Last night I caught myself watching an episode of Paradide Hotel on Fox. This show is so fucked up that I can't even begin to describe it.

First the premise -- five couples are formed and everyone week one member of the opposite sex arrives (if it's a woman the first week then it's a man the next) and shakes things up a bit and someone gets sent home. I've only watched like three episodes but since I also write about reality TV for a website, I've been following the show via recaps on various sites so I can stay informed. Pretty much from what I read, with the exception of the first guy that they sent, all of the new arrivals were dismissed when it was time to pair up with new people as whenever two people chose the same person, that person had to decide who to keep and who to throw back. Therefore, Fox had to shake it up a bit and let the person who arrived have "immunity" to stay for an extra week which forced someone who had been there for a while to get the boot.

So last night, they brought back all of the booted guests including this guy named Zack who is a total ass. Actually anyone remotely related to Zack, Amy, or Toni (which includes Alex, Kristen, and Desiree) are total asses. They did nothing but wreak havoc on the "new people" also knows as the Barbie Group for booting them out. Zack was going around saying that he has a lawyer in his blood and a country boy in him and pretty much showed was a childish jerk he can be when he was taunting Keith and actually threatened him with violence. Keith threatened to walk but the producers intervened and said that when the existing players could vote someone back in Zack would be ineligible to return because of his threats. The look on Toni's face when that was said was priceless.

But even better the existing players get to choose which people are coming back into the game and you know that it won't include Toni, Alex, Kristen, Zack, or Beau. Amanda maybe but none of them. Pretty much it turned into the "let's intimidate people that we don't like and make ourselves look like a bunch of big childish, immature jerks because that's what we are in real life." Personally, people who do that to other people in order to look "big" in front of others are actually some of the most insecure people out there. If I could have reached through the TV and beaten the crap out of some of those people I would have because...well let me just say that I hate bullies and what they can do to people both physically and emotionally. For those of you that watched, you saw how Charla was acting when she learned who was returning. She shut down. She totally shut down.

And for the record for any of those people on the show who stumble across this, I've read the boards, I've talked to people who have watched the show. Based on their opinions, it's running 5-1 people who like Dave and his group over Amy and her bunch. Personally, I think the smart move would be to get Kavita and Matt in the game in order to get rid of Amy and Scott. Amy needs to go. She needs to get her ass beaten. She's just a pro cheerleader...yeah they can kick and jump and yell but when it comes down to it, she's pretty much easy pickings I think (nothing against cheerleaders or anything but she doesn't look like she would be much of a fight).

Actually, since I'm being really mean and there's little chance of this ever happening, but if I could take Toni's head and Amy's head and slam them into each other and then take Zack's head and share the same love with the two of them, I think I would be a pretty happy person.

And for Zack when you read this, and I hope you do, you are a small, pathetic person. You don't have a lawyer in you, you have a scared little boy who wants to be a man but apparently doesn't know how. You can blow and bluster and do whatever you want to make you seem like the real deal and something special but just by looking at you and your antics your nothing but a child. Sadly what you (and apparently the rest of your gang) don't seem to realize is that the more you open your mouth, the less credibility you have not only with your fellow guests at the hotel but also with the viewing public. Regardless of whatever editing can be blamed on how you were portrayed on the show, sadly you can't excape the fact that you did what you did and you said what you said.

I hope when you get to be a bit older you can look back on this experience and be embarrassed by your actions. You need a serious lesson in being an adult because you aren't acting like one. You demand respect yet you show it for no one else. Have you ever heard of that phrase you get as good as you give and sometimes you get it even worse than you expect? Well when your karmic backlash comes (and it will...for you and the rest of your gang it will truly come) I hope you can roll with the punches and not blame everyone else for the mistakes that you've made in your life.

Oh wait. I am talking about you, Zack. Nothing you ever do is wrong so of course it has to be someone else's fault.

Get over yourself. You're not that special and soon you will fade into the ether. Maybe you'll be recognized in your supermarket when you're in the dairy aisle looking at yogurt but that will be it.

Oh and as for having a country boy in you, I'm sure that can be arranged...take your pick: doggy style or missionary? Make sure you have something to bite on, too.