Nothing can ruin this day...

...my trip to Italy is paid off...now we're just in money saving mode for bringing back a few cases of wine...

Detective Emma

So...after a slew of films from my friends I decided to put my Stanley Kubrick skills to the test and create a little series of films for my friends known as the HutofEvil (aka the HoE) for the holidays and I've decided to share them with you...mind you I did these at about 1 in the morning which explains why we go from Part 7 to Part 9 with no Part 8 at all...consider that to be the lost episode that will be recovered in about 20 years like some of the old Miami Vice episodes....

Enjoy

Detective Emma Part 1
Detective Emma Part 2
Detective Emma Part 3
Detective Emma Part 4
Detective Emma Part 5
Detective Emma Part 6
Detective Emma Part 7
Part 8 -- The Lost Episode
Detective Emma Part 9
Detective Emma Part 10

No. They. Did. Not...

Oh. My. God.

They killed Mel.

Mel.

Of all people.

I mean talk about total shock. This is borderline INSANE! They gave her such a good subplot earlier this season and then just...BOOM! They knock her off. I'm in shock.

Someone. Anyone. Please tell me they saw this episode and are as stunned as I am.

Holiday Round Up

I didn't do a damn thing this weekend but sleep, watch tv, read, research investments, and talk to the family ONLY on Christmas evening when they would be their most tired and their least likely to drag me into their drama.

That was a success.

After the annual family drama at Thanksgiving, I was kinda glad to not be there this year and just do my own thing. Not that I don't love my family but I don't like getting dragged into their mess (namely my grandmother dragging me into it) every year...

There's only so much you can take...right?

Theatre Games

Next time you're at a show take a moment to play my favorite game...it's sort of like Where's Waldo but is a bit more risque:

Find the members of the cast who...

1) Are sleeping together...
2) Have slept together but don't anymore...
3) Will sleep together before the end of their run...
4) Will sleep together after the opening night party (if you're in previews)...
5) Hate each other's guts...
6) Hate the director's guts...
7) Hate the writer's guts...
8) Hate themselves...
9) Hate the audience...

Even the worst show is much more enjoyable once you start playing...

Tokyo, here I come!

I just got interviewed on the street by a Japanese news crew about the 2004 election. Considering that I made most of my sarcastic remarks right into the camera and left more of the serious stuff to the reporter woman, I have a scary thought that if I do air in Japan I'm going to appear as a deranged, crazed bald American and somehow become a cult hero.

Next thing you know I'll have my own Japanese variety show. It's title translated from Japanese would be something along the lines of "Crazy Bald Man Happy Sushi Hour"

If you see Japanese tourists walking around New York with my face on their shirts then know that I am a god to them...

After all this time...

...how well do you know me? Or think you know me...

Click here and see how well you do...

(And don't worry about that HutofEvil thing...you wouldn't understand :) )

Good Morning, Charlie

Yesterday a friend of mine made the comparison to three of us as Charlie's Angels and which one did he say I was...

"Brian is the slutty blonde one....and Jorge is the sexy Jacklyn Smith one....so that leaves me the brown haired dorky one?....smile..."

The slutty blonde one??? Farrah? Me???

I mean I always thought of myself as the Sabrina type for that very reason...because I was always the brown haired dorky one (okay at least when I had hair) and the fact that it was always Sabrina who was bailing out the other two bimbos when they got themselves in trouble. Come on...think about it...who was the one that was saving Farrah when they were at the evil resort spa and they were going to suffocate her with a eucalyptis wrap?

Sabrina.

Who was the one that figured out the evil plot with the assassin figure skaters who were going to take out some foreign big wig?

Sabrina.

I don't think I need to go any further...

Apparently, I have this slutty quality about me that either I don't recognize, realize, or use to its fullest potential.

Or so I was told.

Just call me Farrah I guess.

Two Thousand Four/Two Thousand Bore

This year started off with a lot of promise after ending last year on a major downer note (fire, apartment gone, clothes that smell of smoke, asshole landlords), kinda picked up in the beginning of the year with the love life which then went south in the summer and picked back up again when SkiGuy and I started going out again.

Now it's back down and has been there for quite some time.

Dissastified with work. I need a new job doing what I want to do rather than what I'm doing now. If I only knew what I wanted to do.

Dissatisfied with my love life. I'm tired of having to call SkiGuy because he's too wrapped up in work or other things (primarily work though) to call me, make time for me, or anthing. SuitMan is no more and I'm at peace with that. And the only other guy that I was even somewhat interested on that same level (rather than the casual dating I was doing earlier this year) turned out to not be interested in me after all despite the advice from friends that what they saw was interest on his part. Or at least that's what I've been told. And not by him. And to top it all off, I'm not in the mood to actually find out or even want to find out.

Dissatisfied with my current financial situation. I can at least say that I'm working to rectify this one...we'll see how successful I am.

But I am thankful for things...I have a roof over my head. I have clothes on my back. I have food in my stomach. I have friends I can lean on for support in time of need. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am lucky and blessed to have what I have and not complain about what I don't or what I haven't tried to change.

This is one of those times.

Santa Claus Letters Update

Some of you have asked if you could help out this holiday season with my rugby team's annual participation in Operation Santa Claus sponsored by the US Post Office.

The answer to that is: OF COURSE YOU CAN!!! Do you think I'm going to turn away any holiday cheer this year?

Just click the donation link in this post and you can make a direct donation of any size you want to the drive...we're going shopping this weekend so all of the money will help and all goes towards providing a better holiday to some deserving families.

Here's a summary of the families we have adopted this year:

Ferraras Family

Allan, 5 years old. Size 6/7 in clothes and 13 in shoes. Likes Spiderman and loves to play video games.

Edwin, 7 years old. Size 9/10 in clothes and 3 in shoes. Likes to read and play video games.

Jessica, the mother, age unknown. Did not put down anything for herself but she just started going to college to get her Bachelors in Internal Medicine. Our dream is that if anyone happens to have an old laptop that they are not using, haven't used in forever, and is just sitting on a shelf in a closet gathering dust since you upgraded to the new model and are willing to donate it to Jessica, this would really and truly be a great thing for her. Second on that list is that we may provide an American Express gift card to her in order to help pay for books and supplies for the coming semester.

Fanny, Givan, and Austin (no last name provided for family but we can track them down)

Givan, 7 years old. 8/9 in clothes and 4 1/2 in shoes. Loves video games and Yu-Gi-Oh cards.

Austin, 4 years old. 6/7 in clothes and 1 in shoes. Loves Spiderman and The Incredible Hulk

Fanny, the mother. No age or size info on her, but we do know that she is a single mother working two jobs to make ends meet for her kids and is refusing public assistance because she wants to do it on her own.

Luciano Family

Adrian, 7 years old. 7/8 in clothes and 1 1/2 in shoes.

Patricia, 15 years old (and the person who wrote this letter). Size Small in clothes and 1-3 in pants. Shoe size 6.

The mother (name and age unknown). Size Medium in clothes, and pants 5-6. Shoe size 7 1/2.

Blonde Joke of the Day -- Holiday Style

There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree. After hours of sub-zero temperatures a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"


And should we all be stocking up on copies of this soon??? I want to go to the book signing party!

P.S. Love the cover...

Kinda pissed

Who saw Jonathan fucking SHOVE his wife during the last part of The Amazing Race last night? I fucking hate that man. Isn't that akin to spousal abuse? Someone has tried to make me believe that he was really pushing her bag but I'm sorry he was really pushing her...he just couldn't physically put his hands on her...

The man is a freak and I'm so glad that Phil refused to even talk to him and told him to go take care of his wife who was bawling her eyes out...

You know you're ready...

...for the week to be over when you go to your chiropractor's office for your appointment and realize that you're early.

Very early.

An entire day early.

Yeah...can I go home now?

Overheard Conversation of the Day

Person 1: Well, even Susan Lucci eventually won her Emmy.

Person 2: Yeah, but it took her like 20 times didn't it?

Person 2: Oh. Right. (pause) Yeah, I don't think he could wait that long.

Time to reboot

I may be taking a little time away...I dunno...I just know I need to rethink a lot of things...don't worry I'll let you know before it happens....

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

I am having really weird dreams as of late.

Last night there was a woman with a major facial hair problem. No, it wasn't that she was a man masquerading as a woman...she really was a woman.

Then there was the dream where I was caught by my mother having sex with a guy and decides that everyone else is going to sleep in that room with me. Why? I have no clue.

Then there was the dream where I couldn't find my shoes. That was the entire dream. I can't find my shoes.

Maybe I need to start smoking crack again.

Depressing Reading

Every year the rugby team "adopts" a couple of families at Christmas through the Santa Claus project via the US Post Office to help provide a Christmas to an under-privileged child.

One of the guys on the team works with a similar project at his office and offered to let us peruse a few of the letters he had rather than heading down to the post office after work. At lunch I read through all of the letters we had been provided and felt bad because there was just no way in hell that the team (or anyone else for that matter) is going to be able to get some of the things these people want...

There were at least three pleas for computers or laptops. Two people asked for Game Cubes or an XBox. There were a couple of MP3/CD player requests as well. I know it's kind of a "shoot for the moon" thing when people write these letters but I feel bad because there are kids who REALLY want these things and you can practically hear the begging and...well...it made me sad. I hope there's someone out there with the deep pockets to help them out with what they want but I don't think it's going to be us...

Of course, the fact that we're actually going to be giving them gifts rather than sending them back letter saying, "Santa died last week" or "Santa doesn't like you" as suggested by one Scrooge (although a lovable one at that) is a good thing....

Subway Suffering

If you've lived in NYC for a while you know...you just KNOW when someone is going to try to cut in front of you to get on the stairs so they can exit just a second ahead of you. You know the way they position their bodies and how they stand just so if you hesitate for a second they can swoop in and take that small space that you've somehow made available to them.

This happened to me this morning. Of course it happens every morning but today we have an exception. As I'm heading to the escalator's fast lane (the left side for the uninitiated), this woman was clearly trying to cut in ahead of me. Deciding that I didn't want to physically harm the woman by blowing by her at top speed so I paused and motioned for her to move in ahead of me. We'll call this woman Pink Lady because or the color of her raincoat and not because she resembled a mid-70s female Japanese singing duo who had a horrible variety show in the US.

Pink Lady: Thank you.

646Guy: You were going to do it either way.

Pink Lady: No I wasn't. Did you think I was being rude. I wasn't being rude. Maybe you haven't had your morning coffee.

646Guy: Maybe you need to let me enjoy the remainder of my commute to work in peace.

Of course, that's where it should have ended. I say should have because after this point I didn't say another word. It was the lovely black woman behind me who took up my cause on her own accord. We'll call this woman Sassy McSasserson because if there was ever a sassy black woman it was her...

Sassy: TOLD YOU!

Pink Lady: What?

Sassy: He told you!

Pink Lady: I wasn't being rude...

Sassy: Lady, you know what it looks like when people are going to cut in front of you on the stairs and I know what it looks like when people are going to do it to you and you know damn well you were doing it so stop giving us the holier-than-thou-my-shit-don't-stink routine because it ain't gonna work.

By this point we were at the top of the escalator and Pink Lady was as pink as her raincoat and I was grinning like an idiot because, granted, I didn't get the peace that I had requested, but I did get to hear Pink Lady get shut down and rather effectively.

And that, my folks, helped make my morning...

How About Giving Yourself Heart Attack?

I just emailed my votes in for the new slate of rugby board members and for some reason a copy of it landed in my inbox. For a second I thought I had emailed it to the entire team but it just went the person it was supposed to go to but I wonder why I got a copy of it...

As far as I know it didn't go out to the entire team but we shall see...

Pause to remember

Did anyone else notice...

...that Mary Alice's husband first hit Mrs. Huber with the blender she stole from Mary Alice after she died (in the first episode) before he strangled her???

Gotta love it...