So here's the latest update....first and foremost, tonight my bedroom will start White Vinegar Therapy. Apparently white vinegar is very good at removing odors so I will be stocking up on a few bottles and poring them into a few of my tupperwear bowls tonight to see if it works. Sure the vinegar smell will be overpowering for a while but it should help in removing the majority of the smoke smell that is still in the house. Additionally, I really want to get out of that apartment...I'm looking at possible returning to Astoria since I liked that neighborhood but I do want out of the apartment and soon.

This weekend, I did decide to go to the chorus retreat in Kerhonkson, New York, just so I could get away and rest and relax, etc. Getting up there in the middle of a virtual blizzard -- not fun. It took almost 5 hours to get there by bus and I had a shit load of people getting pissed because the movie we were playing was either too soft or too loud or they were too hot or too cold and I quickly met my drama limit rather quickly. I distinctly remember telling one person that they would be getting on my last nerve (named the Cleo Nerve after Cleo Laine in honor of a really horrible performance of hers that I sat through) if I still had a last nerve and that we would be leaving when I was "goddamn fucking ready" to leave. They then tried to do a comeback with, "I have a question..." to which I responded by patting on their head and saying, "That's sweet. Keep it to yourself."

We arrived at the resort and I got my bag and headed to check in so I could get to my room and just relax for a moment. One chorus member came up to me and was telling me where to place my bag and I pretty much pushed him out of the way because I was exhausted from the bus ride and from the events of the previous night. I got upstairs, threw my bag down and went back to the lobby bar and imbibed in my first two (or was it three) drinks of the evening.

SuitMan was on the third bus which had its own problems (including breaking down amongst other things). I didn't see him enter the hotel but he quickly found me and gave me a huge hug and we talked for a while. The back bar (aka The Empire Lounge) opened up with the band that we had last year when we were there and eventually the chorus retired back there for some fun and dancing (and drinking). SuitMan grabbed my hand at one point and led me out onto the dance floor where we started cutting a rug to practically every song they played (and imbibed in more than a few cosmopolitans). During one slow song we were in a nice long embrace swaying to the music when he stopped and looked and me and said...

"Promise me this...never fall in love with me."

Well to be honest, I'm not in love with him. I'm in "like" with him but love is a strong word to use. When I finally got him to open up about it he admitted to a bad experience in dating someone in the chorus earlier and that person ended up talking about him to other people in some very not-so-nice terms. I finally told him that I'm not in love with him because I need the chance to get to know him better before taking that giant step. I did, however, mention that I wanted the opportunity to get to know him better.

About 2:30 in the morning we finally decided to leave the dance floor and I escorted him back to his room since it was on a lower floor than mine. Now mind you we had a few pecks on the dance floor kiss-wise and it really did take pretty much all of my self control not to grab him by the face and shove my tongue down his throat. It would have been nice but since I like the guy I decided to play it wee bit safe and kist go for the peck and the long hug.

The next morning comes and I head downstairs to get some breakfast and I run into one of the guys who used to be on the dance team and, in my fair opinion, is a pretty awesome dancer himself. We're waiting to get on the elevator and he said, "I just have to say, you're an AMAZING dancer. I was watching you last night and all I could think was 'His apartment building caught on fire? He sure looks happy...'" First and foremost -- me? An amazing dancer? Well I attributed that to my partner for the evening -- namely Mr. SuitMan.

I did manage to get in one massage courtesy of Union Girl who decided that I needed a bit of relaxation anyway. So between the massage and spending time in the jacuzzi, I was feeling no pain when lunch came. SuitMan and I met back up briefly during a break and he said that everyone was complimenting him about our dancing the night before (which was true since I heard a few of those on my own that day). This was then followed by another hug and another brief peck.

Now, before dinner and during the memorial service time I took a moment to hop upstairs to the room to press my outfit for the evening -- my Utilikilt with the long sleeve white t-shirt, and my Doc Martens. I must say that even I was pretty much impressed by the outfit. Some people of course did wonder what I had on under the kilt and I had to let their imagination go where it wanted. In actuality I had on a black jockstrap because there are some people you just don't want putting their hand up your kilt.

SuitMan loved the outfit (as did a lot of other people) and of course he was curious as to what I had under the kilt (and you so want to know if I let him find out....) but I kept demure and wouldn't tell him. He did, however, insist that after the show I was not to change clothes at all since he wanted to twirl me around in my kilt on the dance floor. Now let me note that by this point, SuitMan and I are holding hands A LOT. Sitting down, walking to different parts of the resort, etc., we're holding hands.

During the No-Talent Show, I had to operate the spotlight so I didn't get to sit next to SuitMan during the show but throughout the night people kept flipping up the kilt to see what I had on underneath until finally I felt this hand not only slide up under the kilt but practically in my ass crack as well (thank God I showered first!). It was SuitMan who was trying to figure out what I had going on under the kilt and was shocked to see that it was practically nothing. At first he thought it was a thong which is why he put his hand where he did but finally I convinced him it was a jock strap which he then playfully snapped. I would go into the part where he groped the front of the jock strap as well just so he could see that I did have something on underneath.

Self restraint was definitely coming in.

The No Talent Show went on FOREVER (over four hours) and when you're standing on a chair and running a spotlight for four hours plus, well it gets a little tiring. Nevertheless, SuitMan and I first retired to the smoking lounge so he could have a cigarette. As most of you know I'm not big on smokers but since it wasn't like he was lighting up every three minutes I felt like I could deal with it. We curled up on the couch in the smoking lounge and talked and he again reiterated that I was not to fall in love with him because he didn't want to hurt me emotionally.

Finally, we went and got a drink and started dancing. I did catch a glimpse of the person that SuitMan had gone out with earlier and ended badly and they weren't giving me looks of happiness. People were commenting the following day that our dancing that night appeared to be more sexual dancing than anything else. He did show me his underwear (a Calvin Klein thong) and from what I could see, it was in fact a very nice butt. Between the day's activities and the marathon session the night before, we weren't really going at things full blast that night. We spent a fair amount of time talking and cuddling.

The next morning, SuitMan came up to me to make sure that we didn't do anything too risque (including French kissing on the dance floor which for that group wouldn't be all that risque). Apparently a lot of people were wondering if we were had sex that night when in actuality around 3:30 in the morning, I again dropped him off at his room and resisted the urge to tongue wrestle with him while I returned to my room and slept in my own bed.

One of my weekend roommates the following day told me that she didn't like how he would say things like "Don't fall in love with me" and then proceed to seduce the hell out of me on the dance floor -- the old case of say one thing but do another. I can see her point but I think (or would like to think) that I'm playing it smart by not allowing myself to get too emotionally drawn into the situation. Or at least I hope so.

On the bus ride home, SuitMan started off the trip by sitting next to one of his friends but he soon fell asleep worn out by the activities of the weekend and I felt bad for him since he was so tired and therefore couldn't be upset that he wasn't sitting next to me. When we arrived back in the city, I got another long hug from him and told him I would see him on Thursday since I already had obligations on Wednesday. His response -- I hope I will see you before that.

So to respond to Patrick's inquiry, no I'm not falling for him. He and I still have a lot to talk about and we definitely need to see each other outside of the context of the chorus as well to see what happens when we don't have 200 other men watching every little thing we do...then we can see....