The Unfinished Puzzle

First and foremost to get it out of the way... no soda.  Still on track.

Second, I had my first grief therapy appointment following my father's passing yesterday and it is clear that this is going to be a full, whole body and mind integration.  What stands out to me is how I described myself vs. how my therapist described myself.  

I described myself as a 1000-piece puzzle that never seems to get finished.  Sure there's a corner here and a piece there that's put together but the picture is never fully finished because you keep putting it back in the box to work on later.  The way he described me was very much a trailblazing free spirit who wants to have that stable "rock" of an existence but not lose the other side of me at the same time.  

I cried.  I cried a lot.  I am sure I will cry some more.  

This truly was a good decision on my part and I look forward to continuing this journey.

Thoughts and more

30 Day Challenge is chugging along well. This is officially Day 12 and to be honest, I am pretty sure I am going to be able to pull this off.  My energy is WAY up and I am not dragging first thing in the morning either.  And, if we want to believe that just dropping soda will help you lose weight, I have a pair of size 36 jeans I JUST RECEIVED that are baggy on me!

My blood sugars continue to drop and drop and drop and drop...When I first started going to my doc my numbers were 294.  Today I clocked in at 129.  That folks is PROGRESS...

Finally, I am really sad and glad at the same time that Robin Williams' suicide has brought the topic of depression and mental health into the forefront.  As someone who has suffered from depression for years and only recently started taking anti-depressant for it, I can tell you that when it hits and hits hard, it can be crippling. It can simply paralyze you. I cannot count the number of times that I could not get out of bed and just laid there for hours.  It's great that the conversation has started and I hope that it continues.

Robin Williams' Suicide

I just got an alert on my iPad about Robin Williams being found dead and it was being investigated as suicide as he died due to asphyxiation.  Per news reports, he was suffering from severe depression.

This resonated with me so hard as depression is something that I have dealt with for many years.  I say for many years because, in hindsight, that's what it was... Only in the last two years did I realize the feelings I had, the inability to get out of bed, the crying when someone spun a dollar on the Big Wheel (and, don't laugh, I totally bawled when that happened)... all of that was, in reality, depression.  Each time I have found a way out of it.  Suicide was never an option for me then and is not one now.

Hearing of Robin Williams' suicide hit me hard.  It made me realize that I am doing the right thing by seeking help and entering into therapy - first for grief counseling and then for other issues that have been a part of my life for a while.  I know that Mr. Williams sought counseling for his demons and sadly, for him, he felt this was his only option to end his suffering.  Thankfully, for me, I look at this as an opportunity to move forward.  No, I am not in the same position as Mr. Williams and am not comparing myself to him.  If anything, I feel like this has strengthened my resolve to continue my overall path to better health - both physical AND mental.

30 Day Challenge - Day 10 of No Soda

I DID IT!

I have made it to Day 10 and still no soda.  As I have said many times before this is the point earlier this year where I couldn't hack it and just gave into my body's cravings and slurped down can after can, never once looking back.

I have noticed I am a little bit slimmer now than I was when I started this project.  Based on past experience and the knowledge that men tend to lose weight a bit faster than women when they quit soda, I expect to drop anywhere from 5-10 pounds this month just from drinking more water (okay, yes there's sugar and sodium free drink mixes in the water... but hey... it's water)....

Also, today I noticed I have an increase in energy.  My office has a spiral staircase that links all three of our floors.  Today I could bound up and down the stairs with ease - something I haven't been able to do in a long time.

Today I saw results.

It makes me positive I can keep going and complete the 30 days and maybe even permanently.

30 Day Challenge Update (and more of course)

Here we are closing in on the end of Day 9 of the No Soda Challenge and I have to say that this is getting easier and easier.  Last time I did this I was not in the right place to take on something like this. However, since my father's passing, my health is important to me.  Getting to the doctor and getting on all of my meds (and yes, there's a lot of those) is making take stock of a lot of things I am putting into my body that I shouldn't.  Soda is probably the one thing that I binge on daily.  It's practically crack in a can.  It was around this point in the process the last time that I tried this that I totally bailed and drank and drank and drank and drank soda after soda.

It rained all weekend (and I do mean ALL weekend).  So I decided to be a lazy bum.  I stayed in bed, watched crap TV on Hulu.  My mother sent me some pill sorters that my dad used and I did spend some time getting my pills in order and organized.  Not that I have a problem with taking my meds, but it did help me see where I stand, when I need to refill, etc.  Also, it gives me the impression that I am in control of my meds and not the other way around.

21 days to go.  I can do this.  

30 Day Challenge - Day 6

I am on the cusp of a week with no soda.  I haven't noticed much of a lift or change even when it comes to my sleep.  Not that won't change in the future but for right now, I am thrilled to know that I am definitely going to make it through the week.  It's just that next week scares me.

I tried this one before when I went cold turkey during Lent.  I made it about 10 days before I finally succumbed and found myself not only pressing the button on the Pepsi machine at work but drinking FOUR of them in less than an hour.  Given that I have some drink mixes at my desk, my water intake is high and I don't feel the need to drink soda - NOT THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN TEMPTED!!!  If I can make it through next week, then the rest of it will be smooth sailing.

Also, as some may know, I also have Adult Onset Diabetes (aka Diabetes II). Last year my blood sugar number skyrocketed to 390+ (normal is around 110 or lower).  When I went to my doctor back at the start of July my numbers were somewhat better - 294.  I've been on meds full time for the past two weeks and today when I did my blood sugar check, I was at 146.  I'm getting there.  I'm getting into being a better, healthier me.

I am going to try a new thing tonight, though.  The anti-depressant my doctor put me on has really impacted my sleeping as I am now waking up around 2am and really not able to make it back to sleep no matter what I do.

I feel like on the verge of moving into a great new stage in my life.  It's weird.  I'm battling depression, grief from my father's passing, getting my health back on track, and still finding my footing a year after leaving NYC.  But for some reason I know that I'm moving forward and to a better, healthier (mentally and physically) place...

30 Day Challenge - Days 4-5

Sorry for not posting.  These last two days at work have been BRUTAL with everything that I have had to do at the office.

That's where the temptation hit. As I mentioned, the hardest part about giving up soda for this month is the fact that we have FREE soda at work.  It's always around.  I hear cans popping throughout the day.  When I am stressed, it was always a "go to."  Go grab a soda, sit down, release some tension, get to work.  Now I don't have that.

What I have replaced it with (and who knows if I am replacing it with something better or worse) are the single serving drink mixes with my favorite being the Jolly Rancher Green Apple or the Wylers Strawberry Lemonade.  I am sure the sodium levels with that aren't that great but I do feel that at least I am not putting a can of chemicals into my system.

At my worst I could drink 20 cans a day.

And now I've gone cold turkey.

But I am making it and that's all that matters.  I think if I can make it through two weeks then the cravings will subside and it will be smooth sailing from here.