Things That Make You Say "Wow"

So I did a touch up on my hair and went an extreme platinum blonde (that Feria hair coloring is AWESOME!) and emailed a pic of my new look out to some friends and family. Most of them know I have started regrowing my hair and having fun with coloring it. The reaction I got back from one friend (who shall remain nameless to protect his identity) respnded with the following:

"Oh, my God, that picture totally makes me want to sit on your face."

Gotta love it. Maybe I'll finally prove to myself that blondes have more fun!

For John Griffin....RIP

As many of you know, I worship Kathy Griffin so knowing that this was the episode where her father dies, I was a little concerned about how it would be done. What I did know is that it would be totally classy since Kathy is a producer of the show and she wouldn't let her father be treated like crap. They handled it so well and potrayed the true honest emotions of what she was going through that if she DOESN'T win an Emmy for this episode it will SUCK ASS!

So...from the show and our friends at The Malcontent, a tribute to John Griffin who will be sorely misssed....


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What Rejection Looks Like

Once again I fail the personality test...I'm not sure how that could be...oh well...what can ya do huh?

Caption This Pic

Looking less and less like friends and more like a married couple in this pic (borrowed from Perez Hilton), I just have this fantasy where Ben Affleck is arguing with Matt Damon about how they couldn't get the cheesecake that he wanted when they do their Golden Girls roleplay scenes. So...anyone care to caption this one for me...

However, I will agree with Ms. Perez Hilton on this one...Ben's legs could use some work...they are not in the same shape as the rest of his body...then again when have we seen the rest of his body lately?

Um.....Holy Shit!

Okay...As some of my friends know, I am not a fan of American Idol because I can't really stand Simon Cowell and his superior/holier than thou stance on pretty much everything. Let me just say watching this clip, it was glad to literally watch the smug smirk get slapped off his face. Actually it's that Scooby Doo "r'oh" look on his face that got me....Oh...and the guy singing won the entire competition...and let me just say, I had chills watching the clip. Now if only we could have stuff like this on our version...

As a small update, Paul Potts, the winner of Britain's Got Talent, will be in NYC to perform on the Today Show. All I have to say is this...I would love to be there to watch it and somehow have to figure out how to get out of my training session at the gym to do it...I'd probably bawl like a baby...

Kathy Hilton Denied Medical License

Oh Kathy Hilton...there are times when I'm glad you're rich and not a nurse.

You see...Kathy can't seem to tell the difference when someone is shivering because they are cold and someone has a broken arm. At the very least, if Paris had a broken arm she would be in such severe pain that they would have moved her back to the medical unit. So Kathy...just to help you get that medical license so you can tell the difference between such things I offer the following.


This person is cold. They are hugging themselves so they can use their own personal body heat to keep themselves at a temperature that doesn't chill them to the bone. She's rubbing her arms because she's trying to increase blood circulation that will, hopefully, also promote additional body heat as well and make her...well...not as cold.


This person has a broken arm. He's not cold. He's just in a lot of pain. This is what a broken arm may look like...well if you were trying to lift a lot of weight over your head and your arm just snapped like a toothpick but still you get the idea. This is a broken arm.

Just trying to help you out, Kath...love ya!

Thanks...But....Um....

So you're probably wondering why a picture of Barry Diller is here amidst all of the Paris Hilton hullabaloo.

Well, a headhunter called me and asked if I would be interested in applying for a job that would report directly to the man that created Fox Broadcasting and changed television forever when he created the ABC Movie of the Week.

It took a while for my jaw to pick up from off the floor.

First and foremost, I was VERY honored to even be considered for the job and I took a couple of days to learn more about the man and how I should tailor my resume (which I was told should be about four pages long) to fit what he was looking for in this position. I started rewriting my resume over and over so it would be PERFECT for the job but then right in the middle of it, I talked to a friend who used to work for Fox who basically told me that if I went to work for him I would be working my ass off and literally earning every single penny I was being paid.

Now I have no problem with hard work or anything of the sort. However, the way that it came out of his mouth made me really reconsider whether or not I wanted to be tied to my job as much as it sounded like it was going to be from the job description as well as those I had talked to about Barry and everything else.

At the end of it all, I decided that I needed a bit more time in my current position learning as much as I could before I could even consider taking on something as large as Barry Diller.

Now would it have been great to work for him or at least apply for the job? Absolutely. However, I needed to be a little realistic about things including my background, level of experience, and whether or not I thought I could do the job that Barry Diller wanted. This was compounded when I learned that someone who headed up a similar position for Conde Nast had submitted their resume.

In the end, I decided to say no to the opportunity. I think it was the right decision for me until I can get some more experience and have a lot more to offer under my belt. Something like this may never come along again. However, it would be a huge step from where I am now to working for Barry Diller (if I was to even get the job). Give me a few more years and we'll see...

So Barry, if you do want me for this job, give me a call or drop me an email. Then again, you probably have no clue who I am...

Ellen On Paris

And no not in that kinky way!

Following her Emmy win, Ellen DeGeneres had the following to say:

"If that really is an act, if she really was playing dumb, than what does that say about our society that we're celebrating someone who was successful because they're not smart?

"I just think it's a bad sign and she shouldn't contribute to that. It's just amazing if that was an act the whole time."

DeGeneres said she would be willing to have Hilton as a guest on her daytime talk show and tell her the same thing.

"Hopefully, she means what she says," DeGeneres said. "I hope she is reading good books and I hope she comes out and changes her life a little because she needed to."

***

Following this statement, Ellen DeGeneres has formally become a member of the Truth Screamers on Patrol.

If Paris does appear on her show, perhaps she'll give Ellen some fashion advice for her next red carpet show.

No, Paris....THIS Is Hot...

Bring Me The Head of David Hyde Pierce!

How could he lose the Tony??? HOW! Sigh....he was robbed...so robbed...and he sung the shit out of this Tuesday night, the day after the Tonys.

New Favorite Commercial

It's so nice that Ask.com let's people find lots of pictures of Chicks with Dicks...I mean Swords...riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. "Swords."

Back in "Real" Jail Now

So Paris is out of the medical jail and into a real cell now. I guess the anal abcesses drug withdrawals issues are all...um...cleared up now...Well as real as it can get for her at least. I mean she's not sharing it with a 500 pound, bull dyke lesbian with a flat top, and a flannel shirt named Bertha who will whore her out to the general population for cigarettes but it's still jail. A simple life, if you will. (Bad pun, I know.)

So I figure she has maybe 12 days left in jail before she gets released. And then what happens? Who knows. If the rumors are to be believed, no one really wants her around or to piggy back onto them in order to pull herself back up. Maybe if she went to Sluts Anonymous or Skanky Whores Recovery or something like that it will help. Either way, I just hope that she realizes that she has to face SOME consequences in her life that money, fame, or looks (not that she is that pretty) can't get her out of...

We Interrupt This Paris Hilton Watch For The Following Announcement...

I have the biggest crush in the world on Raul Esparza. Let's put it to you this way...it's a doozy of a crush. I mean I could look into his eyes and just melt for days on end. He wouldn't even have to say a word. Just cuddle with me on a couch while we sip wine, listen to some nice classical music, and then fall asleep holding each other.

Yeah I know, I know. He has a boyfriend. Or so the papers said. I don't care. He's fucking adorable as hell in this picture and in person. And yes, I've seen him in person. No, I'm not stalking him. To paraphrase what Joanne says in the show COMPANY, he's a terribly attractive man. The kind that most men want and never seem to get. I will have to see the show again before it closes because regardless of my crush on him, he gives one heck of a performance.

Hilton Family Values

So the newest buzz in Hilton-ville is that Nicky, Kathy, Rick, and who knows who else have special access to jump to the front of the line at the LA jail where Paris is detoxing being held on her parole violation.

Yep, she's supposed to be treated like everyone else (even if she is in the medical center for her detox issues vaginal and anal abcesses issues) but her family isn't even being treated like everyone else. I mean people are waiting HOURS to get into the jail to see their family and the Hilton's get to zip to the front of the line and have people cleared out of the visitation room just because they are there. Maybe it's the stench of working class people that they can't get out of their tropical lightweight wools that's too much for them.

I'm with the other prisoners' families on this. The Hiltons should wait in line like everyone else. It's not fair that people are waiting in line for four to five hours just so Kathy and Rick can slip her some caviar and pate rather than the gruel she's getting from the commissary. If it sounds like my contempt for the Hilton family is spreading, then you would be RIGHT.

Oh...and as for the picture that accompanies this post, Mom seems to be so happy that her daughter is a whore while Dad is leering so much that I'm a little creeped out.

It's An Act?

This was written yesterday but I hit save now rather than publish so I'm putting it out here one day later.

It's an act? She's trying to say that her acting like a common whore and moron is all an act? Come on. No one shows as much cameltoe as she has and still claim to be smart.

Then it's one damn good act. Give this woman an Oscar, Emmy, and Tony right now because this is the performance of a lifetime that we've been watching...for practically her entire lifetime. I remember she made a comment like this about a year ago how the entire thing was an act for her and she's really a lot smarter than she portrays herself.

Well, I guess no one told her that if she was REALLY that smart, she never would have told anyone that it was an act.

Yes, I'm referring to that very classic comment that Ms. Hilton made...or I should say her publicist made the comment for her. Why do I say it that way? Well, as the old commercial slogan went, "Seeing is believing, but tasting is truth." Not that I want to taste Paris in any way, shape, or form, but you know what I mean.

Here's what I'm expecting to happen next. Paris...or her mom...or her publicist...definitely anyone BUT her will go to the United Nations and pay for her to be some form of a goodwill ambassador, going across the globe to do some humanitarian work. That is until she realizes that she may have to come in contact with people who may not have bathed recently or are dying of hunger or with lesions or who knows what else. Then she'll just whine and bitch and moan about having to do this job and within two months (if that long) she'll be back sharing OxyContin pills with Lindsay Lohan.

Contrite My Ass

I'm loving all of the analysts who are going over Paris Hilton's latest statements about not appealing the verdict against her and how we should be ashamed that we're so focused on her and not what's going on in Afghanistan.

Okay...those words did not come out of her mouth. I totally do not believe that those words came out of her mouth. That was her publicist (you know the one that she fired then rehired like 45 minutes later when she realized she couldn't speak for herself or form a full sentence) trying to stem the tide of hatred and disgust against her. It's not working. We see the smoke bomb, we're ignoring the smoke, and we're seeing the pathetic skank for what she is -- an incredibly self-centered, spoiled brat who is famous for absolutely nothing.

If that's how she really felt then she would nt have caused such a huge scene last week in court when she got her ticket yanked and was sent back to the slammer. Shall we try another tactic because I'm not buying it.

Paris Says No Appeal...I say Big Deal...

So Paris is now saying that she's going to do her jail sentence. Of course that's what she said before when she went in the first time and did about three minutes before she was sent out with a piece of jewelery she couldn't get a Tiffany. She and her parents were even planning a party to celebrate her "freedom" the day that she got hauled back to court and thrown back in the slammer.

Of course they are also saying that she's not eating and sleeping in her new digs while she's being examined which only makes me go back to my thesis that she's really detoxing from all of the drugs running through her system. Of course I have no idea whether or not she does drugs but let's just say it's either detoxing from drugs or not having her maid Consuela there to order around and beat with a Manolo. Ooooh. It could also be that the prison guards don't give a flying fuck about her, her money, or anything of the sort.

So how much longer will she last. We shall see. Either way, I find it all way too fascinating. So fascinating that I will continue to blog about her every day that she is in jail.

Paris Hilton...The Blues Singer?

The more articles I read that refer to her as "Screaming Paris Hilton," the more I think that it's one kick ass name should she decide to go into singing the blues. Imagine the name Screamin' Paris Hilton on the marquee of B.B. King's in Times Square or Carnegie Hall. Her band can be called The Chain Gang or something fun like that. Maybe clones of her mother and have them be The Enablers.

CRY, YOU SPOILED BITCH! CRY!

Okay, I've resisted saying anthing about the Paris Hilton debacle but after reading the article on MSNBC where she screamed "It's not right" about having to go back to jail to serve out her sentence I have had enough of Miss Prissy Pants thinking her shit does not stink.

YOU BROKE THE LAW, YOU FUCKING DUMB ASS SLUT!

The law does not care how much money you have, how pretty you are, or who the fuck your parents are. You were caught once and got a slap on the wrist. You got caught a second time and expected the same treatment and were shocked that the judged didn't think you were "hot."

I'm a citizen, you're a citizen. If I get pulled over by the cops, I should get the same punishment as you with no consideration made for social class. The fact that they did bend over backwards to make special accomodations for you should say enough as it is so SUCK IT BITCH!

That's right, I said..

SUCK

IT

BITCH.

Besides, don't you have PLENTY of experience in that department?

There is nothing special about you other than the fact that you refuse to wear underwear and like to show everyone your freshly shaved vagina when you get out of a car. And trust us...not even that is very special...

Let's face it...your illness was all a sham because you were probably detoxing very hard from all of the drugs you and Lindsay Lohan do together. Am I right here? Probably...

So enjoy the rest of your stay. I wish the judge had extended it a little bit longer just for funsies but oh well, I don't get my wish and you sure as hell don't get yours.

So cry you little baby. I'm going to enjoy every day you are in jail. Every. Single. Day. And if you get out early or try to pull this medical stunt again, I'm going to hope they drag your ass back there time and time again. Maybe if you just shut your fucking trap, done the time like you said you were going to do and not been such a whiny bitch who thinks they deserve special treatment because of who they are and how much money they have, you wouldn't be getting raked over the coals by everyone. But you did the crime now do the fucking time.

Lame ass, whore.

Oh and while I'm at it, let's not forget about Mom's role in all of this. Oh, sorry, not Mom. The Enabler.

Yeah, Ms. Kathy seems to think that it's okay for her daughter to go driving drunk around the city. And then it's okay for her to drive around the city while her license is suspended. And then it's okay for her daughter to not be punished for breaking the law. And then it's okay for her to keep breaking that same law over and over because she apparently didn't hear it enough from the first 10,000 cops that told her that it was wrong for her to be driving on a suspended license. And then it's okay to get legal advice on whether or not Paris can drive not from her lawyer but from her publicist. Kathy, trust me on this one, you won't be winning any Mother of the Year contests in the near future. Not on your fucking life. Paris, maybe you need to realize that Mom doesn't know best on this one. Wow. It kinda makes you wonder how Nicky Hilton has wound up so fucking normal. Hey, I know! Why not just admit that Paris is kinda fucked up and you're part of the problem as well. Maybe you could do therapy together with Paris! What a great mother/daughter bonding experience!

Maybe start hanging out with Dad. He seems normal enough and you defintely don't see him in the papers showing camel toe. Yeah, he's not that flashy of a dresser and his hair could probably use the work but think of all of the things you could learn from him rather than mom. You can learn real estate transaction and true business stuff you can use when, sadly, you start running the company and not how to hide the OxyContin pills that your pharmacist gave you without a prescription.

Yeah, that's right Kathy. Throw your hands up in the air. I wouldn't know what to do with this kids either. Except put them in a nunnery.



Even then I don't think that would work.