Monday, September 05, 2005

Filed under "Odd IM Conversations"

646Guy: I’m changing my name.

 

646Guy:  in preparation for doing my own late night talk show


Momof3:
  to?????


Momof3:
  ok the name change, and what late night talk show??  i better be your really odd sidekick


646Guy:
  The name of the show is "On the Edge"


646Guy:
  and my new name is Kumquat Jones


646Guy:
  so the full name of the show is "On the Edge with Kumquat Jones"


Momof3:
  thank God!!  I was terrified you would go for the obvious and boring like   Vanilla Sherbert


Momof3:
  or johnny Carson


646Guy:
  and if you're going to be my sidekick you're name will be either be Poodle McClure or

Tootsie Sassafrass


Momof3:
  oooo ooooo


Momof3:
  can i call you KUM??? for short


646Guy:
  no you cannot


Momof3:
  i like tootsie


Momof3:
  how about kummie


646Guy:
  and I get to ask all of the really difficult, hard questions to celebrities that Letterman, Leno, and Oprah are too scared to ask


646Guy:
  like, Leona Helmsley........why so mean?


Momof3:
  ok like..fr instance


Momof3:
  or tom cruise are you really that much of a asshole or is this just all a really stoooopid publicity stunt


646Guy:
  Tom Cruise....you claim that psychiatry is voodoo....then what do you call Scientology.....a nice game of Tiddlywinks?


646Guy:
  Oooh ooooh


646Guy:
  Tom Cruise.....when you have sex with Katie Holmes....do you pretend she's Vin Diesel or Keanu Reeves


Momof3:
  THIS is why i LOVE YOU!


646Guy:
  Tina Turner......you claim that your ex husband Ike Turner physically and verbally abused you....


646Guy:
  just admit it.....it was all hot S&M roleplay action


Momof3:
  or donald trump how long have you had ALL the mirros in your house covered?


646Guy:
  DOnald Trump.....did you know your hair looks like it was done by a dog groomer


646Guy:
  do you consider it to be more of a poodle hairdo.....or llasa apso


Momof3:
  oh now kumquat!!  we must be careful


Momof3:
  we do NOT want to offend


Momof3:
  the dog lovers


646Guy:
  Tootsie.....when it's your show you can do what you want but this.....


646Guy:
  THIS



646Guy:  THIS


646Guy:
  This is ON THE EDGE WITH KUMQUAT JONES!!!


Momof3:
  well, i was worried about all those dog people.....to have theire little darlings likened to donald trmp, now i only say this because we want our dear kumquat ON the edge, not pused over

it
646Guy:
  THat's why I'm ON the edge


646Guy:
  right there


646Guy:
  dangling on it


646Guy:
  DANGING, I say Tootsie


646Guy:
  I"M DANGLING ON THE EDGE!


646Guy:
  Oh yeah....


646Guy:
  I'm on it


646Guy:
  Oh yeah....


646Guy:
  Edge


Momof3:
  Oh kumquat, what are you dangling by


646Guy:
  EDGE

Momof3:
  and how are you holding on


646Guy:
  Well it's better than you that just sits there like bibb lettuce


646Guy:
  that's right


646Guy:
  I said BIBB LETTUCE!!!!


646Guy:
  Oh yeah....


Momof3:
  oh please, i am much more like PARSLEY....a completely useless garnish...yet

somehow with out it, your plate looks lonely


646Guy:
  and it tastes like shit


646Guy:
  bibb lettuce


Momof3:
  well dear kumquat, lets' just say i'm an aquired taste


646Guy:
  Tootsie, let's just say I'm going to be a proper Kumquat Jones and not answer that


646Guy:
  so let's welcome my next guest.....


646Guy:
  she won 2 emmys for her work on Cheers and a Tony Award for her performance in the Broadway revival of Chicago


646Guy:
  AND


646Guy:
  She's a total fucking raving bitch who thinks she's the hottest thing on the face of the planet when her career really hasn't taken off


646Guy:
  ladies and gentlemen.......Bebe Neuwirth!!!!!


646Guy:  Bebe.....you're a total fucking bitch and not that many people like you.


646Guy:
  Oh....there's no question....just a statement


Momof3:
  oooo no question...very edgy


Momof3:
  wait, i don't have to be the band leader ......i'm jsut idiot sidekick who laughs at everything your brilliance says, right


646Guy:
  absolutely


646Guy:
  and you agree with me explicity


Momof3:
  well, of course


646Guy:
  and even better....you have another alter ego


Momof3:
  your edgieness


646Guy:
  Danger Girl1


646Guy:
  Girl! I mean


646Guy:
  and you get to do all of the fun wacky stunts


646Guy:
  like throw a pie at the president


Momof3:  mmmmm can't i throw a banana at hillary
clinton and sing HOLLA BACK girl to her instead


646Guy:  no


646Guy:  because it's a KUMQUAT pie


646Guy:  and you would have to throw kumquats


Momof3:  i'm not sure i want to be tackled by secret service....no wait never mind i would love to tdo that


646Guyi'll make sure they're all hot


Momof3:  because danger girl is just a little slutty


646Guy:  I am so not going to go there


Momof3:  tootsie is a perfect lady


646Guy:  danger girl is a whore


646Guy:  Danger Girl goes to kidnap our next guest.....here is he VIN DIESEL!!!


Momof3:  i have sooo always wanted my own evil twin


646GuyVin....you have a very odd accent that until recently I wasn't able to really place


646Guy:  Then I was in the gay district in New York and I heard it everywhere


646Guy:  It was amazing


646Guy:  What do you think abotu that/


Momof3:  our vin??? say it ain't so?  damn you get all the really built ones


646Guy:  yes but Danger Girl gets to bring them all in


Momof3:  thank you dear, tootsie is horrified, but danger girl is such a happy camper


646Guyhehehehehe


646Guy:  well tootsie


646Guy:  I am heading off to bed


Momof3:  see ya sweetie...oh no, you need a really classic sign off line kumquat


646Guy:  yes I do

 

646Guy:  That's all we have for tonight.  Join Tootsie and me here tomorrow when my guests will be Senator JOhn McCain, the reigning Miss Universe, and Buffy St. Marie.....


646Guy:  This is Kumquat Jones telling you to take it to the edge


646Guy:  Good nighht


Momof3:  oh yessss that's it


Momof3:  good night dear


646Guy:  Good night Tootsie

 

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