I was reminded today that life as we know it here in NYC is about to irrevocably change. Changes of monumental proportion were put into effect last year and now they are finally coming to fruition. Yes, I'm talking about ten-digit dialing in Manhattan.

Starting tomorrow, it doesn't matter which area code you are in, you must dial the full ten digits of the person's telephone number in order to reach them -- even if you are in the same area code. What really sucks is that I have my memory dial on my phone full of numbers and I don't remember how to change them to reflect this new requirement.

Maybe I'll just buy a new phone and go from there. That seems like the smart thing to do.

One of the benefits of working for a French bank -- long lunches. Today was a two and a half hour affair with cheese fondue, a bottle of wine, a nice chef salad, and a cup of cappuccino afterwards.

Sigh. I am stuffed.

Have a blind date tonight. We'll see how that goes.

Someone reminded me that I had forgotten this week's edition of Reading Between the Lines, my weekly gossip game. Well I did and I'm such a whore for it...so same rules as last time. Four stories...one of them is fake. Spot the fake one, click the little line below to tell me which one you think is fake and I'll reveal the results tomorrow. And, to make it even more interesting, if you're coming to the blogger bash and you are the first person to answer correctly...I just may buy you a drink... :)

So here we go...

#1 -- Cameron Diaz and boyfriend Jared Leto drew stares from shoppers as they kissed, hugged and groped while the "Gangs of New York" beauty picked out clothes at an Urban Outfitters in LA. After she spent an hour trying on outfits for Jared's approval, he told the salesperson he'd pick up the $2,500 tab. No way, said his ladylove. The tug-of-war over the bill ended when Cameron said he could pay only if he let her buy clothes for HIM. So Jared shopped till he dropped -- amid more kissing, hugging and groping -- and Cameron paid his bill: Exactly $2,500!

#2 -- "The Practice" star Dylan McDermott gave legal aid to an elderly gent at a TinselTown dry cleaners. The guy was next in line when a rude dude cut in front of him -- then started barking at the old guy when he protested. That's when Dylan stepped in, telling the guilty one he was "out of line" and threatening to call the cops. The creep beat a retreat -- and Dylan's thankful benefactor quipped: "I never thought I'd be glad to see a damn lawyer!"

#3 -- Somebody should have told Celine Dion that the stage floor of her new Las Vegas theater had been freshly waxed BEFORE she made her entrance. The diva -- wearing spike heels during a rehearsal -- slipped and fell flat on her backside, bruising her tailbone. The injury kept her from dancing for the rest of the day.

#4 -- Talk about mud-slinging! Sharon Stone shelled out $10,000-plus to have several hundred pounds of volcanic ash delivered to her San Francisco home – for mud baths! Sharon went ga-ga over the goo – which is chock-full of minerals – on a trip to Hawaii. It supposedly has anti-aging properties – and Sharon's female assistant smears it on her naked bod three times a week!

Taken from Faustus, I went online searching for the list of Children's Books You Will Never See...

"You Were an Accident"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
"Some Kittens Can Fly!"
"The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion"
"How to Dress Sexy for Grownups"
"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"
"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"
"Where's Godot?"
"Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer... Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"All Dogs Go to Hell"
"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"
"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?
"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
"Bi-Curious George"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"
"You Are Different and That's Bad"
"Dad's New Wife Timothy"
"Pop! Goes the Hamster....and Other Great Microwave Games"
"Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets"
"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"
"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"
"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"
"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"
"Start a Real-Estate Empire with the Change from Your Mom's Purse"
"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"
"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead"
"How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School"
"Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"
"How To Swim In Uncle Bill's Pool With Daddy's Barbells."
"How To Get Someone Else To Do Your Homework"
"If It's In A Pretty Bottle, It's OK To Drink It"
"Daddy's Whiskey Will Make You Grow Big And Strong"
"Blowing Up Those Funny Looking, Long Balloons You Find At The Park"
"Surprise Daddy By Sharpening His Hatchet While He Is At Work"
"Drawing Pictures Of All Of Mommy's "Uncles" Who Visit While Daddy Is At Work"
"Be A Good Helper - Vacuum All The Loose Hair Off The Dog"
"Barney: The Prison Years"

Quote of the Day

I've enjoyed wonderful health. The only time I ever got sick was when I watched Barbra Streisand in Hello, Dolly! on an airplane. -- Carol Channing, star of the Broadway version of Hello, Dolly!

I was watching The Bachelorette last night and I noticed that Charlie has these really pouty nipples. You know the kind I'm talking about -- the ones that always seem to be poking through the t-shirt that's just a little bit too tight so you know where they are when you want to reach up and give them a nice firm twist. Mine get pouty on occasion but something tells me that Charlie's are terminally that way.

Quote of the Day

[Garbo] is hermaphroditic, wiht the cold quality of a mermaid. -- Tennessee Williams

Why do parents get a kick out of naming their kids stupid things? I was reminded today of my friend Dawn who became an aunt when her brother's wife gave birth. They named their kid Treasure. Her last name? Hunt.

Treasure Hunt.

That kid is so going to get the shit kicked out of her in school.

What is going on with people these days? I have never had this much trouble finding a roommate before in my life.

Back story – Roommate (the really snotty, thinks he’s too fabulous for anything or anyone) decides to move out of the apartment (a nice three bedroom affair in Washington Heights). Of course, he gives us no notice whatsoever and agrees to pay his portion of the rent for the month of December to make up for it. The other roommate and I decide to play it a little cool and see if we like the two person arrangement (which we do) however, when we get the new lease we see that the rent of the apartment has gone up which means we need to bring another new person in to make it affordable.

In my first attempt at finding a roommate I was overwhelmed with a number of emails and phone calls from people who were dying to live in my two bedroom apartment in Astoria. Within two hours of placing the first round of postings, I had over twenty phone calls with some people even offering me money just so they could have the place. One poor id who had just moved here from Japan asked what happened if more than one person wanted to move into the apartment and was shocked to learn that I would be making the ultimate decision as to who would be moving in.

Sorry, this wasn’t a first come, first served situation. It was all about finding the right person that I could live with in the apartment – someone I could get along with.

Well, I picked the wrong person.

The new roommate was a clean freak and pretty much petty about everything. If I did something not to his liking then I heard about it in spades. He didn’t like me being online (even though he knew I did a lot of online research for my job) because it kept him from being on the phone for hours at a time. To give you an example, I was working on a turnover report for a company that declared bankruptcy recently and I needed to pull statistics from various government agencies and independent studies in order to back up some of my suppositions. Roomie was on the phone from 7:00pm when I got home until well past 10:00pm and pretty much ignored my repeated requests for use of the phone line to complete my work.

“Oh, I’ll be right off,” he would say and he would keep on yammering. But if I was online I had to get off right away so he could check his external voicemail to see if there was anything new on the dance front. He fancied himself a dancer but I saw some of his work and it was nothing special. I made a gentle suggestion that he might want to invest in his own phone line since 1) it was my original phone line to begin with and 2) I was doing a lot of research over the course of that job and they kicked us out of the office after 6:00. This did not go over well and he said that there was no way he was getting a new phone line since it wasn’t a part of our “original agreement” (a phrase he used rather often) when he moved in and if anyone was to get a new phone line it was me. So I did it. I got a new phone line just for my computer so he could be a happy man and chat his fool head off.

Later this phone line would come in handy when he got pissed that I mailed the phone bill off late and told me that if I was going to be like that I should just turn off the phone line entirely. So I did. I suspended the service to the phone line and directed people that if they wanted to contact me they could on my computer phone line. He went ballistic and all I said was, “You said to turn it off. So I did. Why are you complaining?” I did the same with the cable as well to which I responded in the same manner. He bitched that I couldn’t do it (which I could since the bills were in my name) and that if he needed to make a phone call he was going to plug his phone into my jack and have his friends call on that line. I told him that if they did call on that line they would be told that they were calling on my private phone line and that they would have to wait to talk to him when he established phone service of his own. Ultimately, I restored the main phone line and turned it over to him with the bill under his own name and used the computer line for both personal and computer uses. As I told a friend, it took losing a battle to ultimately win the war.

This roomie finally moved out in December 2001 when he bought a house in New Jersey. Mind you I knew he was looking at buying houses because I came home from Thanksgiving to find realtor magazines on top of the TV in my room. (Oh yes, I restored cable -- but in my room only. If he wanted cable, he would have to order it himself.) This of course pissed me off because he went apeshit the one day I put his mail on his bed instead of in some other location he never specified. He installed a lock on his door and then a padlock as well just to make sure I didn’t go in ever again. Mind you he had no problem going into my room (which I couldn’t lock since it had no doors as it was the former living room). I later asked him if the magazines were his and he said “no” which I knew was a lie but I wasn’t surprised when he told me in December that he was moving out but it was all good because his friend “Tom” was looking for a place and he could move in immediately.

Hell no. No one even remotely related to him was going to move in. I wanted to sever all ties.

So I said “Tom” could move in for that month since he was looking for a new place but it would be just for that month since I was going to get someone else to move in and since he was paying rent for the month of January, well…I guess it was okay. Well the now ex-roommate moved out while I was in Florida and the landlady was pissed because he had given her no notice whatsoever that he was moving out and was, apparently, rather rude to her when he was doing it. No surprise since he was rude to her all throughout the time he lived there. However, he didn’t tell her that his friend “Tom” was moving in nor had he explained to her that he was using his security deposit for his last month of rent in the apartment.

Thus began the litany of phone calls between me, ex-roommate, and landlady (who would later turn psycho) to get the entire thing straightened out. Technically “Tom” should not have been living there since he had no paid security deposit and was living off of my security deposit which made me nervous and then there was the question of whether or not he had paid rent or if the ex-roommate had paid rent and I was almost stuck with paying for the balance of the rent which really sucked but that finally got worked out and it was one stressful month for me and the landlady who would later tell me that the ex-roommate had done nothing but bad mouth me to her for several months.

Great.

Just what I needed.

My last roommate, I adored. Sweetheart of a girl from Kentucky. Miss her sometimes since she had a vicious sense of humor.

So here I am on a roommate search again. My current roommate interviewed a guy who seemed more interested in dating him (or at least having body slamming sex) than the apartment itself and yesterday I called back a guy who had called about the apartment to set up a time for him to come see it only to have him drop out an hour later when he said that he couldn’t afford the $700 a month even though it included all utilities except phone. Since then it’s been a barren wasteland with no calls, no responses, and some desperation building.

Sigh.

What is up with people?

Quote of the Day

Sharon Stone...it's a new low for actresses when you have to wonder what's between her ears instead of her legs. -- Katharine Hepburn

Shamlessly borrowed from Young Bradford....it's the new slogans for The 646 Guy...now why couldn't I show these on the Super Bowl. Just guess which one is my favorite?

Two Hours of the 646 Guy in Just Two Calories
Taste the 646 Guy.
Does the Hard 646 Guy, So You Don't Have To.
The 646 Guy, and on, and on...
Sharing the 646 Guy of your Life.
The 646 Guy Just Feels Right.
The 646 Guy with the Less Fattening Centres.
Tense, Nervous, the 646 Guy?
Made To Make Your 646 Guy Water.
You'll Never Put A Better Bit Of the 646 Guy On Your Knife.
You Can't Get Quicker Than a 646 Guy Fitter.
Leave the 646 Guy to Us.
Top Breeders Recommend the 646 Guy. *
Splash 646 Guy All Over.
Half the 646 Guy, All the Taste.**
Get the 646 Guy or Get Out.
You're Never Alone with a 646 Guy.
Only the 646 Guy Has The Answer.
Snap Into A Slim 646 Guy. **
Wouldn't You Rather Be the 646 Guy?
The 646 Guy Unscripted.
Because the 646 Guy is Complicated Enough.

* - This one tickles me the most (although not necessarily my favorite) since I've been known to call my heterosexual friends "breeders" in moments of mock exasperation.

** -- Appropriate considering my recent weight loss.

I’ve been obsessed with iron-on transfers as of late.

You know what I’m talking about – those reverse images you had to hold down forever with an iron so they would properly affix themselves to a t-shirt that you could proudly wear around. Everyone knew it was an iron-on but you still wore it proudly because you really couldn’t find cool t-shirts back in the 70s unless they had an iron-on attached to them.

So I’ve been floating around on e-Bay for a while looking at the odd iron on transfers (some of which go for $20 a pop—who knew?) and reminiscing about the good old days (and there was no cup of International Coffee involved either – “Jean Luc!”) when I was a kid growing up in North Carolina (prior to moving to Florida in 1986. You know those days where you would fight with your sister to see who could open up the box of Honeycomb first so you could reach inside the bad of cereal to get to the Honeycomb iron-on first so Mom could attach it to a t-shirt for you to wear to school the next day and think that you were the coolest thing on the planet.

I found Charlie’s Angels, Battlestar Gallactica, Starsky and Hutch, and on and on. Glitter iron-ons. Rocker iron-ons. Perverted iron-ons (“Come sit on my face!” being one that elicited a major groan from me). Clean iron-ons (“Smile! It increases your face value!” getting another groan).

Then it hit me – Gregory Harrison! For Ladies Only! Screening Party!

Screening Party is a book by Dennis Hensley based upon (if not outright taken word for word from) articles he wrote for British Premiere magazine about the movies he would watch with his friends and their reactions to them. There was an entire chapter dedicated to male stripper movies and, specifically, For Ladies Only starring the bushy haired hunkster, Gregory Harrison, who, despite being in a series of really, really, really bad B-movies after being the adorable Dr. Gonzo Gates on Trapper John, broke my heart once again in It’s My Party (oh those final scenes make me burst into tears) and made me want him more than ever. Now that’s older I think he’s even hotter than before and when he wears those glasses, he has that upper class look of sophistication and class that you just can’t find anywhere else…anyway I’m digressing…

At the end of the male stripper chapter of Screening Party, Dennis (yes, the author of the book is in it himself) goes on eBay and finds a For Ladies Only iron-on of our hunka hunka burning man love. So I have to find one right…

Sadly none are to be had.

That’s okay, my friend Jenna is making me a shirt though. And that’s why I love her.

Quote of the Day

How the hell should I know, dahling? He never sucked my cock! -- Tallulah Bankhead's response when asked if her co-star Tab Hunter was gay.

Greetings everyone...it's not often I get seriously personal on here but I'd just like to make a small request...

I don't care what your personal religious beliefs are but if you could send good vibes/prayers/voodoo chants/etc out to my mother as she's going to the doctor today it would be appreciated. She had what she thinks was an asthma attack however in the back of my mind I remember all of the years she smoked and even though she quit and hasn't touched them in I would say 15 years or so, the thought of lung cancer or something equally worse is running through my mind and I can't shake it...

So, if you're so inclined, please say a word with whatever deity you look up to and know that it is appreciated.

Monday Meltdown

I did my personal best at the gym today -- 6.38 miles on the elliptical runner in an hour. Of course, my previous best before that was set on Sunday afternoon when I did 6.36 miles in an hour. Before that it was a measly 6.06 miles. My legs hate me now.

Interesting to note that while I was on the runner yesterday, CNN was playing on the TVs and they had the headline "Ritter Sex Strike" and all I could think was that John Ritter was somehow involved in child porn or something but since I couldn't find anything in the news yesterday I'm chalking it up to my own misguided evil mind. Turns out it was former UN arms inspector Scott Ritter.

I'm debating whether or not to do the Hurry Date thing that Faustus did. 25 guys at three minutes each...sounds like a really bad porn movie premise to me...

Legs hurt. Thankful for this device that a former boss got for me in the Secret Santa of 2001. I don't think I would be walking today without it.

Roommate interviewing has commenced. I hate having to find someone to move in with you who won't take off some Mission: Impossible mask and really be Norman Bates. First guy we met was cool so we're hoping that he doesn't find anything else better than us...

Our president's State of the Union address is going to focus on Iraq and not our economy it seems. Hmmm...if he doesn't start singing another tune soon he will find his ass out on the street come November 2004. Like father, like son.

What the hell was Shania Twain wearing during the halftime show? Was some she some space alien-dominatrix? I wanted to scream at her, "Put the Be-Dazzler down, Shania!"

And sadly I saw the video footage of this and am thankful I didn't know it was a woman's uterus he was doing it on...I mean really now...is that breakfast hour video or not?

I want to see the Chicago movie again. Soon. If they put Catherine Zeta-Jones in as supporting actress for the Oscars it will be against precedent. She will go against her Golden Globe nomination for Lead Actress and the two times the award has been nominated for lead actress in a musical at the Tonys (won by Bebe Neuwirth in 1996). Also, it means Queen Latifah probably won't win or even get nominated (as she should).

Hmmm just noticed in my Sitemeter stats I'm linked at MSNBC.com. Interesting.

In the land of crushes, I sent New Crush a belated birthday e-card and we've been doing some email corresponding. However, they raise an eyebrow as I've never had a friend (even you Joni, Faustus, etc) close out an email with the phrase "All my love." Anyway, he and I may be doing dinner one night soon.

I have a date Friday night. Seems like a nice guy. At least he's a reality TV whore like me. :)

One last thought on the entire Bloggies nightmare -- Next year, split up the categories amongst several groups of people so no one can say they were overloaded or it was too much to handle. It could also prevent some collusion.

Quote of the Day

Ninety percent of it is mental. The other ten percent is disco. -- Yours truly explaining my workout ideology with a fellow gym-goer.

Wow...The Bloggies scandal is exploding.

Judges are openly admitting collusion (Bother clicking it because it's a 404 error now which makes me wonder if that person took down their site because they were getting yelled at). Four judges voted as a bloc and as only 23 judges responded, that was about 20% of the vote right there. One person has already pulled herself out of contention from running.

I agree with John who said that some people felt it was their job to promote the blogs that they personally liked instead of the ones that were the most worthy. As a judge, I knew many of the sites that were listed and had visited them often, but I took my role as a judge seriously and looked at every nominee I didn't know and made an informed decision. It doesn't matter if ThinkDink.com believes in every site that they voted for. What matters is that there are people who didn't get the consideration that they were due and owed prior to voting thanks to people like ThinkDink.com and their crew.

As Michele ever so elegantly put in her request to be removed from consideration from this year's Bloggies, this is not Nikolai Nolan's fault. The fault lies in those who used this forum to push themselves or their friends into positions that they might not deserve. Perhaps this will be an impetus to have an overhaul of the system and find a way to make the nomination process fair to all potential nominees and avoid collusion.

Part of me has been wondering for the past few days whether or not I did the right thing in posting the list of potential nominees. One friend said that I broke the confidentiality of the process in doing so and compared me to the French figure skating judge at the 2002 Winter Olympics. Granted I think that's overstating it just a bit but it could be true -- five judges admitted collusion voting for the final nominees (all from the Texas region) and there are rumors that even that number is grossly understated, one nominee in the Gay/Lebian/Bisexual/Transgendered category is actually straight, and people are growing ever more dissatisfiedwith the idea of the Bloggies in general.

Part of me is glad that I did it because it ultimately, and sadly, exposed what everyone had suspected -- fairness and objectivity lost out entirely. Part of me is sad because yet another bit of innocence is lost. To see a fellow judge make the following comment:

I was one of those mysterious 50 judges. So was my boyfriend. I had 4 days to go through several hundred websites (the majority of which I'd never heard of before) and decide who was the best in their category. In some of the categories I voted only for weblogs I knew about. Sorry, but I really didn't have the time to look at every single website. For the major prizes, and for a few other categories, I did look at every site. Like most things where people's feelings can get hurt, I took this as a serious responsibility.

Well if you took this as a serious responsibility, you would have looked at every single nominee and voted accordingly. It is because of things like this that piss me off. I took the time to look at all of them and you should have as well. You volunteered to do something that you didn't do. At least you made a half-assed effort, but an effort nonetheless. At the very least, from what we can tell, you weren't part of the Texas Collusion.

As you can tell, I'm pretty upset over this. I've gotten some pretty mean emails from people telling me that I was stupid for publishing the list. I've gotten emails from people thanking me for publishing the list. I'm in an odd place. I want to be glad that I helped do something that ultimately will have a positive effect but right now I'm not really feeling it.

This one is in honor of Ms. Nell Carter who sadly passed away last night. I know this was one of her favorite episodes of her sitcom "Gimme a Break" so I think she would be honored to be quoted here:

Quote of the Day

Candies, cakes, and salted nuts
Show up on our thighs and butts.
Fat, obese, tubby, jumbo,
We don't want to look like Dumbo. -- the PORKO motto from an episode of "Gimme a Break." PORKO was their equivalent of Weight Watchers.

Nell Carter passed away at the age of 54. I was fortunate enough to see her perform live at Carnegie Hall from five rows back during the Broadway Divas concert. Sigh. I loved her on "Gimme a Break" (until they moved to NYC that is)....

Quote of the Day

Sir, your ass is too big for the doors to close so get off the car now. -- Unknown subway conductor (or was he an engineer) yelling at a passenger on the HIGHLY crowded 1 train heading down town.

Okay...people have been emailing me asking me who was on the nominating committee and part of me would love to put up the entire list of email addresses but I don't think that would be fair or even kind to the other 49 people on the list. Who really wants their email address published for the world to read? What I can say though is that the claims made here regarding collusion between members of the nominating committee members did not happen with me. I did not receive any emails asking me to vote a certain way at all. I voted how I felt and I feel somewhat shafted that none of my votes made it into the top 5.

Since people have their panties in an uproar over the 2003 Bloggy nominations and since I was a member of the panel who voted and feel shafted that no one I nominated got in there...here was the full list of people we had to choose from. Don't believe me. Click here to go to the site that was sent to us. Use the login "bl0ggies" and the password "judgem3nt".

Merchandise

craptastic.com
fark.com
revolutionfreedom.com
loobylu.com
paulfrankenstein.org
bitchblog.com
electricbugaloo.com
patrickruffini.com/store
littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog
cafeshops.com/raisinghell
wkenshow.com
themightygeek.com
pizzadreaming.com
janegalt.net
boingboing.net
bazima.surreally.com
ultrasparky.org
cafeshops.com/the44
metafilter.com
goateestyle.com
wilwheaton.net
livejournal.com/users/cassieclaire
pickupyourowndamnsocks.com
feralliving.surreally.com
thismodernworld.com
dailypundit.com
oddtodd.com

Webring

dfwblogs.com
home.earthlink.net/~mklively/stblogs.html
blogphiles.com
blogsnob.idya.net
d.webring.com/hub?ring=moderatelyamusin&id=1&hub
skittish.org/verb.html
brookelyn.org/mtring
bloggingbrits.co.uk
metroblogs.com
damnhellasskings.com
fried-spaghetti.com/rng/lovetoblog.html
ringsaround.net/blogsbywomen
blogtree.com
dailykos.com
antville.org
cyberscorpios.com
halftone.org/obscure
nycbloggers.com
dykewrite.com
anthonyjhicks.com/aussieblogs
chicago.creativecanvas.com
beatrizdominguez.com/blogrollers
christine-murphy.net/petbloggers/webring.html
serenity-quest.net/nowheaton.html
wander-lust.com
geocities.com/blawgring
neuroticfishbowl.com/kymberlie.html
www.kiwinessie.net/rings/mtblog
www30.brinkster.com/bluebrat/index.html
uselessthoughts.com/sixdegrees

Meme

Boobies to Florida
Bloginality
Iraqi Evite
Monday Mission
Picture Yourself
The Friday Five
Warchalking
Googlism
Link and Think
PromoGuy.net
Trent Lott Racial Remarks
100 Things About Me
RSS feeds
Reasons For Love
Participation Positives
Theme Thursday
Blogchalking
Free Davezilla
Trackback
Blogger Snowball Fight
Mike needs to get famous and fast
Black People Love Us
This or That Tuesday
Blogtree
Saturday Scruples
Fisking

ArticleOrEssay

alison.caffeinatedbliss.com/thoughts/blogging.php
diveintomark.org/archives/rooms/30_days_to_a_more_accessible_weblog/index.html
www.eden.rutgers.edu/~aaraujo/index.html
yourish.com/archives/2002/sep1-7_2002.html#2002090401
seattleweekly.com/features/0239/diversions-stallings.shtml
catholic.net/sowing_seeds/template_article.phtml?channel_id=15&article_id=484
shirky.com/writings/weblogs_publishing.html
waxy.org/random/html/wsj_findablog.html
wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,54740,00.html
oreillynet.com/pub/a/javascript/2002/06/13/megnut.html

DirectoryOrUpdateMonitor

timemachinego.com/ukblogs
technorati.com
freshblogs.com
pepys.akacooties.com
wander-lust.com
blogdex.media.mit.edu
daypop.com/top
portal.eatonweb.com
blogger.com
davidjanes.com/blogosphere
weblogs.com
dfwblogs.com
globeofblogs.com
blogdir.com
blogs4god.com
nycbloggers.com
blogrolling.com
blogwise.com
photoblogs.org
blogs4god.com/linker/index.php
blo.gs
daypop.com

WebApplication

wbloggar.com
blogger.com
sitemeter.com
ranchero.com/software/netnewswire
rateyourmusic.com/yaccs
blogads.com
pro.blogger.com
https://exceedinglysecure.com/sensus_plenior.html
groups.yahoo.com/group/dotcomments-support
nucleuscms.org
cafelog.com
noahgrey.com/greysoft
xanga.com
pivotlog.net
movabletype.org
blogrolling.com
movabletype.com
radio.userland.com
moveabletype.com
bloglet.com
pmachine.com
www.livejournal.com
moveabletype.org
diaryland.com
haloscan.com

AustralianOrNewZealand

weblog.delacour.net
timblair.blogspot.com
brainsluice.com
captainfez.com/blog
martinrothonline.com
wrongwaygoback.com
maddy.sovereignmagic.com
waferbaby.com
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GLBT

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nytoo.rumandmonkey.com
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crazytracy.com/blog
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jhames.com/journal
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photojunkie.org
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MostHumorous

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happyfunpundit.com
littleyellowdifferent.com
dooce.com
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searchforlove.blogspot.com
jimtreacher.blogspot.com
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eastwest.nu
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uffish.com
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whedonesque.com
fark.com
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blogs4god.com
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nationalreview.com/thecorner/corner.asp
blogcritics.com

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rschultz.blogspot.com
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perceptions.diaryland.com
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www.thefront.org
web-goddess.org
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irise.blogspot.com
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whedonesque.com
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geocities.com/segacs2/weblog
raptorblog.com
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dailyashtray.blogspot.com
mydatingworld.blogspot.com
searchforlove.blogspot.com
kissmyfish.net/angelfish
digbysblog.blogspot.com
surreally.org/zanderkind
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Lifetime

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doc.weblogs.com
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scripting.com
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wilwheaton.net
powazek.com
megnut.com
andrewsullivan.com
harrumph.com
talkingpointsmemo.com
kadyellebee.com
davezilla.com
jish.nu

WeblogOfTheYear
wilwheaton.net
kdblog.com
sixdifferentways.com
kadyellebee.com
bigpinkcookie.com
atrios.blogspot.com
talkingpointsmemo.com
denbeste.nu
tampatantrum.com
www.ncf.ca/~ek867/wood_s_lot.html
andrewsullivan.com
ordinarymorning.net
asmallvictory.net
textism.com
trabaca.com
eastwest.nu
photojunkie.org
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littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog
sarahhatter.com
dooce.com
dailykos.com
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searchforlove.blogspot.com
feralliving.surreally.com
plasticbag.org
lifeuncommon.org
thismodernworld.com
loobylu.com
swishcottage.com
oxblog.blogspot.com
boingboing.net
bazima.surreally.com
jish.nu
troubled-diva.blogspot.com
instapundit.com
davezilla.com
littleyellowdifferent.com
metafilter.com

Okay, I’ve debated whether or not to share this with everyone but I figured I’m so open with my life on here as it is that I might as well put it out there because it is highly worthy of a laugh or two (or three).

I was propositioned at the gym last night. By a married man.

As in married with a wife.

And kids.

I got to the gym late last night and I did my hour on the runner (and let me tell you that machine just kicks your ass into the ground), stretched out afterwards because God knows my inner thigh muscles were screaming that I was a moron for torturing them yet again, did a reverse stretch on the inflatable workout ball to get my stomach, abs, and back stretched out as well, showered, changed, and brushing my hair when this guy comes in. He starts peppering me with questions about my workout and what I did and if I had spent any time in the steam room that evening (which I hadn’t). First thing I did notice about him was the wedding band on his finger.

At this point, he goes on to tell me about he walked into the steam room one evening while a college convention was happening at the hotel (the gym I work out at is in a hotel here in NYC and you can buy memberships to it) and there were two buffed out guys that reminded him of his son (his term not mine) pretty much going at it in the steam room. He told them not to worry about it and to go on with what they were doing and he watched them go at it.

Now as he was going on and on about this, he was rubbing his crotch through his boxers as well so I’m pretty much getting the signal that he was looking for some action in the steam room that night and was trying to gauge whether or not I was up for joining him (even though I had already showered, was dressed, and about to leave). Anyway, I laughed in all the right places, looked shocked in all the right places, and got the hell out of there.

I think he was disappointed.

Reading Between the Lines

More fun time people....here we go...

From Filth2go.com:

Could it be that a certain lady in this very column has a secret? Not much of a secret since everyone pretty much knows that beneath her man-killing exterior lies a heart that belongs exclusively to the ladies. But this gal is so paranoid about her true proclivities that she’s gone to elaborate lengths to promote a lifestyle that is straight if not quite narrow. Some of her colleagues have told me that no one even hints that they know the truth – she’d kill ‘em with one look.

I'm voting Miss Survivor herself Jerri Manthey for this one. She comes across as a real man eater (and let's not forget those long lusty scenes with heartthrob Colby on Survivor 2) so this fits her very well. However, many people are pointing the finger at none other than daytime diva Deidre Hall. Interesting.

From The Globe (and Blind Item Rehash):

This intense actor can't resist escaping to Vancouver, Canada, to party it up with call girls, personally delivered to his hotel rooms whenever he's in town. The good news is that he's not quite cheating on his lady because she's "into it," too! She loves it when her beau hires a girl to come on over and join the fun. In fact, she's so brazen that she even dictates the action, if you get my drift.

Hmmm, the big clue there is "dictates the action." Part of me was ready to say David Duchovny and Tea Leoni on this one since he was in Vancouver shooting The X-Files for many years. Must think on this one some more.

And not really reading between the lines but some of the funnier things found on the Gossip List:

Lance Bass of *NSYNC -- "tres gay; self described 'power bottom'; once photographed in gay club in New Orleans pre-Nsync success"
Michael Bolton (long haired singer) -- "has photo of Cher in downstair bathroom"
Benjamin Bratt (Law and Order, Miss Congeniality) -- "hair plugs and rhinoplasty"
George Brett (famous baseball player with the Kansas City Royals) -- "bisexual"
Drew Carey (bad sitcom actor) -- "likes being humiliated in bed by bimbos or porn stars"
Darva Conger (Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire, media whore) -- "self important witch"
Anderson Cooper (CNN journalist, former host of reality series "The Mole") -- "likes esctacy and freaky sex; gay and allegedly goes through boyfriends like Kleenex; labeled as a two timer by a former lover"
David Duchovny (The X Files, lots of bad movies) -- "reportedly has huge schlong; cheated on wife with Minnie Driver's stand in"
Brian Austin Green (Beverly Hills 90210) -- "bi; likes to hire male hookers; knocked up Vanessa Marcil"
Tom Hanks (two time Oscar winner) -- "not very fond of Leonardo DiCaprio"
Star Jones (The View) -- "uses a golf cart to get around the house"
Jennifer Lopez (thinks she can sing and act) -- "diva extrordinaire; proof that you can fuck your way to the top; talentless singer, autotune should get a credit on her albums"
Chris Noth (Law and Order, Mr. Big) -- "tempermental; will chase anything in a skirt, loves to drink, fuck, and party; allegedly has had so many conquests that he should own stock in the Trojan condom company"
Jeff Probst (Survivor host) -- "loves meeting trannies via internet; sends them his pix and then suggests 'meeting'"
Joe Rogan (Fear Factor host) -- "bi;likes to visit Levis and Leather bathhouse in Boston; dated Survivor slag, Jeri Manthey"
James van der Beek (Dawson's Creek) -- "madly in love with tv Daddy, John Wesley Shipp; they have a love nest in NYC"


Like everything in parentheses above is my comment. Anything else is from the GossipList.com.

Also some more interesting sites to take a look at:

Is Mike Piazza gay?
Elijah Wood is Very, Very, Very Gay
Famous Crack Smokers

And if any of you go on this flight, I do not want to know about it. My theory of nudity is that those who should, don't and those that shouldn't, do.

The Seventh Sense?

Leona Helmsley sees gay people. They're everywhere. And they look just like Tom Cruise.

Thanks, Gawker. I needed a laugh today. Sigh...ooh...coming up....more Reading Between the Lines fun!

Quote of the Day

The Lord gave us two ears and one mouth. Perhaps he was telling us to listen more and speak less. -- Unknown

While speaking to my mother today, I learned that she had to have my cat, Boo, put to sleep this weekend. Okay, I really shouldn’t call him “my” cat since he wasn’t mine specifically, but of all of the members of my family, he and I bonded the most. Boo was about fifteen years old when he was put down so today is rather sad.

My mother brought Boo home in 1989. She had heard about him at work from some friends and was moved by the story to give him a good home. Boo was brought into a vet’s office after he had been shot in the leg. The vet worked his magic and fused the rear leg back together in order to give him the mobility he would need to walk around with ease. However, he refused to give him back to the people who brought him in because he suspected that they were the ones who had shot him.

When we got him, we were told that Boo was about one year old. Originally, he was called “Boots” because his paws up to a quarter way up his leg were white and looked like boots on him. However, being that we’re Southern, we condense everything down to shorter terms and he became known as Boo. When we got him, he had a thing for crawling up your body and licking on your earlobes which would alternately make you laugh and squirm. Additionally, he would climb up on top of you and knead your stomach with his paws until he was comfy and would finally settle down.

Boo was also a big cat. At his heaviest, he weighed about nineteen pounds and had a fond affinity for standing on a person’s crotch and then jumping off from there. I remember my sister taking him to have his picture taken with Santa Claus each year and getting stares and comments just over Boo’s size alone.

In the past few years, Boo started showing the signs of his age. He was moving slowly and had been diagnosed with diabetes. He lost his vision in one eye and you could tell that he was coming down with a form of arthritis as well. My parents could no longer allow him to go outside because he would sit in the middle of the street and no move when cars would head in his direction.

This weekend, Boo disappeared and my parents couldn’t find him. They searched for hours on Saturday thinking he had gotten outside and again on Sunday morning before they went to church but he was not to be found. After my father left to go to a conference in South Florida, my mother found Boo curled up in the back of the pantry. She didn’t know if he was still alive but he was and she rushed him down to the animal hospital where she was told that he was practically in a coma and the best thing to do was to put him down.

Boo had done what animals do when they know they are about to pass – he hid and, sadly, suffered quite a bit as his kidneys were failing him. My mother took this very hard because she knew that either way he was going to have to be put down but if she had just found him soon enough he might not have suffered as much. Her only solace was that he went peacefully after so much pain. I told her not to blame herself for not finding him because she and my father had actively looked for him for two days without any luck. He had a natural animal reaction since he knew he was going to pass away soon.

The other cats in the house, Max and Sonya, know that something is amiss and apparently things are a little quieter without Boo’s loud purr being heard throughout the house. Sometime this week, my mother and sister will have sit down my nephew and explain to him what happened to Boo and why he’s no longer around. Talk about learning about life and death at an early age.

So here’s to you Boo. Thanks for fifteen loving, wonderful years. You will always be my favorite pet.

So I went to the gym yesterday and ran into the trainer who set me up on my program with I joined the gym. It was one of those deals where you get one free trainer sessions to get you started with a program and such when you joined the gym. Well, I knew what I needed to do based upon what I was doing at the last gym I joined -- alternating days of cardio and weights. So I ran into him again yesterday for the first time since I joined and he was amazed at the transformation (something I'm still amazed about myself but that's another story) so he asked (forgetting why I had originally started working out) what plans I had. Enter talk about gearing up for rugby and so forth and this is where he totally stunned me and made me almost wet my pants.

"Dude, if you're going to be playing rugby, you need to do your cardio every day."

But that really didn't stun me as I figured on my weight days I would throw in another fifteen to twenty minutes of cardio but I was wrong.

"Yeah, you need to be doing that hour of cardio every day."

THUD.

An hour on the elliptical runner every day. That's wrong. Wrong on so many levels. Yeah it will make it more physically adept and give me the strength to do an eighty minute match but damn. My entire body will be begging to be shot by the end of the first week of that. An hour. Of cardio. Every day. If it was aerobics or something I could rationalize it but that runner. I may mix it up some and do the runner and the bike or some stairs. But I think it's just going to kill me in the end.

Or give me a great ass.

Or both.

So today is just a cardio day. No weights. Just cardio. Tomorrow is the first combined day of one hour cardio and weights. Let's see how I do.

Oh and in case you're still wondering, Trista is not pregnant with Charlie's child.

Quote of the Day

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -- Homer Simpson

Okay, as many of you know I don't do much posting over the weekend but there are times when things just scream out to be posted. This is one them.

Quote of the Day

Make your anus smile- mine is! -- Pat Lillis, while commenting on The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Men, found while looking at this post of a future Blogger Bash attendee.

Last night was one of those nights where you are really buzzed with one of your really good friends (five frozen margaritas from Rancho Café on the Upper West Side), talk about a wide range of topics and then find out that she had a fling with one of your mutual friends (while she was engaged and to be married about five months later).

Now I need to put this all into perspective for you – the guy she fooled around with is sex on a stick and according to her is the best sex she has ever had hands down. Apparently it was a two year dance of instant attraction and innuendo (although nothing overly blatant that I could see) and then finally with the help of some alcohol it exploded into a frenzy of mad animal passion. Also, said guy, who is pretty damn humpy that I would love to tie down to a bed and use as my personal sex toy (and I do mean that in every sense of the term “sex toy”), is apparently well hung (well he’s also a little short so it makes “well hung” a subjective term in terms of his height – it just appears larger on smaller people).

Anyway, just hearing about it was one of those moments that makes your jaw hit the ground, imagine these two people in a wide variety of sexual positions, and, well, makes you pretty damn jealous of your friend. Then of course you can’t get the naked images of them out of your mind.

After drinks (and being more than a little tipsy because yes, I am pretty much a lightweight), I decided I would head down to The Lure. There was a reason for this – an important one. If you remember back in like October, I went to The Lure and met this guy named Will and we wound up making out, etc etc. Last week I found Will’s number after months of not knowing where it was and I gave him a call and left him am essage to see if he was going to be at The Lure that Thursday. He called back a few days later, didn’t leave a message, but his number was on my caller ID. The reason we hadn’t seen each other in a while was because I took up rugby shortly after meeting him and we have practice on Thursdays. So I thought I would head down there and see how he was doing, etc etc.

He didn’t even recognize me. With the weight loss and the glasses (no contacts), I have apparently become this other creature altogether and any vestiges of who I used to be are swept away. I had to jog his memory a little and he did ultimately remember who I as and we caught up a bit but I don’t think he was attracted to the fitter, leaner, meaner version of me because he was a little standoffish from me. Mind you this is in comparison to the first time he and I met and we wound up making out for quite some time. I was somewhat recognized by his friends who remembered me but the weight loss really made a huge difference. Although, ya know, I should have realized that this might happen considering one of my dear friends whom I hadn’t seen in a while was standing next to me and didn’t even know it was me.

Sigh…you lose the weight and you still can’t get a man…something is wrong here.

Quote of the Day

Not matter how good you imagine it to be, it's ten times better than you could ever thing. -- said by a very good friend of mine over drinks last night in regards to one certain liaison she had with one of our mutual friends.

Remember when watercooler talk was mainly men talking about their upcoming golf weekends or which football game was coming on? Well, now the women have something to talk about -- Would Trista keep Jamie after seeing him put his head in a bag of dog food? Will Trista marry a man older or younger than herself? Will Trista know THE REAL reason why Jack wasn't sleeping in his own bed when they carried him out into the yard?

Oh yes, Jack, I do know the real reason. (insert evil laugh here)

So the hunky Brian H. is gone from The Bachelorette and I am just a little sad and confused. Why did he leave on his own accord? Why did ABC choose not to tell us this? I mean couldn't we have gotten an interview with him? A confessional? SOMETHING? We did get to see him topless so we have that to be thankful for.

Oh and as for the rumors that Trista is pregnant with Charlie's child -- totally untrue. Those of you who know I have connections with the reality TV world know that when I hear things I pull every string I have to find out the truth. I called in a few favors and had one of my lovely contacts give Ms. Rehn a call about her possibly being pregnant with Charlie's child. The answer is no, she is not pregnant at all. My source wouldn't confirm if it was Charlie or not either but from Ms. Rehn's lips to my reliable source's ears to my email inbox...Trista IS NOT pregnant with Charlie's child or any child for that matter.

All I wanna know is if Trista was planning on giving Brian H. a rose or not...and if she did would she have kept Russell.

And for all of the guys from The Bachelorette -- you all have a standing invitation for the best burger in NYC and beers with me...not that $50 burger crap with black truffles in it. I mean really. $50 for a burger? It's like burger wars here -- who can have the most expensive burger in NYC? First it was $20, then $29, then $40-something and now $50. Just a wee bit ridiculous, no?

Quote of the Day

She's shallow. -- Booted bachelor and rodeo cowboy Brook Pemberton, on his take regarding The Bachelorette, Trista Rehn.

I have an admission to make – I am clueless when it comes to being cruised.

You have to understand one thing – I have rarely been cruised and that was due partly to the fact that I was about forty plus pounds overweight, had serious self confidence problems, and pretty much didn’t get a second look from a guy. But now that the weight has come off I’ve been told that more than a few eyes have been following me around – and I am totally clueless about it!

Case in Point #1

Last December I was at the chorus retreat and was on my way out to the front of the hotel with one of the production staff members who was in desperate need of a nicotine fix. As we passed by the bar, she turned to me and said, “You just got cruised and you didn’t even realize it.”

“What?” I stammered out because, hey, like I said, I’m clueless about these things.

“Yeah, as we were walking by the bar that guy on the end just followed your every step as we walked by and he wasn’t being coy about it either.”

Case in Point #2

I was having dinner with a friend at a restaurant in the theater district when I went up to go to the bathroom. Now mind you, I was focused entirely on the dinner and my friend (who I hadn’t seen in AGES) and wasn’t really paying attention to anything else. I sat back down at the table and pick up my glass of wine and this was the first thing I heard – “That guy back there was checking you out.”

“What?” I said again in shock since these things just never happen to me.

“Oh yeah as you walked by the first time he looked up and grinned and watched you walk by. When you came back he leaned over just a bit to watch you walk towards the table.”

“Maybe he was just checking out my ass,” I said, growing even more fearful that I’m just not that observant.

“He was checking something out that’s for sure,” came my friend’s response.

Case in Point #3

At the post-rehearsal drink-up at The Monster, one of my fellow AMs told me that a guy at the bar had cruised me.

“What?” I said, since that’s what I tend to say on these occurrences.

“Yeah, that guy at the end of the bar. At least I think it was a guy.” The person he was referring to was about 80 years old, dressed entirely in black, and had a black hat on. I couldn’t tell their gender either but it wasn’t like I was going to pursue it either.

* * * * *

So I need some help here…how can I tell if I’m being cruised or not? I don’t want to go out on the town and have a guy interested in me and trying to make contact (or God knows what else) and be completely oblivious to it and put him off from even doing anything.

It’s time for another round of my new favorite game, Reading Between the Lines. However, this time instead of trolling around for blind items of my own, I’ve got four news items of my own and only one of them false – that’s right…three of these morsels are true and only one is fake.

All you have to do is click my comment link below and tell me which one you think is the phony. The answer will be posted later today…

1) "Maid in Manhattan" star Jennifer Lopez is cleaning house in Hollywood – fiancé Ben Affleck's bachelor pad, that is! Ben's pool table: going … His jukebox: going … His big king bed: GONE! Said a pal: "Ben knew there was no way Jennifer was going to sleep in the same bed where Ben had slept with other women!"

2) FEEDING FRENZY: At an outing at a Malibu pet store with his two young sons, rocker Tommy Lee was THRILLED when staffers began feeding live mice to a snake! Tommy blurted with glee: "Isn't this great?!" -- while the boys squirmed in horror. (Their mom Pam Anderson -- an ardent animal rights activist -- must've FLIPPED when she heard the tale!!)

3) Oprah Winfrey's personal trainer, Bob Greene, cooked up a dandy diet trick to help her achieve her whopping 33-pound weight loss – he taped baggies filled with water to her thighs, upper arms and butt before the 20-minute treadmill sessions that begin her daily workouts. Greene told Oprah to think of the water sloshing around in the bags as the fat she picks up every time she's tempted by her diet downfalls -- fried chicken and french fries.

4) Scared of the light: Drew Barrymore sweetly asked a waiter on the outdoor patio of an LA sushi joint: Bring a bowl of water for my dog, and turn down the light overhead. No problem with the water but the waiter said the light wasn't on a dimmer. Drew's solution: she had him climb on a chair and remove the bulb -- then Drew and a femme friend dined in the dark.

Quote of the Day

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." - Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

Layoffs have just hit our floor. Three people that we know of have been laid off and one woman came down the hall crying hysterically. This is not going to be pretty.

Latest news on the layoff front...we know they have started laying people off on the 37th floor and rumor has it that they are going to be working their way down (which means my floor is next).

Even worse is some managers only know how many people they are losing from their area but not the people involved.

How fucked is that?

More news here on the layoff front.

Apparently yesterday a woman (don't know who but it comes from a reliable coworker who knows the woman) checked her direct deposit on our online Employee Service Center. Under status it said "Terminated" and she's not here today. This sent everyone in our area running to the ESS and sure enough I was listed as "Active" but the question we all have is, "For how long?"

Hmmm well last night was interesting.

The chorus had their second rehearsal last night and a number of men who were not there last week for the first rehearsal showed up last night. This includes Old Crush and The Aussie. New Crush is taking the show off as he will be out of town at the time.

Now, for some reason last night I chose to wear a fitted t-shirt – something I don’t normally wear but since I knew that Old Crush and The Aussie were coming to this rehearsal I wanted to show off the new body (which is getting better – working on the tummy still but I have to say my chest was looking rather nice but that’s just me). In fact, several chorines were like, “Who the hell are you?” Of course they were joking but they were all pretty amazed at the transformation and all I have to say is wait until I start rugby practice.

Old Crush actually came to a dead stop and was like, “Damn you’re looking good.” Part of me inside said, “I know and you’re missing out on it,” but I just smiled and gave him a hug and told him he looked good as well since I hadn’t seen him since mid-December. Several other men commented on the weight loss (which as of yesterday morning bordered on about 43 pounds) and I was feeling like the homecoming king.

Then the Aussie arrived and he gave me a very nice hug and a short kiss. All I have to say is that his accent just drives me to distraction. I just wanted to grope him incessantly but I let him go into rehearsal anyway. No comment from him on going to see a movie or something but I had planned on asking him out again last night (more on that later).

Rehearsal went along fine. One of the more…how do I put this…buff members of the chorus may be coming out for rugby. He’s tall enough to be a lock and I was showing him the scrum position (which would include his hand on my crotch) and then I showed him how we do line outs and so forth. It’s great being able to feel up guys under the guise of athletics. At the end of rehearsal, I did pick him up by his crotch and lift him up until I was standing upright much to the shock of him and several other people. Of course it helped that he was grabbing my crotch at the time as well.

During break I was trying to finagle a way to get over to the Aussie to ask him out (movie, dinner, mind blowing sex, etc) but I wound up in a conversation with one of the sexiest men in the chorus (at least in the opinion of several of us) and we got to talking about relationships and weddings (since I have like SEVEN to go to this year) and he mentioned something about it being ten years since his last serious relationship and well…I jokingly proposed marriage to him. Then I was more or less like, why the hell not? So I asked for his ring size (as I did someone else who didn’t give it to me… J ) and started planning a honeymoon to Aruba for us. It cracked me up to no end because if he had said yes and been serious about it, I have no idea how I would have reacted.

After rehearsal some guys head over to a bar called The Monster for drinks. We get two drink tickets for free drinks while we’re there and I wasn’t in the mood to drink but I did have a frozen margarita with Chambord with The Aussie. Now, I wouldn’t have gone to the bar if The Aussie hadn’t asked if I was going but I figured I should spent some non-rehearsal time with him in order to get to know him better. However, despite talking to him quite a bit I never did get the chance to ask him out on a date as I was engaged in multiple conversations from my treatment of tourists (SCANDALOUS!) to my lifting of said uber-hunk which raised more than a few eyebrows from some new members who had been eyeing his flesh for quite sometime.

So The Aussie told me to email him this week and let him know the results of the layoffs here at work. I may couple that with tickets to the movie version of Chicago or perhaps something else…we shall see.

Rumors from the current editions of The Bachelorette starring Trista Rehn and Joe Millionaire as taken from the Daily News:

Trista chose Charlie and is pregnant by him -- denied by ABC though.

Evan's admission of his poverty and his deception puts him out on the street as a single man.

Are either of these true? Well we shall see...

Quote of the Day

Whatever. -- Heidi, after being rejected on the Fox reality series, Joe Millionaire. And yes, for even more scary pictures of Evan (this time as a wrestler) you have to click here.

Hmm perhaps the people at Gawker have decoded Musto on their own!

Remember earlier when I tried to decode some of the Village Voice's gossip columnist's (Michael Musto) blind items well this was one I passed by:

What magazine editor is talked about by underlings as "an evil genius"?

Well many people assumed it was Tina Brown but Gawker just mentioned an article from Toronto Life that refers to US Weekly editor Bonnie Fuller as an evil genius. Damn, these people are good but sadly my hopes were a little too upbeat because I thought she was the magazine guru who was throwing lavish orgies with her employees with her as the centerpiece.

Okay some of you may be wondering why I am posting so much and if it's just my normal diarrhea of the mouth and mind coming out and the answer to that is no...

Rumors from very reliable sources have said that the next three days here at the office will be full of layoffs and well...we're all a little on edge...and that is an understatement. It's hard to focus on your work when you could be back on the unemployment line.

Argh....this is why Antonin Scalia should never be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. There can be religion in public life, however, one religion cannot be endorsed over another by a government agency. Personally, I don't think that religion has been stripped from the public -- not when churches broadcast their sermons on TV, cable channels devoted to religion are established, days off from work are granted due to religious holidays, some churches have festivals dedicated to religious events or icons, people openly pray in public (both Christian and Muslim religions), etc etc. Am I firm believer of separation of church and state -- you betcha! Do I think prayer should be in school -- yes, but not organized or endorsed by the school. If students want to have their own time and place where they can study the religion of their choice (Christianity, Judaism, the Kaballa, Islam, etc) then I am all for it.

Oh this is something I should not get started on...backing off from the soap box before I get on it...

I got this email today (just to clarify that the lack of capitalization, proper grammar, or even spelling isn't my fault) so if you are interested please contact me (email link off to the left) and I will pass along the info of how to get in contact with the proper people.

"well, as of yesterday, I became a foster mom to an adorable 80 lb puppy of about 9 months. i can't keep her, but she was in a really bad situation (i found her in harlem with this guy who was about to leave her in a park....she's been hit before (she cringes sometimes when you move to fast) but she's one of the best natured dogs i've ever met) I smuggled her on the metro from harlem to brooklyn yesterday, gave her a bath, cooked her some steak, walked her around.....she slept all night in my room, without a peep.and didn't go to the bathroom min the house either! all in all, she's great. and, guess what? she has one blue eye and one brown...the brown has a little blue corner to it too! so, i'm spreading the word and would love to find her a really loving home, preferably with some land because she has a lot of energy adn she's big. i think she's half pit/half husky although the guy that had her said half dane/half husky.....si know she's had a rough start to life, but she needs a great home now! she's really beautiful. anyways, if you know anyone who is looking for a
different type of dog, or hear of anyone, she's really a gem. i wish i was in the position to be a good mom, she's already won my heart!"

God I am such a do-gooder today...what has come over me?

This is from the lovely men at Filth2go.com (see the link on the left) and since I love gossip and reality TV, I just had to throw this out there. Take it for what it is and just remember it's gossip and not the truth...unless you have photographic proof and then I will die laughing...

"Joe Millionaire star Evan Marriott has got the ladies and gay boys in a tizzy, and the mail has been flooding into Filth2Go at an alarming rate. Yes, darlings, I know all about his swimwear photos (and will post them for members to see at www.filth2go.com). Although I must confess that I get absolutely no gay vibe from him whatsoever, a rumor is circulating that Evan may have been a gay male escort or, at the very least, a “massage therapist”. According to reports, photos of Evan (or someone who looks like him) have appeared in the back pages of local Southern California gay rag Frontiers and in various national magazines in ads for “intimate massages” with a phone number in Dana Point – which is where Evan hails from. In addition, various unconfirmed sources have contacted moi stating that they partook of Marriott’s pleasures – and he used more than just his hands, if you catch my drift (the term “full release” was mentioned repeatedly). Needless to say, we’ll be looking into this story carefully. But, anyone who professes to be infatuated with Nancy O’Dell probably ain’t all that straight!"

Weekend Roundup

Well, it was a pretty long weekend in the world of the 646 Guy. Saturday I woke up rather late in the day – most likely because I was up until about four in the morning talking with friends on the phone and watching the Game Show Network and reruns of Robin Byrd (something which when you have a few beers in you is hysterically funny to watch).

However, being the good rugby guy that I am, I went to the gym Saturday afternoon and did my hour on the runner (check out the workout log so you can see how well I did) and had some fruit afterwards. Now, at this point, I’m really not in the mood to go home so I decided to head down to 42nd Street and see a movie. My choice was Adaptation because I had heard the good reviews and was intrigued by the story. Besides, it was also a chance to see Meryl Streep do a movie that didn’t require her to put on an accent.

The movie was really good – until the last ten to fifteen minutes. I was totally buying the twin brother angle, the writer having an illicit affair with her subject matter, the writer’s block, the odd drug angle, I could buy it all. And then the last fifteen minutes of the movie made everything else totally pointless. I sat there wondering what drugs Kaufman was on when he wrote those final scenes and if I was to forget about what had happened before and think that this comedy movie could turn into an action film.

So I left the theatre and went home to get in some rest and relaxation at home. I know, I could have hit the bars and tried to see if I could pick up a man or something because it would totally be in line with my New Year’s Resolution about putting myself out there more and yadda friggin’ yadda. But I was tired, it was a long week, and besides there could be layoffs at work starting on Monday which means I need to put some money aside to make sure that I have money to live off of should they lay me off because I spent all of my savings last year when I was laid off then and had no work for three months. So yeah…I’m playing it cool Saturday night curling up with a chicken sandwich and Dustin Hoffman as Tootsie.

Then there’s Sunday. Sunday I promised myself I would go to the gym (which would throw off my four day cycle of working out as it would be the fifth day in a row I would have worked out) but thanks to getting up late and dragging my ass around the apartment, that was quickly shot out of the water and for one good reason – free theatre.

There are ways in New York City of seeing theatre for free that don’t include having friends at all of the major general management houses who can say, “Yes, Brian, I can comp you into a performance of The Producers. Is the front row okay?” The way you do it is simple – volunteer ushering. Pretty much you get to see the show for free but you have to help people get to their seats, tell people they are in the wrong seats, and make sure no one puts anything on the stage. So instead of working out as I had planned I headed down to Playwrights Horizons and ushered for the Sunday matinee performance of Falsettos (ergo, the quote from earlier).

For this production, they had pretty much reassembled the entire original cast with the exception of Stephen Bogardus who is on Broadway on Man of La Mancha and the kids who played Jason because…well…Jason is only supposed to be 12 and these kids are in their early 20s now. The guy who replaced Stephen Bogardus was Jonathan Dokuchitz who recently did The Boys From Syracuse on Broadway and was the singing voice for John Cusack in the animated Anastasia movie and the singing voice for Mel Gibson in whatever Disney film he did. He was too adorable for words as Whizzer and let’s just say practically every man (well gay man that is) fell in love with him from the moment he hit the stage. Michael Rupert was amazing as Marvin again and Faith…well let’s just say that seeing the entire cast (well almost the entire cast) together was one of those moments that just sends chills down your spine and makes you cry through about the last forty minutes of the show. Alison Fraser was AMAZING on “I’m Breaking Down” and made me want to learn the song just so I can sing it at the top of my lungs whenever I want.

Of course, after that they only thing you can do besides hope that your eyes aren’t too red when you introduce yourself to Michael Rupert and Jonathan Dukochitz and etc etc is go home and watch the Coupling marathon on BBC America. (Oh and Mr. Dukochitz, if you ever read this…dinner?)

So that was my weekend…how was yours?

Quote of the Day

Look, look, look, look, look. It's a lesbian from next door.

Followed by her lover who's a lesbian from next door, too.

-- Charlotte and Cordelia from William Finn's musical, Falsettos

More people to contact about this horrific dog shooting

Senator Majority Leader Bill Frist
202-228-1264 (fax)

Senator Lamar Alexander
202-228-3398 (fax)

Congressman Bart Gordon (House of Rep for Cookeville)
202-225-6887 (fax)

Okay, I took action on the previous post by sending an email to the head of the Family Protection Unit, a fax to the mayor of the town of Cookeville, Tennessee, a fax to the governor of the state and I'm looking to see how I can fax it down to the state's senators in congress and their House rep.

Make your voice heard people!

I saw this story on the Today Show this morning and it is just appalling. I saw the video and there is no way that the dog was attacking those officers. In fact, one of the people involved in the incident stated that there was a cop right next to the door that the dog exited from and, therefore, he would have been the first one attacked.

So, if you are pissed off as I and Rob are, here is all the info you need to make your voice heard. Thanks to Rob for compiling the list of contact info on this...

Family Protection Unit
Sergeant Yvette Demming - Supervisor
931-520-5372
ydemming@cookeville-tn.org

Officer Eric Hall ("alleged" dog killer)
931-520-5318
ehall@cookeville-tn.org

Mayor's office - Cookville City Mayor
45 E Broad St, Cookeville, TN 38501
Phone: (931) 520-5241

Putnam County Executive
300 E Spring St # 8, Cookeville, TN 38501
Phone: (931) 526-2161

Cookville City Manager
45 E Broad St, Cookeville, TN 38501
Phone: (931) 520-5240

Cookville Police Chief
10 E Broad St, Cookeville, TN 38501
Phone: (931) 520-5266

Humane Society Of Putnam Cnty
2105 W Jackson St, Cookeville, TN 38501
Phone: (931) 526-3647

You can fax the mayor at (931) 526-4897. Putting my fax together now.

As some people know, I've lost a lot of weight as of late (we're talking close to forty pounds if not more) so even to me it's still somewhat shocking to look into a mirror and see the reflection there. I was on the subway coming into work today and I saw these two lumps (at least they looked like lumps to me) in my reflection on this window. My first instinct was, "What the hell is that?" I thought somehow I had gotten deformed in the middle of the night and I know it wasn't from any...um...extracurricular activities...yeah, that's a good word for it... So I did what any person would do...I touched the two "lumps" on my face.

They were my cheekbones.

Quote of the Day

Stop using those fancy words on me. North. West. Park. I mean really now, what do you think I am? A compass? -- Yours truly to a fellow rugger yesterday afternoon after confessing that I was directionally dyslexic.

Someone has suggested I make Reading Between the Lines its own blog. Any thoughts on this...perhaps a group blog of people pundit-ing on such items?

The answer to that age old question is finally here...

Frankly this was just the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. Natural ways to make your penis look larger include trimming your pubic hair and losing weight to make the shaft look longer. Sadly, at the same time I now know more about the nerve endings in and around a woman's vagina than I will ever be able to possibly use in my entire life.

So is size not the issue but confidence...or as some people say it's not the size of the wave but the motion of the ocean...discuss amongst yourselves...

Things I have told my coworkers in the past few days that have made them stop dead in their tracks and stare at me in unabashed shock

"What makes you think I don't ride a motorcycle?"

"What makes you think I haven't been married?"

"I'm looking at possibly getting two more tattoos to go with the one I already have. But small one's, you know, so I don't look too much like a biker."

"Yeah, but what I don't like is when my leather harness leaves those little indents on my chest and back if I do it too tight."

"I hate having people press up against me when the subway is overcrowded. There's something about being sodomized in public that turns me off."

"Figure skating. Now there's a sport I should try."

"Someone left the cake out in the rain again, Joe."

"If the person who doesn't return my stapler remover to me soon, I will take my letter opener and reenact the final scenes of Oedipus Rex on all of you." (Of course, I had to explain to them that this would entail gouging out their eyes because they didn't know what happened in the final scene of Oedipus Rex.)

"No my knees hurt for other reasons."

"What is this? An office or the retirement home for Star Search rejects?"

"Lesbians do nothing for me. Why should they? I'm a guy and they're into other women."

The Bachelors of the Bachelorette. We all wondered if the men would be as mean, manipulative, backstabbing, and so forth and I think we're going to get it. I think Russell is already pegged as the bad boy of the show and the shocking thing is that Trista likes him quite a bit already so I have to hope that there really is something substanative going on there.

Hmmm, maybe I need to get tickets to the GMA studios on Thursdays and have a big sign for them so they will know who is bitching them out online! My picks of Jaime and Brian H. are into the next round which makes me happy even though I'm pretty sure that Brian H. won't be making it much farther.

Brian H. *DROOL* And like I said before, apparently I'm not the only one that adores this man. I've already been found on Google by people doing searches for the hottie. I think I need to be picked up off of the floor. The suit he has on for next week I was diggin' too. I hope he makes it farther in the show because we saw so little of him before.

So let's drool over him for a moment shall we?






Now many of you played my new game Reading Between the Lines where we dissect the blind items from Michael Musto's column (with my lovely thanks to the wonderful people at Gawker for including me) and someone was nice enough to point out a link to me where they do the same thing. Interesting to note that they do use the Sam Champion/Mike Piazza angle and I have to admit that the John Travolta one should have come to me quicker. They also pegged Betty White for the authorship for the aged sitcom diva -- something I attributed to Bea Arthur. Maybe it's because I can't hear Betty White say the word cunt as much as I can hear it come from Bea's mouth.

So...next week again shall we? More blind items for us to hash over?

Oh and let's say good bye to A (646) Guy in a (212) World. I've decided to pull the plug on the continuing saga on my fake life with Ben Affleck. I haven't touched it in a while and, to be honest, I don't foresee me picking it up any time soon. I'm still Brian the 646 Guy. But there's no more lunacy.

Let's look back on some of the better moments of the story -- Hildi from Trading Spaces getting murdered. The cast of American Idol coming to rescue my fake sister. Tantric sex with John from Survivor: Marquesas. The Penis Soliloquies. Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford rescuing me in Vermont. Matt Damon in a ball gag. Vern Yip decorating the apartment naked. Transsexuals winning the Miss NYC Pageant. Crack baby cuddling.

Sigh.

It was a nice ride wasn't it?

Quote of the Day

Time is God's way to keep everything from happening at once. -- James Brown

Hmmm....did this guy sweep Trista Rehn (aka The Bachelorette) off of her feet...according to my sources, he says he went far in the program. Just how far...well that's left to be seen...

Now for those that claim that these men aren't as attractive as the women on both editions of The Bachelor well I urge you to go to the photo gallery on the ABC site and look there. Jaime is looking adorable...Josh and Gregg look SO much better than their pics in their bios...Wayne (hubba hubba)...Russel is wearing a really bad shirt though...and that hair!...Ryan looking so much better than in his pic as well...Billy...oh holy hell you're a hottie!...and there's my Brian H...let me swoon for a moment...

No more sex?

Oooh....a new game for us to play....I'll call it Reading Between the Lines and we can all try to figure out who is behind the blind items in Michael Musto's column in the Village Voice. So I have culled eight tidbits from his column so let's have some fun shall we...my guesses, of course, will be in italics.

1) What insufferable reality show personality landed his current business thanks to a sugar daddy (though it's hard to fathom anyone actually paying for his sexual services)?

See, my first inclination here is that it's Clay from Survivor because he was just starting a new business and I can't see anyone actually paying for his sexual services. Of course it could also be Brian, but we already know that he's been paid for his sexual services.

2) What married actor, whom everyone thinks is gay, had a torrid affair years ago with that foreign screen hunk? What omnipresent shots of that leading man courting that superstar were so staged they even asked around for seven outfits the actor could wear in different setups?

Well Tom Cruise immediately comes to mind here but I'm trying to place the foreign screen hunk...

Hmmm well since I was reminded by Mr. Frankenstein that Tom Cruise is divorced it means I have to go back and revise this pick...it all hinges on the who the foreign screen hunk is...I know it's not Keanu Reeves since he's admitted being at least bisexual...I'm stumped here...I really am...maybe Jude Law...but he's foreign himself...

3) Who plays a gay, but says he isn't so in real life (and no, it isn't the Will & Grace guy), though he went out with that male indie star for about six months, which would make him, duh, gay?

Hmmm...this could be a few people. I'll start with Queer as Folk's Hal Sparks, Gale Harold, and Scott Lowell (although I doubt that it could be Scott Lowell and I dunno if Gale is gay in real life). There's Michael C. Hall (who is married by the way) and Matthew St. Patrick from Six Feet Under. Then there's a number of characters from Dawson's Creek it could be. Ditto for Oz. And I haven't even touched the films yet. Hmmm, going with a TV person and I'm picking Hal Sparks. I don't know why but I am.

4) Is it true about the weatherman and that baseball player?

I dunno but can I watch? I'm going with (predictably) Sam Champion as the weatherman (although I wouldn't mind it being John Marshall from Channel 4 and I'm pretty certain it's not Al Roker). As for the baseball player, I could be trite and say Mike Piazza but I won't. I'm going to go with Jason Giambi just because I'm pretty damn sure it can't be him but a man has to dream.

5) What aged diva says of a hit sitcom she once did, "[Co-star # 1] was a doll, [co-star # 2] was heaven, and [co-star #3] was a cunt"?

This one was perhaps an easy call. Bea Arthur said it. Co-star #1 was Betty White. Co-star #2 was Estelle Getty. Co-star #3 was Rue McClanahan.

6) What all-around entertainer, once branded homophobic, turns out to have had an affair with a black male antiques dealer?

I dunno here...this one has me stumped. I would say Frank Sinatra but that would just be a little wrong. I don't think Tony Danza is an "all-around entertainer" as well.

7) What actor who still won't say he's "that way" once, swears a source, played piano for a gay men's chorus?

Hmmm, this could be just about anyone. I'll let you all take a few stabs at it.

8) What Latin singer—a flaming queen, as it were—lit so many incense candles at the St. Regis recently that he set off the fire alarms?

Do I really need to say anything more than he's Livin' La Vida Loca? Although some people have suggested Placido Domingo...

9) What notorious NYC blogger may be on the end of cutbacks at his office and back out on the streets looking for work again?

Oh...well, that one wasn't in the Village Voice (although everything else was) but yes...there are rumors of 10% cutbacks to be done within the coming weeks. Just what I need right now...

Quote of the Day

Meats and cheeses, honey, you're rocking my world! -- Karen Walker, aka Megan Mulally, on Will & Grace

Hmmm would it be cheaper to get a tattoo in London or in NYC? Does anyone know?

I so wish I could take credit for this but it's from one of my coworkers and sadly, it is so true.

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it
and how easy they've got it!

But....

Now that I've reached the ripe old age of twenty-eight, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so fuckin' easy!

I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a goddamned Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet--we wanted to know something, we had to go to the goddamned library and look it up ourselves!

And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter--with a pen!--and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in
the fuckin' mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the goddamned record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the begining and fuck it all up!

You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! It was either that or jackoff to the lingere section of the JC Penney catalog!

Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the the phone rang, you had no idea who it was... it could be your boss, your mom, a collections
agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!

Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you were
screwed!

And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called
a TV Guide to find out what was on! And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... ...D'ya hear what the fuck I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in
1984!

I'm debating whether or not to attend the rugby boot camp hosted by the Manchester Spartans in Manchester, England. Round trip airfare to London is about $300 which isn't bad but then there is transportation within the country, meals, the other miscellaneous trinkets and so forth. Accomodations will be free as we will be staying with members of the Spartans so that's a good thing. I dunno. Maybe I'm just overthinking this and I should just go.

Or perhaps it's because as one of my dear friends said to me on the phone about three o'clock this morning -- "You're just scared because [the Desirable Wonder Twink] may also be going and you don't want to do something that would turn out to be a big ball of wrong and wind up hurting more people than is necessary."

I hate it when my friends confuse me with things that have nothing to do with the original subjet and cause me to dwell on it for hours afterwards.

Well this case will certainly be heading to the Supreme Court because Justice Janice Rogers Brown raised a good question...how much time does a man have to stop in that situation?

So that show on Fox started yesterday. You know the one I'm talking about. Joe Millionaire. Of course, being the reality TV whore that I am (and the fact that I’m covering the show for Reality News Online) meant that I had to watch it. The concept, if you’ve been living under a rock, is that twenty women have been brought to a chateau in France where they are told they are meeting a man who recently inherited $50 million. The truth is that Evan is really a construction worker (not to mention part time underwear model thanks to the pictures from The Smoking Gun) and he makes about $19,000 a year. That's a far cry from $50 million but if the show is a major then maybe he can have a nice modelling career and come close to $50 million in his lifetime.

Of all the women on the show, we know that Melissa M. goes pretty far in the process and perhaps Mandy as well (although I'm not so sure on that one). Now Heidi is the one that we all hope will make it to the end for the sole purpose of watching her golddigging heart get crushed and see her just burst into tears because she won't be living in the chateau with the butler and the maids and the fancy clothes. I mean reall, Heidi. I'm sure if I sat down with some of the ladies and had a nice lunch with them they would say that you weren't as bad as you were portrayed on TV and there were probably a few women who cold rival you, but you most assuredly would be the one to take the cake. I only want you to make it as far as possible just so I can see the look on your face when it crumbles around you.

Yes, that was mean, but it's true.

Quote of the Day

"It does us no good. It doesn't do us a damn bit of good." -- Giants coach Jim Fassel after learning of the league's statement, which blamed referee Ron Winter's officiating crew for not making the pass interference call.

First really bad joke of 2003

A penguin is driving through Arizona on a hot summer's day when he notices his oil light is on. He gets out of the car and, sure enough, it's leaking oil all over the road. The penguin drives around the corner to a service station and asks the mechanic to take a look at it. The mechanic says he has a few others to look at first but if he comes back in an hour he can tell the penguin what is wrong with his car. The penguin agrees and goes for a walk. He finds an ice cream shop and thinks a big bowl of vanilla ice cream will really hit the spot since he's a penguin and its Arizona in the summer, after all. He sits down at the counter and starts in on his ice cream. Of course he has no hands so it is rather messy. By the time he is done he has ice cream all over his flippers and his mouth...a total mess. He walks back to the service station and says to the mechanic, "Did you find out what is wrong with my car?" The mechanic replies, "It looks like you've blown a seal." "No no," says the penguin. "It's just ice cream."

Monday Mind Meld

I added a new thing onto my blog -- a workout diary. Over to the left you can monitor my workout progress and see how much (or how little) I am doing and then chastise me for not doing enough (or whatever you want).

I think the Giants' loss yesterday really sucks. The center should be shot for TWO really bad hikes during field goal attempts. The first one was barely down when the kicker got there and the second one...well it was a travesty. What were you thinking? I bet you aren't leaving your house in a while.

What a Dum-Dum. I mean I used to love these things when I was growing up but please...there is a time and place for eating candy.

Right now the song, “Love Will Keep Us Together” is running through my head…

Holly from MTV’s Road Rules/Real World Battle of the Seasons is one stupid dumb ass bitch who deserves to be bitchslapped. Please let me be the one to do it…

I know by admitting this you will all think that I couldn't be gayer if my name was Gaye Gayerson but I hope that I can still get box seats to the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. I've wanted to go for quote some time and each time I hear about it, it's too late for me to go.

The Democrats are bitching about President Bush's economic stimulus package which they say only benefits the top 1% of the population. Same story, different year. You guys need a new song.

If that one's not bad enough, the feckin' GOP is having their convention here in 2004. Ugh. I may have to take a vacation that week.

Still waiting...

And to the little freak who thought their post on Craig's List was a good thing...well it's been taken down so no one can see it. Happy?

Quote of the Day

Suppose you were an idiot....And suppose you were a member of Congress....But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

Apparently I'm not the only person who thinks that Brian H. from The Bachelorette is a hottie. I was actually found through Google that way.

Now if we GoogleFight the first two bachelors (Alex Michel and Aaron Buerge) who wins??? Alex Michel in a LANDSLIDE!

Um....you are coming to my party right?

According to someone who shall remain anonymous, should I continue on the path that I am with Desirable Wonder Twink, I'll find out all about his oral prowess soon enough.

Heck, I'll just settle for another tonsil hockey session....

Hmmmm....okay who are you?

Your domain is springs.com and you found me under blog ny guy Brian on Google.

If this is one of the wonder twinks...well...as you can see I had nothing but good things to say...

Thanks to Mr. Frankenstein, I have learned that the voting for the Bloggys 2003 is now open. Now, I'm not saying you have to nominate me in any of the categories. But it would be nice... :)

Think of it as a late Christmas present. Or early if that is your wont...

Okay, I guess it's time to talk about New Year's Eve and what I remember transpiring and why it was probably a good thing that the Aussie wasn’t at the party.

New Year’s Eve, for me, took place at the new home of one of the members of the rugby team – a three story affair a few blocks away from Christopher Street. I got there a little early as I had planned on making jello shots (lime jello and tequila for margarita shots, orange jello and vodka for screwdriver shots, and strawberry jello and pineapple jello with rum for daiquiri shots) and needed to clean my coffee pot (hot water not available yet as the house is being remodeled and the kitchen is pretty much nonexistent) and start mixing away.

I finished up with the shots around 6:30 and helped with the stereo set up and played a couple of racks of nine ball while I waited for the guests to arrive. At about 7:45, our host had to run back to his soon-to-be old apartment to shower and change and I was left in charge of the house. I formally took over my role as Julie, the cruise director of this raucous party while Captain Stubing was away. While I was alone in the house, I did the near impossible and sank the nine ball off the break. Yes, I celebrated but then I got really pissed that no one was there to witness what I had done.

First to arrive was SweetPea looking as adorable as he could be. His other half was doing something down at the Met (performing I’m assuming) and would be joining us later that evening. I commented on my workout regiment and proved that I was ready to take on the world by heaving him over my shoulder and carrying him around for a while. This then led to a quick tour of the house including the master bath with the Jacuzzi tub with a cutout for a thirteen inch TV in the wall.

Next to arrive was Steve and he was soon followed by the Wonder Twinks and their two friends. At this point, a bottle of Veuve Clicquot was opened and I started my drinking binge. Now, as each guest arrived, I was assigned to dump copious amounts of beads on them in a festive Love Boat meets Mardi Gras theme. I found two strands of large (although not too large) multicolored beads that I proudly wore around my neck (which later were stripped off and broken but that’s another story). More and more people arrived and I kept distributing the beads and telling people where to put their coats and drinking more and more Veuve.

Now at some point I wound up being very bitchy (in a good way, not the mean Leona Helmsley way) with some of the friends that the Wonder Twinks brought with them. I was asked if I ever did drag because somehow I reminded this one guy of a drag queen he knew and I said that I had never done drag but if I did my stage name would be Helena Handbasket. One friend loved the name while the other greeted it with mixed reviews. Eh. Then somehow I got called “DJ Julie” because I was somehow now in charge of the music even though I had no choice in the song selections or anything else like that. It was all programmed onto a laptop and being played from that.

Now, somewhere in the middle of all of this Captain Stubing arrived and I went on being a merry cruise director pointing people in the right direction, adorning them with beads, and so forth. This meant I was off the hook for a while to go and play some hookie. The party pretty much though, gravitated towards the kitchen for the longest time as that is where the booze and the food was and well…how can you expect people to leave that?

(Mind you after this point, things might not be in chronological order so bear with me.)

Captain Stubing had taken out some whipped cream to use with the strawberries and decided that we would go around and offer them champagne and strawberries. I took to taking the strawberries and feeding them to people rather than just handing it to them. SweetPea REALLY knew how to take a strawberry as I found one of the largest ones I could find and gently placed it in his mouth. Gently…not shoved.

Now I went around doing this to everyone and some people turned it down and finally I was over with the Wonder Twinks. Now there is one member of the Wonder Twink duo that I (not to mention many other people) wouldn’t mind having at least one illicit tryst with and I came about as close as I ever have that night. I loaded up strawberry after strawberry with whipped cream and kept feeding him over and over (reveling in the erotic-ness of the moment) until one particular berry. I loaded it up with a bit too much whipped cream and a large glob of it fell off and into his mouth. At this point, I took my finger, dipped it into the whipped cream and fed it to him. Now, if you’ve NEVER done this to someone to adore or don’t get around when someone is sucking on your finger then you must be dead. So heap after heap after heap of whipped cream went into his mouth until I couldn’t go around with the strawberries anymore because it would have been a health hazard. At the end (at least I think it was at this point) he gave me a nice hard kiss and I responded with, “Next time more tongue,” making the joke that it was nice but I knew how to make it better.

Sure enough about an hour later, I passed by the Desirable Wonder Twink, he grabbed the front of my shirt, pulled me in, and shoved his tongue down my throat. I wish to God that my reflexes were quicker because I would have so taken advantage of the situation. But that is one kiss I’m not gonna forget for a while.

At another point in the evening, I was talking with the former team captain and his boyfriend about how I should have my own late night talk show where I was ask the questions that people really want to have answered. Things like, “Elizabeth Dole, aren’t you embarrassed to have your sex life on display in those Viagra ads your husband does? And how do you feel about him ogling Britney Spears?” Things like, “Leona Helmsley, why so mean?” This litany of guests and questions I would ask them went on unabated for about thirty minutes and it made me realize that if I did have my own talk show and I asked questions like that, it would be a hit. I would be gayer than Graham Norton on crystal meth and then again no one would want to come on my show because I would say things like, “Ben Affleck just admit it…we all know that you have been fucking Matt Damon since your sandbox days.”

Then there was Steve. We realized at some point in the evening that the master bathroom’s frosted glass wall made nice silhouettes so we started to take turns dancing in the window for the delight of those below. Well, I dragged Steve up there because he was about as drunk as I was and we put on a few dances and at one point mimed oral sex. Of course I started to pinch his nipples, bit them at one point, and had my hand in his pants.

Interestingly enough that wasn’t the only pair of pants I had my hands down. The captain (or is he the coach?) of the Boston team whose boyfriend plays for my team was in town and we were discussing people’s butts. So we started feeling on his butt and at some point I had my hand down the back of his pants. He was a little shocked, but not that much I think. Then there was the former captain of our team who was part of the crew that broke my last set of cool beads. I took them off and shoved them down the front of his pants telling him he was getting an extra set of balls.

At midnight, I had finished handing out bottles of champagne earlier so everyone could get as drunk as possible. Now, I have few traditions in my life but one of them is that I do not drink my official New Year’s glass of champagne from a bottle that was opened prior to midnight. Call me weird. It’s what I do. So I was standing there with my bottle of Veuve Clicquot and everyone wanted a glass of it – BEFORE MIDNIGHT! Now I repeatedly said after midnight and stated it would be bad luck for me etc etc. So someone else opened their bottle and people took from their bottle of Veuve and I had a full bottle to myself. After I had a few obligatory swigs, I started doling it out and even got the Wonder Twink to suck on my finger again and it was better than the first six times. It was so good that I had to hold myself up against the wall to recuperate. That’s the moment when I told someone today’s quote of the day about his oral prowess. I’m still jealous.

Wonder Twinks friends who arrived earlier and later left to go to another party came back with friends in tow. One of the was a girl with whom I did some ballroom dancing (primarily just twirling) and she was getting a little clingy and cuddly. This led several of my ruggers to start telling me to back away from the breasts as they thought I might do something with her like..sex related. Eww.

Pants dropped that evening – Sweet Pea, Desirable Wonder Twink (button fly – very hard to open when drunk), Steve, and myself. If there are others I don’t remember them. I only dropped mine so Steve wouldn’t be doing it alone. Desirable Wonder Twink really didn’t fight it either. Sweet Pea fought it just a bit.

Jello shots were a big hit and I think I wound up doing about ten of them to get people to do them with me. They were some potent combos. The pineapple ones, I do agree, were the best. The orange were deceptive – sweet at first with a huge kick. The tequila shots were okay. Not my cup of tea though. This is what really got me loaded. That and Austin’s peach champagne blended drinks. Holy mother of God were they good.

Oh we also learned that if this one window in the master bathroom was open, we could stand on the landing and watch people have sex in there.

I do remember that the evening ended with a lot of us watching Bring It On and it was kinda scary watching a uniformed NYPD officer actually do the cheers with them.

So that’s what I remember for now...if more comes out and I feel inclined to share I will....

I know I know....you all want to know about New Year's Eve and so forth, but you just have to hold on for a few more hours...

I need to talk about Mafia, the hipster party game that's finally getting some attention. Gawker had a link to an article about it up earlier this week and it made me realize that I've played this game before and it's a lot of fun and I haven't played it in forever (or even moderated a game) and I would love to gather some people together to play...all I need are 12 bloggers (or interested readers) for a night of paranoia, accusations, lying, and jockeying for the proper position.

Mafia is a lot like the show Survivor but with a twist. A good game has 12 people playing although you can have more or less with a few modifications. Basically, the game is to figure out who are the members of the Mafia and get rid of them before they get rid of everyone else. Ideally, there are three Mafia members in each game. The moderator takes a deck of cards that have been shuffled and everyone is dealt a card that they look at and show no one. If you got a spade, you were Mafia. If you got the Joker, you were the detective (or some people call this the Angel). Anything else meant you were a villager. At the start everyone has their eyes closed and the moderator tells the Mafia to "awaken" and they can identify each other. Then the Mafia "sleep" and everyone is told to open their eyes. The first round goes for about 10 - 20 minutes or until you get an accusation where one person believes that someone is a member of the Mafia and by a majority vote (sometimes it has to be unanimous) someone is eliminated from the game. At that point, they turn over their card to reveal their status. The rounds can be very short or go on for some time. After the first person is voted out, everyone goes back to "sleep", the Mafia "awakes," and they vote through furtive gestures and glances who they want to eliminate next. They make their decision and they go back to "sleep," and the "angel" is instructed to awaken. At this point, they can make a gesture to the moderator as to whom they think could be Mafia. The moderator can choose at the beginning to announce this info openly to the group to let the Mafia know that the Angel is on to one of them or to keep it a secret. This keeps going until all the Mafia have been eliminated or when the Mafia outnumber the villagers. Even if there is one villager left, the Mafia wins because night will fall and the Mafia can kill off the last person.

It's a lot of fun and I haven't played it in a while, so what do you say...Mafia party anyone?

Quote of the Day

If he sucks cock like he just sucked my finger, then his boyfriend is one lucky man. -- Brian, the 646 Guy after one particular intense moment on New Year's Eve

Just a quick note before I head to bed...

I am now a whore for Veuve Clicquot (or however you spell it)...that and one of the Wonder Twinks sucked whipped cream off of my finger (several times) and then put his tongue down my throat....God I hope I remember everything from this night...