Monday, January 12, 2004

Just when I had reconciled everything with myself about the Kik'e situation, I get a litany of emails and comments putting the blame on me...sigh....

Here's the story for those of you that haven't been paying attention: He knew I was dating other people. All of the men that I am dating KNOW that I am dating other men. (Please note that DATING doesn't mean that I'm having SEX with them. If you want to get technical, I've only had sex with TWO of them.) They accept that fact (or if they don't they haven't told me). I don't lie about the fact that I am dating other people. I'm upfront about it and should the relationship get serious then, yes, I am willing and prepared to break it off with the other people.

This whole dating thing is a new world for me. After my break up with my boyfriend in Florida (really bad, thrown/broken items, major drama, etc), I opted to pull back and not date for a while...it turned out to be over six years before I had a date. The first date I had in NYC was last year and I've been living here since 1998. I'm still working out what the hell I want in a guy since what I wanted when I was 21 or 22 isn't the same as what I want now.

Do I accept my part in all of this...yes, I do. I fully do. However, in whatever relationship you are in, it is a two way street. Part of me would have at least liked to have known that Kik'e had started seeing someone else and it had turned somewhat serious. Actually, I'm happy that he found someone that can give him what he needs emotionally, physically, etc. If it works out for him, I have no complaints. He and I will probably wind up being good friends through all of this as well...

As for me...yes, I'm starting to focus on one person now -- SuitMan. Hopefully, I will be seeing him tonight and can hopefully make something work out.

It's a weird this dating world...you attempt to connect to people and hope that there's something more than just the exterior...to see if the inner matches the outer...sex is one thing but love is another. I'm not expecting miracles as my sole resolution for 2003 was to put myself out there more to meet new people and start dating again (something I think I more than accomplished). I guess for 2004, I'm looking for love now...I'm looking to get serious. It's kinda scary....but I think it's going ot be a lot of fun finding out who is a good fit for me...
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