Shamelessly lifted from Joni who shamelessly lifted it from Bev...

100 useless questions

1. Are you an innie or an outie?

Oh I’m an innie all the way.

2. Have you ever worn bell-bottoms?

Only once and it was at Halloween.

3. Have you ever written a song?

Yes I have…actually I did more of the lyrics than anything else.

4. Can you make change for a dollar right now?

What crack are you on to ask me a question like that. Let me go get some breakfast first and then we can talk.

5. Have you ever been in the opposite sex's public toilet?

Yes. It was when I was getting my degree at the University of North Florida. All of the bathrooms were arranged so that the men’s bathroom was on the right and the women’s bathroom was on the left. Well in the library’s atrium, it was reversed and stupid me forgot. Thankfully, it was empty at the time.

6. Have you ever smelled your own feet?

I used to suck my own toes so what does that tell you?

7. Do you like ketchup on or beside your french fries?

Depends on my mood really. Ultimately I like mayonnaise on them rather than ketchup. But if I had to choose…on the side so I can dip to my heart’s content.

8. Can you touch your tongue to your nose?

No, but I can touch it to anyone else’s nose I am sure.

9. Have you ever been a boy/girl scout?

I was a cub scout for a few years. Never went beyond that.

10. Have you ever broken a mirror?

More times than I can count. I must be up to about three lifetimes of bad luck

11. Have you ever put your tongue on a frozen pole?

No…once again, I ask, are you on crack?

12. What is your biggest pet peeve?

Lack of common sense drives me NUTS. That and tourists that decide to stop in the middle of the sidewalk to take a picture.

13. Do you slurp your drink after it's gone?

I have. I tend not to do it now.

14. Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk?

When I was a little kid. I now just blow…oh, not even I can complete this bad joke.

15. Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper?

Whopper. All about the flame broiling!

16. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?

Oh yeah. Might be doing it again soon.

17. When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic?

I generally don’t get asked this. They tend to put it all in plastic unless it’s something really hefty. Then they put the paper bag in the plastic bag.

18. True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza.

Depends on the pizza but most likely false.

19. Did you have a baby blanket?

I don’t think so. I know I still have my teddy bear Lucky that I have had as long as I can remember.

20. Have you ever tried to cut your own hair?

Of course I have. That pesky gum that got in my hair.

21. Have you ever sleepwalked?

Not that I know of.

22. Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonalds?

Some members of my family might be white trash, but I was spared this one.

23. Can you flip your eye-lids up?

Um…gross.

24. Are you double jointed?

Would you like to find out? You will be so disappointed.

25. If you could be any age, what age would you be?

I’m fairly happy with how old I am right now. (That’s 28 for the record).

26. Have you ever gotten gum stuck in your hair?

Already covered in question number 20.

27. Have you ever thrown-up after a roller coaster ride?

No but I did almost pass out once.

28. What is your dream car?

Alfa Romeo Spider. If not that, a Pathfinder.

29. What is your favorite cartoon of all time?

Scooby Dooby Doo, Where Are You? We got some work to do now.
Scooby Dooby Doo, Where Are You? We need some help from you now.
Come on Scooby-Doo, I see you... pretending you got a sliver
But you're not fooling me, cause I can see, the way you shake and shiver.
You know we got a mystery to solve, so Scooby-Doo be ready for your act.
[Scooby Doo] Uh-uh Uh-uh
Don't hold back!
And Scooby Doo if you come through
You're going to have yourself a Scooby snack!
That's a fact!
Scooby Dooby Doo, here Are You. You're ready and you're willing.
If we can count on you Scooby Doo, I know you'll catch that villain.

30. Would you go swimming in shallow waters where, one year earlier, a shark had attacked a child?

I’m still questioning whether or not you are on crack.

32. Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit?

As a child, my sister and I loved them.

33. If you were in a car sinking in a lake, what would you do first?

I think I would scream like a little girl first before I tried to do something…

34. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?

Oh yeah. With cute paramedics too.

35. Can you pick something up with your toes?

Oh yeah. Piece of cake.

36. How many remote controls do you have in your house?

Total house? Including roomies’ bedrooms? I dunno. I have 2.

37. Have you ever fallen asleep in school?

With the help of an antihistamine, yes.

38. How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last year?

Hmmm. Good question. I would say at least twice but it could be more.

39. How many foreign countries have you visited?

Just that one accidental foray into Canada. I am hoping to go to either Italy, Switzerland, or possibly Hong Kong next year.

40. If you were out of shape, would you compete in a triathlon if you were somehow guaranteed to win a big, gaudy medal?

Well I am out of shape but no way in hell would I compete because I can’t swim.

41. Would you rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy?

No question about it…poor and happy. Why change now?

42. If you fell into quicksand, would you try to swim or try to float?

Float.

43. Apparently there was no question 43, so in its place I will leave the lyrics to “What I Did For Love” from A CHORUS LINE…

Kiss today goodbye,
The sweetness and the sorrow.
Wish me luck the same to you
But I can't regret
What I did for love, what I did for love
Look, my eyes are dry,
The gift was ours to borrow,
It's as if we always knew,
And I won't forget
What I did for love, what I did for love
Gone, love is never gone
As we travel on,
Love's what we'll remember!
Kiss today goodbye,
And point me t'ward tomorrow.
We did what we had to do
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for love
What I did for love
Love is never gone
As we travel on,
Love's what we'll remember!
Kiss today goodbye
And point me t'ward tomorrow
We did what we had to do
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for love...
What I did for love...
What I did for love...


44. Do you ask for directions when you are lost?

Yes. Because real men know when to act like one.

45. Have you ever had a Mexican jumping bean?

Nope.

46. Are you more like Cinderella or Alice in Wonderland?

Cinderella. Because in the end her evil step-sisters’ eyes were picked out by birds rendering them blind – and she got the prince.

47. Would you rather have an ant farm with no ants or a box of crayons with broken points?

Screw the ants. I want crayons with broken points.

48. Do you prefer light or dark bread?

Light.

49. Do you prefer scrambled or fried eggs?

Well how I really like them is in a sandwich from this corner deli next to my old apartment – potatoes, eggs, cheese, and KETCHUP!

50. Have you ever been in a car that ran out of gas?

Yes.

51. Do you talk in your sleep?

On occasion.

52. Would you rather shovel snow or mow the lawn?

Well is it a riding lawn mower? That does make all the difference.

53. Would you rather be bitten by a poisonous snake or constricted by a python?

Depends…how cute is the doctor that is going to save me? Or am I not going to be saved at all.

54. Have you ever played in the rain?

Rugby games on go rain or shine.

55. Which do you think is more dangerous: an angry bear or a hungry white shark?

An angry bear. Those suckers can do some damage.

56. Would you climb a very high tree to save a kitten?

It would be heartless not to.

57. Can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

I know the difference I just don’t remember which way it applies.

58. Do you drink Pepsi or coke?

Coke all the way.

59. What’s your favorite number?

4. I dunno why. I’ve always liked it.

60. If you were a car, would you be an SUV or a sports car?

SUV. We’re strong, tough, and reliable. And if we get damaged, it doesn’t cost that much to repair as opposed to the sports car.

61. Have you ever accidentally taken something from a hotel?

There are no accidents.

62. Would you blow your nose at the dinner table?

If it’s at home with family, it’s been done before. At a nice restaurant, no way in hell.

63. Have you ever slipped in the bathtub?

Is this a dropping the soap joke? Yes, I have.

64. Do you use regular or deodorant soap?

Shower gel is the only way to go.

65. Have you ever locked yourself out of the house?

On more than one occasion. Once twice in the same day..

66. Would you rather make your living as a singing cowboy or as one of the Simpsons voices?

Simpson’s voice. Their residuals must be huge by now.

67. If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be? To seduce to?

For dinner, I think I would like to have over Susan Sarandon because I just adore her and I would love to talk politics with her. For seduction…Ben Affleck baby…Ben freakin’ Affleck. Although Mark Derwin from Bonnie Hunt’s show is rather hunky too…

68. Have you ever gotten a truck driver to honk his horn?

What kid hasn’t? Maybe if you’re Amish.

69. Which would you rather live with: a huge nose or crossed eyes?

Give me the big Jimmy Durante honker.

70. Would you hang out with someone your best friend didn't like?

But of course.

71. Would you hang out with someone your best friend liked, but you didn't like?

Sure. I don’t have to like EVERYONE.

72. Have you ever returned a gift?

No, I just gave it to someone else.

73. Would you give someone else a gift that had been given to you?

Um…I think I just answered this one…

74. If you could attend an Olympic Event, what would it be?

I know people would expect me to say figure skating. And they would be right. But only with A.J.

75. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

One pair brown, one pair black. Another brown pair. Doc Martens. Hiking boots. Sneakers. Keds. Two pairs of sandals. Do we count soccer cleats and rugby boots? If so, we’re looking at 11.

76. If your grandmother gave you a gift that you already have, would you tell her?

Oh God no. She would feel like crap.

77. Do you sing in the car?

When I had a car I did. Loud too…

78. Would you rather jump into a dumpster or into a vat of honey?

Honey. As long as there was someone there to lick it off.

79. What is your favorite breed of dog?

Norwich terriers, pugs, and basset houds.

80. Would you donate money to feed starving animals in the winter?

But of course.

81. If you were a bicycle, would you be a stingray or a mountain bike?

Mountain bike for those NY hills.

82. What is your least favorite fruit?

I really don’t have one. Watermelon maybe.

83. What kind of fruit have you never had?

Hmmm I’ve done some exotic ones before. Pomegranate maybe?

84. If you won a $5,000 shopping spree to any store, which store would you pick?

Old Navy or Gap. I just like the comfy clothes. Maybe Structure.

85. What brand sports apparel do you wear the most?

My rugby gear.

86. Are/were you a good student?

Oh yeah.

87. Among your friends, who could you arm wrestle and beat?

Maybe Amy. I’m working on that upper body stuff.

88. If you had to choose, what branch of the military would you be in?

Air Force.

89. Would you ever parachute out of a plane?

In a heartbeat.

90. What do you think is your best feature?

My smile.

91. If you were to win a Grammy, what kind of music would it be for?

I know people would expect me to say showtunes, but it would be for vocal jazz.

92. What is your favorite season?

Fall.

93. How many members do you have in your immediate family?

3. My parents and my sister. If you want to include brother in law and nephew then it’s 5.

94. Which of the five senses is most important to you?

Considering I just shelled out major bucks for contacts – Sight.

95. Would you be a more successful painter or singer?

Singer.

97. How many years will/did you end up going to college?

Two and a half years for my bachelors degree.

98. Have you ever had surgery?

If oral surgery counts to remove my wisdom teeth then yes.

99. Would you rather be a professional figure skater or professional football player?

Well I play rugby so I would play football. Although I could figure skate with the best of them.

100. What do you like to collect?

One night stands? LOL. Hmmm how about playbills. I collected a lot of them!