Thursday, April 03, 2003

Ms. Elizabeth "Don't gawk at me when I enter a room!" Spiers seems to be hard up for mail these days. However, in her recent entry, she left out a few emails she most assuredly has received. So I've taken the moment to mind-meld with the Gawker diva and come out with not only the emails she has read but what they really mean.


Other things you forgot to include in your list of things that people email you and their obvious subtext meanings --

"Don't you have anything else to do other than talk about Tina Brown?" really means, "I'm hot for you and want to rip off your clothes and roll around naked on top of back issues of Talk Magazine."

"San Francisco doesn't suck!" really means "Dear God, I lost my job from yet another dot-com in this hell hole of a town and I wish I was living the magnificent life that you were!"

"What do you have against Conde Nast?" really means "How can you help me get a job at Conde Nast?"

"Elizabeth Spiers is one hot rocking chick that I want to throw up against the wall, smother in kisses, and bring her round after round of intense pleasure," really means "I'm stalking you. I can see everything you're doing."

"Are you that desperate for mail that you have to plead for it?" really means "I'm lonely and need someone innocent to suck the life energy from so I can live for another two hundred years."

"You sure do love your gossip," really means, "What do you know about me, who told you, and if I gave you info about someone else will you not print it?"

"Your 'to-do' lists are boring as hell," really means, "But if I go will I see you there?"

"Anna Wintour and Tina Brown. Tina Brown and Anna Wintour. Me thinks the lady may be jealous," really means, "I'm jealous of you and all you have attained in such a short time that it puts my idols Anna Wintour and Tina Brown to shame."

"You really had lunch in the Conde Nast cafeteria?" really means, "Will you take me next time you go?"
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