646Guy: I’m changing my name.
646Guy: in preparation for doing my own late night talk show
Momof3: ok the name change, and what late night talk show?? i better be your really odd sidekick
646Guy: The name of the show is "On the Edge"
646Guy: and my new name is Kumquat Jones
646Guy: so the full name of the show is "On the Edge with Kumquat Jones"
Momof3: thank God!! I was terrified you would go for the obvious and boring like Vanilla Sherbert
Momof3: or johnny Carson
646Guy: and if you're going to be my sidekick you're name will be either be Poodle McClure or
Momof3: oooo ooooo
Momof3: can i call you KUM??? for short
646Guy: no you cannot
Momof3: i like tootsie
Momof3: how about kummie
646Guy: and I get to ask all of the really difficult, hard questions to celebrities that Letterman, Leno, and Oprah are too scared to ask
646Guy: like, Leona Helmsley........why so mean?
Momof3: ok like..fr instance
Momof3: or tom cruise are you really that much of a asshole or is this just all a really stoooopid publicity stunt
646Guy: Tom Cruise....you claim that psychiatry is voodoo....then what do you call Scientology.....a nice game of Tiddlywinks?
646Guy: Oooh ooooh
646Guy: Tom Cruise.....when you have sex with Katie Holmes....do you pretend she's Vin Diesel or Keanu Reeves
Momof3: THIS is why i LOVE YOU!
646Guy: Tina Turner......you claim that your ex husband Ike Turner physically and verbally abused you....
646Guy: just admit it.....it was all hot S&M roleplay action
Momof3: or donald trump how long have you had ALL the mirros in your house covered?
646Guy: DOnald Trump.....did you know your hair looks like it was done by a dog groomer
646Guy: do you consider it to be more of a poodle hairdo.....or llasa apso
Momof3: oh now kumquat!! we must be careful
Momof3: we do NOT want to offend
Momof3: the dog lovers
646Guy: Tootsie.....when it's your show you can do what you want but this.....
646Guy: This is ON THE EDGE WITH KUMQUAT JONES!!!
Momof3: well, i was worried about all those dog people.....to have theire little darlings likened to donald trmp, now i only say this because we want our dear kumquat ON the edge, not pused over
646Guy: THat's why I'm ON the edge
646Guy: right there
646Guy: dangling on it
646Guy: DANGING, I say Tootsie
646Guy: I"M DANGLING ON THE EDGE!
646Guy: Oh yeah....
646Guy: I'm on it
646Guy: Oh yeah....
Momof3: Oh kumquat, what are you dangling by
Momof3: and how are you holding on
646Guy: Well it's better than you that just sits there like bibb lettuce
646Guy: that's right
646Guy: I said BIBB LETTUCE!!!!
646Guy: Oh yeah....
Momof3: oh please, i am much more like PARSLEY....a completely useless garnish...yet
somehow with out it, your plate looks lonely
646Guy: and it tastes like shit
646Guy: bibb lettuce
Momof3: well dear kumquat, lets' just say i'm an aquired taste
646Guy: Tootsie, let's just say I'm going to be a proper Kumquat Jones and not answer that
646Guy: so let's welcome my next guest.....
646Guy: she won 2 emmys for her work on Cheers and a Tony Award for her performance in the Broadway revival of
646Guy: She's a total fucking raving bitch who thinks she's the hottest thing on the face of the planet when her career really hasn't taken off
646Guy: ladies and gentlemen.......Bebe Neuwirth!!!!!
646Guy: Bebe.....you're a total fucking bitch and not that many people like you.
646Guy: Oh....there's no question....just a statement
Momof3: oooo no question...very edgy
Momof3: wait, i don't have to be the band leader ......i'm jsut idiot sidekick who laughs at everything your brilliance says, right
646Guy: and you agree with me explicity
Momof3: well, of course
646Guy: and even better....you have another alter ego
Momof3: your edgieness
646Guy: Danger Girl1
646Guy: Girl! I mean
646Guy: and you get to do all of the fun wacky stunts
646Guy: like throw a pie at the president
Momof3: mmmmm can't i throw a banana at hillary
646Guy: because it's a KUMQUAT pie
646Guy: and you would have to throw kumquats
Momof3: i'm not sure i want to be tackled by secret service....no wait never mind i would love to tdo that
646Guy: i'll make sure they're all hot
Momof3: because danger girl is just a little slutty
646Guy: I am so not going to go there
Momof3: tootsie is a perfect lady
646Guy: danger girl is a whore
646Guy: Danger Girl goes to kidnap our next guest.....here is he VIN DIESEL!!!
Momof3: i have sooo always wanted my own evil twin
646Guy: Vin....you have a very odd accent that until recently I wasn't able to really place
646Guy: Then I was in the gay district in
646Guy: It was amazing
646Guy: What do you think abotu that/
Momof3: our vin??? say it ain't so? damn you get all the really built ones
646Guy: yes but Danger Girl gets to bring them all in
Momof3: thank you dear, tootsie is horrified, but danger girl is such a happy camper
646Guy: well tootsie
646Guy: I am heading off to bed
Momof3: see ya sweetie...oh no, you need a really classic sign off line kumquat
646Guy: yes I do
646Guy: That's all we have for tonight. Join Tootsie and me here tomorrow when my guests will be Senator JOhn McCain, the reigning Miss Universe, and Buffy St. Marie.....
646Guy: This is Kumquat Jones telling you to take it to the edge
646Guy: Good nighht
Momof3: oh yessss that's it
Momof3: good night dear
646Guy: Good night Tootsie