For the time being I have been placed on the gold squad of the rugby team. This is the team that plays the second match at each rugby date. The main reason is due to my injury (most likely shin splints) and the fact that I really can't take a tackle well right now and that it pretty much fucking hurts to run on it. For that reason, I wasn't placed on the blue side (the side that plays the first match that counts towards standings etc). I did ask the coach what I would need to do in order to make it back on blue squad and he brought up exactly what I just mentioned -- it has nothing to do with drive or determination but the fact that I am not at 100% and need to work my way back up to full fighting condition. When I see my doctor this week, I'm going to bring this up to him and ask for his recommendation. As long as it's not, "You have to stop playing for the season," I think I'm going to be fine. But it's one of those situations where I need to prove not only to the coaches but also to myself that I know what I'm doing and I'm in there doing it, doing it right, and not setting back on my injury.

So it's not like I'm down and out. Am I surprised -- not really. I pretty much figured this would happen anyway and the most I can hope for is to be an alternate or a substitute during the matches. Am I disappointed -- in myself a little. I never give less than 100% and perhaps that may be why I'm injured and struggling right now. Regardless of which match I play in, I'm going to have to tackle and be tackled. I can't slack off on a b-side match at all. It's strength. It's perseverance. It's getting my act together and working hard to make it back on the a-side.

I've got three weeks to do it....let's see what happens...