Lazy weekend....interesting weekend....

This weekend I did some dogsitting, watched tv, a little laundry, and ate some really good gouda.

I also think I got a marriage proposal from a "friend with benefits" who wants...well...a more comprehensive benefit package. Then again we were both a little drunk (okay maybe more than a little) so I've kinda asked him to confirm if he was asking what he was asking.

Even then I don't know what I would say.

Tech support

I just got a frantic call this morning which, while hysterical, was also kinda funny.

My friend...we'll call him Bob for this post...Bob called because apparently he sent an incredibly sexually explicit email to a client that was meant for one of "boys.". Now, Bob won't get fired for this since he owns the company, but he didn't want to have to explain various sizes of dildos, brands of poppers, fuck benches, cock piercings, leather restraints and more to his client.

I walked him through the steps of trying to recall a message through Outlook and I'm kinda hoping it works.

However, in him telling me what the email was about I did get me kinda turned on. Considering the size of one of those dildos, his boy must have a hole the size of the Lincoln Tunnel.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Something for a laugh...

This made me laugh hysterically late last night when I really needed it the most...gotta love the stoners for moments like this....

Fighting

I'm fighting.

The odd part is that I'm fighting myself.

I'm fighting my natural tendencies and course of action because to give in and go after what I want would be disastrous.

I'm fighting my feelings and trying to acknowledge them or, at the least, minimize them.

I'm fighting a battle with myself I don't know if I can win.

I'm fighting the path I've put myself on and trying not to make it to the inevitable conclusiomn before me but the exit ramps I've taken have all lead to dead ends.

I'm fighting the urge to fight for what I want.

I'm tired of fighting.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

to my "friends"

Ah, my good, loving, loyal, knife wielding friends. You think I haven't felt the pricks of your blades piercing my back because we haven't seen each other or maybe because you think that I'm a bit thick in the head.

Oh but I have.

I have felt every single one of them and have spent the past weekend disinfecting and bandaging the wounds and wondering to myself why you would do such a thing if you were supposed to be my "friend."

I just didn't realize that I was in a bull fight and one of you had merely sent in your picadors to weaken me before you delivered your mighty blow.

And I felt it.

And it hurt. A lot.

But...it did not kill me. If anything it's made me stronger and more willing to fight -- but on my terms.

So, to all of my "friends" out (and yes, I do know who you are), please be afraid. Be very afraid. As some can tell you, my counter attacks can be pretty intense and cut you to the quick much harder than you ever thought you cut me.

And to the one that went for the death kill (and yes, I do know who you are as well), you missed the target entirely. The sad part is that you probably don't watch your back enough when you really should. You waste all of your energy on one strong hit and expect that to do all of your work for you but it expends so much that you're left not really able to defend yourself and you wind up looking more like a moron than anything else.

So bring it.

Whatever you have, just bring it.

No, I didn't say "bring it on." It's always going to be on.

Just bring it. To my face. Don't be a pussy and go behind my back again. Only cowards take that route.

To. My. Face. That is, if you're man enough. Or at least think you are.

You may cut me down for a second but I come back with a vengeance. You'll never know when. You'll never know where. But I always come back.

Bring it.

Interesting reading on the job

As some of you know, part of my job allows me the opportunity to look at...shall we say ADULT websites and products. Well, I went to BadMimi.com and this one quote on the front page just stopped me dead.

Then I started calling friends and doing dramatic readings of it. Enjoy.

"Thou shalt love your vagina deeply and with reverence. It is the doorway to heaven. It is the place where souls come from heaven to earth. Whether you choose to give birth to a soul or an idea, rejoice in the sacred essence of being a woman."

I hope you all love your vaginas deeply and with reverence. If I could...I would.....

Blech

I feel fat ansd ugly today for some reason.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Gratitude and Appreciation

Gratitude and Appreciation

The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated. -- William James

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. -- John F. Kennedy

Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary. -- Margaret Cousins

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others. -- Cicero

Make a wish

I was invited out to a bar event called "Big Lug" by a couple of friends but bypassed it for something else -- cuddle time.

I have a good friend who is an excellent cuddler. And it's not even romantic cuddling as much as it's "friend cuddling." Just think of the episode of Friends where Joey and Ross fall asleep together on the couch and it was "the best nap ever" but it was awkward for them because they were friends (and of course male which means they're totally gay *laugh*). No...it's nothing like that for us...it's whenever things have been really bad or rough for either of us, we'll call on each other and we'll just get together and spend the night, curled up together so neither of us has to go through it alone.

It's something we don't abuse either. I mean there's no cuddling for the sake of cuddling but it's to be used on those times when we're going through a rough patch and don't want to go through a night alone. Sometimes we talk about it what's going on and sometimes we don't. We tend to let the person in need take the lead.

So last night I was the person in need and sure enough Rudy picked up on that and invited me over. We didn't talk about the situation which I think helped the most and we curled up in bed watching DVDs of Strangers with Candy before going to sleep.

Thankfully Rudy lives near my new work so I headed out from his place his morning and felt somewhat better about what was going on but knew that it was just the beginning. I passed by the fountain at the corner of 8th and Horatio and something compelled me to pull out a coin and make a wish. As I'm kilted today, I reached into my sporran and all I had at my disposal were quarters.

I thought better of it until I rememebred a line from a book I read as a child -- "From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil T. Frankweiler." In it, Claudia and her brother Jamie decide to run away and wind up spending night after night in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. When they decide to take a bath, they hop into a fountain where they realize they can augment their meager income by picking up the coins that people have tossed in. Mixed in with all of the pennies and nickles was a single quarter. Claudia says something to the extent of, "This must have come from a poor person because only rich people have penny dreams."

Well...I realized I didn't have a penny dream/wish/whatever. In went the quarter with a wish attached to it. As I watched it hit the water and slowly sink to the bottom, I felt a bit silly for a moment. This was something I hadn't done in YEARS and only a child attaches wishes to throwing coins in a fountain.

But what I did realize after I was a few blocks away from the fountain is that the simple act of tossing a coin into a fountain gave me hope that I could get through this current stage no matter what the outcome.

My wish? That's between me and a 1984 quarter at the bottom of a fountain. I don't know if it will come true, but at least it's given me hope.

Just for the record....

I'm the guy who will put his head on your shoulder, not because I'm sleepy, but because I want to be closer to you...

I'm the guy who likes to be kissed in the rain, more than inside your bedroom or in an expensive resturant...

I'm the guy who loves to romance you and see you simply melt because I've made you feel special and loved...

I'm the guy who can be incredibly picky, but when I find someone I like I want to spend the whole night curled up in their arms...

I'm the guy who never forgets all the sweet little things you do for me...

I'm the guy who once I let you into my heart, there's always a place there with your name on it. & even if we spend time apart, I'm the guy who never forgets you...

I'm the guy who you can talk to about anything...

I'm the guy who laughs at your jokes...

I'm the guy who says, "OK, but you owe me..." jokingly not because I actually want something, but because it means I get to spend more time with you...

I'm the guy who will brag about you to all of my friends...

I'm the guy who will listen to you talk...

I'm the guy who loves it when you hug me for no apparent reason...

I'm the guy who loves it when you hug me from behind or kiss me on the cheek...

I'm the guy who loves to end a hug with a kiss...

I'm the guy you can take absolutely anywhere and I will have fun because it means I am spending time with you...

I'm the guy who loves it when you introduce me to your friends...

I'm the guy who loves the feeling when you take me by the hand without saying a word...

I'm the guy that loves the attention when you chase me around & we fall laughing just because we're silly...

I'm the guy that loves to cook your favorite meal & watch you get excited because I'm doing it just for you...

I'm the guy who doesn't care what other people say about us...

I'm the guy who for some reason is still single....

Rogan Resolved

I talked to my favorite fashionista today....

Rogan jeans are apparently VERY expensive. Like $285+ expensive.

For $50 I totally got a deal. Couple that with the Diesel Industry jeans I got and I picked up about $450 worth of jeans for around $80.

No complaints. What they do for my butt is nothing beyond a miracle.

Should I be happy?

Okay, I've never heard of Rogan jeans before but I just bought a pair of them (they made my butt look good) for $50 and a pair of Diesel Industry jeans for $38 at this awesome vintage clothing (aka USED) I discovered in my neighborhood.

The woman at the counter actually confirmed the price on the Rogan jeans before ringing them up. She looked at me and said, "You are getting the deal of the day."

I'm assuming that's good because I am so fashion "unconscious" these days.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Cuddling IV (that's "four" in roman numerals -- just so you know)

I saw this picture and it's the exact image of what cuddling should be like. Yeah, I know it's Calvin and Hobbes and all, but it just said volumes to me about what that intimate moment shared between two people who care for each other should be like.

One of "those" couples

One of my friends is in the process of extricating himself out of a relationship that's, I would guesstimate, three to four years old. It's an emotional break-up and he's actually going to his ex's therapy sessions so he can come to terms with the break up.

However, the most interesting tidbit got passed onto me. The ex actually thought that my friend and I were having an affair because we're rather close. I think of this guy as the big brother I never had and he's just a heck of a guy. Couldn't ask for anyone better than him and so glad that he's on my side.

I've been in a few of those situations where I've been the "friend you just don't see in THAT way" and while I once entertained thoughts of somethign with him years ago, I'm glad that what we've developed is even more special because he and I have been through a lot together as friends and we're always there ot help each other out, lift each other's spirits, and make each other laugh when the moment calls for it. It's like we're in a relationship without the relationship.

Can I see myself with him as a couple. Absolutely not. It woudl be like incest. But it is kinda funny that his ex actually thought of us as a couple. And maybe we are but in our own way.

I mean who else am I going to talk to about Pyrex butt plugs and dildos? Not my mother.

Another Reason Why I Love My Job

Going to porn, lube, and sex toy websites is all a part of my job. 

 

Today's fun site -- pyrex dildos.  Colored pyrex at that.  It's like art that you can fuck yourself with.

 

Love it.

Why I Love My Job

Yesterday I spent three hours at the Internation Fancy Food and Confections Expo at the Javits Center sampling fine cheeses, chocolates, meats, designer waters, candies, salsas, compotes, pastas and sauces, olive oils, liquers, nuts, and more.

And I have to go back for three more hours today.

Damn, I lead such a hard life.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

A failure already....

Today was supposed to be the morning where I woke up early and go to the gym and get in an pre-work workout. Okay so it was just cardio. I'm easing myself back to the gym after a couple of months away and this was supposed to be the kick off.

Okay, so maybe I should have tried going to bed sooner. Maybe I shouldn't have had so much caffeine during the day. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and put the AC back in the window. Maybe I should have just gone to the gym when my alarm went off.

Let's face it. I fell asleep somewhere between 130 and 200 in the morning. There's no way I was dragging my butt out of bed after so little sleep.

I'm going after work. I promise.

Cuddling -- Part the Third

So...I said I wouldn't talk about my last cuddle experience unless I had permission from the guy. Well he said I could definitely go ahead and talk about it (with a few limitations of course) so I hope you like it.

It started out with sex. Some very incredibly, very intense sex. I was topping (stop snickering people...I do both positions and I like it very much...variety is the spice of life) and he and I were very much in tune with each other. VERY incredible sexual chemistry between us. Something I hadn't experienced in a long time.

Finally at the very end knowing that time was short for both of us, I pulled out and pulled off the condom. I pretty much collapsed on top of him and he just wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close. I returned the embrace and whenever I tried to move my head to kiss him on the check or nuzzle him, he just held me down and in place and kept saying, "Shhhh.....shhhhhh...." while stroking my head. There's no other word for what happened other than we just melded together on the bed. You know that safe, protected feeling that I talked about getting during cuddling? It was there and was a position that we could have held for a lot longer.

We changed position a few times with me laying on my stomach and him laying on top of me. I don't think we said very much except to suggest other positions to lay in for a while before we moved into the shower where we did some "vertical cuddling" with me standing behind him, hugging him from behind. It ultimately led to an awkward moment when we got too comfortable with each other. I say "too comfortable" because it was, in my opinion at least, the feeling that we just "fit" with each other and felt like we had been a couple for years.

It just felt natural between us. We clicked internally and what was supposed to be just sex between two guys became a very intimate moment. It wasn't something that we planned on happening but was just instictive and changed the entire mood of the experience. It's something he and I have been talking about since then as it caught

cuddling...take two

I got an email late tonight about my last cuddle post that asked me about the last time I cuddled. Out of fairness to that person, since he does read this blog, I'm not going to post about it (mainly because I would ask for his permission first).

However, I will talk about another cuddling instance so you can get an idea of why I like it.

It was a long cuddle period. Like five or six hours curled up on his couch (which turns into a futon bed for his occasional roommate -- odd situation worthy of it's own blog entry but we won't go there). We stripped down to t-shirts and boxers and kind climbed into each others arms. He's taller than I am so we don't fit exactly but we fit well enough.

He's also a great kisser. It was one of those situations where we cuddled and had occasional moments of making out and body exploration. I know on him that his nipples are very sensitive so it was like I knew that if I wanted to turn it up a bit, that's all I had to do. It was nice because we would swap positions where i would hold him, he would hold me, we'd hold each other. We'd be curled up together on our sides while spooning, him next to me with my arm around him, and more.

You could call it foreplay if you want. I won't deny that term either. But there was something about holding him close to me that was the best. We didn't have sex (although we did come close) and I'm kinda glad we didn't. It was nice to spend an evening being sweet and tender with someone else that didn't devolve into sex. The time we spent together was soft and tender and respectful of each other. While I'm not saying that sex can't be the same way, there's a delicate transition that has to take place . There's a bit of romance that comes with cuddling because you have to be respectful of that person, their space, their comfort level and more and find out what works best for you.

Maybe it's you laying on the couch with your head up against or on their stomach while they hav their arm draped down your torso and every now and then rubbing your stomach.

Maybe it's early in the morning and their doing their morning ritual and you just slide your arms around their waist and rest your head against the nape of their neck.

Or maybe it's the full contact spooning cuddle where you're right against each other, maybe holding hands and matching your breathing patterns to each other so you're perfectly in synch with each other.

Ah...I could go on for a while about cuddling....but you get the idea.

Cuddling defined

So a couple of posts ago, I talked about cuddling and someone asked me what that entailed for me.

Cuddling is not sex.

There I said.

Cuddling, however, is more than sharing space together. I find it to be, at times, one of the most intimate of acts you can ever do with someone.

I also like that it can take various forms. There's spooning in bed next to each other, your arm draped over them bringing them closer. There's laying on the couch or bed together with them sitting beside you nuzzled into your chest or even with them sitting between your legs leaning up against you. There's even cuddling that can take place standing up with one person behind the other and made even more intimae when you do it in front of a full length mirror and you're watching each other in the reflection.

It is intimate. It's even more so when you're very in tune and connected with each other. There are times I enjoy cuddling more than sex itself.

Some day I'll find the right guy to do that with. Until then...I'm just a cuddle whore.

Well I would be if I actually had someone to cuddle with....

A Guy Like You....

There's one question that I've been asked three times in the past week that I'm growing very tired of hearing -- "How can a guy like you still be single?" (or some variation thereof).

I hate this question. I have always hated this question. I hate it as much as I hate it when people say that "the minute you stop looking for someone is the moment when it happens."

I say it's bullshit.

I don't know why I'm single. Maybe I need to go out more. Maybe I need to start looking in different venues. Maybe I'm just really picky. Maybe I know what I want and won't settle until I get it. Maybe I don't want to be in a relationship.

Maybe you just need to mind your own fucking business.

Okay so that was a bit harsh. I know you mean well. Really, you do. I guess when you've heard the question more than a few times in the span of a week, it starts to bother you more than you realize.

Look I don't know. I don't know why I don't have a boyfriend or partner or whatever. But don't you think that it makes me question who I am, my self esteem, and more when you call things like that into question?

Cuddle time?

A long time ago I wrote this post about wanting to cuddle up with someone.

Mmmmm....it would be so nice to do that today. It's been a while since I've fallen asleep in someone's arms (or vice versa) and it would be nice to do that again soon. There's something intimate there without it being slutty or whorish that I kinda like and I haven't done it in a while.

Happy Fourth of July

I hear America singing, the varied carols I hear;
Those of the mechanics-each one singing his,
as it should be, blithe and strong;
The carpenter singing his, as he measures his plank or beam,
The mason singing his, as he makes ready for work,
or leaves off work;
The boatman singing what belongs to him in his boat-
the deckhand singing on the steamboat deck;
The shoemaker singing as he sits on his bench-
the hatter singing as he stands;
The wood-cutter's song-the ploughboy's, on his way in
the morning, or at the noon intermission, or at sundown;
The delicious singing of the mother-or of the young
wife at work-or of the girl sewing or washing-
Each singing what belongs to her, and to none else;
The day what belongs to the day-At night, the party of
young fellows, robust, friendly,
Singing, with open mouths, their strong melodious songs.

-Walt Whitman

My new favorite underwear

For years I have been a fan of boxers and boxer briefs but thanks to two people, I'm slowly returning to the world of briefs again. This is my favorite pair that I've gotten so far mainly because I think they look kinda hot on me. Yes, I did take a picture of me wearing them but until I drop about 200 pounds (okay I exaggerate) I'm not going to post one of those...so right now I'm somewhat "tri-sexual" when it comes to my underwear...maybe when I get in better shape I'll do a poll of which looks better on me...

Self Analysis

I've been doing a lot of reflection this weekend...and really the past 2 months after I was laid off.

What do I really want out of life?

What do I want in a job so I can feel fulfilled?

What do I want in a boyfriend (or do I even want one)? And, more importantly, what am I going to do in order to put myself into a relationship? Obviously, Pizza Hut doesn't deliver them to your door made to order.

Am I really happy and if not, what will it take for me to be happy? Money? Better job? Better apartment? Love?

It's been an interesting 2 months that's for sure. I think getting laid off was probably the best thing for me. It's really made me take a long hard look at myself and see what I need to do in order to make things right. You can only count on others to help you out for so long and for so far. After that, you're on your own and if you really want it, you'll go out and get it.

And I want it.