Wednesday, January 31, 2007
I'm not gon give up
I'm not gon stop
I'm gon work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin'
That's kinda sums up how I feel after yesterday's train wreck of an afternoon. I really can't sleep (which is evidenced by my 3 AM posting...some of you know where I work so you may know some of the players involved...if you don't...well I'm not saying....
About 12, maybe 13 hours ago, I got a call from my co-worker Justin telling me ot head into Steve's (our boss) office. This wasn't unusual because we've had snap department meetings before so I just grabbed my notebook and headed over to the other side of the office. As usual, I was the first one there because when I get asked to show up, I show up.
Steve looked at me and asked where everyone else was so I was sent to go get Ricky and Jerry, my other two coworkers, as well. I noticed as I went into Ricky's area that Justin was in with the CEO in a closed door meeting. After delivering my "Join us!" message to the others, I headed back into Steve's office where I told him that Justin was unavailable and where he was at that time.
"I've been fired," was the first thing out of Steve's mouth. Now "fired" is really the wrong word. "Laid off" is more accurate from a legal stand point. Now we knew things were in a weird spot at the office but this was wholly unexpected. Stunned would be an understatement. It was like blowing up a balloon, tying the knot, slapping a piece of Scotch tape on it and then popping a hole in the Scotch tape so the air would leak out slowly.
I went back to my desk a few minutes later while Steve made his rounds to say goodbye and I really couldn't focus on work because this great guy was gone. I left a note for Justin on his desk to stop by and see me when he could and went back to work the best that I could given the circumstances. He stopped by a few minutes later and we went to work on an exhibitor list of who we should and should not contact from another group's show list and I got a bit of a heads up as to what was going down. Ricky had already been called into the CEO's office and was getting the word handed down to him so obviously they were going in order of seniority which meant I was last.
Ricky was probably in there for 5-10 minutes if that really. Jerry got called in next as Justin and I wrapped up our review. He went off to the office while Justin lingered a bit and asked that I just shoot him an IM right before I go in. Seconds after Justin left, Jerry came back and let me know that he had gotten the heave-ho as well. Needless to say when the phone rang about three seconds later, I wasn't feeling too hot.
I went in and was preparing for the worst. Instead I was given two choices (technically there). Everything is being consolidated into one sales force and I was being offered the opportunity to sell for our erotic shows and advertisements in the publications. My base pay would be cut, however, I would have an increased commission rate. The other choice was to become the production manager for the shows which would include interfacing with the decorators, working with the marketing, printing badges, floor plans, etc. This would be a flat salary with no sales work. It would be a higher salary than what I am making now, although if I met my annual sales goal for the erotic shows I would be making more in that position.
Well the production part appealed more to me not because it's a non-sales position, but because it does get me back into my roots of when I worked in the theatre and for the gay chorus in Florida and was their production manager. I asked for a day to think about it but I kinda knew about three hours later that I was taking the production job. I called up some friends and let them weigh in and they all unanimously told me to take the production job. So, I did.
I'm not sure when it all officially switches over but the only part that I'm leery about is the fact that I have to move into my former boss' office so I can be closer to the person that I directly report to. I don't want to give off the impression that I'm replacing Steve (and for the love of Cheese Whiz don't call it a promotion) or trying to be him and I know that I have to garner the support of those that are still here.
Quite simply the office is a much quieter place today. Still a little shock but I'll pull through. I'm a survivor. I have to.
Monday, January 29, 2007
1) America's Next Top Cooter
2) Cooter, She Wrote
3) All in the Cooter
4) The Cooter Girls
5) Designing Cooters
6) The Young and the Cooterless
7) Have Cooter, Will Travel
8) Laverne and Cooter
9) Grey's Cooter
10) Desperate Cooters
11) Extreme Makeover: Cooter Edition
12) Queer Eye for the Cooter Guy
13) The Amazing Cooter
14) Bosom Cooters
15) Ally McCooter
16) Married with Cooters
17) Six Cooters Under
18) The Cooter is Right
19) Cooter Runway
20) Star Trek: Deep Space Cooter
21) Cooter Knows Best
22) Leave It To Cooter
And the one that made us laugh until we cried...
LITTLE COOTER ON THE PRAIRIE
Friday, January 26, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Really feeling disconnected and have been questioning as of late whether or not to continue the blog.
It's been a great place to express myself, vent, and, on more than one occasion, pull back and not really say how I feel because 1) I know what the repercussions would be and 2) I'd rather not have to deal with the fallout afterwards because it will only make the situation worse.
This started off as a lark...somethign to do while I looked for a new job (a process that took three months) and I have really just put it all out there sometimes and told probably far more than I should have. But as of late, I've started to question the purpose of the blog beyond anything other than vanity and posting stupid things I see on YouTube.
I'll figure it all out I'm sure but consider this blog on life support.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Now, for the uninitiated, grappa, to me at least, is the equivalent of jet fuel. I had it when I was in Italy in 2005 and I really didn't acquire a taste for it then. I don't even like the sweet fruit or honey infused versions. If I'm going to drink it, I want it nice and dry and I want it to burn going down. I ordered up a round for the three of us that went out because the two of them had never had it before and I told them they had to swig it back. They hated it, I loved it. For some reason grappa has grown on me. Or I actually had some good grappa.
After dinner, bar hopping became the objective. Now, mind you I was dressed nicely for the evening but wasn't really prepared to go bar hopping. Not that I was opposed to it but since I'm not really that much of a bar person to begin with, it wasn't something that I was looking forward to. On the plus side, the hard workouts I've been doing have definitely been paying off because I'm toning up, getting a bit more definition, and basically feeling better about myself. However, there's always that nagging bit of self doubt and self esteem in going out as well. I'm horrible at knowing when I'm being cruised and can count on one hand the number of times I've been hit on in a bar. My track record is less than stellar.
So we hit three bars in the East Village and I went a whopping 0-3. Not that I didn't try but either I wasn't what they were looking for or wasn't dressed the part or perhaps I'm just fucking Quasimodo. Either way, my ego took a HUGE hit last night. I'll recover that's for sure but it was still a little depressing to get great compliments from friends about how great I look with the results I'm getting from my workouts and the regimen I've put myself on and then to go out and not see it rewarded. Maybe "rewarded" is the wrong word to use but it's the best I can come up with.
It's not going to deter me from going out again but at the same time I'll know to go out with lower expectations...which will be hard to do since I didn't go out with any to begin with...
Friday, January 19, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
You're home from work on the MLK holiday and there you find it. Maury Povich doing paternity tests. And you're compelled to watch. You just have to tune in and see which man is going to claim to not be "the baby daddy" or that the baby can't be his because it didn't come out of the womb speaking Spanish or that all the men in his family only have boy sperm and that it can't be his baby because it's a girl or that the baby can't be his because it's too white (nevermind the fact that the mother is white). Oh yes. Maury Povich. The best in morning TV. Where you can bring 11 guys on TV to be DNA tested as your child's dad but it only proves that you are one heck of a whore.
I crave it.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
I can go over New Year's and celebrate New Year's in another country
It's multisport so it's not all one trip
A lot of meals are paid for already.
I can combine it with a trip to see my family for Christmas.
Will have plenty of time to save $$$ to buy souvenirs.
It will be warm!
It's the most expensive trip.
Airfare will be about $400 more than the other two options.
Ends on a Friday which means I would have to pay for at least one or two more nights of a hotel to really get my money's worth.
Have to wait the entire year for a big trip and not take a lot of time off for 12 months!
Good time of year to travel there.
An area of the country I have never been to and may never get a chance to go to again.
A huge variety of things to do from hiking to horseback riding and more.
Airfare is the least expensive of the three.
Extra expense of a taxi to the hotel (about $50) if I can't get a ride from one of my fellow travellers.
It's in the US and I haven't done much traveling outside of the country.
I love hiking.
Least expensive of the three options.
Includes July 4th holiday so one less day of vacation to take off.
Not that many meals included.
It's pretty much all hiking and no variety.
Extra cost of at least one hotel night.
Extra cost of train tickets to Zermatt.
Least amount of time to save $$$ for the trip for spending money.
I'm sure there are other things I'm missing and right now I've ranked them but take a look at the trips, the schedules, etc., and tell me what you would do....
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
All the Men in My Life (keep getting killed by Candarian Demons)
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And then, there's her. Let's just say there are times in the theater world when one of the supporting cast members takes a role, folds it up into a neat square, puts it in their pocket, and walks away with the entire show. Considering that you don't see her from the waist down for about two thirds of the show, it's an amazing tour de force performance. Let's just say whenever she would pop out and deliver one of her puns (especially all of the "hand" related ones) you would groan with pleasure. She's no stupid bitch that's for sure!
Monday, January 08, 2007
The Day The Donald Socked It To The Brassy Bully Rosie Of “The View”
(To the tune of, "Harper Valley P.T.A." by Tom T. Hall.)
I want to tell you all a story ’bout a war between The Donald and The View’s
Rosie O who peddles lies on him, he says, and now he’s gonna sue
No he doesn’t need the money and he knows there’s more to life than cash
But he said, “It would be fun to take some dough out of the Rosie’s big fat ass!”
She was the first to fire the shot heard ’round the world
that soon ignited this fire storm
And unbefitting as it seems, when he shot back she acted like a woman scorned
Then she had the nerve to tell him that she thinks that as a leader he’s not fit
That’s when The Donald called her, “Pig faced, disgusting, lying Loser, Hypocrite!”
Pontificating by the “High Minded” and the Secular Progressives is insane
You can’t by, “Intellectuallizing” beat good sense into a hell-bent brain
So, sometimes you have to get right down there in the dirt
and fight them on their plane
When there are no more, “Cheeks to turn”, they slander on, it’s then you have yourself to blame
It’s ridiculous but Rosie simply didn’t like the way it all went down
Repentance from Miss USA made Mr. Trump forgive and let her keep her crown
And I wouldn’t put you on because you know that I would never lie to you
This is how The Donald socked it to the brassy bully Rosie of “The View”
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
|You're Totally Sarcastic|
You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny.
Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it.
And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Wow...the training sessions ARE paying off...
2. How much cash do you have on you?
$12 right now...will probably be $7 after lunch....and $6 after the gym....
3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?"
4. Favorite planet?
Pluto...because it's a dwarf...and I like dwarfs...dwarves...
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Well considering that I have a new phone, I don't have THAT many missed calls. However, the FOURTH person to call me on this new phone was my coworker Jerry.
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
Sarah Vaughn singing the "Peter Gunn" theme song followed closely by Ella Fitzgerald scatting to "Mack the Knife."
7. What shirt are you wearing?
Um....a blue one???
8. Do you "label" yourself?
Absolutely. I take office address labels and put them on my face as a low-rent/ghetto version of a Biore strip. And it works too!!!
9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing?
10. Bright or dark room?
Depends on who is in the room!
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you.
One cool mofo.
12. What does your watch look like?
No watch here. Why? Because I would watch it.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Trying to sleep after masturbating. (I'll let you decide whether or not that's the real answer.)
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"okey dokey" from my workout buddy confirming a 730am cardio session.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
The hell if I know...I didn't see a gas station in Manhattan until I had been living here almost three years.
16. What's a word that you say a lot?
Fuck. It's a very versatile word. That and kumquats. I do say that more than you would think.
17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
18. Last furry thing you touched?
Wow...furry things...hmm....it would have to be this very nice hairy chest. *wink*
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Two Tylenol PM
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
Have to agree with the guy I got this from...30 was a great year for me.
22. Your worst enemy?
Fred Phelps and anyone of his ilk.
23. What is your current desktop picture?
Abotu as gay as it gets...a picture of the current cast of A Chorus Line.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"As Jeff said to me at the holiday party, 'Having sex with Aaron would be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.'"
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Fly. I'd save so much money on subway cards and airline tix.
26. Do you like someone?
In a romantic way? Um....yeah....
27. The last song you listened to?
Again, how gay can I be...."Side By Side" from the musical Company...this morning...while on the elliptical runner.
28. What time of day were you born?
29. What's your favorite number?
30. Where did you live in 1987?
31. Are you jealous of anyone?
Nope...at least not that I will admit to myself.
32. Is anyone jealous of you?
A man can dream, can't he?
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
Fifth floor of the former Bear Stearns world headquarters. My first response (when we were told it was a propeller plane -- "I didn't do it!")
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Hit it, kick it. Knock it over. .
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
Well I have three already. I think this one would go on the small of my back.
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Italian so I could go back to Italy and seduce the men.
38. Would you move for the person you loved?
39. Are you touchy feely?
I have my moments.
40. What's your life motto?
I have two -- 1) Life is an adventure that is meant to be lived. 2) Life never promised you anything but heartaches. It is up to you to find the happiness.
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Keys, wallet, phone.
42. What's your favorite town/city?
In the US, it has to be New York with Chicago a strong runner up. In the world in general, I loved Florence, Italy.
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
A bottle of Lemonade Vitamin Water.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
The last one I can remember was maybe in 1992.
45. Can you change the oil on a car?
I'm not that butch.
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
Last I knew he moved to Massachusetts with his current love. Haven't heard from him since.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
My great-grandfather (who was Dutch) was the equivalent of a narcotics agent. That's about it.
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
A tuxedo tailcoat, tuxedo shirt, black bowtie, and Wallace kilt to the opening night movie of the film festival we produced.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My abs from my workout this morning.
50. Have you been burned by love?
Yes...and no, since I know you're gonna read this...it wasn't you.
Monday, January 01, 2007
2006 was such a year of change for me. I (involuntarily) changed jobs and took a HUGE paycut in the process. I pulled more than a few rabbits out of my hat and amazed myself with what I was able to accomplish. I cut ties with a lot of people I considered to be my friends and realized that they really weren't friends at all. I took a long hard look at myself and realized that I needed to focus some work on me. I completed over a year of therapy only to realize that I'm not as nuts as I thought I was and, even by his own admission, am rather well grounded in the realities of life. I fell in love. I had my heart...well broken isn't the right word but...well...let's just say I took a few emotional beatings. However, I did learn that I can open myself to being in that very vulnerable position of admitting to someone how you feel. My self esteem, which had been sorely lacking for quite some time, got a big boost.
2007 is going to be a continuation of those changes. I'm pushing myself harder and harder with my workouts and while I may not be seeing the scale move down, I am seeing my waistline get smaller and smaller as I trim and tone (and pack on some muscle). I've always called the time I spend at the gym to be my sacred personal time where no one can get a hold of me and I actually can focus on myself. Going to the new gym and working out with the trainer has set me on a clear path that I am really enjoying. I'm even considering signing up for another round of sessions while I can get in at the current price.
My job is full of challenges and surprises and I plan on meeting them head on and grow in my new position. The best part about the job was that I didn't know if I really wanted to do it when I first got hired. I took the job so I would have a steady paycheck and not have to rely on temping. I knwo it's probably not going ot be the perfect place for me and I may stay as long as three years or so before I move to another job (in the same industry of course) but for now, I'm going to soak up all of the details and information and take it from there.
I'm going to put myself out there more (okay, call that a resolution if you want but it's more of a personal promise) and go after what and who I want. Part of it will require me to actually go out and spend time in the dreaded bar scene but the people aren't exactly coming to me while I sit on the couch watching episodes of Grey's Anatomy that are still on my DVR. Then again, maybe I can find some nice alternatives to the bars and still meet some quality guys.
2007 is nothing but possibilities. The slate has been wiped clean for me and I start anew.
The journey continues....or has it just begun?