Monday, June 02, 2003

3S (Sarcastic, Slanted, Stupid) Commentary

Well George Bush's daughters have been exposed in the press by a young Hollywood celebrity, for partying pretty hard . The young Hollywood celebrity, Ashton Kutcher, who is famous for filming practical jokes, may be suffering from the backlash of his disclosure about the Bush daughters. Kutcher has not been heard from since the disclosure and one can only speculate on what has happened. Some think that he has been detained by the Secret Service for questioning, and has been subjected to specific questioning:

Secret Service: So you brought the President's daughters back to your house to party and now you are exposing them in the press.
Ashton Kutcher: They wanted to party with me. They wanted to see what the other side was like and not just be exposed to all the goodness from the Religious Right.
SS: Well son, you have got yourself in a lot of trouble and we need to get some answers. If you do not cooperate, we will make you listen to a Pentagon briefing by Donald Rumsfeld and then you will be questioned by him.
AK: Oh, no anything but that, what do you want to know.
SS: While the Bush daughters were under the influence in your house, what were they subjected to?
AK: They got really wasted and then I tried to put on some Pink Floyd, but they wanted to hear Barbra Streisand.
SS: That's not possible!
AK: I thought the same thing but they really wanted to get back at their father, and specifically asked for a live performance from some democratic fund raiser so that they could listen to Barbra's anti Bush speeches.
SS: Then what happened?
AK: Well then they asked for something bizarre. They wanted to get Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins and Michael Moore to come over to show them how to protest and flash Peace Signs. The Bush daughters thought that would be helpful when their father would try to restrict them from going out and getting drunk.
SS: They know they cannot be around this type of influence, they are really trying to strike back at their father. What did you do then?
AK: Well being the good proud American, and not part of the Hollywood conspiracy, I knew it would be really crossing the line if the Bush Daughters hung out with Sarandon, Robbins and Moore and started screaming at their father using logic that did not make sense. I just know that was wrong.
SS: Well son you showed some good judgment on that, and we will take that into consideration for your detainment. Are there any other things that we need to know.
AK: Well the Bush Daughter's kept talking about a double standard for them and were complaining that Chelsea Clinton did not take advantage of her father's coolness. The Bush daughter's were bitter that they could not smoke, drink and party because their father is George Bush and had Former President Clinton been their father, there would never be this type of problem. They just kept saying how bad it is to be born a Republican and having to adhere to higher moral standards.
SS: Life is so unfair for these two girls. If their father does not get re-elected next year, I hope you will not encourage them to be on any of your shows. I am not sure America is ready for "A Democrat in the hand is better than Two in the Bush."
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