Monday, September 09, 2002

I was watching Sex and the City last night and I realized that I am Carrie (minus all of the bad relationships). I always wanted to be Miranda and sometimes Samantha and on the rare occasion Charlotte, but I realized last night that I am Carrie. I want the zsa zsa zsu as much as she does.

Miranda is the practical smart one. She has never needed a man to make her happy. Of course she enjoys the company of a man as much as the rest of them do, but she has never required one to be in her life in order to make her feel complete. She has a successful career, a child, a wonderful man who helps raise her child, and her own fair share of romance in her life. But she always wants more -- more from her work life, more for her home life, more from her romance. Me too.

Charlotte, I believe, needs a man in her life to make her feel complete. I think she comes from a very old fashioned New England purebred blue blood family that virtually requires her to not only marry someone but marry someone within her own social caste which is what makes her current relationship so fascinating because for the first time she has fallen for someone she never would have considered romantically. However, she now has to deal with the fact that she doesn't fit into his social caste.

Samantha revels in the fact that she controls her body and her sexuality. She knows what she likes and she freely goes after it (of course this is usually men but that's another story all together). Until recently she has exuded confidence in her demeanor from proudly flaunting her lebsian relationship to attending Carrie's book party after a horrible chemical peel. There are times when I really want to be more like Samantha. I want to be able to go up to the man I desire and make the first move. I want to have her self confidence both sexually and professionally. A friend of mine said that I am pretty much an "in your face" kind of guy -- a guy who says "what you see is what you get and if you don't like it get the fuck of here." I have no idea where he got that idea from since I consider myself to be as "in your face" as Mother Theresa appeared to be a stripper. I guess I have that facade of confidence when underneath I feel pretty vulnerable.

And that leaves me with Carrie. We are both hopeless romantics. We both like that feeling of loving someone and feeling the love in return. We like that feeling of just looking at someone and getting the butterflies in our stomach. We both find romance in the oddest of places. We are both looking for that warm tingling feeling of the zsa zsa zsu that will bring us to that next level in our personal growth where we are willing to sit down, make that firm commitment and go from there to face that wonderful unknown hand in hand with the person we love.

Zsa Zsa Zsu.

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