I need someone to explain how Italian clothesmakers come up with their sizes. It boggles the mind.

I was out shopping last night. Well really not shopping just playing dress-up (because a guy likes to feel pretty every once in a while)...anyway, I found this nice pair of Italian pants that I liked and they were in my size and length and I went to try them on feeling all giddy that I was about to try on a pair of Italian pants. Okay, I have no idea why I felt so giddy but I did and I'm just going to have to live with that fact for the rest of my life.

So I went to try them on. What the hell were they thinking? First of all, the butt of the pants didn't even come close to holding in my not-as-large-as-it-used-to-be posterior. My thighs, which are somewhat large since I do a fair amount of leg work at the gym in order to play better rugby, had to feel like sausage in those plastic casings as they were tight as hell. And then the waist...don't get me started on the waist. I know my waist size. I've been wearing the same size for quite some time and it hasn't changed. These pants came NOWHERE NEAR being buttonable. I would have needed about three more inches of fabric on each side in order to get these things close enough to being buttoned.

So here I am in the dressing room wondering how in hell they can say that the pants are this size when it hits me....it has to be the wrong size right. The little plastic thing on the outside that has the waist size number on it has to be wrong. The little sticker on the leg of the pants giving the waist and inseam...it has to be wrong. I wriggled out of the pants the best that I could and looked for the tag inside the pants. It wasn't wrong. All of the numbers matched up perfectly. But these pants could not have been the size that they said they were. They would have fit right?

I took the pants back to the rack and got the size larger. Now mind you, I've already tried on pants that are the size that I have worn for the past few months and they fit perfectly (and made my ass look good too). I also picked up a similar cut pair of pants (not Italian made) that were in my size and took them back to the dressing room. The pants in my size fit perfectly. The Italian pants that were a size larger fit perfectly. I thought I had gone over into some other dimension.

What the hell is up with these Italian designers? Can they not get pants sizes right? Must I feel like I've gained about 40 pounds because I have to take a size larger? Get it together Italian pants makers. If I say I'm a size XX (do you really think I'm going to tell you my pants size?) then I am a size XX. Just because the men of your country may have slender legs and small asses doesn't mean that my big, burly American body can't fit into the same pair of pants...okay I was going somewhere with that but I think I lost my point....

Anyway...Italian pants must die.