Sunday, December 31, 2006

Sure Beats Soap On A Rope

Now why can't my family give me this for Christmas...this so would have made US Airways losing my luggage a lot easier to deal with if I had a porn loaded Zune...

Here's what cracks me up...Mom watched it long enough to know that it was an hour and forty four minutes of porn (one big gay orgy)...I think after watching it for that long you should be able to say, "Okay honey, now that's a rim job...he has excellent technique...better than this other guy...see how he just seems to suck on the hole...oh he's felching...that's why...that explains so much..."

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

They'll Make You Happy



I saw this on the subway platform. Had to take a picture. Had to post.

We're your Pea Girls....we'll make you happy....

Monday, December 25, 2006

Home Again, Home Again....

I'm home.

Wish my luggage was.

Will tell more about Operation Mother Surprise later......

Thou Shalt Not

Thou shalt not cruise the cute men at your sister's church located in the backwoods of Florida.

Thou shalt not wonder if they male choir member who is trying to look a little too angelic while singing is secretly a bottom who loves taking it up the ass from the choir director.

Thou shalt not want to lick the nipples of the father of your nephew's "girlfriend."

Sunday, December 24, 2006

My Xmas Gift To You

I've seen some amazing Rube Goldberg machines in the past but when you find out what the payoff is at the end, well it makes you realize you could get the same result in your own home in about half the time.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

I am sore.

I am incredibly sore.

I want someone to put me out of my misery.

The workout I had last night was so insane and intense that I think my arms are just being held on by the thinnest of strings. Intense bicep work right into an even more intense shoulder workout. We closed out with calves and abs and I really didn't think that I had done THAT intense of an ab session until I got onto the elliptical for a low-resistance/high intensity 20-minute run and they started to BURN....

The funniest part of the workout came when my trainer jokingly said he would sit on the pole on the calves machine that holds the plates,

"Ouch, that's gonna hurt no matter which way you sit on it."

Without missing a beat he said, "My butt is an exit hole only." We both cracked up and lost it even more when he said, "That's some funny shit..."

I was supposed to get up this mornign and go to yoga or even just simple cardio. Last night I knew that wasn't going to work and sent my bud a text message that said, pretty much, "No way in hell."

That extra hour of sleep helped but I think 2 Tylenol is going to be more effective.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

A Gift That Keeps on Giving....



Ah what to say about this. If someone actually gave this to me I wouldn't know whether to thank them or be scared of them. I'm kinda voting scared. I mean where would I put this in my apartment??? To get an idea of what I am talking about, just click on the picture as it's supposed to be an animated GIF file. It's moderately disturbing.

The Christmas Gift Worth Giving

Now, if it was Vin Diesel's then we may have the BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER!!!!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Uber-Straight

This weekend I worked at the Gay Erotic Expo at the Puck Building. During the second day of the show, the stage was rushed by people who, for some insane reason, just HAD to have the free porn being distributed. It was more than a little scary the first time and even scarier the second time.

For the final show of the day, I stood as the "bouncer" at the front of the stage. This was the notorious "no holds barred" show that had more than enough cock being exposed as well as a few "action sequences." Well, while the Rentboy.com guys were going at it on stage (with one of them getting his rather sizable penis serviced) I was more focused on making sure that the crowd wasn't getting to unruly (which was kinda hard to do) and that no one surged onto the stage.

Mind you, I'm less than a foot away from someone doing a pretty damn good blow job and I'm not even paying attention to it.

This earned me the title of "Uber-Straight Security Guy" -- the guy who's giving you the menacing look, arms folded over their chest, and not really caring about the people having sex on stage. Even better was the photographer we hired for the show who told me last night that he got the exact same impression that everyone else did.

So if this gig doesn't work out, I can always go into security.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Kissing Bandit

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Totally Fucked!

Because we all feel this way once in a while.....

Yog-ugh! (Part Two)

So I did another yoga class this morning. Definitely a little more intense than the Tuesday class and I was definitely sore in more than a few places.

But I'm gonna stick with it because the flexibility and stretching aspect of it will carry over into my other workouts and will help shed some more poundage. Actually the most hysterical part for me came when we had to lie on our stomachs, reach back and grab both ankles, and then lift our chest. I remember muttering, "You've gotta be kidding me," at that point. I was able to get my ankles but lifting the chest....no way in hell.

Oh well. I rewarded my hard, sweaty effort with a muscle building protein smoothie and a protein bar for breakfast.

Mmmmm.........smoothies.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Goodbye 16th Street/8th Avenue NYSC

Dear 16th Street/8th Avenue NYSC,

It's been nice. No really it has. You're a pretty cool gym and definitely not as cruisy as the wretched David Barton Gym I tried for a week before I decided that pretension and attitude didn't make for a good workout environment.

Not to say that you didn't have your drawbacks as well. Like all of the guys lined up against the wall waiting to go into the steamroom. That was a bit creepy even for me. They clearly weren't waiting for a shower since there were always two or three open and it just made me wonder what (or who) was going on in there.

Oh and what about the guys with jumbo sized cocks that would towel off their backs in a manner that they would...oh how do I put this...sway in the breeze. At first it was a little hypnotizing...then it just got gross.

Oh and what about the little twink guy with the funky sideburns that would wear those cute matching outfits. Yeah, I kinda miss seeing him in the white tanktops with red piping and the red shorts with the white piping. The next day it could be a yellow tanktop with black piping and alternating shorts. Yeah. I kinda miss him and his fashion sense.

Oh and what about the supremely bitchy women who like to take up two elliptical machines -- one for themselves and one for their friend who was downstairs changing clothes. Yeah, I loved having terse conversations with them about how if their friend wasn't there they couldn't save the machine for them and then proceed to do an hour of cardio on there just to piss them off.

Oh and what about the guy in the step aerobics class who just couldn't go over the step like everyone else but had to throw in a high kick as well? Yeah he was fun to watch. He just couldn't do the same routine as everyone else. Just had to be a little different.

Oh and what about the...hey, we could do this forever 16th Street/8th Avenue NYSC. Yeah, those were the good old days. They were good. They were old. They were days.

But, for now at least, I'm moving on to another locale. Not even NYSC. These memories, though, I'll cherish for a lifetime.

Or at least until the shock therapy erases them for me.

Hugs,

Brian, the 646guy

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Yog-ugh!

So, today I did my first ever yoga class with a fellow blogger who happens to go to the same gym as I do.

As he said, and I echo, I feel very stretched out right now.

Actually, he got the class a lot better than I did. He has more upper body strength than I do so for him getting into the downward facing dog position was much easier than for me who ultimately had to do that position on my knees because it was difficult for me. I also started sweating profusely throughout the class which made some of the positions a little more difficult to hold.

However, I will say that I have never put my body into some of the positions that I did this morning and the soreness that I felt was definitely some unused muscles getting pulled and stretched and wondering why they were being used in the first place. However, now that I'm about an hour or so removed from the class, I do feel a little better and I think my circulation is a bit improved. I just need to keep at it I guess.

The rugby team's medic told me a long time ago that I should probably take up yoga in order to improve my flexibility and lessen my lower back pain that I was feelign at the time. My hamstrings were (and still are) horribly tight which only puts more strain on my glutes and lower back. So if this helps then bravo.

If not, then I'm going to at least be able to breathe through my nose properly.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Being Trained

I had my first formal training session at the gym last night. And no, he is not my trainer. We did some chest and bicep work last night topped off with a bit of calves at the end and while I'm sore as hell (with some lingering after effects of the kickboxing class on Monday), I know I made the right decision to hire the trainer.

First and foremost, my trainer rocks. He's a competitive body builder but not one of those freakishly large guys that my gym is pretty much known for world wide. I guess he would be a middleweight or even a welterweight but definitely not one of those freaks who can flex the muscles in their elbows and earlobes at will. He doesn't wear the tight t-shirts or shorts but opts for a loose fitting shirt that shows that he's never cheated on the bench press in his life and the long workout pants. There's no intimidation when you meet him. You know he's in great shape but he doesn't flaunt it. Even better he's just very down to earth with no pretense. He'll tell you what he's done (which is pretty freakin' impressive) but also how what you're doing relates to his workouts and how the training is different since his goals aren't the same as mine.

But best of all...he pushes me. HARD. He refuses to let me give up and when I say I want more weight or he comes in to assist when I'm at the end of a set and struggling a bit and I tell him I've got it and can make it to the end of the set, he'll throw on some more weight or some more reps so I have to prove myself. Case in point, I was doing some calf work on the angled squat press and up to 180 pounds when he pushed me to go to 40 reps on the last set because I had a look of "this is too easy" on my face or bumping me up from a set of 10 to a set of 15 because I thought I could bust out the last set of bicep curls.

I have 19 more sessions with this guy going through February. Couple that with the cardio that I'm doing as well and my goal to start morning yoga routines in January, I should meet my target goal. After that it becomes maintaining the weight, gaining more strength, and from there.

Who knows? Maybe I'll pick up some more training sessions in the middle of next year and go for more.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Redux

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Mayonnaise looks like cum to me.

Monday, December 04, 2006

What Was I Thinking?

Pain.

Incredibly intense pain.

I did my first cardio class tonight -- Kickboxing.

What was I thinking?

Why? Why did I think that this was the perfect class to start off my first real workout week in just under two months?

I blame the Stacker 2s I was taking at the office.

Sure you can do this.

You can do anything! You're Superman!

You're Super Dumb Man.

I have no idea how I made it through the hour outside of sheer determination, knowing when to back off and go at my own pace, and just remembering that all costs to just keep moving.

Punch, kick, step. There was one part of the routine that required me to step back with one foot then step forward again with the same foot. I know that doesn't make sense but that's the best way to describe it. It's sort of like, step back with the right, step forward with teh right, high left knees. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

About 20 minutes in I knew that this was a mistake. How did I know? I wanted to puke.

But I finished. I went through an hour of this because I know I need to mix up my workout routines so that my body doesn't lapse into a regular routine and knows what to expect. Sort of like "Shock and Awe" on the body. The instructor gave me props for sticking with it and not giving up but I was drained. Maybe if they had regular step aerobic or something a little less intense at that time of the evening without requiring me to stay there until 9 to get a class it would be better but it is what it is.

I'm also coughing like a maniac because I think some cobwebs were swept away in my lungs.

Ugh. What was I thinking?

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Workout Regime

Okay...I hate setting goals like this but I am going this time especially after seeing how much weight I gained in the 2 months prior to the working the show and Thanksgiving. Knowing where I want to be and where I should be, I want to drop 35 pounds.

To get there it will take a careful watch on my diet and a hard commitment to working out at least four days a week (a fifth if you throw in a day of just cardio). I hired the trainer and have 20 sessions with him lined up which will give me a great groundwork and I know that he will be pushing me good, long, and hard and won't let me slack off.

Throw in some aerobics classes a few times a week as well as some morning cardio and I should be on track. There's a Cardio Boxing class twice a week that they have at the gym so I may look into that.

As for the diet, I know what I have to do...I just have to do it. The hardest thing will be giving up Diet Coke but since I like seltzer water as well, I can drink that instead (not to mention regular water).

Overall, not looking tobe a ripped gym bunny. Just want to get back into better shape. Three years ago I was at that weight and wasn't able to maintain. If I'm planning on Wyoming or Switzerland (or maybe Costa Rica) next year then I want to make sure that I can do everything asked of me.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Flames...On the Side of My Face

Let's face it...I love this movie. I love this scene. It's hard to believe that this movie was made about 20 years ago and it wasn't a huge hit. It's practically a cult classic now. Watched it last night with a friend and we replayed this scene over and over and over laughing harder and harder each time.