Last night was one of those nights where you are really buzzed with one of your really good friends (five frozen margaritas from Rancho Café on the Upper West Side), talk about a wide range of topics and then find out that she had a fling with one of your mutual friends (while she was engaged and to be married about five months later).

Now I need to put this all into perspective for you – the guy she fooled around with is sex on a stick and according to her is the best sex she has ever had hands down. Apparently it was a two year dance of instant attraction and innuendo (although nothing overly blatant that I could see) and then finally with the help of some alcohol it exploded into a frenzy of mad animal passion. Also, said guy, who is pretty damn humpy that I would love to tie down to a bed and use as my personal sex toy (and I do mean that in every sense of the term “sex toy”), is apparently well hung (well he’s also a little short so it makes “well hung” a subjective term in terms of his height – it just appears larger on smaller people).

Anyway, just hearing about it was one of those moments that makes your jaw hit the ground, imagine these two people in a wide variety of sexual positions, and, well, makes you pretty damn jealous of your friend. Then of course you can’t get the naked images of them out of your mind.

After drinks (and being more than a little tipsy because yes, I am pretty much a lightweight), I decided I would head down to The Lure. There was a reason for this – an important one. If you remember back in like October, I went to The Lure and met this guy named Will and we wound up making out, etc etc. Last week I found Will’s number after months of not knowing where it was and I gave him a call and left him am essage to see if he was going to be at The Lure that Thursday. He called back a few days later, didn’t leave a message, but his number was on my caller ID. The reason we hadn’t seen each other in a while was because I took up rugby shortly after meeting him and we have practice on Thursdays. So I thought I would head down there and see how he was doing, etc etc.

He didn’t even recognize me. With the weight loss and the glasses (no contacts), I have apparently become this other creature altogether and any vestiges of who I used to be are swept away. I had to jog his memory a little and he did ultimately remember who I as and we caught up a bit but I don’t think he was attracted to the fitter, leaner, meaner version of me because he was a little standoffish from me. Mind you this is in comparison to the first time he and I met and we wound up making out for quite some time. I was somewhat recognized by his friends who remembered me but the weight loss really made a huge difference. Although, ya know, I should have realized that this might happen considering one of my dear friends whom I hadn’t seen in a while was standing next to me and didn’t even know it was me.

Sigh…you lose the weight and you still can’t get a man…something is wrong here.