Wednesday, November 12, 2003

I know Crash wants the Ray Don speech and that's on the schedule but this speech from the episode "Miss Trial" where Julia has jury duty is on tap for today...

Julia Sugarbaker Tirade of the Day

JULIA: Alright, that's 7 to 4; who didn't vote? (woman raises hand) Well, Janice, what is the problem? Did you intend to mime your vote?

JANICE: I'm just not comfortable making a decision yet.

JULIA: I see. And yet you are perfectly comfortable smearing your face with white grease paint and annoying pedestrians all over Atlanta. Interesting. No really, Janice, I think it's time you came to a decision. As a matter of fact, I think it's time you all came to a decision. We've been here almost three days, and apparently you people have nothing better to do then to sit around here hogging up the tax payers' money, eating baskets of fried cheese, and staying at the Fair Price Motel. Which, I understand some of you think is the nicest place you've stayed in a while. Well, let me tell you something, it is not the nicest place I've been in a while. And for your further information, I'm having dinner with a former president and first lady of the United States tonight, because we are all going to be out of here. And the reason we're all going to be out of here, is that this case is very simple. Did any of you listen to the judge's instructions? He practically told us to acquit. The case is frivolous! The defendant was not negligent. Case closed! Q.E.D.! Over and out! Hit the road Jack and don't you come back no more, no more! Go up to the table and mark your ballets, and if you don't mark them right, I'm going rip that fire extinguisher off the wall and blow your over-fed, under-read, simple- minded butts out onto the Fair Price Motel parking lot!

NO-LIP WOMAN: I don't think jury members are supposed to threaten each other. I don't appreciate that.

JULIA: Oh, really? Well, I don't appreciate you leaving you big 'ole box of June Allison bladder pads on my night stand for all the maids and bellboys to see! Of course, you don't care if you never get out of here; you don't even have to get up to go to the bathroom! Now, I am passing these slips for the final ballet, and I want to tell you right now, read my lips: Mark your slip wrong, and I will wrap it around a fried cheese ball and shove it down your throat!

-- Dixie Carter as Julia Sugarbaker on Designing Women.
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