I got into an argument at work today with a coworker (yes, THAT coworker I frequently refer to as she is a freak) about the most asinine thing that I have EVER gotten into an argument about....

Answering the phone.

First, let me explain how the phones are currently set up and then you can tell me whether or not you don't understand (and if you don't understand it means that you are of the same mold as my coworker and you must die). My coworker...oh for the hell of it we'll call her Gloria....Gloria has one main line, I have one main line. If Gloria is on the phone, her line rolls over to my phone line. If I am on the phone, my line rolls over to her phone line. Should both of us be on the phone, there is a third phone line that we share as well to which it rolls over.

Does anyone not grasp this point? Tell me now so I can arrange to have you shot...

Anyway, as I cover for Freak Girl Gloria, I occasionally answer her phone when it rolls over to my line and pass along the message WHEN THERE IS ONE (please remember that fact as it will come back to haunt you later). The only occasion I *EVER* have to answer her direct line is when it's a call from another department (I can see the number and know who it is) or if it is a call that has rolled over from my line to her line. THE ONLY INSTANCES.

Today, a call came in on her line and it was, for the sake of the argument, Paul from the department that we both do work with. Her phone rings THREE TIMES so I pick it up and take the request to go in and release the money that has been sent and everything is fine right?

NO. Gloria gets up and goes to my boss (not hers anymore, but mine) and complains about me constantly answering her phone and not taking messages. The boss is flabbergasted that she's bringing something as petty as this to his attention and then I get into the fray. She goes on to comment about how someone called her today and I didn't pass along the message to her. Well, when she said she would call you back in five minutes, there's no need for me to pass along a message. That's how that normally goes...if there's a message I take it...if there's no message THEN THERE IS NO MESSAGE! I CAN'T TAKE A FUCKING MESSAGE WHEN THERE ISN'T A FUCKING MESSAGE! Why should I let the phone on my desk ring four times when the call isn't for me (and it does ring on EVERY call that is for her).

This goes on for quite some time with me finally saying that I would never answer her phone again so she can make sure to get all of her calls and she can't complain that I never gave her messages. I have to say this about five times because she's a fucking moron who still doesn't understand how the phone lines work. Hell, she can't even send items to the printer without having to call the help desk. Mind you, she's the only one with these problems -- no one else has them. Finally, my boss tells me to call the help desk and have them redo the phones. I told him no. I'm not the one with the problem so I'm not going to do anything about it. Ultimately, we're going to have to share a line (which I won't answer if it's for her) because heaven forbid that I accidentally take a call for her and they decide not to leave a message and then she gets in an uproar because it was her best friend from the third grade that she took a blood oath with who is getting back in contact with her after 200 years of being away in the Alps making lederhosen for underprivileged albino pygmy aborigines living in Guatemala!

So..ultimately, we're now the butt of every phone joke today (and for the next few weeks). I haven't said a word to her since then. Don't plan on doing it for a long time.

She can fuck off and die for all I care.