Friday, May 30, 2003

Some of you have inquired as to the status of the job offer in San Francisco. Well things are on major hold since the economy has taken a huge nosedive. In fact, I just got off the phone with David (the guy I know who pretty much offered me the job) and they don't have the funding for the position since they haven't been able to make any sales marks and he's DESPERATE to have the assistant so he can go out and do the work he needs to do without having to run the office and all that stuff.

However, my concern remains the fact that they probably will not be able to match my salary requirements which means that as much as I would love to work with David, it's probably not going to happen any time soon. So it's all on major hold for right Tales From the City: The Mary Ann Singleton Edition won't be happening any time soon....
Okay, so some of you were just a wee bit shocked when I mentioned that I was going to start playing rugby. Well, I think you all need to sit down and hold onto something because this might be a little more surprising -- Lord knows it was to my mother....


One of the guys on the rugby team (and for the record NOT Wrestler Guy) teaches at a dojo near City Hall offered to allow people to drop in and take a free class to see if it would work for them. It offers a great cardio workout along with the ability ot vent some frustrations and make some harder hits on the pitch and all that fun stuff. Therefore, I'm going to check it out because 1) I hate running on the treadmill and at least this will be some other form of cardio and 2) it's something new and different and could help me get my spot on The Amazing Race 5 if they ever do one...

And while I'm on the topic of The Amazing Race, the gay couple...well one of them at least and I don't know which on my nerves last night. They were doing their interview and one of them made some comment about being made to feel bad about his sexuality or something to that extent and followed it up with something along the lines of, "And I'll be damned if they're going to make me feel bad about it on this race!" Here I was thinking, "Don't get your jockstrap in a twist so soon, Mary! The race hasn't even started and you're already making an issue of your sexuality!" Sigh...some people....anyway, I read their profiles on and something tells me that if you don't submit yourself to a he-man workout regime then they want nothing to so with you...

So back to kickboxing...I'm thinking of taking a class next week to see if agrees with me and then seeing what I can do from there...should be fun and if I don;t wake up the next morning wanting to kill myself or rip off every limb so I'm not so sore then I'll be a happy camper....
Quote of the Day

I am just thinking that if New York is the Big Apple, to me, Hollywood tonight is the Big Nipple. -- Bernardo Bertolucci

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Audience interaction time....

You can work with either Melanie Griffith or Rosie Perez at the Tony Awards this year? Who do you choose? Not as easy of a call as you would think, huh?
Oh and it's spelling bee time again. Just checked out their website and they completed the third round with the longest word I have ever seen used in a spelling bee -- electroencephalograph.

I did the spelling bee once in seventh grade and finished second in my school. I still remember the word I screwed up on -- staphylococci. The only reason I remember that word is because that same year (imagine this), the winning word in the national spelling bee was, of all things, staphylococci. Damn you, Stephanie Petit!

Anyway....I would put my money on JJ (Joy) Goldstein of Rockville Center, New York, as a top contender. She's a three time finalist and finished third last year or at least that's what her bio says and man, you know how hot and bothered I can get during a spelling bee.

And that so did not come out right.....
As many of you know, I'm about to become an uncle for the second time as my sister is pregnant again. I already have one nephew who is already a handful so another child in the mix...hoo boy. At least my sister put some time between the two of them... nephew at first didn't want another child in the family but now he has said that he wants a little sister. What's more amusing is that he's come up with a name for his new sister -- Zeke. Yes....Zeke. You have to remember that this is the kid who went through the grocery store with my sister saying, "I like wine and Mimi (my sister's mother in law) gives me cigarettes." His other favorite line is, "Hey, what's your name? Momma, what's their name? How'd they get here?" The best reply to that came from the guy in the paint department at the hardware store who said his name was Sherwin Williams.
In honor of Bob Hope's 100th birthday today....this one is for you and thanks for the memories...

Quote of the Day

Welcome to the Oscars, or, as it's known at my house, Passover. -- Bob Hope, welcoming the audience to the Academy Awards telecast in 1968.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Well....what can I say. I've been found.

Wrestler Guy has read the blog (and is probably reading now -- hello, babycakes) and, thankfully, is flattered by what I have had to say...from what I can gather from his email, someone sent him an email forwarding him gut feeling is that is has to be somoene on the team since the only people he and I have in common are the people on our team...and you know what...I'm oddly fine and pissed about it -- all at the same time...

So he knows....I'm fine with it...Life can go on...although I will probably blush the first time that I see him after this...the ball is, after all, still in his court....
I think the person who invented ab crunches should be shot on live TV in return for the cruel and unusual punishment that they have inflicted on us...
Quote of the Day

I think you've got an obligation to a certain extent, but, you know, kids are looking up to you. Don't go out there rambling if you don't know what you're talking about. There's just a lot of dumb stars -- big stars -- out there. -- Actor "Marky" Mark (Don't I look cute in my Calvin Kleins that show off my huge basket?) Wahlberg.....

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Having just read this article and not really seen the show (maybe one or two episodes all season)...I have to you think Clay Aiken is really gay?

Free polls from Clay Aiken gay???

He couldn't be gayer if his name was Gaye Gayerson...
What are you talking about? He's the epitome of masculinity...
I don't know and, frankly, I don't really give a damn...

Oh my....just got off the phone with my mother.

I'm going to be an uncle again... :)
So let's talk about this weekend shall may be a long discourse but...oh'll deal.....

Friday night I was packing for my trip upstate and I was talking on the phone with a friend when she asked me about Wrestler Guy. I wanted to reach through the phone and bitchslap her.

Here's what I told her: If Wrestler Guy wants to pursue something...then the ball is in his court. I sent him an email and asked him out (as friends mind you) and he didn't respond. The following practice he was, as one friend one say, almost as cold as a Richard Gere/Jodie Foster kiss. He was nice and polite but frostier than he had been in previous weeks. I'm chalking it up to him having a rough go of things with the ex or work or something. Or even me. So...ball is in his court. He can dribble and shoot or pass it off.

Saturday I travelled up to Poughkeepsie to spend the weekend at the home of a fellow rugger and his partner. They have a nice two story manse right next to a small river (or creek depending upon your definition). But the nicest part was right across the street was an actual waterfall, albeit miniature. It was so peaceful and relaxing there just watching the water come down the rocks and flow into the pond at the back of their house. It just made me want to shoot an independent film there.

In total there were about ten of us there during some point in the evening having a curry (can you tell I stayed with some Brits from across the pond?) and playing a roaring parlor game called "The Hat Game" (how inventive of a title...can you tell I stayed with Brits?). Basically the game entailed putting the names of people that pretty much everyone will know in a hat and having to draw them out and describe them without using proper names and get as many as you can in a minute. I actually did pretty well but I think it's because I have a killer attitude when it comes to playing these games, I have watched way too many episodes of the $25,000 Pyramid to do well, and I know a bunch of useless shit. You know you're going to do well when you start off with, "He's an actor who was married to the woman who starred in a 1939 movie where she said, 'As God is my witness I shall never go hungry again!'" and your teammates instantly blurt out Laurence Olivier. In fact, someone told me that I kicked ass in the game and I said it was probably why I would never be a celebrity guest on The $25,000 Pyramid. Their response, "Oh'd be the reason people would tune in..." Great...I'll be Charles Nelson Freakin' Reilly...where's Brett Somers when you need her?

Popular people who came up repeatedly in The Hat Game: any cast member from the movie Chicago (I swear I only put in one!), Tammy Faye Bakker, and Madonna.

Of course, no night in the country with a bunch of gay men can be complete without a viewing of Mommie Dearest. You think I's out on DVD. So we had a grand time (and mind you I had a bit too much vodka in my system -- quelle surprise) watching Faye Dunaway ham it up as Joan Crawford and Diana Scarwid (who I actually had to look up on to learn what she has done since then -- who knew she was in What Lies Beneath or a whole lot of things for that matter.....) as her daughter Christina. Of course our favorite was the boy Christian in a harness in bed. The fact that he didn't turn into a leather wearing daddy's boy is something that amazes us to this day.

Sleeping arrangements -- well I was asleep (alone thank you and not really asleep for that matter) on an air mattress (not the most comfortable thing in the world), one guy was on a couch downstairs, another on the couch in the living room, another two on another air mattress downstairs, and two more upstairs on the guest bed. With people snoring, some people shaking on their air mattress as if they were masturbating, and some people most likely just having sex (unless my ears were deceiving me) was an odd night and I didn't get much sleep at all. I do not sleep well on air mattresses and should have just taken to the floor...

The next day was, for the most part, a big nap. We went to a late lunch (well not really that late) in Rhinebeck (or somewhere close to there) where the hunky firemen (okay not so hunky) were having a fundraiser barbecue. We parked near the local town market where I picked up some kick ass no-sugar added apple butter and strawberry-rhubarb preserves. It was like dying and going to heaven. But after lunch and a quick tour of some local shops where sparklers were purchased (for a Ya-Ya moment) it was back to the house to sleep. It was a much needed nap that culminated in watching Best in Show, the flying of the $1.19 balsa plane, and the lighting of the sparklers. Joseph and I were blessed to have the gold sparklers because there were the best out of the pack. The other colors (red and green) seemed to do a little bit of sparkling but Joseph and I had sparkles-a-go-go.

However, the weekend did not end on a good note. Somewhere between the cab home and my apartment, I lost my wallet. I have no idea where it is and have torn my apartment apart looking for it. It's not a good thing at all....on a happy note though, my bachelor auction date, Cody, will be in town for our event in a few weeks. Not really sure what we're doing but it's going to be fun....

So here I am at work...I don't want to be here. I want my wallet. I want to be back in Poughkeepsie relaxing by that pond....
Quote of the Day

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem? -- Arnold Schwarzenegger

Friday, May 23, 2003

You know you are bored at work on the start of the Memorial Day holiday when you find yourself completely engrossed in a Facts of Life fan fiction.

Hey it was better than reading the ones about The Nanny.
So Byrne has a new blog...hehehehehe...he's going to kill me for telling everyone about it...he can only hope that Wrestler Guy reads my blog and heads over to his, falls head over heels in love with his kooky madcap way, and they walk off into the sunset.

My wedding gift to Ernie doll. He's just going to have to worry about where it came from...(and yes, for everyone else, that's an inside joke between me and Byrne)...

This weekend, well tomorrow really, I'm heading upstate to spend some time with the ruggers and pretty much just relax for a while. It's going to be a rainy cold weekend and I'm not really going to be in the mood to do much. I will clean up my apartment when I get back but there's no guarantee that it will stay that way for very long...I'll do my best...I promise...

But with Monday off...what to do? Really now....what to do?
Quote of the Day

Obviously, I was stunned. I mean, how often do you come across a balding 51-year-old tech professional who's willing to sleep with a nubile blonde? Wow. -- Taken from the online edition of The Onion.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

Don't you find it somewhat disturbing that more people are upset at the "voting irregularities" on American Idol and not the presidency...
As American Idol ended last night with Ruben Studdard squeaking out a win over Clay's time to get the best of the worst from the fans....these are actual quotes from the American Idol message boards....a lot of people are claiming it was rigged and bitching that they couldn't get a vote in...their thoughts as to WHY Ruben won, Clay lost, and who knows what else...well they made me laugh...

Quotes of the Day

In order for Rubin to get as many more votes as he got, he must have been given 1-2 more phone lines than Clay, because based on my experience, it was not possible to give Clay any more votes than he got because the phones were constantly busy. -- ginnyp711

maybe, just maybe the problem with the lines is that they were busy with people voting.... ohh.. another conspiracy. -- crayon64.

Dont think for a second that GOD and i havent figured it out because,by golly, we have. WE ARE ON TO YOU. But my congratulations to Reuban for winning himself a nice cold spot in hell.(Because contrary to your beliefs, the deepest part of hell is frozen)And Simon, my old friend, why do you continue to steal these innocent mortals souls in order to build an army great enough to take over the earth, in an attempt to overthrow HIM. You and I, both, know that will never happen, and you will be forced back into your abyss, where you can wallow in your own shame. I pity you. Id advise you not to take part in this "game" any longer because HE is getting angered, and vengeful, and shall smite all whom worship this attempt to rape you of your own souls...only time will tell. -- METATRON6543

The only reason Ruben won was because they were threatening to riot in LA if he didn't. I heard this on a show, and it's the only reason that makes sense. -- ameliore

Oh my people seriously need to get a life. -- Stargazer1016

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Ugh I'm such a fucking panty-waste sometimes....why do I have to give a rats ass about people's feelings and try to play it down when the truth of the matter is that they fucked up, didn't do their job, and I wound up bailing them out.


Deep breath...

Okay here's the some of you know I am the social chair of my rugby team which means I plan our post-match parties and the major social events for the team (not to mention the occasional dabbling here and there on other things). My main tactic is delegation. Find the people you trust and get them to work for you so less of the strain falls on yourself. I thought I had done that with the Wonder Twink in getting him to come through and get us a place for our end party.

He never did.

Therefore I did what I do best -- took charge and did it myself. Meanwhile after I've booked the place and gotten all of the details, I get an email from Wonder Twink (mind you he was within the deadline of what I had set) telling me that pretty much nothing had changed and he still hadn't done anything. I sent a very carefully worded email not letting him know that I had pretty much just done it for him. I thought that was going to be it.


"Well according to the email I just got it's a done deal," came his reply. I had relayed the message about securing the place to our team president who had sent it to the board in response to Wonder Twink's email about different places to look into for the party...Wonder Twink was on that mailing list.

So what do I do...I can send back a message saying, "Yeah I did it because you dragged your ass and did nothing and I needed it done much sooner so I can take the next steps in getting this done..." Or I can send back the carefully worded statement knowing that I have to play with him next season and see him at practices, events, yadda, yadda, yadda...

I did the careful message. I wanted to tell him that I needed results and he obivously wasn't providing but I held back....argh...I wanted to be honest and truthful since he's flaked on so many people as of late that it was becoming a pattern, etc etc. But I held off. I was polite. I'm still keeping him engaged in the event but also knowing that I need to be ready to make alternative plans should there be a lack of support when the time...

I just really wanted to tell him off....
Favorite email I've just received....

Why George W. Bush won't head up a lost and found department...

Can't find Osama Bin Laden

Can't find Saddam Hussein

Can't find weapons of mass destruction

Can't find the middle class in a crowded room
I'm heading upstate for the weekend. I just accepted the invitation of one of my teammates to go to a party hosted by him and his partner at his upper state manse, spend the night, and return the following day. Since it's supposed to rain just about all weekend it's going to be nice just to get away for the weekend.

I started doing some fiction writing again (and for the record, nothing here is fiction). It's a combination of blogging meets unrequited love meets British hip literature meets how many different points of view can I tell this story from kind of thing. Something that will never make the best seller list and if it ever gets published will crack me up to no end.
Quote of the Day

Can you know the mighty ocean? Can you lasso a star from the sky? Can you say to a rainbow 'Hey, stop being a rainbow for a second'? No! such is Mango! -- Saturday Night Live alum Chris Kattan, as Mango.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Remember my post eons back about having a blogger dinner party to discuss heavily intellectual things? I've changed my mind...


There are four or five that I really want to see....we could picnic, have a mini blogger party...get all comfy....sigh....sound like fun to me...
Let's get a little mushy, sappy, and who knows what other emotions and talk about my most memorable moment from the Daytime Emmys. It wasn't the Sesame Street number or Art Linkletter's award or anything you saw on stage (I'm still trying to erase that medley of "love" songs from my mind -- especially "Love Shack") happened backstage in the press room.

As the producers of Sesame Street were fielding questions from the main press room, the Reading Rainbow contingent came out from the photo room and asked who had won and Levar Burton went in to congratulate them. Now Mr. Burton had just made a very impassioned speech about Reading Rainbow possibly not coming back due to a lack of funding. Mind you, this show has won so many awards and is possibly not coming back.

As Mr. Burton was leaving the room, I stopped him and told him how much Reading Rainbow meant to me growing up. When Reading Rainbow first came on the air, I was about eight or nine living in Clemmons, North Carolina, pudgy, definitely not athletic, and definitely not popular. I was, if you can believe it, a bit shy and lived in my sister's shadow. She was the more outgoing, more popular, more athletic child of the family and the one everyone tended to gravitate towards while I really wasn't. Levar Burton and Reading Rainbow became friends to me and instilled a love of reading (as evidenced by my overflowing bookshelves at home and the number of books I ultimately gave away when I moved). They were a huge part of my life growing up and to know that they may be lost due to government cutbacks and lack of funding is like losing a very dear friend.

In today's world where kids are more likely to pick up the controls to their Playstation before they pick up a book, we need programming like Reading Rainbow.

In today's world where literacy levels are dropping at alarming rates, we need programming like Reading Rainbow.

In today's world where a child's imagination isn't tested or expanded in the classroom or at home, we need programming like Reading Rainbow.

In today's world where our politicians decry the level of education our children receive yet continue to cut funding that will improve their schools, their support, and their educational learning, we need programming like Reading Rainbow.

In today's world where some parents view school as merely a place where their kids are parked for eight hours while they are at work and don't actively participate in their child's learning, we need programming like Reading Rainbow.

Well, after I told Mr. Burton my story, he put his hand on my shoulder, was visibly moved, shook my hand, and thanked me for being a friend of the show. As he walked down the hall, he recounted for the other producers of the show what I had just told him. Someone who overheard everything said that it was probably more satisfying for him to hear my story than to win the award.

Part of me would like to think so too.
Quote of the Day

Ignoring your conscience allows you to justify everything. -- Tom Edwards

Monday, May 19, 2003

So let me see if I can put some things into the return of the return of the Monday Meltdown

Sour Apple Jell-o shots rock!

Sleeping for about 12 hours is not a good thing. It makes you stay up until about midnight

Was talking with a friend online last night (okay so it was the guy who bought me in the bachelor auction) and he seemed shocked that I went without sex for eight months. Apparently I give the illusion of a slut without being one. Then again, there are times when I'm just a little too coy for words. I am of the conclusion that my coyness is both an asset and a hindrance.

Wrestler Guy -- nothing new people and thanks to my dinner with Ursula, I am totally fine. Let's move on.

Diana Krall....sigh. Love her. Frim Fram Sauce indeed.

Daytime Emmys -- the "love" song medley got a lot of laughs from the audience for being so dreadful. Especially when that woman came out singing Love Shack. Please, leave that to the B-52s and don't ever try to cover it. Can I also say that I noticed a trend while I was on the red carpent -- really beautiful soap actresses have really ugly husbands and really hunky soap actors have really ugly wives.

Song running through my head right now: "Kissing a Fool" by George Michael. I dunno why.

I'm going to miss Mango and Mr. Peepers. You'll be back Chris Kattan! You'll be back! THEY ALL COME BACK EVENTUALLY!

Chris Parnell as Senator Santorum...hysterical....

Wanting to kill a wonder twink....priceless.
I got a new tattoo this weekend. It's a small black panther climbing down my leg. I kinda like it.
Quote of the Day

I have so many pieces to pick up right now. ... Right now he's proposing to Jen and it makes me want to throw up. -- Kirsten, crying in the back of the limo of last night's finale of The Bachelor.

Friday, May 16, 2003

Okay peeps...tonight I am at the Daytime Emmy Awards and I'm working with the Sesame Street cast...I'm telling ya...watching this guy sing as Elmo cracks me up to no end...also...for those that are in the know...the drought is over....
Quote of the Day

Wait...the voice of Elmo is a six foot three, two hundred thirty pound, bass voiced black man? -- My fellow Daytime Emmy awards talent escort after hearing the unmistakable voice of Elmo come from his mouth.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

I had a wonderful dinner last night with my Manchester (via Guernsey) gal pal, Ursula, whom I met at the previous Blogger Bash that I threw at Zanzibar with GI Jane. We've been trading emails and finally decided to get together and have dinner since I wouldn't be able to attend the next bash since I will be at the Daytime Emmys that night.

We were at McHales and I went healthy and had a black bean burger which really wasn't that bad. We had a nice long talk about everything from men (I went over the three men in my life -- and I'll get back to that in a second -- and now there happens to a be a fourth that has reared his adorable head) to movies to everything in between. What was even funnier was that we learned we worked next door to each other (and apparently have for quite some time) so now we have lunch plans to add into the mix. Burgers, beer, nachos, it was one of those nights where you could finally let your hair down and just relax and talk about everything under the son with a good friend. Conversation is one of those rare art forms that is never truly appreciated until you realize how much you've missed it when you're actually having that sentence made no sense whatsoever I'm sure so email me if you need clarification.

But here's what was so great about the evening (besides the excellent company) -- it gave me a new lease on my love life. It's great talking with a third party who has no outside interest (other than your own personal wellbeing) to sit and bluntly talk about perspectives and what you really want out of it. It was candid, it was refreshing, it was everything and so much more (especially since we're pretty much going through similar circumstances). Just talking things over helped loosen whatever hold these three men have had on me to where I can fly a bit more and stretch my wings. Yes, I would love to be settled and enjoying a long permanent relationship. But there's also something to be said for laying back and letting the wheat separate itself from chaff. If it's supposed to happen, it will happen.

Oh, and Ursula...I will win the bet. :)
Okay side story from someone I know in the audience of the Bachelor reunion that aired last night. They cut the part where Tina Fabulous (aka Tina Wisconsin, aka Ice Queen, aka whatever) said that she is going to put the watch the Andrew Firestone gave her up for sale on eBay.
Quote of the Day

Goldie Hawn is as bright as a dim bulb. -- Totie Fields

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

All I gotta say is that I totally side with the judge in this case.

They fucked up. They did the crime. They need to do the time. And to think that this is just the school's punishment. Wait until the D.A. gets a hold of them and files criminal charges against them. Who really cares if you can't attend prom or graudation when you could be going to jail for assault! I think they should worry more about that than their academic standing. More on this later...I need to calm down first...
Okay...last night's date. Let's talk about it shall we...

First and foremost...Richard had no idea what was going on or the hidden agenda until I let it slip while Paula and her husband Mike were at the bar picking up some drinks as we waited for our table.

He was not amused (mainly because he lives in Connecticut and would have been home by this point and not at dinner with friends and someone his friends were trying to set him up with since he JUST GOT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP ONE MONTH AGO!). Pretty much, we assumed a united front to enjoy the evening despite the fact that we weren't thrilled with what had gone down which is exactly what we did.

Richard was a nice guy but not really someone who sparked any real interest in me (even before I found out that he had just split from his last relationship) but I could kinda tell that he was a little put off by what had happened. He cracked a few jokes, participated in conversation, but you just knew that he really didn't want to be there (as much as I did) and was trying to make the best of the situation. I think Paula caught on as well as she really didn't ask me much of anything in regards to attraction, likes, etc., when Richard excused himself to go to the bathroom. I would hope she would be a little embarrassed that her plan blew up in her face but who really knows.

Ultimately, Richard and I shared a cab from the restaurant so he could catch a train to Connecticut. He apologized for the evening and that it wasn't that he didn't think I was attractive (hey, at least I got a compliment out of it) but the situation threw him for a loop and he definitely needed more time to deal with the break up and wasn't really looking to date. We shook hands and he gave me a twenty dollar bill as he left saying that the cab ride home was on him for being such a lousy date.

I haven't talked to Paula or her husband yet. I think she's dreading my call. On a side note, I banged my foot against the side of the elevator door as I was exiting to go to my apartment and opened up the lovely pocket of fluid trapped under the toenail I'm sure to lose from being stepped on during rugby. It wasn't pretty.
One year....countless posts....many new friends...isn't this what blogging is supposed to be about?

Yep, today is my one year anniversary....and to celebrate, the title has changed: Welcome to Tales From the City: Disco Inferno.....
Quote of the Day

We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our arse. Then things get worse. -- Unknown

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Sometimes gamblers just get lucky?

If this story of alleged gambling by CBS employers with insider info on the final two contestants of the last three editions of Survivor isn't correct that means that according to my really rough calculations, they beat odds of 1,728,000 to 1. Sorry Chris Ender, not buying the "luck" theory.
My many thanks to all of the emails I received over my quite lengthy post about my weekend and my somewhat over-idealized thoughts about romance, love, and relationships.

It's been quite a few years (more than I would actually care to admit) since I have been in a relationship and it's been, more or less, because I've been avoiding them for so long because my last one didn't end that well. I've wrapped myself up in personal projects, work, other sundry activities because either A) I didn't think I was attractive enough to find a mate, B) I didn't think I was emotionally ready to handle a relationship, C) I deluded myself into thinking that I didn't want a relationship, D) I was too scared/nervous/unwilling to face rejection to even tell someone how I felt or even ask someone out on a date, E) all of the above and then some....

It's amazing that at the age of 28 (29 later this year) I still find myself going through some of the same issues when I was'd think that I would have outgrown all of those issues but there are still prevalent. I guess, in some way, it also pertains to some other aspects of my psyche as well. I'm a classic overachiever. I expect myself to continually improve and perform at a superhuman level. When I don't get the results that I expect, I beat myself up about it and tend to focus on what I think I did wrong and what actually did go wrong than what I did right or what improvements I made in my performance. It's something that I've been told to get over many, many times but it's not as simple as that. I'm better than I used to be, however. Sometimes it takes me a good 24 hours to realize that nothing I did in the previous day can be changed or altered and I have no choice but to accept what happened, internalize it, and ultimately get over it. I mean what's done is done, right?

Here's what I think my "problem" (substitute "problem" with "issue," "hitch," "obstacle," or any other synonym from is -- it's easier for me to see what I did wrong before I can see what I did right. When I wrote my first two plays, I passed them over to friends and asked them for their opinion. They came back with high praise and all I was concerned with was what they didn't like or what didn't work with the play. I get too consumed with what went wrong that I can't pat myself on the back or reward myself when things go right. It's a vicious circle I put myself in and I need to work my way out of it...

So...back to the romance part...what was supposed to be dinner with two friends has now turned into a blind date. Granted it's not a real blind date as it's "not a date" but she's just throwing the two of us together to see if we hit it off and can take it from there if we so choose. My options are A) cancel out, B) go and muster some energy to enjoy the evening even though it's not what I was expecting, or C) go and just have fun. Option A really isn't an option because it's just rare that I get to see Paula as it is and Option B really wouldn't be fair to the guy that she's bringing along. So ya know what...give me a nice glass of Johannesberg Riesling, some nice jazz music playing in the background, and Paula's off-color humor and I will be having some fun for sure.

Maybe, just maybe, I've idealized the entire romance/dating process and need to get a brain transplant (or at least a deep cleaning) and start all over.
Quote of the Day

YOU DID WHAT??? -- My response to a friend's phone call that our dinner date for tonight has just morphed into a blind date for me.

Monday, May 12, 2003

Okay so I guess I had better get into this weekend and the rugby and Wrestler Guy and everything else in between.

Rugby -- Well, let's start off by reminding everyone how hard I am on myself and how I like to make sure that I'm giving everything my best effort and getting the results that I want out of it. I can be harder on myself than any coach and any teammate will ever be. I wasn't thrilled with my scrum work at all and even voiced my own frustrations at my poor showing which got some strong rebukes from my teammates for being negative on the pitch (which hell....I was). Even more frustrating was the fact that I had to have a rib rotated back into position prior to the match (which wasn't a pleasant experience) and then have it knocked back out of position and maybe even cracked during the match to the point where I could barely take in a deep breath without it hurting coupled with a few back spasms...well, I was pretty much told that I wouldn't be cleared to take part in the remaining matches.

That's when I did the one thing I never thought I would do in that situation -- I started to cry. I wanted to play. I wanted to get out there and prove to myself that I earned a spot on the starting squad and I earned the starting position I had been given. The fact that my spring season would end with such a poor showing and an injury on top of that wasn't how I wanted it to be. It got me very down and very pissed at myself and the fact that I was given a muscle relaxer and a pain killer (on top of a Celebrex) really didn't put me in a good mood to the point where I was snapping at people I shouldn't have and really getting tired of having people ask, "Are you okay?" and "How are you feeling?" I even snapped at Wrestler Guy when he arrived for the drink up even though he had been one of my biggest supporters and boosters not only that day but in weeks past.

So let's talk about Wrestler Guy for a second. How do I put this Never before have I met someone so well rounded with such a diverse background (art history degree, trips to Africa when he was growing up, loves Ella Fitzgerald as much as I do apparently, etc) and someone whose intellect and wealth knowledge from his personal experience make him far more attractive to me than his personal appearance (which ain't too shabby either). I get these wonderful supportive emails from him about my improvement on the pitch and the strides I have made as compared to a year ago. Last year I was tentative to take (or make) the hit in games but now I'm heading in there and going for it without abandon. I may not be hitting them as hard as I could or should but I'm in there to make the stop and keep them from advancing.

Anyway, what I didn't tell him (or anyone else for that matter) was that my mood had shifted not only because of the pain meds I had taken but due to a conversation I had with our trainer while she and I were watching the final match. It, of course, revolved around sex and I made the comment that it had been quite some time since I had real out-and-out sex before to which Trainer Lady responded, "What about Wrestler Guy?" since he had just sat down in the chair in front of us. My response, "He said he's toxic," referring to a conversation I had with him earlier where he revealed he had just gotten out of a relationship. His response, "I am toxic." Trainer Lady then said that it was just sex and that it didn't have to go beyond that. Wrestler Guy had no response...I had plenty.

What followed between me and Trainer Lady was a conversation about how I didn't want the Mr. Right Now as much as I wanted the Mr. Right -- the romance, the cuddling, the thoughts shared without saying a word...what's that song...."As Close As Pages in a Book." It's this GORGEOUS song that I first heard Claire Martin sing (on her excellent CD "Old Boyfriends") and it's so sentimental, heart on your sleeve, emotions bare for the world to see but it so fits what I want in a relationship.

We'll be close as pages in a book, my love and I,
So close we can share a single nook
Share every sigh.
So close that before I hear your laugh
My laugh breaks through
And when a tear starts to appear
My eyes grow misty too.
Your dreams may come tum­bling to the ground;
We'll hold them fast,
Darling, as the strongest books bound,
We're bound to last.
Your life is my life
And while life beats away in my heart
We'll be close as pages in a book
Never to part....

Anyway...I'm not sure if Wrestler Guy was still around when Trainer Lady and I were talking about relationships but I pretty much think he knows I do have some attraction to him and it's more that I'm finding that his mental/intellectual side is even more attractive than he is as a person and the melding of the two makes him a desirable person -- to me at least. But I guess it does boil down to what he just said in the really sweet email he just sent me -- I have to give myself some more credit instead of being so hard on myself. Of course that's much easier for someone else to say than for me to actually do. If that was all it really took then I would have gotten off my ass and told Wrestler Guy that I think he's a fucking amazing person, I'm grateful to even know him, and that if he ever decided to bat a romantic eye my way the favor would definitely be returned.

But to even say that....whew...what a step that would be....
I was going to bid on this but then I saw the price and I was
Just a super quick post to start off the day and then we'll get into the more serious stuff later on...

I was at the Survivor: Amazon finale last night at the Ed Sullivan Theater (where Letterman shoots his late night show). I got to meet Jan Gentry (from Survivor: Thailand) and Tina Wesson (the winner of Survivor: The Australian Outback) and a lot of other people. I spent some time with Jan talking about how Survivor changed her life and, in my world, how rugby changed mine.

However, it was meeting Susan Hawk in the hallway of the theater and blowing her a kiss and having her blow one back to me that was the true highlight of the evening. I went right up to her (she was reporting for Extra I believe) and talked to her for a moment and bowed on my knees to her and told her how much I worshipped the ground she walked on. She laughed and gave me a high five. Sigh. I love that woman.

Other highlights....the entire audience laughing when Heidi repeated her question to see if Matt or Jenna should have taken someone else to the final two with them because we all were sure she wanted them to say her...when Dave asked them what world leader they most emulated (or something like that), I said, quite loudly, that Jenna emulated Miss Universe. I was rewarded with laughter from my section of the audience. was a fun night but I am so tired....
Quote of the Day

A marshmallow sundae is not a marshmallow sundae unless it drips over the edges. -- Snoopy

Friday, May 09, 2003

Friday Farewell

Okay I have overblogged for today so I'm going to end it with two things...

1) There are blogs that always make me burst into laughter no matter how foul of a mood I am in...and this is a good example of why....Thanks Bobbie!

2) I am such a freakin' flirt with Wrestler Guy....

I got an email from him saying that I had left my umbrella in his truck last night and I followed up with, "Yep, I realized that late last night but I knew it was in safe hands..." blah blah blah....

Of course I also did a double check to make sure that I didn't need to do or check anything prior to tomorrow's big day o' rugby on Long Island and Randall's Island. His response -- just bring your good humor.

Well, I could let that slide so I shot back with an email and hit send before I realized the impact that my email may's what I said (and for the record...the word "kit" in rugby terms means uniform:

"I'll probably bring my kit too because, I dunno about you, but watching me playing rugby barefoot (not to mention naked) might not be what some people really want to see on a Saturday morning..."

I'm flirting without even thinking about it now...I should start Flirter's Anonymous or something...there has to be a 12 step program for this... :)
But what will it take to get me to the 8th level of hell? But does anyone else find it funny that I ranked low on the heretic level...I think it's because although I'm not a deeply religious person and not a big fan of organized religion I'm still a spiritual person...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Low
Level 7 (Violent)Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)High

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test
Based on the emails I have received, not to mention Joe's little comment below...I take it more of you want to know what I was referring to in my post from last night....

Let's just say that I was helping Wrestler Guy with some team equipment last night. He said I could meet up at his place and if I got there early, change in his bedroom, take a nap, whatever I wanted pretty much...Sure enough, I started reading my book, did fall asleep, woke up shortly after he arrived. Now he had just gotten home from work and was changing out of his work clothes and I offered to step out of the room to afford him some privacy (especially since I was curled up on his bed at the time). He said I was okay where I was and he proceeded to strip in front of me.

The funny part came when he had to strip from the waist down and he said, "Excuse me," as he turned his back to me and I said, "What for? It's not like we haven't seen it already?" to which he laughed and said, "Yeah that's true." The best part though was I got to see more of his fine as hell butt than what was shown when he was onstage at SBNY.

Thank God I was able to control that one important part of my body while he was undressing...and trust was a vision to behold.

Does that help you, Joe?
Hmmm so if the report in this news story is true...then I am still not grown up as I don't have a family as of yet!

Awesome! I'm heading to the sandbox to make some castles!
Quote of the Day

There is ancient Chinese legend that if woman stares too long at Shanghai moon, her soul will forever belong to the first man who see her naked. And with whom she shares dish of Moo Goo Gai Pan -- the text projected on the screen which cleverly introduced various scenes of Charles Busch's affectionate spoof of the early 30s and 40s movies he fell in love with as a kid addicted to television's 4:30 Movie series.

Thursday, May 08, 2003

Okay so I didn't post a damn thing all day. I really didn't have a reason to, to be totally honest.

Now I do.

You know when someone is comfortable being around you when you can lay on their bed in a t-shirt and the super short rugby shorts and they strip down practically naked (defined as either the top half or the bottom half of their body being unclothed at one point but not both parts at the same time)...anyway they strip down practically naked in front of you without blinking an eye.

Now I offered to step out of the room. I was told I was fine. And you know what...I sure was....

Sigh...I was a happy man....
Quote of the Day

Never eat strudel baked by a Nazi. -- Gertrude Garnet in Charles Busch's play A Lady in Question.

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

This week has been the week of the "Angry Black Man" in my life. Angry Black Man is sorta like Angry White Man except he still thinks that the white man is trying to oppress him in every way possible and that the rules of any store, government entity, or what have you do not apply to them anymore and they will feel the need to yell at you if you do anything to cross them or "oppress" them once again. One friend's opinion of the ABM is that they expect to be treated better than anyone else because they are black and were once oppressed by the evil white people. I'm sure people have their own ABM definition depending upon their own personal experiences.

Case in point, Monday night I'm at the Duane Reade. Mind you there are two lines with about three to four people in each line. We're all being very nice and patient and things are just moving along fine. ABM enters the store and instead of getting in line walks right up to the counter and expects to be serviced. The women behind the counter (both black mind you) ask him to step to the end of the line as there were people in front of him when he entered the store.

He refuses.


He says that the days of slavery are over and that he doesn't have to go to the back of the line for anybody anymore. He's there and he wants to be served. The women again politely ask him to step to the end of the line and say that they do not allow people to jump to the front of the line to be served. He says he's not moving and when it the cashiers are done with their customers they refuse to help him and call for the next person in line. The security guard (again, also black) gets into now and says the same thing to ABM who still says he's not moving and they are going to take care of him right then and there.

Finally, it's my turn to go up in line. I motion to the cashier that she can handle this guy and pretty much just get it over with because he was causing such an uproar and, let's face it, the sooner he got out of line, the better it would have been for everyone.

I thought I was doing the right thing.

"Oh no, sir. You're next in line. Come on up. He has to learn his lesson that we don't do that," said my cashier. I was like..."Um, okay...thought I was doing the right thing."

So as I'm being rung up, ABM, who has now become the REALLY ANGRY Black Man, says that I'm a slaveowner and how I've done nothing but keep him down for years. Well, I lost my sense of decency and decided to take a little liberty with my family background. I told him that my father's parents immigrated here from Ireland during the potato famine and couldn't get work or shop in certain places because there were signs that said, "No Irish." I told him that my mother's father was from Indonesia and her mother from the Netherlands and they had problems finding housing because of my grandfather's race. Now mind you some of this is true and a lot is not but since he didn't know that, I really didn't care. It shut him up for about three seconds before he responded with a loud, "Well, fuck you then."


Then there was the ABM on the train this morning whose foot got stepped on by a very short white woman who was pretty much pushed into the subway by the crush of people behind her determined to get into the car. She apologized to everyone around her that she had bumped into including the ABM. Not good enough.

He yelled at her from 86th Street to 72nd Street and she stood there and took the abuse (even when he said he had "a blade" and would stab her). When she got to 72nd Street she got off the train, turned to him, and gave him the finger.
Last night at practice Wrestler Guy presented some of us with copies of pictures he had taken of the team at games and the bachelor auction. Now, I already knew he had pics of me at the bachelor auction in my tux and him, as he said, looking like a rowdy pile of slop and I was hoping for maybe a game pic but as disappointed by the fact that I didn't have a game pic, I was pleased to see the other pics he put in there...but not sure how to take it...

They were pics of him, shirtless, in his kickboxing shorts standing on stage at the auction -- and I'm not in the pic. Glad to have the pics, for sure, just kinda scratching my head as to what it is supposed to mean...if anything...
Quote of the Day

I'm not beautiful. I'm alluring. I'm vivacious. I'm captivatin'. But I am not beautiful. -- Maria Garbonza from Charles Busch's play Pardon my Inquisition (or, Kiss the Blood Off My Castanets).

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

There are times when I am truly just an evil, evil person. Not evil as in "plotting your death" evil but just evil as in "twisted and deranged" evil. Here's why...

I emailed Wrestler Guy about his date since we had not recevied payment from him (mind you that's a $600 payment) and therefore, he really couldn't/shouldn't go on his date until we had the cash. We bantered back and forth as to whether or not he wanted to handle it since he's still in contact with the guy via email (and mind you I haven't said a word about his date's drunken antics at dinner after the auction where he got extremely pissy and threw his soiled napkin at 2 people) and ultimately I took charge of it. However, it had to, knowing me, take the necessary evil twist. The conversation went something like this:

WG: Just tell him I'll go easy on him. No bruises on the face...

ME: Hmmm...can I promise him something else on his face? (Of course I put in the obligatory smiley face followed by an all caps rant about it being Satan's words coming out of my mouth followed by me admitting how embarassed I was to have even said that...kinda in that Meg Ryan/When Harry Met Sally/Sleepless in Seattle endearing romantic comedy way...)

WG: Yeah...a $600 smile.

Hell...I got a smile out of it and it was free....

Then with another guy's date who had not paid another evil conversation took and BJ (and yes, that's his real name...). Anyway here is the paraphrased text...

BJ: Hmmm...well, no pay, no BJ, that's for sure.

ME: I'm not going to say anything but just enjoy the double entendre of it all...

BJ: And I could totally incriminate myself too...

Evil...I'm evil....
Continuing with Charles Busch Week...

Quote of the Day

Fancy Phrases. And a big basket. I'd like to strap you on for size sometime. -- Chicklet Forrester as her alter ego Ann Bowman, in Charles Busch's play Psycho Beach Party.

Monday, May 05, 2003

Knee update since I haven't talked about it knees are fine they are just "tired" according to the doctor. Pretty much I have been using my knees in a way that I haven't before (man that sounds so perverted). I have a small bone spur on both knees but nothing that will require surgery or physical therapy. Pretty much when the season is over (which is this weekend) I will be able to let my knees rest more and not put as much exertion on them. I'm going in for an MRI on my left knee on Wednesday just to make double sure that it is all okay.
Surely this is a sign of the apocalypse....
For some reason, I have decided to dedicate this week's worth of daily quotes to the talent of playwright and drag entertainer Charles Busch. Maybe it's because I read through some of them this weekend and laughed my ass off.

Quote of the Day

My kumquat seems perturbed. Tell Pappy what's the matter. -- Justinian to his slave lover Toso in Charles Busch's play, Theodora, She-Bitch of Byzantium.

Friday, May 02, 2003

Okay I do give a rat's ass about this one though...because truly Every Minute Counts...
And befitting my belligerent, "dammit it's Friday and I wanna go home" attitude this afternoon...tell me why in hell I should give a rat's ass?

(The fact that you don't know what I'm referring to exactly pretty much seals the deal, right?)
Okay, I have "We Need a Little Christmas" from Mame running through my head right now...what is going on with that?
Quote of the Day

Try not to have a good time. This is supposed to be educational. -- Little Sally Brown from the Peanuts comic strip.

Thursday, May 01, 2003

Okay since so many people are having fun with my underwear quote let's turn this into group participation....

You have the opportunity to be a famous person's underwear for the day (what an odd supposition). Anyway...whose flesh would you like to be up against?

I'm still going for Ben Affleck or Colin Farrell.
The fact that I am actually awake and cognizant and not looking like death warmed over is a testament to my personal fortitude.

Or my lunacy.

Last night, for some explicable reason, I lost all connectivity to the Internet. I couldn't log in via dial up or the cable modem. After talking to THREE Linksys people and FOUR AOL people, I finally had to resort to the one thing that I didn't want to have to do -- a complete system recovery. I did this at three in the morning and finally got everything done and reset at about 3:30...of course I had redownload a few things since they weren't recovered (Kazaa, the entire Microsoft Office package, codec...things like that). My computer isn't 100% functional again but I crawled into bed around 3:30 - 4:00 and got up three hours later and here I am at work -- on a rugby day no less -- feeling fresh as a daisy.

Sigh...I'm such a freak.
Quote of the Day

If I'm reincarnated, I want to come back as Matt Dillon's underwear. -- Boy George