I am such a cunt.

Yes...I used the "C" word and in this case it is very applicable.

I have my own management style that has worked well for me over the years. I manage with a firm grip. In that grip is a set of rope. Each rope is tethered to one of the underlings to whom I have delegated tasks. The theory is they have enough rope to do their job, do it well, and do it thoroughly. They are empowered to get their job done and when I need to whack the rope (or reins so to speak) to keep them on their task then I do it.

That rope, however, is also long enough to hang someone should they not do their work or accept the full responsibility for their action, or in this case, in action.

I totally bitched someone out today because they did not advise me of where they dropped the ball in a project. They have had over two weeks to let me know that they dropped the ball and, instead, I found out through a third party (and a fourth one at that) and never from this person.

Today I let them know that I knew they had dropped the ball. Their response, "Oh geez. I thought you already knew that."

My immediate response was (at least internally), "HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT IT WHEN YOU NEVER TOLD ME! IF IT WASN'T FOR OTHER PEOPLE, I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN." I wrote out a very harsh email pretty much saying that it wasn't anyone else's responsibility to tell me that he dropped the ball when he should have been the first person to tell me and he never did. Not when it happened nor anytime afterwards. If the other people hadn't let me know what happened then it would have vanished into the ether and I would have been none the wiser.

In my email, I included my rope analogy above. I closed out that paragraph by saying, "What do you think is at the end of your rope right now?" I did admit in my email that I was rather harsh but that was entirely due to the fact that 1) I was highly disappointed (which I did say was an understatement as to how I really felt) and 2) it was still along the lines of the pattern of action (or inaction) that I had felt for some time.

What really sucks out of all of this...I really didn't want to have to do it -- at least not in those terms. I would have much rather sat down, had a good, quality discussion over the issues and make it clear that it can never happen like this again. What got my wrath raging was the "Oh geez, I thought you knew" line. Even after I sent it and had satisified my bloodlust, I pretty much felt horrible about having to talk to someone that way. In an essence, I felt like a total cunt.

There are times in life when you have to take these hard stances and deal with the problem head on rather than waiting and letting things fester internally. It's never a pretty job and like I said, you get that temporary rush of adrenaline and relief from being able to express how you feel in terms of how you actually feel -- without having to mince words. Afterwards, you kinda feel like shit because you know the person that you're addressing this to now also feels like shit because you're calling them on...well on their shit...or at least the shit that should have been done.

And now I'm going to spend the rest of the day wondering how I could have handled this better...