Tales From the City: A Masterpiece in Progress

Hey who left the lights on....

2011-07-31T19:24:00.000-04:00

Hey Whores!

2011-03-19T13:57:00.001-04:00

Bwahahahahahaha....love you all. Well most of you....

Um....hello?

2010-05-15T21:06:00.001-04:00

Yep...still here...that's good!

Poking My Head Out Of The Gopher Hole

2009-07-31T08:40:00.001-04:00

Hi!!!!!!!

It's Time

2008-05-12T21:18:00.001-04:00

I held out as long as I could...but it's really time to call it quits.

Thanks for the last...wow...seven, eight years of readership. I've exposed more about myself than I ever would admit or would normally do otherwise...

I don't have time. I'm not motivated to blog. I'd rather close it gracefully with a thanks to all of you than to just let it die with no true end.

Big hugs....I'm still around. You know how to get a hold of me...or at least you should....

Nutri-System...The One Month Mark

2008-02-26T20:45:00.002-05:00

Okay....six pounds down after a month...my trainer is kicking my ass again giving me a great kick start....looks like I'm going to lose this bet folks...but you know I don't care...

I had my physical done today and my blood pressure was a magnificent 120/60 (and average/typical for a man is 130/90 which means I ROCK). I've got some revamped meds for the diabetes to assist with the diet. I'm learning more and more about what I can and should not (not cannot) eat.

There's still a long road to go but I'm definitely on the path

What Could Have Been...

2008-02-10T20:59:00.001-05:00

Last week I was on the train platform heading down to a post-work kiss and schmooze event when I saw this woman.

Okay, let me be perfectly honest...she was a rather large gal. Maybe 5'5" but probably 220 pounds and a little unkempt. Now, I have nothing much that I can say myself since I know that I'm not exactly a small person myself but I think that I would have to be about 340 pounds to be equal to her size. I tried not to stare at her but I was really looking at what could have been me (although taller and heavier) if I had not really started exercising and takin care of myself by exercising and watching what I eat.

I think she caught me staring at her a few times as I really pondered the "what could have been" aspect of things. She didn't look exceptionally happy and given her size, I can imagine why not.

I'm grateful that I've taken a much stronger look at my health and my desire to get into better shape. I've accepted the fact that it is a process and the weight doesn't magically come off. It is work. It required dedication. I've slipped a few times here and there but I've stayed on track for well over a year now.

I've thought a lot about that woman in the past few days. I've thought a lot about what I would do if I was in her situation. If anything, it's reinforced my goal and desire to hit my targets even more.

Marketing Blunders

2008-02-04T17:52:00.000-05:00

This is an actual item that you can find on the Macy's website with the following copy:

"Patriot perfection! Nineteen wins. Zero losses. Football history has been rewritten, and the New England Patriots have won it all! Commemorate every bone-crunching tackle and triumphant touchdown with this limited edition Waterford Crystal football."

Wow...that's gotta suck. I hope they didn't pre-order those....

"Don't you want to be happy?"

2008-02-01T23:05:00.000-05:00

Tonight I saw A Chorus Line for the...I dunno...sixth(?), seventh(?), eighth(?) time...I know it may seem excessive to some but there's something about the story that always has given me hope and courage to know that practically anything is possible and that success isn't always measured in what you get, but in how far you've come and in how you handle the setbacks.

But tonight when one character (I believe Bobby) said, "Don't you want to be happy?" I realized that I was happy. I was pretty fucking happy. It wasn't the show or how it made me feel that made me happy...I was already happy and didn't realize that the strange feeling that I had wasn't the flu or my stomach reacting to the new diet...it was happiness.

Professionally, I am personally satisfied with what I am doing. I love what I do for a living. I love the challenge that I have every day when I walk into the office. I love the clients I work with on a daily basis. I love knowing that I get to create something that can have a positive impact on people.

Personally, while my romantic leanings aren't panning out, I can look back on the last year of trials, tribulations, and strife and know that I have come out a stronger person. I can handle more and deal with more than I ever knew possible. It's learning this about myself that's given me an extra oomph to push harder. Romance can wait. I'm loving myself right now...

Spiritually, I am still have the same relationship that I've had for years. I know I've said many times before that I believe more in God (or a Creator) than in religion and am rather adverse to organized religion but I do have conversations with God that are personal and mine alone. We discuss the decisions I've made, what's resulted from my decisions, and what's going to happen if I don't change some things.

So yeah....I can actually say I'm happy...happier than I have ever been in a long time. And it's nice a way to be....

(PS On a total aside, should anyone from the cast stumble across this...Maggie, whoever you are since I threw away the playbill, thanks for the chills on the "money note"...haven't had THOSE in a while...to the new Paul, you should have been cast first over Jason Tam...you're SO much better, and finally to the remarkable Mr. Berresse who I have seen perform for the past...wow...10 YEARS(!), truly the best I have ever seen you do this part and you're only getting better....)

Dear Merrill Lynch,

2008-01-28T22:30:00.000-05:00

You can fuck off and die.

All of you.

Well except my friend and her mom who still work there who are cool....UNLIKE THE REST OF YOUR EMPLOYEES!!!

This is your third time that you've done something to my account that has put more than a little inconvenience in my life. Let's not even talk about the two instances where you supposedly sent me a new debit card because my account was "compromised" and I only found out when my old card failed to work despite me having a pretty nice balance in there.

And this little stunt....

Well you've gone too far this time buckos....

By the end of February you and are finally going to part ways...something we should have done a long time ago.

You're useless to me. And have been for some time...

I know I'm not the biggest account you have but, at the very least, I am a client and have been for about 12, maybe 13 years. I've already opened an account with another bank and will be making a transfer to them this Friday when I get paid. Then, when I get my checks, I will be turning EVERYTHING over to them.

And you can suck it.

Suck.

It.

And I hope you choke on it too.

So yeah, Merill....it's a good thing you have a bull as a logo....because you're nothing but bull....shit that is....

Hmmmm.....

That's about it. You can suck it.

Then again that's pretty much what you have to do to get ahead in that company isn't it?

Hugs and kisses,

Brian the 646Guy, soon-to-be ex-Merrill Lynch client

PS Oh yeah...SUCK IT!!!!

At Least It's Not Jenny Craig...

2008-01-28T09:12:00.000-05:00

So I saw my doctor today since I am still not 100%....or even 60%. He thinks I have a bronchial infection and I'm on antibiotics.

However, he did ask about my blood sugar which has been okay but not perfect as of late. Since he's been getting frustrated with my numbers as well as the fact that he doesn't want to change my meds, he made a challenge to me....

Nutrisystem has a plan for Type II diabetics. Since he wants me to drop some weight on top of getting my numbers under control, it's a workable solution. The challenge is that I stick with it for three months. If it works, my numbers get under control and I drop some weight on top of it, then I foot the bill for it. Should it not work and my numbers don't change, then he will reimburse me for it.

That's a cool doc. And sure enough I said yes.

Now, I'm not going to cheat and eat a bunch of crap so he has to pay me back for it (what's the point in that) so we'll see how this works. Three months isn't that long so it should be interesting to say the least.

The planets spin...

2008-01-26T21:28:00.000-05:00

...and the world goes 'round....and 'round....

First and foremost, I'm pretty freakin' sick right now. I've been fighting off a cold or chest infection or SOMETHING for the past few weeks and Friday night it finally won the war sending my temperature over 100, lovely aches that made me feel like I was being pummeled by rocks, and I could barely sleep. I kept telling myself that I was going to get over it and be able to help my friends out at Idiotarod as I had planned...

Not to be. About 2 in the morning, I realized that nothing was going to make me better in time to get up, get down to DUMBO, and take part. So, Liz and Lauren, my apologies for not making it to help you out. I was in bed until around 1 this afternoon and I'm not much better. At least the fever is down.

Okay...so let's talk about work.

The kid who tried to swipe two of my sales has one week left to seal any deals on his soon to be former clients before I shift them over to the new people that have bene hired.

Oh yes...the team of three that I had on January 8 when the whole shake up went down...yeah...only one of them is left. One basically disappeared (as he did prior to my taking over the sales management of the division) and we called and left messages and basically told him that he needed to call back or we would consider him to have resigned his position with the company. Well, he never called back that Thursday. He did call back on Monday and said something about being in the hospital and having papers and trying to leave his former boss a message (note.....he TRIED but DIDN'T)...blah blah blah...I called back, got his voicemail, and reiterated the fact that he didn't call back and even if he was in the hospital, he could have had someone - a nurse, doctor, friend, etc. - call and tell us where he was. Clearly he didn't want his job bad enough to make sure we knew where he was....

Then there's the other guy...not a bad guy...a little needy...but he had the possibility of being a really good salesperson. He seemed to get down on himself because he wasn't making sales even though we had told him that selling for his product wasn't a quick sell like other things....it takes time, it takes charm, it takes nurturing....AND THEN you get the big sell...well he didn't seem to accept that and was making frequent comments about his salary (and he had only been there for 2 weeks) and who knows what else....HOWEVER...the opportunity and possibility was there...

The one thing he did though that kinda bugged me a bit but not to the point where I was going to have to say something (yet) was that he would have discussions with the director of one of our other divisions (the man who originally hired him) that he should have been having with me since I was his boss. Well, Thursday he got a bug up his ass about something about the guy who sits behind him had done or said. Who knows? I wasn't there and I have no clue. Well, he went and told this director what happened and for some reason thought that it wouldn't be addressed with this employee.

Okay, let's just be realistic here. You're telling this guy's boss what he did that displeases you and you expect it to remain confidential and not addressed? Clearly he's not from this planet.

Anyway, this guy gets called in and politely told what he now knows is going down and to never do it again with no reference as to who fessed up. Mind you, he sits in an area that's very open and lots of people can hear what other people are doing and saying. Well this guy goes back and tells my employee that he should never repeat anything that he hears. This leads to an email from my employee to the other director telling him that he can't believe that he told this guy what he said and it was supposed to be in confidence and he's "leaving his job."

Well, I was on the phone with a client during all of this and since he didn't come to me (as he should have since I was his boss) I had no clue what went down. So I get told that this guy "may have" resigned his job. I get the low down on what happened and so I decide to see if he really did decide to walk out. The only way that I would know if he did was if the hideous picture of him doing a Joan Crawford/Mommie Dearest thing was still on his desk. If it's there...he didn't walk out. If it's gone...he did.

It was gone.

So the other director decided to call and leave a message with his mother to call when he got in. He called and he was invited to have his job back and he said he would think about it and call back in an hour.

Well, to be honest...I didn't want him back. Part of me was ticked off that he chose to not follow the proper chain of command and should have come to me first and part of me was ticked off that he didn't even give the company a chance to make things right in the situation. He just stormed off. On top of that, he had salary complaints again.

Dude, if the salary wasn't what you wanted and you didn't negotiate it before you agreed it to, then you knew what you were getting. GET OVER IT! We had offered him a chance at a draw on his commission after 90 days with the company and we were only at 2 weeks!

So when I got the scoop on the phone conversation that was had, I pretty much made it clear that I didn't want him back. If he comes back, will he be a loose cannon? Will he be able to sell? Will I have to hand hold him? Will he still bitch about his salary?

We decided to wait to see what he would say when he called back.

The hour passes. No call.

The second hour passes. No call.

The third hour passes. No call.

I pick up the phone and call.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

No answer. What the fuck?

He calls back about 2 minutes later. He sounded very down and I basically told him that I was surprised by what had happened and that he should have come to me with his concerns but, most of all, I was just disappointed in the whole thing.

Finally I told him that since he didn't call back in the hour, we have concluded that he has resigned his position with the company to which he agreed. I politely told him that we would send him his final check and if I found any personal belongings on his desk that we would make arrangements to send them to him.

I hung up the phone and uttered probably the most succinct thing I could come up with...

"Ass."

Seriously. You say you will call back in and hour. You should call back. Even if it's to say that you weren't coming back, you call back.

Thankfully, we found a great salesperson the next day with lots of experience who can afford a huge pay cut and willingly wants to work with the company to improve our brands. He starts on Monday and I have another sales guy starting on Friday so I will be back to a full team by the end of next week. I may not be able to do much in terms of sales for my own items, but at the very least I have a new start.

So much work to do and so little time.

A New Year and New Karma

2008-01-14T11:56:00.001-05:00

Okay...so I've been horrible about posting so I'll make this somewhat quick. I'm going to begin posting stories and pics from my trip to Costa Rica over New Year's so you can get the full reason behind why we started calling it "Tropical Storm Fiesta!"

However, the fun part came when I returned to work that Monday. Now, prior to leaving, I took over sales for one of our brands and did some preliminary work from NYC and then followed up a bit from my parents house in Florida. Two of my new clients sent back their forms via fax and one kid in the office snatched them from the fax machine and entered their order into the system moving it from my name to his...

And I caught him...

Both clients emailed me to say that they had faxed them over and when I didn't see them on the machine, something told me to check the system and sure enough they were both entered under someone else's name. Well I got the forms from the kid and pretty much told him what he did was uncool and unethical (not to mention, in effect, stealing from his colleagues) and he will never do it again. I told his boss what had gone down and he wasn't thrilled with it either but was thankful that I handled it in a professional manner...

And now for the karma...

That afternoon I was called into the CEO's office and asked if I could take over the head of sales for my division (in addition to the production and marketing that I was already doing). Well, sure enough I said yes and that afternoon the kid who tried to steal my sales became my employee.

Now I know what you're thinking. I'm going to make his life hell and miserable for what he did. Absolutely not. He's a good salesperson and can get the job done. However, I am keeping a close eye on him to make sure that he doesn't do this again and to make sure that he keeps focused on what his job is... and not what it isn't.

So... a new year... new karma... new responsibilities...

Something just told me that 2008 was going to be a crazy year... it's proving itself to be so already.

Ugh....

2007-12-12T23:15:00.000-05:00

Given my recent attempts at romantic entanglements, I have to turn to Cole Porter for this post:

I hate men.
I can't abide 'em even now and then.
Than ever marry one of them, I'd rest a maiden rather,
For husbands are a boring lot and only give you bother.
Of course, I'm awfully glad that Mother had to marry Father,
But I hate men.
Of all the types I've ever met within our democracy,
I hate most the athlete with his manner bold and brassy,
He may have hair upon his chest but, sister, so has Lassie.
Oh, I hate men!
I hate men.
They should be kept like piggies in a pen.
Avoid the trav'ling salesman though a tempting
Tom he may be,
For on your wedding night he may be off to far Araby,
While he's away in Mandalay is thee who have the baby,
Oh I hate men.
If thou shouldst wed a businessman, be wary, oh, be wary.
He'll tell you he's detained in town on business necessary,
His bus'ness is the bus'ness with his pretty secretary,
Oh I hate men!
I hate men
Though roosters they, I will not play the hen.
If you espouse and older man through girlish optimism,
He'll always stay at home at night and make no criticism,
Though you may call it love, the doctors call it rheumatism.
Oh, I hate men.
From all I've read, alone in bed, from A to Zed, about 'em.
Since love is blind, then from the mind, all womankind should rout 'em,
But, ladies, you must answer too, what would we do without 'em?
Still, I hate men!

Time Somebody Told Me

2007-11-29T17:26:00.000-05:00

With many thanks to Georgia...I know you put this into a comment but it was too moving to not put into a full post on its own...

Time somebody told me
That I am lovely, good and real
That my beauty could make hearts stand still.
It's time somebody told me
That my love is so complete
That my mind is quick and full of wit
That my loving is just too good to quit.
Time somebody told me.
Time somebody told me
How much they want love and need me
How much my spirit helps set them free
How my eyes shine full of the white light
How good it feels just to hold me tight.
Time somebody told me
So I had a talk with myself
Just me -- nobody else
Cause it was time somebody told me.

Oh Those Wacky YouTube Questions

2007-11-28T14:27:00.001-05:00

This guy is just wacky! Gotta love some of those crazy Republicans.

Celebrate This, Bitch...

2007-11-26T10:49:00.000-05:00

The most INANE commercial ever...and for some reason it is permanently embedded in my head.

Work, Work, Work...

2007-11-20T07:20:00.000-05:00

Sigh...so much to do today. Take 2 days off from work and it all seems to pile up...

Be Careful Who You Text...

2007-11-18T19:36:00.000-05:00

Okay I debated telling this story but it's kinda funny and kinda sad all at the same time that I can't NOT share it.

Here I am in Seattle for this event and the guy who invited me and set me up with a free hotel room and everything is someone who exhibited at one of my events earlier this year. Let's just say I was a bit taken with him. He's devilishly handsome and has killer blue eyes. However, he is a client so I can't really DO anything about it. I guess to me that would be unethical.

So, today is the lsat day that I'm in Seattle and I head out to brunch with him and a few friends of his. Now he had been texting back and forth with someone and I made the joke that he was texting his friend sitting next to him. Well, I shoot him a text message joking with him about it and thus begins the most interesting conversation.

After he and I part ways and I head over to the gay sports bar to watch the Seahawks game with his friend, I get a text message that says, "Would still like to cuddle again sometime." Now this cracks me up because I'm like, "Again?" when was the first time. So I respond back with a comment about how I still have my hotel room. Ultimately I do ask if he's texting the right person and if the messages were meant for me and I get a confirmation message that they are.

Well, let's just say you couldn't wipe the grin off of my face even if you used an SOS scouring pad. So... being the ballsy person that I was, I texted back with "Blush...so what do we do about it?" Now at this point, I'm already heading back to the hotel and wondeng what I *am* going to do about it.

Then the phone rings.

Yep...he was texting the wrong person and he was quite embarrassed. Well to be honest, so was I since I was pretty much up for it as well. I mean I kinda thought there might have been a mutual attraction given some of the looks I got and such the night before but I'm trying to do my best to not read into situations with people I have a crush on. Anyway...I played it off that I was just going along for the ride and if he wanted to come up and cuddle trhen sure...why the hell not???

However, honestly, I was a little disappointed. Would it have been nice? Absolutely. Then again, I wouldn't be able to let it go very far since I don't do the long distance thing and, let's face it this would be about as long distance as you can get. On the plus side though, Seattle men are pretty freakin' friendly.

:)

Seattle...

2007-11-18T14:40:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in my hotel room right now and it kinda hit me...

I could somewhat see myself living here.

Of course I would have to get a car. Or a Vespa.

Reaching Out

2007-11-13T16:08:00.001-05:00

First and foremost, to those of you that have emailed or commented your words of support, they are appreciated. Many of you have started off by saying that you know what I was saying wasn't meant to elicit guilt or sympathy but you felt compelled to offer it anyway. For that, I thank you.

The one question that I have heard a few times is why I haven't reached out sooner or more overtly or, as one person said, at all.

Good question. I don't really have a good answer to go with it.

Part of me wants to think that I am emotionally stronger than I really am. I try not to show how vulnerable I am or the low self esteem I have been hiding. When people hurl ugly, vicious, spiteful words at me, I do my best not to flinch, to not let on that their words stung or, in some cases, wounded me to the quick.

Part of me wants to think that I can do so many things on my own that I don't need the help or support of my friends and colleagues. I try to do too much and take on too much that I don't recognize when that burden is finally taking its toll on me until it's too late.

In a way, this is me reaching out. It's baby steps but it's what I have to work with.

Growing up, I remember a song that I heard sung in a concert at my church. I don't remember much of the song but I do remember one line rather vividly -- "I'm a masterpiece in progress."

That's what I'm going to start referring to myself as now. It's seems more apt and more positive.

The Me Nobody Knows, Part 2

2007-11-12T09:56:00.001-05:00

I'm a bit proud of myself. I went the whole weekend without pulling down my previous post. In a way it's a bit liberating to put yourself out there and show yourself, warts and all, to the masses.

Okay, so maybe I hid a few warts.

I also know that the catalyst for change must come from within me. This is just the start and I know that I have a long journey ahead of me.

The Me Nobody Knows

2007-11-09T19:07:00.000-05:00

In 1970, there was a Broadway musical called The Me Nobody Knows which was based on an anthology of New York City student writings. Their stories were explicit in detail as to what their lives were like and how the felt about their neighborhoods, family, school, and more.

For reasons that will become apparent, the title has always resonated with me. I debated a lot about writing this post and promised myself that no matter what I wouldn't pull it down. This isn't written to elicit sympathy, empathy, or guilt from friends and/or anonymous readers. This is written for me. Because I have to tell everyone about the me that nobody knows.

For many of you that know me, this post will come as a shock because you think you know me... and well at that. The truth is you don't know me at all.

And it's not your fault. I need to make that perfectly clear. It's not your fault at all. It all lies with me.

The truth about me is this... well it's a lot of things but let's start with the big one.

I am probably more lonely than I will ever publicly admit... even here and in this post which, admittedly, will be rather raw in its content. Part of this loneliness can be attributed to my job which consumes a large part of my time (and more on this later). Part of it can be attributed to many friends being so spread out. Part of it can be attributed to the fact that I have very few close friends who live in NYC even though I have been here for almost 10 years... a fact that even I am surprised to learn. Even though I have a large circle of acquaintances (for lack of a better word) and have been members of many organizations (social, recreational, and otherwise), the truth is that my phone rarely rings to the point where I only really keep it in case there is a family emergency and I need to reach them or vice versa. There are days when I question whether or not I should even keep the phone because it never seems to get any use.

And then there are days when I question if anyone would really miss me if I did give up my phone.

Total self admission -- I know that I'm not the first person people think of when they are making up a party invite list. My social calendar is painfully empty to the point where going to see a movie or a show on my own isn't a problem or awkward for me. I've faked "dinner with friends" more times than I care to count. I often make up things I did over the weekend rather than say I sat at home alone.

And yes, I totally admit that a large part of this is my own creation. I am more than capable of going out to a bar, meeting new people, or someone and make new friends. But, I am totally not a bar person and, quite frankly, no one in a bar seems to want to talk to me.

With that, let's hit the next big thing... relationships, and the lack thereof. I am probably more socially awkward than I let on. Part of that comes from a severe fear of rejection. I have asked out more people than I can count and been turn down over and over and over. The reason I have not pursued some romantic desires is because of that fear of rejection. There are probably lots of people who have no clue that I had feelings for them, wanted to see if there was a spark there, or anything. Some people have found out because people got tired of me pining away and not doing anything about it. And even then the feelings weren't reciprocated. I'm the guy you just don't think of "that way."

I have joked that I'm going to just have to get used to being alone and adopt 13 cats to live with me. Sometimes though, it's not a joke. And sometimes, I think I already have gotten used to being alone.

I keep being told what a great guy I am and what a catch I would be, but to be honest, if I am such a great guy then why am I alone? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I have to put myself out there. Well I have. People didn't want me or anything to do with me. Then I'm told, it happens when I'm not looking. Well that's a load of BS because I stopped looking a long time ago.

Oh yeah. There was one guy as of late. I fell for him and fell for him hard. Sadly he was completely unavailable for any sort of a relationship. It was hard for me to accept that I had found what I considered to be the perfect guy only to not be able to "have" him. Even harder is that I still see him on a regular basis as friends (and I know that he may read this and am prepared for his response). While I have accepted that he will be and can only be a friend in my life, there are days when I find it hard to actually see him because the feelings are always there and bubbling under the surface. On those days, I do my damnedest to keep things in check. It's not often, but it happens.

And when it does it reminds me that I'm still alone.

Part of the problem is my job. While it's incredibly demanding and requires a somewhat significant time commitment, I definitely work more than I should. Several years ago, I realized that I was putting more attention onto my job than on myself. I did it because filling that time gave me something to do. It gave me purpose. Someone needed me and it was a job, or a project, or something that I would take on to keep my calendar full and my mind off the fact of how alone I truly am. As long as there is something to fill my time I don't have to worry about the emotional side of me that is not being fulfilled.

And how about this biggie... I have serious issues with my looks and my own self worth. I've never been comfortable with my size, weight, face, and as of late, hair color. I've worked out, lost weight, gained weight, and never everything in between. As a large part of it, I've never fully accepted myself. I've been called every name imaginable even by my own family.

Oh, family. Nice segue. Growing up, my weight was a never ending issue. Between fourth and sixth grade I think I put on forty pounds and was pretty pudgy. My parents would tell me how fat I was, how I would grow up to be so big that my arms wouldn't be able to touch each other, etc etc. Of course, the fact that my mother and father both failed many diets in their lives never came to mind as a defense at the time. The fact that both of them are overweight to this day doesn't say much either. However, of my immediate family, I'm the only one actively exercising. But I still get comments on my weight.

My family doesn't talk or acknowledge that I am gay. My sister is the only one that does and the only reference she has made as of late was that I needed to repent of my "sinful ways." Mind you, for Christmas last year my sister gave me a book about a man who had a near death experience and rather than going to heaven, he went to hell. Nothing says Merry Christmas more than a book to tell you you're going to hell.

But what's hard to deal with as well is that I know that they know I'm gay. I know that it's hard for them to talk about if and when they ever do. But it's hard for me as well. They don't know about live, the failed attmepts to form relationships, or anything. And it's hard for me to share because I know they don't want to know. It's hard to hear your mother make disparaging comments about homosexuality to your face and not respond back. I've finally got a decent relationship with my family and I know at some point I'm going to have to talk to them about it and risk what has taken so long to establish.

At one of my recent expos, a "spiritual medium" gave me a reading where she basically exposed me as the fraud I am. She told me I deserve an Academy Award for the performance I give on a daily basis convincing people that I am more in control of my life than I really am.

And I had no response because I knew she was right.

I'm hoping that by writing this I can break the cycle I find myself repeating over and over. I'm hoping that by publishing this people will understand where I'm coming from and what my life is really like. I'm hoping that by letting everyone know that I'm not who I say I am or who I've pretended to be that I can finally discover who I am because, quite frankly, I have no idea who that is.

So... to a certain extent, this is the me that nobody knows.

Not even me.

I hope you get to meet the real me one day. I hope I get to meet him too.

And I hope that he's as great of a guy as all of my friends seem to think this guy is.

To those that I have deceived, I apologize. Trust me, it hurt me more than it hurt you.

I Did It.

2007-11-07T17:26:00.001-05:00

Four weeks.

Five trade shows.

Pretty much no sleep.

I have no idea how I did it. But I did it.

Barack Obama on Saturday Night Live

2007-11-04T06:51:00.000-05:00

Well, let me just say that sometimes SNL gets political humor right and sometimes they get it totally wrong.

Let me just say this video is a case of TOTALLY RIGHT...mind you I haven't decided who I am voting for yet but this did crack me up...

A Much Needed Compliment

2007-11-01T00:17:00.000-04:00

CuteBeefyGuy(12:13:40 AM): a big kiss papo....
CuteBeefyGuy(12:14:02 AM): which just reminded me of the one you gave me on 19th and 10th....LOL
646guy (12:15:17 AM): hehehehehehe
646guy (12:15:28 AM): must have been good if you remember it
CuteBeefyGuy(12:15:44 AM): it was....
646guy (12:15:43 AM): *blush*

For the record, the kiss took place in about 2002...sigh...if he didn't live in Mexico now...

Me and Jane Child

2007-10-30T11:28:00.000-04:00

I loved this song when I was younger...I have no idea why but I credit Jane's hair. The best part is now I share something common with Jane besides taking chances with our hair...we've both ridden the N train. I wonder if she had to wait as long as I did when I was an Astoria resident.

And to think....

2007-10-26T15:21:00.000-04:00

...people actually got paid to compose this song...people got paid to sing it...and people got paid to dance to it...and people are putting it up on YouTube...

Billy really like to lick his lolly....

Yes, This Is Part Of My Job

2007-10-24T13:49:00.000-04:00

Fuck Me With a Wire Brush

2007-10-23T17:13:00.000-04:00

Today I feel like I am Kissinger doing shuttle diplomacy in the Middle East.

Someone needs to tell my boss that when he changes the rules of the game in midstream then ALL the rules change -- not just the one he wanted.

A Headline I Never Thought I Would See

2007-10-21T22:32:00.000-04:00

Kid Rock Arrested in Waffle House Brawl

After being on your feet for about 14 hours on both Saturday and Sunday seeing that article on MSNBC made me smile...

I'm Doing The Best I Can

2007-10-17T13:29:00.000-04:00

The post title seems to be my mantra as of late.

For some reason I'm supposed to magically know that the State of New York has changed permitting procedures for certain things.

For some reason I'm supposed to magically know the intimate details of contracts I never saw or signed.

For some reason I feel like I'm fucking useless this week. Nothing I do seems to be right, correct, etc. and my boss is coming down on me for stuff that I can't control.

Hello! I'm not the one that decided to book 5 expos in a four week period.

Oh and that contract you were bitching about...I do believe you're the one who signed it...not me.

I work my ass off. I work long hard hours. And my boss complains when I get the special treatment and not him. Hello! I work with these people on a regular basis. They only communicate with you at the expo!

Something's gotta give. I can't live or work like this.

NEENER!

2007-10-15T23:01:00.000-04:00

I'm done with Christmas shopping.

I officially rock.

Big Wheels Keep On Turning

2007-10-07T22:48:00.000-04:00

So today was my second roller derby practice.

How did it go you ask?

In a word... better. The tighter skates did allow me to stay up more although I did a bit of visual research at practice and noticed that most people had the same set of wheels on their skates. These wheels are, apparently, the best for use on a sport track which is what we practice and also do home matches on. It's a pretty slick surface and the wheels that are currently on my skates aren't exactly compatible with the floor.

So I'm going to look into it as well as doing a few other things to make sure that I can keep my balance a bit better. I did get a couple of blocks in during a practice round but I wound up landing right on my ass. I tried getting the speed to get back to the pack but never seemed to catch up to them which was increidbly frustrating.

Additionally, it's incredibly intensive on my lower back and I take every opportunity possibile to stretch it out during the practice that I can get. The short term goal is to build up my endurance and my skill set. The long term goal is to get into enough shape to take in my first match in 2008.

As for a skater name, thankfully I have more than a few options at my disposal courtesy of some VERY creative friends. When I get to the point where I can claim my skater name, I'll be a very happy man.

Still Not My Kinda Town

2007-10-02T01:46:00.001-04:00

Not really digging San Fran. I did see a bit more of the town thanks to my friend Tracey and what I did see was much better than where I am now so part of it may be where I'm staying.

However, let me just say that some of the people here are VERY rude. I put out an ad to find some last minute help and granted we don't pay much but we always get good hard workers from our ads. But the first four responses to my ad were all people criticizing me for our ad and how much we pay and how we'll never get good, trustworthy people and that for the four hours of work that we need people for, we should be paying them twice as much.

Part of me really wanted to respond back to them and tell them they were assholes but I don't have the time or energy to put out that energy out since the powers that rule the karmic backlash will smack me down hard. It just made me dislike the city just a wee bit more.

Not My Kinda Town...Maybe

2007-09-30T21:13:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, I travel quite a bit for work. I'm on my sixth different city of the year with about four more to go before the tour of duty is over. This time, I'm in San Francisco and I think I can say that this town doesn't agree with me...

BUT...

I'm not giving up hope on it yet. I'm hoping that it's just the part of town that I'm in for work or the fact that I really haven't had much time to explore the city. However, you just know when you click with a city. I had that with Seattle and it definitely happened with NYC and with Chicago. For some reason I'm not really getting it with San Fran.

It's not the hills. It's not the people. There's just something that I'm missing. The romanticism that I found in the books of my blog's namesake makes me wonder what the hell Mary Ann Singleton saw in this town. Maybe it was totally different in the 70s and early 80s.

I did go to Folsom (that infamous street fair) mainly to see my buds at the Utilikilts booth and maybe see if there was anyone there that could be a potential client at our erotic expos. I was kinda disappointed because I expected the infamous street fair debauchery and when I didn't see it, I kinda chalked it up to not that much in terms of porn or erotica there and the fact that I went a bit early. Was it worth the $5 entrance? Sure. It was definitely interesting to see but at the same time a bit disappointing. Interesting in that a very large (and by large, she was larger than me and the king sized bed in my hotel room) wearing nothing but a bra and panties wanted to talk to me about my camouflage Utilikilt I was wearing. She then lamented that she didn't opt to go naked.

Oh and people were naked. People you didn't really want to see naked were naked. Sadly only one them had anything worth actually seeing. The rest made me want to gouge out my eyes.

So far the highlight has been the BBQ beef sandwich I had at Tommy's Joynt at the corner. I'm hoping that something better comes along.

RIP Bernice Clifton

2007-09-24T16:51:00.000-04:00

This is one is for the amazing Alice Ghostly who passed away this past weekend. Some people remember her as Esmerelda from Bewitched but I will fondly remember her as Bernice Clifton on Designing Women. Sing it with me now...

Black man! Black man! Where have you gone to!

SPLAT!

2007-09-23T22:45:00.001-04:00

Well, I did it

Today I had my first practice with the New York Shock Exchange, the men's flat track roller derby team in NYC. As you can tell by the title of this post, I had a great wipeout.

First, let me go ahead and say that I really enjoyed the practice and the guys were all great and supportive. Patrick Bateman (pretty sure it's just a skate name and not his real one since that would just be CREEPY) helped me learn some of the basics but I wasn't used to skating on the surface and I had a lot of problems maintaining balance (more on this later). I was able to get some of the basic moves down (okay maybe not DOWN, but okay) but sat out the last half of the practice since it was all about blocking, jamming, and a scrimmage and I knew that I needed to sit out and watch what was going on and learn from it.

Well during my sessions with Patrick, he checked out my skates and determined that the skates of the truck were loose which he said was good. Well for him it's good since I outweigh him by almost 100 pounds. For me, I had problems maintaining the equilibrium point so when I took a stride I was able to solidly land in the same position and power off. At the end of practice, he adjusted the skates and I took a few good spins around the track and have a good setting now where I can maintain my balance. We're talking a night and day difference. I could take much more solid strides. One drill called "Coca Cola" (or at least that's what Patrick referred to it as) where you are basically doing an outline of the Coca Cola bottle curves with your skates. I could do it the first time and was okay as long as I maintaind a solid focal point. However, with the adjustment I was able todo them much more cleanly and with a lot more confidence.

While I was a little frustrated with how I did, the captain, Jonathan, told me that they have had more than a few people through their doors who couldn't do half of the stuff I somewhat accomplished. That at least made me feel good that I was able to pull some stuff and I knw that with the skate adjustments, it's going to be MUCH better (or at least it was when I tried them out). I may not have the speed or the agility of others but all I want to be when I grow up is like Beyonslay.

R.I.P. Brett Somers

2007-09-18T07:36:00.000-04:00

She may not have given the best answers or the smartest answer but she was definitely a laugh machine....

If Today Is Your Birthday

2007-09-17T21:33:00.000-04:00

The Sun squares Mars and Pluto around the time of your birthday this year--an intense, dynamic, and powerful combination! Power struggles are likely in the year ahead, particularly with men or those in authority. You have transformative energy at your disposal, and how this will play out depends on how you handle it. Channeled positively, you could move mountains when it comes to pushing your projects ahead. If mishandled, however, you could be argumentative, stressed, and hell-bent on having your way! Avoid taking extreme measures to make things happen your way, and avoid people who might be doing same. Deliberately trying to maneuver things in order to get the upper hand will be a lesson in frustration. A need to control or gain power may be at the root of frustrations. You are inclined towards pushing yourself too hard in the pursuit of your goals, and it's best to be aware of this tendency so that you don't push yourself beyond your limits. Events that highlight the necessity to put faith in something or someone are likely to arise. You are likely to have more courage than usual to do things that break the routine, and confrontations engaged in this year could clear the air and help you to move forward.

With Mercury in harmonious aspect to Venus and Neptune in your Solar Return chart, you are likely to enjoy happy relations with younger people and to have increased powers of intellect. This is an excellent year for teaching and speaking. Intuition is strong and involved in the decisions you make. You present your ideas with charm and imagination, helping to smooth over differences in your personal relationships as well as aiding you on a professional level. Some of your hunches could be prophetic. You are thinking more creatively, and express yourself with more sensitivity, compassion, and warmth.

Mars trines Neptune in your Solar Return chart, helping to soften matters somewhat. You act more on intuition than ever this year, and your creative impulses are potent. If you are an artist, this could be an especially inspired, imaginative, and productive year. If you are involved in sales, you will be able to tune into your client's inner desires and motivations. Pay attention to your gut feelings, which will, more often than not, give you valuable information.

Venus opposes Neptune in your Solar Return this year. Some caution with your personal finances and your social relationships is in order. Most importantly, you should do your best to watch out for tendencies towards self-deception. Things might look too good to be true, simply because you want to see the best in others. Relationship ups and downs are possible, as this could be a year when romantic mirages are more likely. The "highs" of a relationship may be thrilling, but the accompanying "lows" can be draining. Uncertainty may characterize your love relationships from time to time this year. Be careful not to set yourself up for disappointment. The same goes for finances.

The desire to take control of your life is more important to you than usual this year. Power struggles with others may be the result, but with a little extra effort and self-understanding, you could enjoy increased focus and sense of purpose. The ability to express yourself with charm and imagination helps smooth over some relating problems. Getting your finances and your love life in order plays a big role. Ups and downs and a few disappointments in these areas of life are likely. Acting on your intuition will serve you well as long as you can discern between impulses that are intuitive and those that are purely defiant.

2007 is a Number Eight year for you. Ruled by Saturn. This is a year of power and accomplishment. Actively seeking to expand, taking educated risks, and moving forward are highlighted. This is a year of opportunity, particularly in the material and business world, and opportunities need to be seized. It's generally not a year to find a new love partner, simply because the focus is on the material world and your place in the world. This is a problem-solving year in which you can expect real, tangible results. Advice - take action, plan ahead, seize opportunities.

2008 will be a Number Nine year for you. Ruled by Mars. This is a year of completion and transition. It is a time when we need to let go of things that no longer serve their purpose, and hold on to things that have a future. It is a time of cleaning out dead wood, not necessarily for new beginnings. It can be a time when a burden has been taken off your shoulders, and it can be a year of giving of yourself. Advice - let go of things that are holding you back, give of yourself and express your sympathetic, compassionate side.

Jersey Bois

2007-09-16T21:50:00.000-04:00

So I was watching the Emmys and I got to the perfomance by the cast of Jersey Boys and there was a moment in the performance where it looked like some of the guys were...well...the people at TVGuide.com put it best with this:

9:42 I'm not sure, but I think the Jersey Boys just proclaimed their love to one another. Well, they'll make a cute couple. All, um, three of them.

I was just glad that it wasn't me. Also that chick from Grey's Anatomy mouthing the word shit and the Fox censors were just too late in catching it. Gotta love it.

Someone Please Hold Me

2007-09-12T12:56:00.000-04:00

If I ever get this insane about ANYTHING in my life and then I have this type of reaction, everyone has their permission to beat me senseless until I have a vegetable for brains...

My favorite part: "Leave her alone... because she's NOT WELL RIGHT NOW!!!" And you are?

Also the threat to leave her alone or we will have to deal with him...I'm really scared. Oh well enjoy people. I'm personally scared... I just hope this is fake.

Too Close To Home

2007-09-05T12:04:00.000-04:00

I've been reading.

A lot.

It helps that we get a lot of books here at the office that come in for potential reviews and that there is never enough space allocated for the all of the books that come in.

Well one of them caught my eye. The first third? Very engrossing. Delightfully wicked.

That's as far as I've gotten because the last few pages hit...well...as the blog post says..."too close to home."

So close in fact that it was as if the writer knew my two friends (whom I shall call "Rebecca" and "Lisa") and all of their sorted laundry.

"Rebecca" was from California and had a pretty comfortable lifestyle there. Her parents had pretty high expectations (or so Rebecca claimed) and she never felt like she could live up to them or that she wasn't living up to them. She latched herself onto "Lisa," older than Rebecca by maybe 12 years or so who is very self assured and pretty much is someone that you just don't forget once you meet them. Rebecca pretty much wanted to become Lisa to the point where she wanted Lisa to come up with a "style" for her, become her, etc etc.

In the book, Carla tells Mikki that she admires her and wants to know what she does or what it is about her that makes people admire her, draw them to her, make them in awe of her, etc. Carla, the daughter of a famous film director (and she never thinks she can live up to that image of the director's daughter), latches herself onto Mikki, and wonders why Mikki is out having "fun" without her.

It mirrored Rebecca and Lisa perfectly. Rebecca would wonder why Lisa and I even talked on the phone and anything that would interject me into their "friendship" was horrific to Rebecca because it was as if I was taking Lisa away from her.

So reading those pages...wow did it hit close to home. It kinda made me wonder if I should continue reading...I probably will. Mario (the narrator) made it clear that he murders Carla so I guess I have to read on to figure out how and why.

Do I Really Have Anything to Say?

2007-09-04T18:05:00.000-04:00

Well maybe one thing...

I've been talked into giving these guys a shot so I have an outlet for some aggression. Maybe she can jeer me on.

My mother is horrified.

I'm giggling.

Believe it or not, I've already ordered the gear. I should have it in time for my first practice with them.

I'm Still Here (Act II)

2007-08-21T14:13:00.001-04:00

Okay...been a while. But I'm here.

Things are what they are (so to speak) and I'm doing my best to change a few things in my life and giving them the true attention that they need. To do that means I've had to step back from a few things and re-examine their place. While this blog was an important part of my life for quite some time in the past few year's I've posted with less frequency. Part of this has been due to my work schedule or other commitments that I have made that I put ahead of posting here and, sadly, ahead of working on myself.

As the song goes, "I've run the gamut A to Z" and that's certainly true of this year if not the last seven months. Hell, I've even contemplated moving out of New York (shock!)...

I'm not sure what the rest of the year holds for me...but I know that this wild roller coaster ride isn't over yet....actually it's more like this:

I'm Still Here

2007-08-05T18:59:00.001-04:00

It's been a rough couple of weeks and I've kinda adopted this as my anthem...I've been through enough as it is, but I'm still here...

Something Every Gay Man Should Commit To Memory

2007-08-03T17:45:00.001-04:00

I once did this for Dixie Carter as a command performance...she loved it...

I Don't Know...

2007-07-27T10:36:00.000-04:00

How have I made it through this week?

I'm not really eating. I just know that I have to put food in my body to keep me going but it's more out of fueling the body than out of any true hunger.

I'm not really sleeping. I tend to just roll around in bed trying to find a good position and lay there until my body just gives into the exhaustion.

I'm not really laughing. I've seemed to just shut down. Even yesterday someone said I was keeping a low profile at the office. God...when have I ever kept a low profile?

I'm not really living. I guess that's the best way to put it. For the past few days I've just been in a daze wondering how much more I can take.

I'm trying not to cry. But damn it's hard. It's so hard. I can't let my emotions get the best of me. Especially in the office.

I'm trying not to totally lose it. My stress levels are through the roof. And while it seems like it's something that everyone says, in my case it's totally true. I know what overly stressed feels like from a body standpoint and I'm there and then some.

I'm trying not to think of all of the possible bad outcomes. But even that's not an easy proposition.

I'm not...

I'm trying...

I'm...

Send Me Love...

2007-07-25T18:18:00.000-04:00

I'm having a totally miserable week.

We laid off for more people at the office. I'm trying not to think about how much time I have left before they get rid of me too. So much work. So much information that left the building. I'm not depressed. I'm just concerned. I'm definitly down.

Not even the return of my faux husband to Broadway is cheering me up.

Walk It Out, Fosse

2007-07-09T10:00:00.001-04:00

Ya know...this is somewhat disturbing. Mainly because, as one friend put it, they are wearing far too much clothing for this song. Then again I don't think I want to see Gwen Verdon in square cut bikini bottom and a barely there top...

Someone Please Explain...

2007-07-05T10:30:00.000-04:00

I know it's funny because it's probably the most amazing non-sequitir ever...

This Is a Bit Harsh

2007-07-04T13:45:00.001-04:00

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

Being Alive

2007-07-01T22:03:00.000-04:00

It's funny how you can see a show or hear a song so many times but it never really impacts you until you least expect it...well I saw Company again last night and prety much bawled my eyes out because this song unexpectedly hit me with emotions and feelings that I hadn't expected...so (with dialogue included) is the song...And many thanks to you for giving me this breakthrough moment...

Someone to hold you too close,
Someone to hurt you too deep,
Someone to sit in your chair,
To ruin your sleep.

PAUL: That's true, but there's more to it than that.
SARAH: Is that all you think there is to it?
HARRY: You've got so many reasons for not being with someone, but
Robert,
you haven't got one good reason for being alone.
LARRY: Come on, you're on to something, Bobby. You're on to something.

ROBERT:
Someone to need you too much,
Someone to know you too well,
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell.

DAVID: You see what you look for, you know.
JOANNE: You're not a kid anymore, Robby. I don't think you'll ever
be a kid again, kiddo.
PETER: Hey, buddy, don't be afraid it won't be perfect. The only thing
to be afraid of really is that it won't be.
JENNY: Don't stop now. Keep going.

ROBERT:
Someone you have to let in,
Someone whose feelings you spare,
Someone who, like it or not,
Will want you to share
A little, a lot.

SUSAN: And what does all that mean?
LARRY: Robert, how do you know so much about it when you've never
been there?
HARRY: It's much better living it than looking at it, Robert.
PETER: Add 'em up, Bobby. Add 'em up.

ROBERT:
Someone to crowd you with love,
Someone to force you to care,
Someone to make you come through,
Who'll always be there,
As frightened as you
Of being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive.

AMY: Blow out the candles, Robert, and make a wish. *Want* something!
Want *something*!

ROBERT:
Somebody, hold me too close,
Somebody, hurt me too deep,
Somebody, sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Being alive.

Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.

Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, make me come through,
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive!

Things That Make You Say "Wow"

2007-06-24T22:50:00.001-04:00

So I did a touch up on my hair and went an extreme platinum blonde (that Feria hair coloring is AWESOME!) and emailed a pic of my new look out to some friends and family. Most of them know I have started regrowing my hair and having fun with coloring it. The reaction I got back from one friend (who shall remain nameless to protect his identity) respnded with the following:

"Oh, my God, that picture totally makes me want to sit on your face."

Gotta love it. Maybe I'll finally prove to myself that blondes have more fun!

For John Griffin....RIP

2007-06-21T20:35:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, I worship Kathy Griffin so knowing that this was the episode where her father dies, I was a little concerned about how it would be done. What I did know is that it would be totally classy since Kathy is a producer of the show and she wouldn't let her father be treated like crap. They handled it so well and potrayed the true honest emotions of what she was going through that if she DOESN'T win an Emmy for this episode it will SUCK ASS!

So...from the show and our friends at The Malcontent, a tribute to John Griffin who will be sorely misssed....

Online Videos by Veoh.com

What Rejection Looks Like

2007-06-19T19:37:00.001-04:00

Once again I fail the personality test...I'm not sure how that could be...oh well...what can ya do huh?

Caption This Pic

2007-06-19T10:11:00.001-04:00

Looking less and less like friends and more like a married couple in this pic (borrowed from Perez Hilton), I just have this fantasy where Ben Affleck is arguing with Matt Damon about how they couldn't get the cheesecake that he wanted when they do their Golden Girls roleplay scenes. So...anyone care to caption this one for me...

However, I will agree with Ms. Perez Hilton on this one...Ben's legs could use some work...they are not in the same shape as the rest of his body...then again when have we seen the rest of his body lately?

Um.....Holy Shit!

2007-06-18T17:50:00.000-04:00

Okay...As some of my friends know, I am not a fan of American Idol because I can't really stand Simon Cowell and his superior/holier than thou stance on pretty much everything. Let me just say watching this clip, it was glad to literally watch the smug smirk get slapped off his face. Actually it's that Scooby Doo "r'oh" look on his face that got me....Oh...and the guy singing won the entire competition...and let me just say, I had chills watching the clip. Now if only we could have stuff like this on our version...

As a small update, Paul Potts, the winner of Britain's Got Talent, will be in NYC to perform on the Today Show. All I have to say is this...I would love to be there to watch it and somehow have to figure out how to get out of my training session at the gym to do it...I'd probably bawl like a baby...

Kathy Hilton Denied Medical License

2007-06-18T10:59:00.000-04:00

Oh Kathy Hilton...there are times when I'm glad you're rich and not a nurse.

You see...Kathy can't seem to tell the difference when someone is shivering because they are cold and someone has a broken arm. At the very least, if Paris had a broken arm she would be in such severe pain that they would have moved her back to the medical unit. So Kathy...just to help you get that medical license so you can tell the difference between such things I offer the following.

This person is cold. They are hugging themselves so they can use their own personal body heat to keep themselves at a temperature that doesn't chill them to the bone. She's rubbing her arms because she's trying to increase blood circulation that will, hopefully, also promote additional body heat as well and make her...well...not as cold.

This person has a broken arm. He's not cold. He's just in a lot of pain. This is what a broken arm may look like...well if you were trying to lift a lot of weight over your head and your arm just snapped like a toothpick but still you get the idea. This is a broken arm.

Just trying to help you out, Kath...love ya!

Thanks...But....Um....

2007-06-17T16:53:00.000-04:00

So you're probably wondering why a picture of Barry Diller is here amidst all of the Paris Hilton hullabaloo.

Well, a headhunter called me and asked if I would be interested in applying for a job that would report directly to the man that created Fox Broadcasting and changed television forever when he created the ABC Movie of the Week.

It took a while for my jaw to pick up from off the floor.

First and foremost, I was VERY honored to even be considered for the job and I took a couple of days to learn more about the man and how I should tailor my resume (which I was told should be about four pages long) to fit what he was looking for in this position. I started rewriting my resume over and over so it would be PERFECT for the job but then right in the middle of it, I talked to a friend who used to work for Fox who basically told me that if I went to work for him I would be working my ass off and literally earning every single penny I was being paid.

Now I have no problem with hard work or anything of the sort. However, the way that it came out of his mouth made me really reconsider whether or not I wanted to be tied to my job as much as it sounded like it was going to be from the job description as well as those I had talked to about Barry and everything else.

At the end of it all, I decided that I needed a bit more time in my current position learning as much as I could before I could even consider taking on something as large as Barry Diller.

Now would it have been great to work for him or at least apply for the job? Absolutely. However, I needed to be a little realistic about things including my background, level of experience, and whether or not I thought I could do the job that Barry Diller wanted. This was compounded when I learned that someone who headed up a similar position for Conde Nast had submitted their resume.

In the end, I decided to say no to the opportunity. I think it was the right decision for me until I can get some more experience and have a lot more to offer under my belt. Something like this may never come along again. However, it would be a huge step from where I am now to working for Barry Diller (if I was to even get the job). Give me a few more years and we'll see...

So Barry, if you do want me for this job, give me a call or drop me an email. Then again, you probably have no clue who I am...

Ellen On Paris

2007-06-16T16:55:00.000-04:00

And no not in that kinky way!

Following her Emmy win, Ellen DeGeneres had the following to say:

"If that really is an act, if she really was playing dumb, than what does that say about our society that we're celebrating someone who was successful because they're not smart?

"I just think it's a bad sign and she shouldn't contribute to that. It's just amazing if that was an act the whole time."

DeGeneres said she would be willing to have Hilton as a guest on her daytime talk show and tell her the same thing.

"Hopefully, she means what she says," DeGeneres said. "I hope she is reading good books and I hope she comes out and changes her life a little because she needed to."

***

Following this statement, Ellen DeGeneres has formally become a member of the Truth Screamers on Patrol.

If Paris does appear on her show, perhaps she'll give Ellen some fashion advice for her next red carpet show.

No, Paris....THIS Is Hot...

2007-06-15T19:17:00.000-04:00

Bring Me The Head of David Hyde Pierce!

2007-06-14T23:12:00.001-04:00

How could he lose the Tony??? HOW! Sigh....he was robbed...so robbed...and he sung the shit out of this Tuesday night, the day after the Tonys.

New Favorite Commercial

2007-06-14T16:13:00.001-04:00

It's so nice that Ask.com let's people find lots of pictures of Chicks with Dicks...I mean Swords...riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. "Swords."

Back in "Real" Jail Now

2007-06-14T16:02:00.000-04:00

So Paris is out of the medical jail and into a real cell now. I guess the ~~anal abcesses~~ ~~drug withdrawals~~ issues are all...um...cleared up now...Well as real as it can get for her at least. I mean she's not sharing it with a 500 pound, bull dyke lesbian with a flat top, and a flannel shirt named Bertha who will whore her out to the general population for cigarettes but it's still jail. A simple life, if you will. (Bad pun, I know.)

So I figure she has maybe 12 days left in jail before she gets released. And then what happens? Who knows. If the rumors are to be believed, no one really wants her around or to piggy back onto them in order to pull herself back up. Maybe if she went to Sluts Anonymous or Skanky Whores Recovery or something like that it will help. Either way, I just hope that she realizes that she has to face SOME consequences in her life that money, fame, or looks (not that she is that pretty) can't get her out of...

We Interrupt This Paris Hilton Watch For The Following Announcement...

2007-06-13T16:14:00.000-04:00

I have the biggest crush in the world on Raul Esparza. Let's put it to you this way...it's a doozy of a crush. I mean I could look into his eyes and just melt for days on end. He wouldn't even have to say a word. Just cuddle with me on a couch while we sip wine, listen to some nice classical music, and then fall asleep holding each other.

Yeah I know, I know. He has a boyfriend. Or so the papers said. I don't care. He's fucking adorable as hell in this picture and in person. And yes, I've seen him in person. No, I'm not stalking him. To paraphrase what Joanne says in the show COMPANY, he's a terribly attractive man. The kind that most men want and never seem to get. I will have to see the show again before it closes because regardless of my crush on him, he gives one heck of a performance.

Hilton Family Values

2007-06-13T13:24:00.000-04:00

So the newest buzz in Hilton-ville is that Nicky, Kathy, Rick, and who knows who else have special access to jump to the front of the line at the LA jail where Paris is ~~detoxing~~ being held on her parole violation.

Yep, she's supposed to be treated like everyone else (even if she is in the medical center for her ~~detox issues~~ ~~vaginal and anal abcesses~~ issues) but her family isn't even being treated like everyone else. I mean people are waiting HOURS to get into the jail to see their family and the Hilton's get to zip to the front of the line and have people cleared out of the visitation room just because they are there. Maybe it's the stench of working class people that they can't get out of their tropical lightweight wools that's too much for them.

I'm with the other prisoners' families on this. The Hiltons should wait in line like everyone else. It's not fair that people are waiting in line for four to five hours just so Kathy and Rick can slip her some caviar and pate rather than the gruel she's getting from the commissary. If it sounds like my contempt for the Hilton family is spreading, then you would be RIGHT.

Oh...and as for the picture that accompanies this post, Mom seems to be so happy that her daughter is a whore while Dad is leering so much that I'm a little creeped out.

It's An Act?

2007-06-12T08:20:00.000-04:00

This was written yesterday but I hit save now rather than publish so I'm putting it out here one day later.

It's an act? She's trying to say that her acting like a common whore and moron is all an act? Come on. No one shows as much cameltoe as she has and still claim to be smart.

Then it's one damn good act. Give this woman an Oscar, Emmy, and Tony right now because this is the performance of a lifetime that we've been watching...for practically her entire lifetime. I remember she made a comment like this about a year ago how the entire thing was an act for her and she's really a lot smarter than she portrays herself.

Well, I guess no one told her that if she was REALLY that smart, she never would have told anyone that it was an act.

Yes, I'm referring to that very classic comment that Ms. Hilton made...or I should say her publicist made the comment for her. Why do I say it that way? Well, as the old commercial slogan went, "Seeing is believing, but tasting is truth." Not that I want to taste Paris in any way, shape, or form, but you know what I mean.

Here's what I'm expecting to happen next. Paris...or her mom...or her publicist...definitely anyone BUT her will go to the United Nations and pay for her to be some form of a goodwill ambassador, going across the globe to do some humanitarian work. That is until she realizes that she may have to come in contact with people who may not have bathed recently or are dying of hunger or with lesions or who knows what else. Then she'll just whine and bitch and moan about having to do this job and within two months (if that long) she'll be back sharing OxyContin pills with Lindsay Lohan.

Contrite My Ass

2007-06-11T10:30:00.000-04:00

I'm loving all of the analysts who are going over Paris Hilton's latest statements about not appealing the verdict against her and how we should be ashamed that we're so focused on her and not what's going on in Afghanistan.

Okay...those words did not come out of her mouth. I totally do not believe that those words came out of her mouth. That was her publicist (you know the one that she fired then rehired like 45 minutes later when she realized she couldn't speak for herself or form a full sentence) trying to stem the tide of hatred and disgust against her. It's not working. We see the smoke bomb, we're ignoring the smoke, and we're seeing the pathetic skank for what she is -- an incredibly self-centered, spoiled brat who is famous for absolutely nothing.

If that's how she really felt then she would nt have caused such a huge scene last week in court when she got her ticket yanked and was sent back to the slammer. Shall we try another tactic because I'm not buying it.

Paris Says No Appeal...I say Big Deal...

2007-06-10T13:43:00.000-04:00

So Paris is now saying that she's going to do her jail sentence. Of course that's what she said before when she went in the first time and did about three minutes before she was sent out with a piece of jewelery she couldn't get a Tiffany. She and her parents were even planning a party to celebrate her "freedom" the day that she got hauled back to court and thrown back in the slammer.

Of course they are also saying that she's not eating and sleeping in her new digs while she's being examined which only makes me go back to my thesis that she's really detoxing from all of the drugs running through her system. Of course I have no idea whether or not she does drugs but let's just say it's either detoxing from drugs or not having her maid Consuela there to order around and beat with a Manolo. Ooooh. It could also be that the prison guards don't give a flying fuck about her, her money, or anything of the sort.

So how much longer will she last. We shall see. Either way, I find it all way too fascinating. So fascinating that I will continue to blog about her every day that she is in jail.

Paris Hilton...The Blues Singer?

2007-06-09T06:13:00.001-04:00

The more articles I read that refer to her as "Screaming Paris Hilton," the more I think that it's one kick ass name should she decide to go into singing the blues. Imagine the name Screamin' Paris Hilton on the marquee of B.B. King's in Times Square or Carnegie Hall. Her band can be called The Chain Gang or something fun like that. Maybe clones of her mother and have them be The Enablers.

CRY, YOU SPOILED BITCH! CRY!

2007-06-08T15:44:00.000-04:00

Okay, I've resisted saying anthing about the Paris Hilton debacle but after reading the article on MSNBC where she screamed "It's not right" about having to go back to jail to serve out her sentence I have had enough of Miss Prissy Pants thinking her shit does not stink.

YOU BROKE THE LAW, YOU FUCKING DUMB ASS SLUT!

The law does not care how much money you have, how pretty you are, or who the fuck your parents are. You were caught once and got a slap on the wrist. You got caught a second time and expected the same treatment and were shocked that the judged didn't think you were "hot."

I'm a citizen, you're a citizen. If I get pulled over by the cops, I should get the same punishment as you with no consideration made for social class. The fact that they did bend over backwards to make special accomodations for you should say enough as it is so SUCK IT BITCH!

That's right, I said..

SUCK

IT

BITCH.

Besides, don't you have PLENTY of experience in that department?

There is nothing special about you other than the fact that you refuse to wear underwear and like to show everyone your freshly shaved vagina when you get out of a car. And trust us...not even that is very special...

Let's face it...your illness was all a sham because you were probably detoxing very hard from all of the drugs you and Lindsay Lohan do together. Am I right here? Probably...

So enjoy the rest of your stay. I wish the judge had extended it a little bit longer just for funsies but oh well, I don't get my wish and you sure as hell don't get yours.

So cry you little baby. I'm going to enjoy every day you are in jail. Every. Single. Day. And if you get out early or try to pull this medical stunt again, I'm going to hope they drag your ass back there time and time again. Maybe if you just shut your fucking trap, done the time like you said you were going to do and not been such a whiny bitch who thinks they deserve special treatment because of who they are and how much money they have, you wouldn't be getting raked over the coals by everyone. But you did the crime now do the fucking time.

Lame ass, whore.

Oh and while I'm at it, let's not forget about Mom's role in all of this. Oh, sorry, not Mom. The Enabler.

Yeah, Ms. Kathy seems to think that it's okay for her daughter to go driving drunk around the city. And then it's okay for her to drive around the city while her license is suspended. And then it's okay for her daughter to not be punished for breaking the law. And then it's okay for her to keep breaking that same law over and over because she apparently didn't hear it enough from the first 10,000 cops that told her that it was wrong for her to be driving on a suspended license. And then it's okay to get legal advice on whether or not Paris can drive not from her lawyer but from her publicist. Kathy, trust me on this one, you won't be winning any Mother of the Year contests in the near future. Not on your fucking life. Paris, maybe you need to realize that Mom doesn't know best on this one. Wow. It kinda makes you wonder how Nicky Hilton has wound up so fucking normal. Hey, I know! Why not just admit that Paris is kinda fucked up and you're part of the problem as well. Maybe you could do therapy together with Paris! What a great mother/daughter bonding experience!

Maybe start hanging out with Dad. He seems normal enough and you defintely don't see him in the papers showing camel toe. Yeah, he's not that flashy of a dresser and his hair could probably use the work but think of all of the things you could learn from him rather than mom. You can learn real estate transaction and true business stuff you can use when, sadly, you start running the company and not how to hide the OxyContin pills that your pharmacist gave you without a prescription.

Yeah, that's right Kathy. Throw your hands up in the air. I wouldn't know what to do with this kids either. Except put them in a nunnery.

Even then I don't think that would work.

Died and Gone to Pageant Heaven

2007-05-29T09:54:00.000-04:00

No it's not another death...

I have longed to see a pageant beauty take a tumble during one of those shows. I was rewarded with Miss USA plunking down on her butt during the evening gown competitoin of the Miss Universe contest.

I can die a happy man. When video of this becomes available (and you know it will) I will post it for those that missed it...I mean do I feel bad for her...yes....but it still cracked me up....

UPDATE #1 -- THEY ARE BOOING MISS USA MAKING THE FINAL 5....I think I would too...

UPDATE #2 -- HOLY SHIT!!! You can't even hear Miss USA answer the question they are booing so loud. If she wins this, the place will riot.

UPDATE #3 -- They are doing the final runway and I think they turned the audience microphones off because you can't hear them at all.

UPDATE #4 -- Fourth runner up for Miss USA this year...I think we can all breathe easy that there will not be an international incident over this...

UPDATE #5 -- As promised...YouTube of the fall and the booing!

Match Game -- RIP Charles Nelson Reilly

2007-05-28T09:23:00.001-04:00

Charles Nelson Reilly...you will sorely be missed...thanks for the laughs

Subway Conversations

2007-05-14T09:03:00.000-04:00

On the L Train this morning I took part in this conversation as I entered the train at Bedford Avenue and reached up to grab onto the bar. Stupid Bitch was standing in front of me as I was reaching up.

Stupid Bitch: (sighs) I hope you used deoderant this morning.

646Guy: Do you want me to shove your nose into armpit to find out?

Stupid Bitch (horrified): No!

646Guy: Then you may want to keep those comments to yourself.

Visual DNA

2007-05-02T10:35:00.001-04:00

Thanks to him...

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Dorothy Loudon At Her Best

2007-05-01T14:16:00.000-04:00

I found this on YouTube so enjoy it now before it gets yanked off...perhaps the finest performance I have seen because it fits her comedic timing perfectly.

Eric Boyle (1975-2007)

2007-04-29T19:32:00.000-04:00

Wow...what to say...

Damn you will be missed. The best smile of anyone I have ever met in my life and one, as someone said, made you feel so special. He's smiling just because he sees me??? Yeah...he was and, in a way, I think he's smiling on all of us.

There was one night after practice when we were stuck in traffic trying to get over the Triboro Bridge when Boyle turned to me and said, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why do you do it?"

"Do what?" I asked, truly perplexed by the question.

"The practice. You're beat up, banged up, and can barely run. I mean it hurts me to watch you run. But you don't give up. Why?"

I was a little surprised by the question but I gave him the honest answer -- "I don't know any other way. I wasn't brought up to quit midstream."

He looked out on the traffic and the back at me and with the truest, most heartfelt tone in his voice he said, "That's what I admire the most about you."

Now, I'm not used to getting compliments and I don't handle them very well. I tend to get very embarrassed, act gracious, and try to pawn off the success on someone else. But in this case, I couldn't do it. This was clearly directed at me and I didn't know what to say except "thanks."

His vim and vigor, his open, welcoming personality, his drive to push everyone to be the best that they can be on and off the pitch, and that smile of his that made you just know that something evil was lurking behind...all of that will be greatly, greatly missed because I greatly admired you and never got to tell you.

So to my friends and those who happen upon this page, take a moment to think about the friend you admire the most and have never told. Then pick up the phone and tell them. You might never get that chance again.

Definition Du Jour

2007-04-27T15:28:00.000-04:00

Jock Sniffer -- One who hangs around with jocks and pretends to be athletic as well hoping that it will improve their social position.

Oh the people I know who fit THAT category.....

So Wrong On So Many Levels...

2007-04-19T16:12:00.000-04:00

....but oh so funny....

Random Quiz

2007-04-18T10:30:00.000-04:00

This is just odd....I'm a big straight acting bear???

You scored as Straight Acting. Heya your on the straight and narrow but still enjoy a good cute guy with a pint of beer.

A Big Bear

90%

Straight Acting

90%

S + M guy

80%

The all-round cute gay guy

80%

Raging Queer

50%

Straight

20%

Straight Queer Basher

What type of Gay are YOU?
created with QuizFarm.com

What a Grab....

2007-04-17T12:26:00.000-04:00

...in a different baseball context...oh Jason Marquis and Jim Edmonds...it must be love....

Filed Under: Things That Really Make Me Shake My Head

2007-04-16T23:24:00.000-04:00

You know...you don't have to cross the street when you see me.

Yes, we're not really on speaking terms. But really...crossing the street so you don't have to pass me is pretty sad. I mean it's not even the first time you've done it. We're up to like three or four times now.

You can walk by me. I'm not going to attack you. Each time you do it, I just shake my head and laugh to myself because I really can't believe that you're doing to such lengths to avoid me.

Ah well...what can you do? Next time I might just say hello to freak you out.

Okay So I Suck For Not Posting More...But, Hey, Let's Vent About Work

2007-04-07T23:06:00.000-04:00

Let's see if I can catch you up on everything post-hair....

Um...yeah too much to go into....

I will say that things are better since one of the Frick and Frack duo resigned (and he was slated to be fired for incompetence) but not after he made my life a living hell for a week while we were doing our shows on the West Coast. I have never met such a spoiled, self-centered waste of human space in my life. I mean, seriously. The fact that he didn't lose his job following the disastrous shows in December in Ft. Lauderdale and Atlanta is amazing enough. The fact that he chose to not show up at our erotic in show until about two hours before the actual show (and a total of FOUR HOURS LATE!) and had the balls to whine about being given a shit job of standing at the door to let people in and not being allowed to move from that spot was appalling.

However, lets just get into it shall we...

Frick calls out the Wednesday prior to the shows in West Hollywood and Seattle. I say "sick" because it was clear to us that he was out interviewing for a job. When the boss called him, he was out on the street and said he was out buying Pepto Bismol. Of course that triggered to me that he had either an upset stomach or diarrhea -- both of which he could have lived with at the office. So the boss called him and said that when he got back to the office he needed to call in and get some info and numbers from the sales assistant so he can make calls from him because we had spaces left to sell. Frick tells his boss that he didn't know that there was space left to sell.

This is where I lost it. When his boss told me that, I said that was a "fucking lie" (and yes I used those words) because he sat right across from me as we did the floor plans together and I pointed out all of the space that was left to be sold (which was still a considerable amount at both shows). I then followed up that statement by saying it was "total bullshit" of him to be out of the office less than a week before his shows. His boss was already pissed at him for being out and then being outright lied to didn't make him happier. So Frick calls me back around 2 asking for the phone numbers of people to call. I get the message, I make the PDF files and called him THREE TIMES to email this to him. No response. I even confirmed with the sales assistant to see if he called him and of course he hadn't. I did make sure that this was reported back to his boss. If anything, I am good at documenting what I do.

So when he comes back into the office on Thursday, he says that he didn't think that we were filling those spots to which I said that was bullshit because I pointed out the empty spots and encouraged him to sell or find non-profits to fill the space. The fact is that myself and the guy who handles marketing for the company and I busted our butts off to find non-profits who could fill in the empty spaces at his shows which was not easy to do on late notice. Ultimately we get the show filled the best that we can. It's not 100% perfect but the reason the shows were as filled as they were is because of the work that myself and the marketing guy did to fill it out. The Friday night before the shows I sat down with the CEO of the company and vented my frustrations and gave the proviso that if I totally bitched Frick out during the trip, this is where it's coming from. I figured it's better to prepare him for a possible future occurence rather than have it sprung upon him. I was pleasantly surprised to hear the CEO give me full rights to take him out if it came to that during the shows.

Yep, the CEO was pissed at him, too. His sales numbers hadn't budged on the West Hollywood and Seattle shows ever since he made his target numbers and the NYC and Boston shows weren't budging either. His sole job was to sell and he wasn't doing it.

Fast forward now to West Hollywood. I get to the hotel and try to check in but can't since they don't have a credit card on file so I know that the CEO is coming in a few hours so I opt to park my bags at the hotel and take a stroll through the city since it will be lone opportunity I have to actually see the city. Around 12:15, Frick calls. He's at the hotel and can't get in because the CEO isn't there. I tell him not to worry because he's just landed and will be at the hotel in 45 minutes. He can park his bags at the hotel like I did and spend some time in the city since we don't really have anything major to do that day. I even advised that the company was only paying for the room and we were on our own for incidentals. That didn't go over well with him and he pouted about how he had to talk to the CEO about that because he didn't want to wait for reimbursement.

This wasn't good enough for him. He HAD to be in his hotel room and committed a HUGE cardinal sin. He put his DEBIT card down for the room BECAUSE HE HAD TO BE IN HIS HOTEL ROOM AND COULDN'T WAIT 45 MINUTES!!! Now, for the uninitiated, when you put your debit card down as a hold on a hotel room, they automatically debit you for the money on the hold. When they charge you for the room and incidentals, they charge you a second time. Well, the boss comes in and secures the rooms and advises Frick that we're paying JUST for the room. Well as we're departing to head to Seattle, he complains that the hold on his debit card isn't gone. I call him on it and even throw in a "Well if you had waited 45 minutes this wouldn't be a problem..." Thankfully I had advised the CEO of what he had done when I spoke to him during his car ride in so he was prepared.

Well now he's whining that he doesn't have any money now for the next 2 days. Boo freakin' hoo, I say. But then it hits me...he had money to put the hold on the room, but he was whining about not having money for the Super Shuttle service to the airport that we were told to take and get reimbursed for. Obviously that's a total lie as well because he HAD to have the money on his debit card to get into his room. Sadly this doesn't hit me until much later when I could have busted him on it in front of the CEO.

So we get to Salt Lake City where we are picking up our transfer flight to Seattle, we realize that the boss is on the earlier flight and we're on the second flight. Frick starts whining about having no money to get to the hotel so I agree to pop for the transfer and call the guys in the office to find out what we can do to get to the hotel -- taxi, shuttle, walking? I get a call back and learn that there is a shuttle bus that will take us one block from the hotel and we can hoof it from there. THe cost of that is half the price of a cab from the airport. I relay this info to Frick who apparently doesn't believe me and calls the hotel himself and says that a cab is $40 and we should take that. Here's how the exchange went down:

646Guy: "According to Office Colleague, the hotel told him that it's about the same amount of time either via taxi or shuttle bus. We'll take the shuttle bus."

Frick: "The taxi will take us right to the hotel."

646Guy: "Are you paying for it?"

Frick: "No..."

646Guy: "Right. So we're doing it my way."

We took the shuttle. It took 30 minutes to get there. When I talked to the CEO during our briefing meeting, his $40 cab ride took 45 minutes. On top of that, Frick didn't even thank me for paying for his fare.

On the shuttle ride, things got a lot of fun. Frick made the comment about hoping Matthew would open room service charges for him since he had no money. I made the comment that he may but he would probably wind up reimbursing the company for it.

Frick: "Why? So they can reimburse me back?"

646Guy: "No. We don't have a per diem anymore."

Frick: "Yes, we do. We get $50 a day."

646Guy: "That's when Steve worked for the company. Things are different."

Frick: "But we get $50!"

646Guy: "Again that's when Steve ran the division."

Frick: "Did CEO say this?"

646Guy: "Do you think I just pull these things out of my ass when I say them?"

Frick got VERY quiet. The boss did open up room service for him and the boss even commented as we were checking out of the hotel that he racked up the charges.

Now, let's talk about the shows. Frick's sole job is to sell. He can have input on where people are placed, but ultimately the final decision comes down to me since I am responsible for production. I get a call from him that he's going to move two tables -- one of which can't be moved because they need the wall space for their display. So I firmly tell him that it's not his job to move them, it's mine since I handle production. I make the determination if they even get moved at all. He doesn't take the hint at all because he tries it again in Seattle and says he's going to move someone. I tell him (in front of a client) that he's again usurping my role and that I ultimately am the one who makes that determination. In fact, the client he wanted to move out of the way would have been the wrong client to move.

During the shows, rather than being on the floor communicating with his clients, he chooses to remain at the front table and makes the occasional visit inside. In Seattle, those visits were, primarily to get him and his friend a drink from the bar -- at the company expense since we had drink tickets. This does not go unnoticed by myself or by the boss. During our car ride home on Friday from the airport, the boss and I talk about our displeasure at Frick's performance during the show and from the way the boss is talking, I can tell that Frick's days are numbered. The only question I have is whether or not he gets canned immediately or if we will wait until after the NYC and Boston shows.

Well we don't have to wait. He resigns on Monday to go to a new job. The first thing that hits me is that he basically used the company to get a free trip home to see his family because he knows that if he told anyone that he had gotten the job and taken it, they wouldn't let him go on the trip to the shows. On Wednesday, they told him to pack up his stuff and go. His services were no longer needed at the company and they walked him out the door.

I then had the lovely task of going through his emails and forwarding any show related stuff to myself and found the recommendation letter his friend wrote to his new company. Nothing but LIES LIES LIES. To be honest, I have no clue who this person was talking about when they were describing Frick because it was so laughably wrong on so many levels. Part of me was tempted to email the guy at the new job and say, "Oh do you want the truth about Frick. Call me." But I didn't. I also refrained from emailing his mother to tell her what a fucked up son she has and how he should be thankful he got the new job because he was about to be fired.

I did, however, forward the email that he sent to his friend to his former boss who then sent it to the CEO. In the email, he was telling his friend how to get the best rate possible on an ad in the magazine including what day to call in and at what time and what exactly to offer in terms of pricing. His former boss was more than a little pissed about that and told me that Frick is going to be eaten alive at his new job since he knows the woman who runs the company and she's not going to put up with his crap like we did.

The upside -- he's gone from the company. The downside -- we're more than 50% UNDERSOLD for both shows because he didn't do his job.

So that's teh update. I vented. I feel better. Maybe next time I talk about my hair again.

Dyed in the Wool

2007-03-16T20:54:00.000-04:00

So I decided to shake things up a bit in my life and decided that the place to start is with my hair color...at a colleague's suggestion, I went for gunmetal grey.

It started off with them bleaching my hair.

This was not a fun process because it burned like hell...and I had to sit there for the longest time while all of the color was sucked out of my hair. This left me pretty much blonde which was an interesting look for me as you can see. This is after I washed the bleach out of my hair and goatee.

After this they put in the hair dye. I wasn't expecting it to be purple but sure enough it was...and it burned again. I had to sit there for 10 minutes while my hair soaked up the color.

Finally...the big reveal. Not sure how I feel about it. Not sure if I am going to keep it this way. I will for a while because I paid through the nose for it but I'm still adjusting to this change. And it's kinda scary...maybe when my natural color starts to come in it will enhance it some and make me not so uncomfortable...

Women's Boobs...Explained

2007-02-26T14:24:00.000-05:00

Okay I got an email asking me why I was looking at women's boobs in the office and well, I guess that does need some explanation.

As many of you know, I work as the production director for a series of expos held across the country. Some of our shows are quite industry specific and this was the case with the womens boobs. Yes, me and womens boobs at an expo. Well not really.

Each year the company I work for produces two erotic expos. Now, to keep abreast (for lack of a better word...not to mention keeping this post boob-centric) of the current trends in the world of adult entertainment, we get copies of the Adult Video News (aka the AVN) and the Gay Video News (the GayVN). Well, the copies come to me first and I distribute them out to those that need them so they can contact their clients and we go from there. So I basically get to see what industry news is out there, get ideas for our erotic shows, etc.

The GayVN is very cut and dry but the AVN is just rocking with toys and movies and LOTS of topless women. I mean it's like every woman has two pairs of eyes loooking at you. And the bizarre thing is that while I'm a totally 100% gay man, I think women's breasts are the most intriguing thing in the world. I have no desire to touch them, fondle them, kiss them, suckle them, or anything to them. But I don't mind looking at them and I'm pretty impressed when I see a natural rack walking down the street.

So yes...looking at women's boobs (not to mention gay porn, sex toy websites, and more) is part of my job. Someone has to do it...for some reason it's me.

And to my mother should you ever find this blog and read this post...I'm sorry. This is the one part of the job that I kept away from your Southern Baptist eyes for a reason. However, if you want to know the best toys in town, let me know and I'll pass the info along so you can entertain yourself while Dad is out of town on business.

Why I Love My Job

2007-02-22T15:46:00.000-05:00

Actual phone conversation:

David: OMG! Jimmy Carter is on my plane! He shook my hand! He's sitting across the aisle from me!

Brian: Wow. You get Jimmy Carter on your flight and I get to look at women's boobs. Ah, the lives we lead.

Post-Workout Recommendations?

2007-02-21T22:43:00.001-05:00

Okay heading to bed here and still in a lot of pain from an extreme leg workout with the trainer yesterday (with Richie's sadistic drop sets on the leg press are the main culprit) and I cramped up bad last night even with drinking a gallon of water after my workout and taking 2 tylenol PM before I went to bed. I also did some stretching with the pilates band as well but maybe I should have done some more. Anyhoo...any recommendations for what to do when you kinda know that you're going to be paying for it for a few days afterwards...and no, not doing drop sets on the leg press isn't an option...okay maybe this week....

Hobbling off to bed...

Workout of Death (AKA Workout Regimen Part 2)

2007-02-20T21:12:00.000-05:00

Here's what went down tonight just so you know what I'm talking about

Pre-training session -- 25 minutes of cardio (approx 2 miles) on elliptical runner

Leg press
2 sets of 20 at 90 pounds (warm up)
2 sets of 10 at 540(!) pounds
1 set of 15 at 360 pounds
Then "Drop Set Mania" sets in
1 set of 10 at 270 pounds followed by 5 seconds rest
1 set of 10 at 225 pounds followed by 5 seconds rest
1 set of 10 at 180 pounds followed by 5 seconds rest
1 set of 10 at 135 pounds followed by 5 seconds rest
1 set of 10 at 90 pounds followed by 5 seconds rest
1 set of 10 at 45 pounds

Free standing squats
3 sets of 15 at 115 pounds

Hamstring curls
1 set of 20 at 50 pounds
1 set of 20 at 70 pounds
1 set of 20 at 90 pounds

Aductors
1 set of 20 at 50 pounds
2 sets of 20 at 100 pounds
1 set of 20 at 90 pounds

Abductors
1 set of 20 at 70 pounds
2 sets of 20 at 80 pounds

Calf Raises
3 sets of 20 at 45 pounds

Calf Lifts
3 sets of 20 at 60 pounds

Lower Back Extensions
2 sets of 15

If you think I'm tired....you're right.

Sign On The Dotted Line

2007-02-20T15:43:00.000-05:00

If I was actually in my whore phase and not trying to date and settle down, etc., then this would come in handy...then again maybe not...

Workout Regime...I Mean Regimen...

2007-02-19T20:51:00.000-05:00

I ran into some friends I hadn't seen in a while after the gym today. Last time I saw them was back in October when I was working mammoth hours at the office and not going to the gym at all. My eating habits sucked and I had packed on some weight. They noticed that I had slimmed down a bit and wanted to know what I was doing since their New Year's resolutions to tone up weren't panning out as planned.

So here's what I told them I do (and mind you, it's modified to reflect my new trainer/cardio schedule that kicks in next week but it will, at the very least, give you an idea of what I'm doing...)

Day 1 AM -- One hour of cardio (mix of elliptical and treadmill)
Day 1 PM -- 1/2 hour cardio warm up, One hour of hard weights with the trainer
Day 2 AM -- One hour of cardio (mix of stair climber and treadmill)
Day 2 PM -- One hour Boxing Class, 45 minutes of weights
Day 3 AM -- One hour of cardio (mix of elliptical and bike)
Day 3 PM -- 1/2 cardio warm up, one hour of hard weights with the trainer
Day 4 AM -- One hour of cardio (mix of bike and treadmill)
Day 4 PM -- One hour Boxing Class, 45 minutes of weights
Day 5 AM -- One hour of cardio (mix of elliptical and stair climber)
Day 5 PM -- NOTHING
Day 6 -- NOTHING
DAY 7 -- NOTHING (option for an hour of cardio if I'm in the mood to rollerblade through the neighborhood)

The fun part was telling my friends how much weight I had lost. They were banking on 25 pounds but in reality it's only 10 which is primarily due to muscle gain. I can see a bit more definition in my arms and chest and my stomach, while never perfect, is slowly getting flatter. My legs, I must admit, look pretty awesome (mainly because I never cheat on the calf machines).

On the good side, I've reconciled myself to the fact that I'm never going to have a twink body or the size 30 waist I've coveted since high school. However, I know that my total weight loss goal is definitely within reach. I'm setting small benchmark goals along the way as well -- May 4th for when I go to my cousin's wedding in Florida; August 10th when I head back for my second trip to the West Coast for our erotic show; and December 19th when I head to Florida to spend Christmas with the family. The plan is to drop 10 pounds by each target date so by the time I get to Costa Rica on December 27, I will be at my target weight and then it's just maintenance and development. Sure, I'll always be over 200 pounds and probaly won't make it below 200 in my life, but if I can manage my weight going forward, it's going to make things a lot better.

I need new pics though to show off the changes...

Crushing...Again...

2007-02-19T11:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know the odds of me meeting him are slim to fucking none, but this guy, Derek, from the latest edition of Trump's The Apprentice is just freakin' cute as hell...he even makes a beekeeper outfit look sexy...who cares what his friends say...although the B.A. Bearakus joke made me laugh...

And for those of you that will remind me that I will be in Los Angeles in March, I will kindly remind you that I will probably be working a bit too hard to do much of anything. Besides, in a city that's well over 3 million in population...the odds aren't in my favor...then again, if we did meet I would probably be a bit tongue tied...come on...look at him....wouldn't you be tongue tied if he smiled at you...

Happy New Year...

2007-02-18T10:30:00.000-05:00

There's a little bit of satisfaction to be had from booking a trip -- especially since I busted my ass off to earn the commission money to pay for it...

I'll be spending New Year's in Costa Rica. Actually it will be a long vacation since I'll be spending Christmas in Florida and then going to Costa Rica. Jungle trekking, volcano visiting, zip lines, horseback riding, and whitewater rafting.

I deserve this trip. I worked my ass off for this trip. I'm going to enjoy every single minute of it.

What Part Of "The CEO Wants YOU To Do It" Did You Not Understand?

2007-02-15T23:18:00.000-05:00

Maybe not cancelling the blog is a good thing given the theraputic value it has provided in venting about my work situation. I'll try to do more non-work posts but for now, please bear with me. To help through this, I've changed my workout routines with the trainer so I can do a boxing class Tuesday and Thursday night so I can kick some ass.

Anyhoo, yesterday I got an internal instant message from Frick (of the Frick and Frack Duo). Previously he had been asked by the CEO (who funneled the message through me) to do a search for pictures for our new marketing campaign and to contact his clients accordingly to get what we needed. He begged off of doing it and asked me to do it since he has to make X amount of calls, blah blah blah. Now, I'm trying to be a team player. I'm trying to keep the boat from rocking too much and help out as much as I can. So I did some work on it and got some pictures back in from one client. They were great pics but not what the CEO wanted. I started to look for more pics but realized that I was falling into the trap again and needed to end this now before it went farther and I wound up doing the work that he and everyone else are supposed to be doing.

I went into the CEO's office and asked if I could speaking candidly (actually "blunt" was the word I used). He said yes and I politely told him that if he wanted Frick to get the pictures from his clients, he would have to ask Frick personally since he was trying to push it back on me to do when I conveyed the original message. The CEO asked what was going on and I opted to close the door to his office so we could speak privately I told him that I didn't feel that Frick respected me in my new position (even though I'm not his superior) and that the requests that were being made by the CEO were going ignored or pushed back on me because the request was being made by me and not the CEO. I let him know of the situation I had with Frack and how I handled that which met with the CEO's satisfaction. Interesting to note, CEO told me that if Frack had a problem with it, he shouldn't have called back and "begged" (CEO's word not mine) for his job back after turning it down when it was offered to him the first time.

Let's put it to you this way, CEO wasn't going to have it at all and I didn't want to cause a stir and be thought of as the guy who goes running to tattle to the CEO when things go this way. However, I also know that if I didn't put my foot down at some point, I was just going to be a walking doormat. CEO even noted that there's a nice revolving door in the sales area because there people who can't hack it and people who can't seem to get a grip on things. I'm not saying that he was threatening their jobs if I don't get treated better, but I do believe that he was making note of the fact that they are very close to our former boss and they needto accept the fact that he no longer works there and there is a new "regime" that they are working under. To put it even better, as someone told me, there will always be someone else who is willing to do your job and do it for less money.

As I left the office I popped my head next door into the office of the colleague who has supported me through this transition and I talked him into getting Starbucks. Right as I did that, CEO called in Frick to his office and I could hear him basically telling him that it was HIS responsibility to make the phone calls and get the materials we need. I don't know if he went into the other "respect" part that we talked about but I can only assume that he did. Frick didn't talk to me for the rest of the day (not that he does that much to begin with) and I pretty much avoided him.

The thing is, I know that I had to take this step in order for things to get better -- if they even can. However, the onus is really on them to make the changes because I'm only about 5 degrees from formally bending over and taking it up the ass without the benefit of lube.

Happy Wednesday!

2007-02-14T09:39:00.000-05:00

Hater-Ade -- Product Recall

2007-02-12T21:46:00.000-05:00

Today, I finally took action. I did it politely. I did professionally. I just did it.

Frack's second day back in the office after being laid off was today. We had to meet to discuss some marketing and sponsorship items for his clients and right as we started working on the items, he decided that he had something to say. It went something like this...

"Just so you know, this whole thing is still kinda raw to me. Ya know, being fired and then hired so it's all kinda weird. So if I'm short with you that's part of it. I don't know if I can accept you in this job or sitting in this office and I don't know if I ever will."

(For the record, I am sitting in our former boss' office, at the request of the CEO - not mine. Frack was very close to the former boss in, pretty much, a father/son relationship.)

I paused for a moment and said, "Okay, can I be blunt for a second?" Frank said sure so I kinda just laid it all out there for him. "Frankly," I said, "I don't care. Regardless of how you feel we're still going to have to work together and I'm not going to treat you any differently than before. I'm not Steve (our former boss). I'm not going to be Steve. I have a job to do and I'm going to do it. If anything, it's not been easy for me as well transition to this new position, working directly under the CEO, knowing that moving into this office would not be a popular change, and more. We're all adjusting to the changes so all I ask at the end of the day is that we work together the best that we can. I don't care how you feel about me or what I do for the company, or where I do my job within the confines of this office. All I care about doing is the best job possible."

With that he nodded and we went back to work (and rather productively I might add).

What I should have thrown out at him is that, if anything, I had a hand in getting his job back. Originally I was offered my choice of my current position or the job that Frack held. So, theorhetically, if I didn't take this job, Frack might not have been re-offered his former position under the new organizational structure. In fact, from what I recently learned, they were split as to what position they thought I would ultimately choose with one thinking I would stay in sales and other sure I would move to production.

I don't know what if anything this is going to do to improve the situation in the office. All I know is that I'm not taking it anymore. Like I said, I have a job to do and I'm not going to let other people's foul attitudes impact me.

Time to pull the Hater-Ade off the shelves.

The New Taste of Hater-Ade

2007-02-03T16:02:00.000-05:00

Ah yes...you knew it would happen and I guess I'm just a little surprised that it happened so quickly (even though I probably shouldn't be).

As you saw from the last post, things were shaken up a bit at the job and I now occupy my former boss' office. Now, of the five people in my department, three of us are left (and they are going to hire a fourth at a severely reduced salary from what the previous person had). I moved to my current position and the other two were absorbed into the sales department. One of those two is actually very happy for me and they know that I will excel in the new position. The other one is another story altogether.

The other one was very good friends with the other sales guy that was laid off along with my boss. They were pretty much joined at the hip and the boss would frequently refer to them as Frick and Frack. These two pretty much thought they could get away with absolutely anything and everything under the sun and to a certain extent they did. A lot of stuff that should have been done was never completed and there was never a "penalty" of sorts or even their job jeopardized. I never really vocalized any of this to my boss until one day Frick (the one not laid off) and I had a run in that came about due his poor leadership and management of one of our projects that I and my coworker had to bail him (and Frack to a certain extent) out of or risk the entire department just imploding. I pretty much told my boss that I had never been at a company where you could totally disregard a direct order (for over two months!) and still have a job.

Anyhoo, so after Frack was let go, I was given my offer of staying in sales or taking my current position. As we had always kept things kinda open in our department, I went to both guys who were still employed and told them what I was offered and where I was leaning. The first guy was VERY happy for me and told me I should jump on it right away and make it my own. He offered no resistence whatsoever and was genuinely happy for me. Frick was in shock. He might not have let it be known in his words but definitely in his reaction. The Hater-Ade was slowly being poured into the jug.

Later that day I let the powers that be know of my decision and also informed my two cohorts that I was transitioning out of the sales arena and, out of full disclosure again, I let them know that the CEO wanted me to move into our boss' former office so I could be nearer to him as he would be my direct supervisor and I would need the additional space to map out the various projects. By no means did I ask for the office. I was told that's where I'm moving and that's where I'll be working. Frick pretty much responded with, "Well here, you'll be needing this," and picked up a thick file and handed to me. THat was then followed up with, "Well I don't know what I'm going to be doing anymore."

This is the point where I held back because I wanted to scream out at him, "SELL! You're supposed to SELL! You're now strictly a sales person!" However, knowing that his ego was probably bruised a bit since he's been with the company longer and wondering why my other cohort wasn't asked to take over the spot I now occupy or, possibly, why they didn't ask him. I did as much as I could to assuage his fears that I wasn't "taking over" or was going to cut him out of any of the conversations and that I was still going to rely on him for guidance since he knows the clients better than I do. At most I got from him was a shrug. I wanted to beat him senseless. Water now being poured into the Hater-Ade jug.

The next day I began moving into the office, cleaning up and organizing files that were strewn about the place and making it look more like it was actually going to serve its purpose. Yes, it felt (and to a certain extent still does) feel weird sitting in there or having my former coworkers sit across from me. However, when Frick comes in and drops more materials on my desk and makes a crack about how I have so much room in my "spacious office" I have to resist the urge to yank him back into the room, sit him down, and read him the riot act. The Hater-Ade is being stirred.

See, I know the majority of this is all related to the fact that he's young and incredibly immature. Our former boss was practically a father figure to him so it's not surprising to see this type of reaction from him. I guess what I am surprised about is how fierce of a response it has been. He clearly resents the fact that I'm in my new position and that I'm in an office when he is not and that I, for lack of a better word, was given a promotion and he wasn't. I could spend all of next week saying that I had the choice between having a job or not and all of the nuances involvd with that but I don't think he would get it.

At the end of the day, we both have jobs to do. Frick can sit there and bitch and moan about the fact that I'm not in sales and to a certain extent can dictate stuff to him but at the end of the day, I'm going to do my job and I'm going to do the absolute best that I can, no holds barred, no holding me back. I have a job that I'm actually excited about because it's challenging, it's difficult, and it's going to have me constantly busy. Maybe he's just not as happy and fulfilled in his position as he could be and that may ultimately be the problem. He can give all the snarky remarks and backhanded comments he wants, but I'm not going to let it bother me.

Hater-Ade's ready. Who wants a glass?

I'm a Survivor...I'm Going to Make It....

2007-01-31T03:13:00.000-05:00

I'm a survivor
I'm not gon give up
I'm not gon stop
I'm gon work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin'

That's kinda sums up how I feel after yesterday's train wreck of an afternoon. I really can't sleep (which is evidenced by my 3 AM posting...some of you know where I work so you may know some of the players involved...if you don't...well I'm not saying....

About 12, maybe 13 hours ago, I got a call from my co-worker Justin telling me ot head into Steve's (our boss) office. This wasn't unusual because we've had snap department meetings before so I just grabbed my notebook and headed over to the other side of the office. As usual, I was the first one there because when I get asked to show up, I show up.

Steve looked at me and asked where everyone else was so I was sent to go get Ricky and Jerry, my other two coworkers, as well. I noticed as I went into Ricky's area that Justin was in with the CEO in a closed door meeting. After delivering my "Join us!" message to the others, I headed back into Steve's office where I told him that Justin was unavailable and where he was at that time.

"I've been fired," was the first thing out of Steve's mouth. Now "fired" is really the wrong word. "Laid off" is more accurate from a legal stand point. Now we knew things were in a weird spot at the office but this was wholly unexpected. Stunned would be an understatement. It was like blowing up a balloon, tying the knot, slapping a piece of Scotch tape on it and then popping a hole in the Scotch tape so the air would leak out slowly.

I went back to my desk a few minutes later while Steve made his rounds to say goodbye and I really couldn't focus on work because this great guy was gone. I left a note for Justin on his desk to stop by and see me when he could and went back to work the best that I could given the circumstances. He stopped by a few minutes later and we went to work on an exhibitor list of who we should and should not contact from another group's show list and I got a bit of a heads up as to what was going down. Ricky had already been called into the CEO's office and was getting the word handed down to him so obviously they were going in order of seniority which meant I was last.

Ricky was probably in there for 5-10 minutes if that really. Jerry got called in next as Justin and I wrapped up our review. He went off to the office while Justin lingered a bit and asked that I just shoot him an IM right before I go in. Seconds after Justin left, Jerry came back and let me know that he had gotten the heave-ho as well. Needless to say when the phone rang about three seconds later, I wasn't feeling too hot.

I went in and was preparing for the worst. Instead I was given two choices (technically there). Everything is being consolidated into one sales force and I was being offered the opportunity to sell for our erotic shows and advertisements in the publications. My base pay would be cut, however, I would have an increased commission rate. The other choice was to become the production manager for the shows which would include interfacing with the decorators, working with the marketing, printing badges, floor plans, etc. This would be a flat salary with no sales work. It would be a higher salary than what I am making now, although if I met my annual sales goal for the erotic shows I would be making more in that position.

Well the production part appealed more to me not because it's a non-sales position, but because it does get me back into my roots of when I worked in the theatre and for the gay chorus in Florida and was their production manager. I asked for a day to think about it but I kinda knew about three hours later that I was taking the production job. I called up some friends and let them weigh in and they all unanimously told me to take the production job. So, I did.

I'm not sure when it all officially switches over but the only part that I'm leery about is the fact that I have to move into my former boss' office so I can be closer to the person that I directly report to. I don't want to give off the impression that I'm replacing Steve (and for the love of Cheese Whiz don't call it a promotion) or trying to be him and I know that I have to garner the support of those that are still here.

Quite simply the office is a much quieter place today. Still a little shock but I'll pull through. I'm a survivor. I have to.

Things That Make You Say...WHAT???

2007-01-29T15:33:00.000-05:00

As some of you know, I do a pretty weird impersonation of Carol Channing. In fact, some would call it rather "blue" humor. For example, "Carol" will never refer to her genitalia as a vagina. She prefers calling it a "cooter." Well after one such impersonation at the office, we somehow got on a string of replacing words in the title of various TV shows with the word "cooter." Let's just say one of the made us laugh until we cried...and here's just a few.....

1) America's Next Top Cooter
2) Cooter, She Wrote
3) All in the Cooter
4) The Cooter Girls
5) Designing Cooters
6) The Young and the Cooterless
7) Have Cooter, Will Travel
8) Laverne and Cooter
9) Grey's Cooter
10) Desperate Cooters
11) Extreme Makeover: Cooter Edition
12) Queer Eye for the Cooter Guy
13) The Amazing Cooter
14) Bosom Cooters
15) Ally McCooter
16) Married with Cooters
17) Six Cooters Under
18) The Cooter is Right
19) Cooter Runway
20) Star Trek: Deep Space Cooter
21) Cooter Knows Best
22) Leave It To Cooter

And the one that made us laugh until we cried...

LITTLE COOTER ON THE PRAIRIE

For Some This Is Very True...

2007-01-26T09:59:00.000-05:00

Emailed to me this morning. Posted without comment.