Dear Merrill Lynch,

You can fuck off and die.

All of you.

Well except my friend and her mom who still work there who are cool....UNLIKE THE REST OF YOUR EMPLOYEES!!!

This is your third time that you've done something to my account that has put more than a little inconvenience in my life. Let's not even talk about the two instances where you supposedly sent me a new debit card because my account was "compromised" and I only found out when my old card failed to work despite me having a pretty nice balance in there.

And this little stunt....

Well you've gone too far this time buckos....

By the end of February you and are finally going to part ways...something we should have done a long time ago.

You're useless to me. And have been for some time...

I know I'm not the biggest account you have but, at the very least, I am a client and have been for about 12, maybe 13 years. I've already opened an account with another bank and will be making a transfer to them this Friday when I get paid. Then, when I get my checks, I will be turning EVERYTHING over to them.

And you can suck it.

Suck.

It.

And I hope you choke on it too.

So yeah, Merill....it's a good thing you have a bull as a logo....because you're nothing but bull....shit that is....

Hmmmm.....

That's about it. You can suck it.

Then again that's pretty much what you have to do to get ahead in that company isn't it?

Hugs and kisses,

Brian the 646Guy, soon-to-be ex-Merrill Lynch client

PS Oh yeah...SUCK IT!!!!

At Least It's Not Jenny Craig...

So I saw my doctor today since I am still not 100%....or even 60%. He thinks I have a bronchial infection and I'm on antibiotics.

However, he did ask about my blood sugar which has been okay but not perfect as of late. Since he's been getting frustrated with my numbers as well as the fact that he doesn't want to change my meds, he made a challenge to me....

Nutrisystem has a plan for Type II diabetics. Since he wants me to drop some weight on top of getting my numbers under control, it's a workable solution. The challenge is that I stick with it for three months. If it works, my numbers get under control and I drop some weight on top of it, then I foot the bill for it. Should it not work and my numbers don't change, then he will reimburse me for it.

That's a cool doc. And sure enough I said yes.

Now, I'm not going to cheat and eat a bunch of crap so he has to pay me back for it (what's the point in that) so we'll see how this works. Three months isn't that long so it should be interesting to say the least.

The planets spin...

...and the world goes 'round....and 'round....

First and foremost, I'm pretty freakin' sick right now. I've been fighting off a cold or chest infection or SOMETHING for the past few weeks and Friday night it finally won the war sending my temperature over 100, lovely aches that made me feel like I was being pummeled by rocks, and I could barely sleep. I kept telling myself that I was going to get over it and be able to help my friends out at Idiotarod as I had planned...

Not to be. About 2 in the morning, I realized that nothing was going to make me better in time to get up, get down to DUMBO, and take part. So, Liz and Lauren, my apologies for not making it to help you out. I was in bed until around 1 this afternoon and I'm not much better. At least the fever is down.

Okay...so let's talk about work.

The kid who tried to swipe two of my sales has one week left to seal any deals on his soon to be former clients before I shift them over to the new people that have bene hired.

Oh yes...the team of three that I had on January 8 when the whole shake up went down...yeah...only one of them is left. One basically disappeared (as he did prior to my taking over the sales management of the division) and we called and left messages and basically told him that he needed to call back or we would consider him to have resigned his position with the company. Well, he never called back that Thursday. He did call back on Monday and said something about being in the hospital and having papers and trying to leave his former boss a message (note.....he TRIED but DIDN'T)...blah blah blah...I called back, got his voicemail, and reiterated the fact that he didn't call back and even if he was in the hospital, he could have had someone - a nurse, doctor, friend, etc. - call and tell us where he was. Clearly he didn't want his job bad enough to make sure we knew where he was....

Then there's the other guy...not a bad guy...a little needy...but he had the possibility of being a really good salesperson. He seemed to get down on himself because he wasn't making sales even though we had told him that selling for his product wasn't a quick sell like other things....it takes time, it takes charm, it takes nurturing....AND THEN you get the big sell...well he didn't seem to accept that and was making frequent comments about his salary (and he had only been there for 2 weeks) and who knows what else....HOWEVER...the opportunity and possibility was there...

The one thing he did though that kinda bugged me a bit but not to the point where I was going to have to say something (yet) was that he would have discussions with the director of one of our other divisions (the man who originally hired him) that he should have been having with me since I was his boss. Well, Thursday he got a bug up his ass about something about the guy who sits behind him had done or said. Who knows? I wasn't there and I have no clue. Well, he went and told this director what happened and for some reason thought that it wouldn't be addressed with this employee.

Okay, let's just be realistic here. You're telling this guy's boss what he did that displeases you and you expect it to remain confidential and not addressed? Clearly he's not from this planet.

Anyway, this guy gets called in and politely told what he now knows is going down and to never do it again with no reference as to who fessed up. Mind you, he sits in an area that's very open and lots of people can hear what other people are doing and saying. Well this guy goes back and tells my employee that he should never repeat anything that he hears. This leads to an email from my employee to the other director telling him that he can't believe that he told this guy what he said and it was supposed to be in confidence and he's "leaving his job."

Well, I was on the phone with a client during all of this and since he didn't come to me (as he should have since I was his boss) I had no clue what went down. So I get told that this guy "may have" resigned his job. I get the low down on what happened and so I decide to see if he really did decide to walk out. The only way that I would know if he did was if the hideous picture of him doing a Joan Crawford/Mommie Dearest thing was still on his desk. If it's there...he didn't walk out. If it's gone...he did.

It was gone.

So the other director decided to call and leave a message with his mother to call when he got in. He called and he was invited to have his job back and he said he would think about it and call back in an hour.

Well, to be honest...I didn't want him back. Part of me was ticked off that he chose to not follow the proper chain of command and should have come to me first and part of me was ticked off that he didn't even give the company a chance to make things right in the situation. He just stormed off. On top of that, he had salary complaints again.

Dude, if the salary wasn't what you wanted and you didn't negotiate it before you agreed it to, then you knew what you were getting. GET OVER IT! We had offered him a chance at a draw on his commission after 90 days with the company and we were only at 2 weeks!

So when I got the scoop on the phone conversation that was had, I pretty much made it clear that I didn't want him back. If he comes back, will he be a loose cannon? Will he be able to sell? Will I have to hand hold him? Will he still bitch about his salary?

We decided to wait to see what he would say when he called back.

The hour passes. No call.

The second hour passes. No call.

The third hour passes. No call.

I pick up the phone and call.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

No answer. What the fuck?

He calls back about 2 minutes later. He sounded very down and I basically told him that I was surprised by what had happened and that he should have come to me with his concerns but, most of all, I was just disappointed in the whole thing.

Finally I told him that since he didn't call back in the hour, we have concluded that he has resigned his position with the company to which he agreed. I politely told him that we would send him his final check and if I found any personal belongings on his desk that we would make arrangements to send them to him.

I hung up the phone and uttered probably the most succinct thing I could come up with...

"Ass."

Seriously. You say you will call back in and hour. You should call back. Even if it's to say that you weren't coming back, you call back.

Thankfully, we found a great salesperson the next day with lots of experience who can afford a huge pay cut and willingly wants to work with the company to improve our brands. He starts on Monday and I have another sales guy starting on Friday so I will be back to a full team by the end of next week. I may not be able to do much in terms of sales for my own items, but at the very least I have a new start.

So much work to do and so little time.

A New Year and New Karma

Okay...so I've been horrible about posting so I'll make this somewhat quick. I'm going to begin posting stories and pics from my trip to Costa Rica over New Year's so you can get the full reason behind why we started calling it "Tropical Storm Fiesta!"

However, the fun part came when I returned to work that Monday. Now, prior to leaving, I took over sales for one of our brands and did some preliminary work from NYC and then followed up a bit from my parents house in Florida. Two of my new clients sent back their forms via fax and one kid in the office snatched them from the fax machine and entered their order into the system moving it from my name to his...

And I caught him...

Both clients emailed me to say that they had faxed them over and when I didn't see them on the machine, something told me to check the system and sure enough they were both entered under someone else's name. Well I got the forms from the kid and pretty much told him what he did was uncool and unethical (not to mention, in effect, stealing from his colleagues) and he will never do it again. I told his boss what had gone down and he wasn't thrilled with it either but was thankful that I handled it in a professional manner...

And now for the karma...

That afternoon I was called into the CEO's office and asked if I could take over the head of sales for my division (in addition to the production and marketing that I was already doing). Well, sure enough I said yes and that afternoon the kid who tried to steal my sales became my employee.

Now I know what you're thinking. I'm going to make his life hell and miserable for what he did. Absolutely not. He's a good salesperson and can get the job done. However, I am keeping a close eye on him to make sure that he doesn't do this again and to make sure that he keeps focused on what his job is... and not what it isn't.

So... a new year... new karma... new responsibilities...

Something just told me that 2008 was going to be a crazy year... it's proving itself to be so already.