Friday, April 30, 2004

Thank you, Neely, I am scarred for life by looking at this site. Remind me never to wear a unitard.
This was surely mentioned in the Book of Revelations as a sign of the apocalypse.
Quote of the Day

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. -- William Mizner

Thursday, April 29, 2004 much to I'm making you do the work for me...I liked it so much when Crash did it that I'm just gonna steal it and use it here...

Latest meme: Invent a memory of me and post it in the comments. It can be anything you want, so long as it's something that's never happened. The universe failed to cooperate in making it happen so you have to make it up instead.
Quote of the Day

The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. Ignorance may deride it. But in the end, there it is. -- Sir Winston Churchill

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Last night the team went to the new bar owned by the guy who owned the former Who's On First...yes, the hunky owner gave me a buzz and let me know that their new place was open for business and he really wanted to see the team down there. I sprung the surprise at practice last night (because I know how to keep things as a surprise) and the team was thrilled that we were going to be going back.

I walked in the door and Mark greeted me with a HUGE hug that about gave me a hard on right then and there and it probably wouldn't have happened if I wasn't waxing poetic about him with a fellow teammate on the way over. We all would like to think that he's bi or at least bi-curious but hell, I don't care he's just pretty to look at....I of course was joking that I was gonna kiss him right on the lips and my teammate was saying over and over, "He's so into you..."

Well the owner went off to play some darts and I had some dinner and hung out with the guys. But as we approached close to midnight I was getting drained and needed to get some sleep. I went up to the owner who as sitting down on a bar stool keeping score of a darts match, put my hand on his shoulder and bid him farewell. At this point he then leaned up and kinda brushed his lips against my head...

"Did you just kiss me?" I asked.

"Yeah, I kissed your bald head," he said.

So I kissed his head back. Then I told him we were going to Massachusetts to get married.

I remarked on this exchange to one of my teammates who thinks I should pursue it a little more hardcore and maybe get some action out of it but steps...
Quote of the Day

Did you just kiss me? -- Yours truly to the super hot owner of one of our sponsor bars as I was making my leave...

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

I know there's a special place in hell reserved for me for sharing this with you but....just click here and just listen for the lovely sounds she makes after
Quote Exchange of the Day

Mom (to my grandmother): We learned that we could count you now as a dependent on our taxes.

Grandmother: Well...I do act like a child sometimes.

Mom (under her breath): You got that right.

Monday, April 26, 2004

The bachelor auction was a bit success raising about $16,000 for the team and charity. I personally went for $350 (thanks Daddy Guy!) but we had three guys break into four digits which made me VERY happy indeed.

Alan Cumming was a fabulous host and Flotilla, despite getting stuck in traffic and arriving nearly 2 hours late, turned on the charm and the sass and pulled out all the stops and stripping down a few of the players as well. Carson Kressley (yes, Queer Eye's Carson) jumped up on stage at one point during an auction where he was involved and got the crowd to pretty much double its bid within a few minutes.

My biggest disappointment came when seeming the audience wasn't interested in a guy they would pretty much just start talking to each other and it was hard to get their attention and get bids so a few guys went for much less than they probably should have which was kinda sad and hopefully not too ego deflating. Hmm...I would like to think it's because everyone was standing and getting a little ancy unlike last year when there were chairs and tables to sit at and it was a bit more civilized...ah well...lesson learned for next year....oy vey...did I just say NEXT year??? What am I thinking...

Anyway, I was decked out in my kilt and Doc Martens and I must say that putting the graphite insoles in them helped make a major difference feet and back were definitely much better than when I normally wear them.

It's interesting to note that two women won men at the auction and one straight guy (yes, a straight guy) won the personal training sessions.

But $16,000....damn....just unbelievable....even to me!
Quote of the Day

SIXTEEN FUCKING THOUSANDS DOLLARS!!!!! -- Yours truly, screaming it out loud as hard as I could while walking up Tenth Avenue following our incredibly successful bachelor auction.

Friday, April 23, 2004

The scary thing is....I could see myself watching through the window too if only to learn new positions.

Please pass the word along if you can.... :)

Here's what you do, gentle readers. Copy the text below. Put it on your site (it doesn't matter if you are nowhere near New York; maybe some of your fans are). If you do this for me, I promise you sexual favors from the blogger/celebrity of your choice. No, really. I can arrange it. No problem.

SUNDAY, APRIL 25th, AT 1 P.M., GOTHAM KNIGHTS' SECOND ANNUAL BACHELOR AUCTION AT SPLASH BAR, 50 W. 17TH ST., NEW YORK CITY Suggested donation: $10. Join hosts Alan Cumming and Flotilla DeBarge as they put 40 Gotham Knights rugby players on the auction block; each with unique date packages that are sure to tempt every bidder. The doors open at 1 p.m. with a chance to meet the bachelors. The live auction begins at 2 p.m.

A portion of the proceeds from this event will go to benefit Live Out Loud (, dedicated to empowering, energizing, and enabling lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered youth to live the life of their dreams. For more info, go to or contact me at . To see the bachelors (or place a bid), go to
Quote of the Day

Let's clarify this. I've never said words. -- Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth from The Apprentice on Larry King Live

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Edited Quote of the Day

It’s just like driving a sports car. You grab the [stick shift] and you go, babe! -- Nance Mitchell, a waxing expert, from an article about men waxing their private areas....
Quote of the Day

Let me state that I’m not gay and I am a faithful Christian, but I feel that by throwing the Bible around and targeting the gay and lesbian population, we as a country are doing the opposite of what we are supposed to be learning from the Bible. -- Pop singer Willa Ford in The Advocate

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

I just got this email with a subject like that read as follows:

cum like a porg actor

Okay...a porg actor? Is like porn for members The Borg? Or it something from one of those Swedish art films...

Bid, bachelors are still up for pre-event bidding and ya know...#12 could use some love... :)

That is, of course, if you would actually PAY to go out with me....
Quote of the Day

ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS: Disks can no longer be inserted -- From a list of really bad computer virus jokes sent to be via email. This is the only one that made me laugh.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

So the verdict on the knees is in...

It's double knee replacement surgery.

Kidding...I kid....

I have six weeks of intensive physical therapy three times a week right up the street from the office. It's a good thing that it's not surgery even if I was expecting some scoping of my knee to be done and, most likely, there will be more PT after the six weeks is up.

On a much nicer note...our bachelor auction bidding site is up so you can get an idea of what is up for bid and even place a bid on yours truly....

And so the stomach turns....
Quote of the Day

Really now. Do you need the cardboard? -- My orthopedist to me at my appointment today

Monday, April 19, 2004

My phone has not stopped ringing all day -- home, office, or cell.

If it's not work, then it's about the bachelor auction.

If it's not about the bachelor auction, it's a reminder about my doctor's appointments in the upcoming days.

If it's not about the doctor's appointments, it's about something else to do with sponsorship stuff for the team.

If it's not about the sponsorship stuff for the team team, it's about things women wore on the last episode of The Bachelor (I'm not kidding).

If it's not about the things women wore on the last episode of The Bachelor, then it's about work...

And so the cycle continues...


I just need to make it through this week....

I also need to make about 1000 unauthorized copies of the bachelor auction flyer on the copier at the office. Time to play covert ops....
Quote of the Day

I love the nightlife. I got to boogie. On the disco round...yeah. -- Alicia Bridges

Friday, April 16, 2004

So what's a guy to do once he learns that his blood sugar levels totally suck?

He goes out and eats every high carb, high sugar food he possibly can.

Don't look at me like that.

I know it's wrong.

But it tastes so good...

I'll be better tomorrow...

I promise.
Quote of the Day

Bill. You're hired. -- Donald Trump on last night's finale of The Apprentice

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Well....I got the results back on my latest blood sugar test.

Despite my best efforts with diet and exercise my blood sugar has not gotten to the level that my doctor would like to see. In fact, it's one-tenth of a point higher than what it was when I got tested three months ago. Granted, it's lower than what it was last year but it's not as good as it could be.

So what does this mean.... means I have to start taking meds...two pills to be exact...and this is best efforts in diet and exercise were, apparently, not good enough to counteract everything which, for me, and my pretty well documented bouts of over-achievement is still a little disappointing. I've improved my eating habits, still exercising, but...well....

I'm still a little bummed.

I'm looking at the bright side of it all....and yes, believe it or not, there is a bright side. It was something that was caught early enough that it can be properly treated and I can still focus on eating right (which I should be doing to begin with) and try to take of some things on my end that I should doing to begin with...

My doctor sounded kinda disappointed as well but I thikn he and I are still on the same page and are having to accept that my biomechanics aren't allow it to happen.
Quote of the Day hands are kinda full right now...can you tell them I'll call him back. -- My sister to me as she assisted on the CPR of one of her patients

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Hmmm I'm following Crash's rules but I guess I'm just disappointed my sentence is so boring...

She knew, vaguely, that she'd been fostered out, but her real memories began with Belle: Belle pushing her down Ocean Avenue toward Prospect Park in a stroller. -- Olivia Goldsmith's Fashionably Late
Oh small P.S.

The bachelor auction is being held on April 25, 2004, at SBNY, 50 W. 17th Street, NYC, NY, from 1pm - 5pm. There is a $10 suggested donation at the door and this group is getting a portion of the proceeds....
Oy vey...if I had any hair left to yank out then I would totally be balder than I am right now...

Bachelor auction update...I know I haven't talked about it at all but I guess I will now...the rugby team is doing another bachelor auction this year. Now last year's event exceeded even my biggest expectations when we took in almost nine grand so if we duplicate our efforts this year, we could be looking at....well....a lot more!

Best of all, we got word today that Allan Cumming had agreed to be one of the hosts of the event and will join my favorite diva, Flotilla DeBarge, on stage to auction off the gents. When I got that voicemail this morning, I almost wet my pants. The Cabaret freaks who went to see him time and time again at the Henry Miller should (I hope) want to come see him again...


I can hope at least...

So this year we're hinging on almost 40 guys going up for sale along with some aggressive raffle ticket sales and other tricks up my sleeve...well...let's just say that there is still a lot of work that is left to be done and I'm not heading down with the team to D.C. this weekend in order to devote my time to pulling all of the loose strings together and make it a nice pretty, colorful package and then hope that the money starts coming in....

And then I can take it easy....

....yeah right....

Not an option.....
Quote of the Day

Losing my edge? I don't think so...he's all over it and wants to do it. -- One of my rugby teammates in a voicemail to me confirming Alan Cumming as one of our bachelor auction hosts...

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

I've been reading this pretty much all's way too engrossing...

I need to do work.

P.S. Crash...this is Zombie fic so you may not want to read it...

As you saw below, I have a date on Saturday with...well what can we call him....can't really call him Gay Expo Guy....hmmm....we'll come up with a name for him soon I'm sure...

Anyway, last night The Person Formerly Known as Union Girl (TPFKAUG) was my evil little spy and at my request kinda put forth the question to...God I need a name for him...okay we'll call Man...I know it sucks but with it....anyway, she went up to Expo Man to get a feel for his thoughts on me and to let me know if I needed to pursue it...

She grabbed me as soon as I arrived and let me know that indeed there was some interest but he wasn't so sure since he didn't know me that well and TPFKAUG kinda urged him to not only take the time but to ask me out as well...a bit more than what I originally asked her to do -- including when she told him that 1) we needed to be boyfriends and 2) we should be making babies. Or something like that...

Anyway, when the group broke up for a halftime break, Expo Man did indeed come up to me and ask what my availability was for this weekend and...well...we're going two-stepping, something I've never done before and well...I'm always willing to learn something new. After they were done and he was heading to the stairs I kinda called him over to say a quick goodbye and ascertain whether or not he was going to be heading to the Monster for drinks afterwards.

He said he was thinking about it and I said I was thinking about it and well...we met there for drinks. Well he drank, I was being a good boy and not drinking and we talked for about two hours about everything under the sun until finally, I knew I had to get home or risk being dead tired for work (which I was anyway) and we both stood up and that's when we started kissing and the funny thing is that each time I would move to the door, we would wind up kissing some more to the point where I had to say that if I didn't leave right then and there I would probably never wind up leaving...

So I left...and was smiling all the way I just gotta buy some cowboy boots....
Quote of the Day

So...are you boyfriends yet? -- Union Girl to...well....remember that guy I made out with at the Gay Business Expo....well it was to him...and we have a date on Saturday

Monday, April 12, 2004

This weekend....

Sigh....What can be said about this weekend....


Rugby -- Blue squad -- great first half, okay second half. The team is really starting to gel and are working better and better the more they practice together.

Gold squad -- 22 (or was it 27) points on the board. Tremendous play all around from everyone. Sure a nice portion of the group was their under-19 squad and their playing against people who are 10+ years older than them in some cases, but they really are showing signs of picking up the necessary skills and pulling things out in the clutch.

Rode back with one of the players instead of taking the Big Gay Bus home. One of the joys of the Big Gay Bus is the fun you have with your teammates. We learned about one of the newer members of the team...we now refer to him as Leche (or Letchie if you want the alternative spelling) do I phrase this nicely....well....last week he one of the team members while he was sleeping and while his boyfriend was in the room. The impersonation of said boyfriend by one of the teammates was just priceless and sent me over the edge into high pitched hyena laughter that ultimately made me cry.

I was kinda glad to get home early rather than taking the bus back. It allowed me some time to do some things at home and do some more work on the team's bachelor auction. On the bad side, I was doing some auction logistics while laying on the bed and sure enough...I fell asleep and woke up around 4am.

Sunday....well...nothing really major happened. Sleep...TV...more sleep....more bachelor auction work...a call from Daddy Guy that I need to return....pretty much a boring day in my world....
Quote of the Day

I used to be snow white, but I drifted. -- Mae West

Friday, April 09, 2004

Lunch with Fish was in Rockefeller Center trying to "man watch" when the average age of the "men" was about....12.

It was an odd block over from where I work, Fifth Avenue was ablaze with hot men left and right passing me by. We go half a block in to Rockefeller Center...nothing. I think we saw maybe two men that were even worthy of a second look. We swapped some stories about our recent lives and compared U-Haul horror stories, and I shared my fantasy about what happened to the Reluctant Kitten.

In my fantasy world, RK is now living with a kooky, madcap widow who married rich and feeds RK a saucerful of half and half and gets the good Fancy Feast catfood which she does indeed serve in a crystal bowl on the dining room table while she has her Lean Cuisine manicotti on fine china. Yeah, it's a fantasy but I did admit that I think of Fish and RK now everytime I see one of those American Express commercials with the dog that gets picked up by various people who buy him a bone or a collar or a hooker.

But, and I can't speak for Fish on this, but in my opinion the best part of it all was the ice skating. In the middle of this mass of kids and tourists was this woman who had to be late-50s early 60s, if not older. She was wearing an orange knit hat and a green coat whose design can only be described as Mondrian-eque (albeit there were no blues, reds, yellows, etc). She would skate along in this big strides and then swoop into the center where she would be doing spirals and spins and I think she even did a small jump.

Fish said, "I just love that she's being herself out there."

And she was...she looked like she was having a total blast on the ice and I commented that for all of my snarky comments about her, she was probably a US figure skating champion in the 1940s because it was VERY clear that she knew what she was doing out there and how to do it.

On the walk back to the office I kept thinking about the woman in the orange hat and realized that really and truly...I want to be more like her and have that carefree attitude.

But without the orange hat and coat.
Quote of the Day

For something named "Symphony" it sure is loud. -- Yours truly to the MRI tech this morning

Thursday, April 08, 2004

I either did the smartest thing in the world....

...or the dumbest.

I started putting the wheels in place on starting my own event planning business. It's been talked about for a while and strongly suggested by a few friends after seeing some of the productions I've put together over the past few years and well....

Today I bought the business cards and confirmed the domain...

Dueling Crab Productions is, somewhat, a reality.

The name came about when I was working in Florida and doing retiree benefits administration for a large Fortune 500 company that shall not be named. One retiree passed away and his name was so odd that we built and entire fictional company around it....Duel Crabbe (at least I think that's how the last name was spelled) begat Dueling Crab Productions.

Pretty soon the website for the company will be a reality as well. First I think I need to make my way through the team's bachelor auction....hmmm will that be the first Dueling Crab Production?
Quotes of the Day

We never imagined hijackers would use planes as missles. -- Condoleeza Rice, following the attacks on September 11, 2001.

It's like a plumber: if you do it OK, nobody notices, if you fuck up, it gets full of shit. -- Dustin Hoffman as Stanley Motss in Wag the Dog

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Quote of the Day (and the story behind it)

You won't put out? Yeah right! That and I'm the reigning Miss America. -- Yours truly to the truly humpy and hot Mark at our post-practice dinner.

Mark, incidentally, is the owner of Who's on First, is straight (although some of us wonder "how" straight he really is given some of his antics with the team), and will be up for bid at the team's bachelor auction and despite some of his earlier comments, he's professing that he won't put out on his date. Of course, I followed today's quote up with pretending to win the crown followed by the profuse amount of thanking my imaginary judges and doing that whole arm extension thing...well if you don't know what that means you'll just have to ask me to do it. Mark about peed himself when I did it too....

Last night, he insisted that he and I take a picture together as we're both bald (well I have the peach fuzz on the head now) and we made it look like we were giving each other the loving look into each other's made more than a few people on the team jealous...especially when I was doing free shots of Maker's Mark from him...I swear to ya...I would do a heartbeat.

Hehehehehehe what can ya do?

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

So the results from the orthopedic surgeon....

There are none...

The x-rays came back fractures or misalignments...I have to get MRI'd as I pretty much expected. It's either inflammed patellas (and no, it's not from being on my knees so get your mind out of the gutter) or I have torn the meniscus (sp?). The MRIs will determine what is up and what needs to be done.

Either way, intense physical therapy is in my future.

And no rugby for a while.

Quote of the Day

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? -- Dick Cavett on violence on television....

Monday, April 05, 2004

Don't ask me why but I just ran through the hallway of my apartment building with the sheets off the bed as a cape and wearing nothing but my boxer briefs.

The urge hit me...

Can't explain it...
I dunno if this is sign or not, but I walked into the bathroom stall and the light bulb blew out plunging me into darkness...

Now you have to understand something, I do not go to the bathroom in the dark. My grandmother had a snake that wound its way through her pipes and she found it resting in the bowl of her toilet the next morning. All I could think of was what if she had to go in the middle of the night...since then...the lights always have to be on.

Even though I saw that the toilet was empty when I went in...I still moved to another stall.

Call my crazy, call me whacked me....something...but that's just how I am.
Quote of the Day

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth. -- Janeane Garafalo

Friday, April 02, 2004

Folks...there's something in the air.


I don't know what it is.

I didn't want to get out of bed today.

But I did.

I stayed home the last two days from work just feelin' yucky.

I worked out last night and it felt good to pump some iron.

I feel bloated.

I'm a bitch.

I'm a lover.

I'm a goddess undercover.

I just felt like writing that.

I think it's the cold meds I'm taking.

I think I may wear my Utilikilt to the drink up after our rugby match this weekend.

Is it scary when you're wearing a sweater with a t-shirt underneath and your nipples are still kinda poking through?

Diet Cherry Coke...mmmmmmmmm.

Troy from The Apprentice is my new love slave.

Or rather I would be his love slave.

C'mon who wouldn't want to worship him.

Whenever Daddy Guy calls me on my cell phone, "Stand By Your Man" plays.

For some reason that tickles me.

I hate being tickled.

I get violent when I am being tickled.

Don't tickle me.

Kathy Griffin is a goddess to be worshipped.

Don't tickle me.

Martha Stewart's going to jail....doo dah....doo dah....

She's going to be the prison bitch to a 400 pound Latina named Carmen.


That was supposed to be evil laughter.

It didn't seem so evil.

Maybe I'm just being nice.

Or "turning a corner," eh, Crash?

The video link I posted yesterday is still with me.

It's just wrong on so many levels.

So many levels.

But I did like her dismount at the end.

The Norwegian judge gave her a 9.8.


Going to bang my head against a wall now.

It's therapy.

Or just the crack talking.

And this....well I can see this happening. I bet that was my evil twin Skippy having some fun.
Quote of the Day

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. -- John Lehman

Thursday, April 01, 2004

Disturbing Thing Found of the Web of the Day

Just to warn you....don't click here if you are at work....and if you have a weak heart.
Quote of the Day

Whoever said it was lonely at the top was looking from the bottom. -- Lisa Welchel as Blair Warner on The Facts of Life