Friday, July 27, 2007

I Don't Know...

How have I made it through this week?

I'm not really eating. I just know that I have to put food in my body to keep me going but it's more out of fueling the body than out of any true hunger.

I'm not really sleeping. I tend to just roll around in bed trying to find a good position and lay there until my body just gives into the exhaustion.

I'm not really laughing. I've seemed to just shut down. Even yesterday someone said I was keeping a low profile at the office. God...when have I ever kept a low profile?

I'm not really living. I guess that's the best way to put it. For the past few days I've just been in a daze wondering how much more I can take.

I'm trying not to cry. But damn it's hard. It's so hard. I can't let my emotions get the best of me. Especially in the office.

I'm trying not to totally lose it. My stress levels are through the roof. And while it seems like it's something that everyone says, in my case it's totally true. I know what overly stressed feels like from a body standpoint and I'm there and then some.

I'm trying not to think of all of the possible bad outcomes. But even that's not an easy proposition.

I'm not...

I'm trying...

I'm...

2 comments:

celspi aka R. said...

Sorry to read that things are so tough right now. *hugs* If your company has access to a psychologist/psychiatrist, I would totally go talk to them. I probably would've saved lots of stress and sleepless nights if I had taken advantage of mine when I really needed it a few years ago. It's a way for you to express all this anxiety in a safe environment. Either way... I hope that things get better as soon as possible.

z. said...

Ugh. God. I'm so sorry...

Let me know if you need anything. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.