through this, I've changed my workout routines with the trainer so I can do a boxing class Tuesday and Thursday night so I can kick some ass.

Anyhoo, yesterday I got an internal instant message from Frick (of the Frick and Frack Duo). Previously he had been asked by the CEO (who funneled the message through me) to do a search for pictures for our new marketing campaign and to contact his clients accordingly to get what we needed. He begged off of doing it and asked me to do it since he has to make X amount of calls, blah blah blah. Now, I'm trying to be a team player. I'm trying to keep the boat from rocking too much and help out as much as I can. So I did some work on it and got some pictures back in from one client. They were great pics but not what the CEO wanted. I started to look for more pics but realized that I was falling into the trap again and needed to end this now before it went farther and I wound up doing the work that he and everyone else are supposed to be doing.

I went into the CEO's office and asked if I could speaking candidly (actually "blunt" was the word I used). He said yes and I politely told him that if he wanted Frick to get the pictures from his clients, he would have to ask Frick personally since he was trying to push it back on me to do when I conveyed the original message. The CEO asked what was going on and I opted to close the door to his office so we could speak privately I told him that I didn't feel that Frick respected me in my new position (even though I'm not his superior) and that the requests that were being made by the CEO were going ignored or pushed back on me because the request was being made by me and not the CEO. I let him know of the situation I had with Frack and how I handled that which met with the CEO's satisfaction. Interesting to note, CEO told me that if Frack had a problem with it, he shouldn't have called back and "begged" (CEO's word not mine) for his job back after turning it down when it was offered to him the first time.

Let's put it to you this way, CEO wasn't going to have it at all and I didn't want to cause a stir and be thought of as the guy who goes running to tattle to the CEO when things go this way. However, I also know that if I didn't put my foot down at some point, I was just going to be a walking doormat. CEO even noted that there's a nice revolving door in the sales area because there people who can't hack it and people who can't seem to get a grip on things. I'm not saying that he was threatening their jobs if I don't get treated better, but I do believe that he was making note of the fact that they are very close to our former boss and they needto accept the fact that he no longer works there and there is a new "regime" that they are working under. To put it even better, as someone told me, there will always be someone else who is willing to do your job and do it for less money.

As I left the office I popped my head next door into the office of the colleague who has supported me through this transition and I talked him into getting Starbucks. Right as I did that, CEO called in Frick to his office and I could hear him basically telling him that it was HIS responsibility to make the phone calls and get the materials we need. I don't know if he went into the other "respect" part that we talked about but I can only assume that he did. Frick didn't talk to me for the rest of the day (not that he does that much to begin with) and I pretty much avoided him.

The thing is, I know that I had to take this step in order for things to get better -- if they even can. However, the onus is really on them to make the changes because I'm only about 5 degrees from formally bending over and taking it up the ass without the benefit of lube.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Monday, February 12, 2007

Hater-Ade -- Product Recall

Today, I finally took action. I did it politely. I did professionally. I just did it.

Frack's second day back in the office after being laid off was today. We had to meet to discuss some marketing and sponsorship items for his clients and right as we started working on the items, he decided that he had something to say. It went something like this...

"Just so you know, this whole thing is still kinda raw to me. Ya know, being fired and then hired so it's all kinda weird. So if I'm short with you that's part of it. I don't know if I can accept you in this job or sitting in this office and I don't know if I ever will."

(For the record, I am sitting in our former boss' office, at the request of the CEO - not mine. Frack was very close to the former boss in, pretty much, a father/son relationship.)

I paused for a moment and said, "Okay, can I be blunt for a second?" Frank said sure so I kinda just laid it all out there for him. "Frankly," I said, "I don't care. Regardless of how you feel we're still going to have to work together and I'm not going to treat you any differently than before. I'm not Steve (our former boss). I'm not going to be Steve. I have a job to do and I'm going to do it. If anything, it's not been easy for me as well transition to this new position, working directly under the CEO, knowing that moving into this office would not be a popular change, and more. We're all adjusting to the changes so all I ask at the end of the day is that we work together the best that we can. I don't care how you feel about me or what I do for the company, or where I do my job within the confines of this office. All I care about doing is the best job possible."

With that he nodded and we went back to work (and rather productively I might add).

What I should have thrown out at him is that, if anything, I had a hand in getting his job back. Originally I was offered my choice of my current position or the job that Frack held. So, theorhetically, if I didn't take this job, Frack might not have been re-offered his former position under the new organizational structure. In fact, from what I recently learned, they were split as to what position they thought I would ultimately choose with one thinking I would stay in sales and other sure I would move to production.

I don't know what if anything this is going to do to improve the situation in the office. All I know is that I'm not taking it anymore. Like I said, I have a job to do and I'm not going to let other people's foul attitudes impact me.

Time to pull the Hater-Ade off the shelves.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

The New Taste of Hater-Ade

Ah knew it would happen and I guess I'm just a little surprised that it happened so quickly (even though I probably shouldn't be).

As you saw from the last post, things were shaken up a bit at the job and I now occupy my former boss' office. Now, of the five people in my department, three of us are left (and they are going to hire a fourth at a severely reduced salary from what the previous person had). I moved to my current position and the other two were absorbed into the sales department. One of those two is actually very happy for me and they know that I will excel in the new position. The other one is another story altogether.

The other one was very good friends with the other sales guy that was laid off along with my boss. They were pretty much joined at the hip and the boss would frequently refer to them as Frick and Frack. These two pretty much thought they could get away with absolutely anything and everything under the sun and to a certain extent they did. A lot of stuff that should have been done was never completed and there was never a "penalty" of sorts or even their job jeopardized. I never really vocalized any of this to my boss until one day Frick (the one not laid off) and I had a run in that came about due his poor leadership and management of one of our projects that I and my coworker had to bail him (and Frack to a certain extent) out of or risk the entire department just imploding. I pretty much told my boss that I had never been at a company where you could totally disregard a direct order (for over two months!) and still have a job.

Anyhoo, so after Frack was let go, I was given my offer of staying in sales or taking my current position. As we had always kept things kinda open in our department, I went to both guys who were still employed and told them what I was offered and where I was leaning. The first guy was VERY happy for me and told me I should jump on it right away and make it my own. He offered no resistence whatsoever and was genuinely happy for me. Frick was in shock. He might not have let it be known in his words but definitely in his reaction. The Hater-Ade was slowly being poured into the jug.

Later that day I let the powers that be know of my decision and also informed my two cohorts that I was transitioning out of the sales arena and, out of full disclosure again, I let them know that the CEO wanted me to move into our boss' former office so I could be nearer to him as he would be my direct supervisor and I would need the additional space to map out the various projects. By no means did I ask for the office. I was told that's where I'm moving and that's where I'll be working. Frick pretty much responded with, "Well here, you'll be needing this," and picked up a thick file and handed to me. THat was then followed up with, "Well I don't know what I'm going to be doing anymore."

This is the point where I held back because I wanted to scream out at him, "SELL! You're supposed to SELL! You're now strictly a sales person!" However, knowing that his ego was probably bruised a bit since he's been with the company longer and wondering why my other cohort wasn't asked to take over the spot I now occupy or, possibly, why they didn't ask him. I did as much as I could to assuage his fears that I wasn't "taking over" or was going to cut him out of any of the conversations and that I was still going to rely on him for guidance since he knows the clients better than I do. At most I got from him was a shrug. I wanted to beat him senseless. Water now being poured into the Hater-Ade jug.

The next day I began moving into the office, cleaning up and organizing files that were strewn about the place and making it look more like it was actually going to serve its purpose. Yes, it felt (and to a certain extent still does) feel weird sitting in there or having my former coworkers sit across from me. However, when Frick comes in and drops more materials on my desk and makes a crack about how I have so much room in my "spacious office" I have to resist the urge to yank him back into the room, sit him down, and read him the riot act. The Hater-Ade is being stirred.

See, I know the majority of this is all related to the fact that he's young and incredibly immature. Our former boss was practically a father figure to him so it's not surprising to see this type of reaction from him. I guess what I am surprised about is how fierce of a response it has been. He clearly resents the fact that I'm in my new position and that I'm in an office when he is not and that I, for lack of a better word, was given a promotion and he wasn't. I could spend all of next week saying that I had the choice between having a job or not and all of the nuances involvd with that but I don't think he would get it.

At the end of the day, we both have jobs to do. Frick can sit there and bitch and moan about the fact that I'm not in sales and to a certain extent can dictate stuff to him but at the end of the day, I'm going to do my job and I'm going to do the absolute best that I can, no holds barred, no holding me back. I have a job that I'm actually excited about because it's challenging, it's difficult, and it's going to have me constantly busy. Maybe he's just not as happy and fulfilled in his position as he could be and that may ultimately be the problem. He can give all the snarky remarks and backhanded comments he wants, but I'm not going to let it bother me.

Hater-Ade's ready. Who wants a glass?