Friday, February 01, 2008

"Don't you want to be happy?"

Tonight I saw A Chorus Line for the...I dunno...sixth(?), seventh(?), eighth(?) time...I know it may seem excessive to some but there's something about the story that always has given me hope and courage to know that practically anything is possible and that success isn't always measured in what you get, but in how far you've come and in how you handle the setbacks.

But tonight when one character (I believe Bobby) said, "Don't you want to be happy?" I realized that I was happy. I was pretty fucking happy. It wasn't the show or how it made me feel that made me happy...I was already happy and didn't realize that the strange feeling that I had wasn't the flu or my stomach reacting to the new was happiness.

Professionally, I am personally satisfied with what I am doing. I love what I do for a living. I love the challenge that I have every day when I walk into the office. I love the clients I work with on a daily basis. I love knowing that I get to create something that can have a positive impact on people.

Personally, while my romantic leanings aren't panning out, I can look back on the last year of trials, tribulations, and strife and know that I have come out a stronger person. I can handle more and deal with more than I ever knew possible. It's learning this about myself that's given me an extra oomph to push harder. Romance can wait. I'm loving myself right now...

Spiritually, I am still have the same relationship that I've had for years. I know I've said many times before that I believe more in God (or a Creator) than in religion and am rather adverse to organized religion but I do have conversations with God that are personal and mine alone. We discuss the decisions I've made, what's resulted from my decisions, and what's going to happen if I don't change some things.

So yeah....I can actually say I'm happy...happier than I have ever been in a long time. And it's nice a way to be....

(PS On a total aside, should anyone from the cast stumble across this...Maggie, whoever you are since I threw away the playbill, thanks for the chills on the "money note"...haven't had THOSE in a the new Paul, you should have been cast first over Jason're SO much better, and finally to the remarkable Mr. Berresse who I have seen perform for the YEARS(!), truly the best I have ever seen you do this part and you're only getting better....)
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