Wednesday, February 23, 2005

This Space Is Mine

If you were lucky enough to catch it, SuitMan decided to make an appearance on my blog.

His comment was deleted. His IP address at work was banned. Actually, I think the entire company's network was banned. I could be wrong since I know pretty much little about IP addresses but whatever I did was pretty massive. Unless he posts from home or someone else's PC then he will have no way to comment on my blog. And even if he does I will be deleting and banning his comments.

What he said in the comment I could really care less about since I read about two words of it (one of which was "victim" and the other "sad") before seeing who it was from and heading over to the Haloscan website for a little nip and tuck of my comment management system. I then broke my own vow and called his office. Thankfully it was him who answered the phone and I didn't even say hello or my name.

"Please do not comment on my blog. Part of 'not talking for a while' extends to my blog."

He started to defend his actions and I wasn't having it. He should be very thankful that I'm not posting his real name, email address, home/work/cell phone numbers, home and work addresses, and his picture on the website with the words: "CAUTION!!! STAY AWAY!!!" written under it...If I really wanted to be evil I could call up his current love right now since he works for the same company that I do and tell him all about the last yeartrust me as tempting as it is, it's not something I would do. If anything you should know me better than that. I might be a vindictive bitch at times, but I'm not going to stoop to that level.

Only one thing he said registered with me. He said that out of the two of us, I was the only one being negative. Well, I've been thinking about that comment since he said it and I've come to a conclusion -- I'm the only one who was negatively impacted and quite frankly, I'm entitled to expression my opinion and my feelings ON MY OWN FUCKING WEBSITE! Don't like it? Get your own blog and talk about me all you want.

This space is mine. I've had it for almost four years. It's my personal (dare I say sacred?) space where I share my life as I see fit. No one knows who you are, SuitMan. Those that do are very few in number (which is something you should be thankful about considering the number of people who have offered to do bodily harm to you). I'm working to get closure on my terms -- not yours. If it means I post about our last encounter then that is my decision. I ask you to really look hard at the facts of what I said happened and if anything isn't true then please, PLEASE let me know. If anything, I'm good on the facts. And if I happen to put my feelings surrounding those facts in terms that work for me and express how I feel, then that's how I feel and you cannot negate my feelings. Given the situation, I'm entitled to have a few negative feelings I would think.

As I told you, remember how it felt when your ex left you a few years back. You'll have a good idea of how I feel. You should know that it's impossible to have an impersonal, personal relationship. You can't kiss me the way you kissed front of my friends kissed me...and expect me to be all Scarlett O'Hara "fiddle-dee-dee, tomorrow is another day" about you deciding for the third time that you don't want to pursue a relationship yet again.

I've spent over a year trying to tell friends that you weren't the player that they told me you were. That I understood you better than they did because of our talks and the time we had spent together. That they didn't know what you had been through and I knew where you were coming from and could relate. That you were different. So forgive me if your most recent actions are making me wonder if my friends have been right all this time and that they correctly predicted that in the end I would be the one getting hurt. You've come out smelling like a rose, SuitMan. You're back in your relationship and everything is fine for you. As cliche as it sounds, I'm the one who has been left out in the cold.

Yes, I am hurt. I am very hurt. But this is my space. Mine. I do not plan on writing about you ever again and I plan to abide by my simple request that we not talk for a while and this does extend to my blog. If you want any hope of salvaging a friendship, you will honor my request.

This space is mine. I've claimed it for me.
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