Wednesday, June 18, 2003

Today's Adventure in Corporate Politics
A Play in One Act
by Brian the 646 Guy


Scene 1

(Lights up on office, 646Guy enters and goes to his desk. He sees that his voicemail light is flashing and opts to retreive the message.)

VM: 646Guy this is Loopee in HR. Could you come down and see me as soon as you come in?

(646Guy hangs up the phone and stares off wondering what this could be about. Lights fade)

Scene 2

(The office of Loopee, the HR Queen)

646Guy: Hi Loopee, you asked to see me?

Loopee: Yes, Gloria was here yesterday and she asked that I speak with you regarding some tensions that have arisen in your area.

646Guy: Does this have to do with answering her phone?

Loopee: In a way. She mentioned the argument you had last week but is now concerned because you're not talking to her.

646Guy: Excuse me?

Loopee: She says that you've been hostile to her since the incident.

646Guy: Wait a minute? She came down here to complain that since we had our argument over her phone that I'm not talking to her?

Loopee: It pretty much boiled down to the fact that she doesn't feel comfortable around you since you seem to treat her rather coldly.

646Guy: Okay, let me ask you something. Am I required by law or any company policy to talk to her for no reason at all?

Loopee: Well, no.

646Guy: So I really and truly can talk to her whenever I want, correct?

Loopee: Yes.

646Guy: So the fact that I've chosen not talk to her is a problem now?

Loopee: Well it's not really a problem as much as it is a concern of hers.

646Guy: Did she tell you that before the incident I barely talked to her as well?

Loopee: No, she didn't.

646Guy: Did she mention that her phone line used to ring on my phone as well? Not just signal that it was ringing on her phone but actually ringing on my phone? Did she mention that whenever she was on the phone that her phone would roll over to my line? Did she tell you that when it all went down that day that Joe sided with me and said that I didn't do anything wrong and she was being petty about it?

Loopee: Well, no, she didn't. She mentioned that she was concerned that she never received her messages though.

646Guy: Loopee, let me ask you this. If you answer the phone for someone and tell them that they are either not at their desk or on the other line and they say they will call back in a few minutes or email them with the info, do you take a message?

Loopee: Well, no. I wouldn't think to do that if they are calling back or emailing.

646Guy: That's what she's talking about.

Loopee: Well that's....

646Guy: Petty?

Loopee: (Confused now) Yeah.

646Guy: (pause)

Loopee: (pause)

646Guy: So what do you want me to do? You've already said I'm not required to talk to her and she's fixed the phone to where I don't even get her calls which was never an issue for me but only for her. Frankly, to be honest, we're wasting our time here.

Loopee: Apparently. Gloria asked that I talk to you and I've done that but I can't see where you've done anything wrong. I guess just try to be more cordial to her.

646Guy: Loopee, you should know that I don't placate anyone. I don't like pretending to feel one way to make other people happy.

Loopee: 646Guy, I have faith in you. You'll figure something out.

(Lights fade out as 646Guy and Loopee shake hands.)

Scene 3

(Back in the office, 646Guy is at his desk. Gloria enters holding freshly Xeroxed pages.)

Gloria: Good morning, 646Guy.

646Guy: Mmmm.

Gloria: Has Loopee called you?

646Guy: Yes and we spoke already this morning.

Gloria: (pause) Okaaaaay.

646Guy: (eyes intent on computer screen)

Gloria: Is everything okay?

646Guy: I'm fine.

Gloria: You didn't get in trouble did you?

646Guy: That is between me and the confines of Loopee's office.

Gloria: (pause)

646Guy: (pause)

Gloria: Okay. (she exits, 646Guy smirks)

Curtain.
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